Really Depressed

[SoScared1018]

So I think I am basically done with the worst of withdrawls. However, the mental part is really dragging me down. I have been diagnosed with chronic depression and PTSD for the past 5 years. None of the anti-depressants worked for me...been on just about everything. When I started taking the norcos, it was a HUGE relief from my mental illness. I was able to forget about a lot of the mental pain and function better. It made me motivated, creative, more social, and allowed me to do hobbies that took my mind off things. Now I have nothing to diminish most of the demented thoughts and feelings. It's hitting me like a ton of bricks! I guess it's safe to say that I was aslo self medicating, for my physical pain AND mental pain .Feeling so lost and scared to what the future holds for me at this point.

[Livingtodaylikeitsmylast]

Thank you, you are right.  I never really thought of it before, but I do compare myself to others.  It has been so long that I have been drug free.  The only time I can remember is when I was pregnant 4 years ago, then it must have years and years before that.  The only difference is that I never "chased the pill" or paid for it on the streets until these last few years.  That is when I started "self-medicating".  So ya, I can remember a time being happy!  I have been so worried and so scared, trying to clean up the mess I have made out of my life over the last few years, who wouldn't be depressed!  I know I have to give it time, it just all the negative thoughts.  I just can't seem to get them to stop.  And it was the same for me.  The pills were the only thing that stopped them and made me feel good.  God, I don't ever want to go back to using, but I should would like to feel good again.  Thanks for your support.  I need you to get through this.

[mamaof4410]

The wd's were a nightmare! My two older ones go to school. But I have my 3yr old and my 16 month old at home. So there was no time for withdrawls. I had to suck it up and get out of bed, even though it felt like death. But I did it and you can to. My entire lifestyle has changed. I feel happier, even though I have my days. I wish you and your family the best for the holiday! Happy Thanksgiving to you to!

[SoScared1018]

Awww, that does sound like a good time! I see other ppl on here with jobs and kids, and I think, "How in the heck do they do w/d with all that?" At the same time, some ppl aslo have that to keep themsevles motivated and busy. Like I mentioned before, it really does depend on each person and their lifestyle how they recover and cope. I'm glad you are able to find peace sitting with your kids and enjoying the SIMPLE things in life that create loving memories! Best wishes to you... hope you and yours have blessed filled Thanksgiving!

♥

[mamaof4410]

I have been doing that lately...Trying to remember what kind of things I enjoyed before I started using. I took a shower last night and made myself a cup of cocoa and watched "Arthur Christmas" with my kids. I love doing those things. I forgot how good it felt to just enjoy something. I think that is where we lose ourselves. I hope you are feeling better. Your words really encourage us!

[SoScared1018]

I totally understand every aspect of your feelings! I was diagnosed with chronic depression, PTSD about 5 years ago. It got so bad I am now on DISABILITY! I find time for things becuz of that. I currently am not working, no kids, and hubby is gone most of the day. I am currently taking an anti-depressant and mood stabilizer...which doesn't help...that is why I SELF MEDICATED with the pain pills. They were the only thing that made me feel better. I know exactly what you mean when you say that nothing feel fun, exciting anymore...so it's hard getting into something new! And don't think for one second that I am a trooper! I have exercised but it's not a daily thing, just when I feel like I have a bit of motivation or energy! This is far from being easy, but I'm just trying to FORCE myself to get through ONE DAY AT A TIME. I myself have questioned: How long will this last, will everything always be depressing and boring??? People have told me that in time that will go away. I know it's hard for us to see, but we have to have FAITH and HOPE! Try and think back before you were on the pills. Think about the things you did and how you managed. If there was ever a time w/o pain pills where you were living your life....then you must be able to do it again! But hopefully, even better since you and I both know we have accomplished something HUGE! Please try not and compare your recovery to everyone elses...everyone is different, and i think that will only make you feel worse! The point is; YOUR DOING IT AND MAKING THE CHOICE TO BE CLEAN...PERIOD! I am aslo rooting for you!

♥

[Livingtodaylikeitsmylast]

You are totally right, nothing can hurt at this point.  I am willing to try anything.  Are you doing anything for the depression.  My sadness is almost crippling, I have never been diagnosed with depression, so I am assuming it is from withdrawing but I just can't seem to shake it.  I am terrified that this is what life is going to be "after the drugs".  It seems I have no control over all the negative thoughts and feelings and situations.  Which is why I took the pills for a huge part.  Now there's no "feel good pill", but all this s h i t is still here.  What do we do with that? I am going to take your advice and try something new.  It's really scary doing straight.  Any time I did anything I was "pilled up".  I guess this is a new learning curve.  :)

[liveagain1966]

Ive never tried it, so Ive no experience, but so many folks have encouraged me to try yoga (Im assuming its quiet). and meditation, IDK anything about it, because I chose to go to the gym instead...which is miles away from my thoughts right now. But Im sure you can look into it on the internet. Why not give it a shot?? Cant hurt, right?

[Livingtodaylikeitsmylast]

Oh, I give you tonnes and tonnes of credit.....you are an amazing person.  If I had one more shred of energy, I would clean my house or go back to work full time.  Here you are finding new things to do and healthy things.  Good for you.  Those are very positive steps in the right direction.  Now, tell me about this exercise thing!!!  Do people really actually do, or just say they are going to???? lolololol.  Ok, all joking aside, I am going to start as well, I know it's a proven fact that it helps with depression and we all know how sad I am because I keep complaining about it.  But where on earth do you fit it in.  I have time now.....but it's 5am here, my family is sleeping and everyone knows I don't want to wake them and start my day this early.  If I step outside at this hour I may get shot!!!  Anyone know and really quiet exercises.  

You are doing awesome.  I am so glad you are getting through this.

[Workinghardtobreakfree]

I am struggling with similar things. Pain panic anxiety depression. Oxy seemed to ease all this and I am working my third week clean and it is hard. But I want to be clean.
Keep strong. Write down the BAD of being on meds. For me the trade off wasn't worth the meds benefits any more.
Hang in there. I am rooting for you
K

[SoScared1018]

You really hit the nail on the head! What you expressed is the EXACT same situation I am in....and feeling! I aslo write in a journal for the same reasons. And yes, the same problems are still here; the same ones that encouraged me to use. I am trying to start new hobbies and habbits. I know it's tough to get the motivation to try new things, but I think it is a must in order to stay clean. Like exercising, that is something I NEVER did before (lol) but now I am forcing myself. Not only becuz it's something new to keep me busy, but also good for depression and body. I hope you are able to stay strong and find some NEW things that bring you some peace!

♥

[SoScared1018]

I'm about to look for NA meetings in my area, maybe that will help and get me out the house.

Sorry for such a short repsonse...extremely irritable.

thanks

[MSmith2220]

I too am a PTSD and Pain, self, manager. I am a soldier and like you, narcos are what made me able to get through all the crap that I was sitting on. I am 13days today. I feel good,sleep is coming back, my body is still a little sore but over all ok.

Mental changes are the worste for me depression is in and out but I can talk mysel up. Cravings or telling myself its ok or why I can have is my worste enemy.

Keep your head up, stay busy, try not to dwell on any of it for too long. Goodluck, you will win!

[YesLife4Me]

Im sorry you are struggling.  Part of the process is getting past the physical then emotional.  Right now your brain is chemically imbalanced trying to get you to give it something.  That's how as addicts we convince ourselves we need it when we really aren't at our best when taking pills.  Initially we feel good and then we crash over and over everyday, so we wind up being slave to them.   Please know that this too shall pass.  Give yourself a few more days for the fog to lift and get some energy.

[Silkie55]

Everyone says it will comeback and it will be better than when in the fog. I think this will be my first drug free holiday season in years. My house is dirty, oh well, it will just have to wait until I feel better. I'm on day 6, I think opiate make you depressed, my metal well eating wasn't good at all before I went ct.
I keep telling myself I want to live long and slow, not fast and short! My daughter told me that! She's so smart! It will get better! Well help each other!