Recovering pain pill addiction...now what???

[Candiceb]

Hello all...I am a recovering pain pill addict...and it *****!  I guess it is not really the addiction so much now, as it is dealing with reality.  I hid a pain pill addiction for 8 months.  NO ONE KNEW!  I started getting them prescribed by my doctor for my knee.  I knew I liked them, so I started making up excuses for my doctor to prescribe them to me and hiding them from everyone.  No one even knew how many times I actually went to the doctor!  I got sick of going to the doctor and having to account for the money missing to pay for the doctor appointments, so I started calling in my own prescriptions!  BIG MISTAKE!!!  I actually rationalized in my mind where this behavior was ok.The last time I went to pick up my "prescription," I got caught.  
I had to go home and tell my fiance and my parents that I was a pain pill addict.  My fiance was speechless.  I went into a 7 day detox program a little over two weeks ago and while i was there, I learned a lot about myself.  My fiance told me that when i got out that we would move forward, not backward.  Everything sounded great!  However, when i got out, my fiance has been distant and we have been fighting, a lot.  My parents are very understanding , and they just want me to get better.  I don't live with them, I live with my fiance.  He just keeps wondering how i could have hid it from him whenever we were around each other so much.  He does not understand addiction and thinks i am just weak-minded.  I understand that he feels deceived and I do take responsibility for that.  He said that i was everything to him and he just feels that i had a secret relationship that i was trying to hide from him.  This is so true and now I don't know what to say or do to make things better.  I use to just take a pill and i was instantly happy again.  Now i can't and choose not to and i don't know how to deal with it.  
To top it all off, I am printed in the local paper with my picture included.  I had my employer call me and ask me what was going on, so I told him.  It seems like my job may not be as secure as i thought.  It is a seasonal position that both me and my fiance work at together.  How do i face everyday society, sobriety, and a relationship in complete turmoil???  Who is really going to hire me with this past?  I had another incident in the past that took my teaching job from me and smeared me all over the media.  Everyone in my support groups just keep telling me that it will take time, but how do i tell myself that??? On top of that, how do I continue to deal with my relationship??  He is stubborn and is not willing to go to support groups, he just wants things to be better.  he told me that he thought after treatment I would just magically be better and physically i am, but mentally I am falling apart!
I will start Suboxone on the 15th, and we will see how that goes...

[jethro733]

Check the date, necro'd thread from 2011.  I hope she never got on the subs.  I was going to mention something about being present and restraining the constant chatter of the mind through awareness of the current moment.  I know it's of great help to myself.

[gnarly_1]

HI there is no reason to start sub if your detoxed so many look to another pill to get better what you need is support it great your going to group but N/A offers a good program for getting your life together it will help you face your addiction witch still goes on after the pills stop this is something you will have to deal with the rest of your life however it can be arrested please try the rooms of N/A  you wont regret it......................................Gnarly......................................

[Twist00]

If you've been clean for 15 days, just stay off of everything...you are through the worst of anything pretty much. Some people struggle to make it 3 days (usually the hardest I believe) ...just my opinion, but I'd not take anything else.

[tigershifter1979]

Hi candice, I am recoring from a seven year addiction to prescriptions, that started from having surgery. I can tell you that I have done the suboxone and methadone, and it is only a substitute to a pill dependency. It is one of the illusions that the addiction causes that you will conquer this problem with more pills (substances, chemicals). I had to break away completely and I have been completely sober from all chemicals for 13 months now. There is light at the end of the tunnel. No doctor could help me, not my husband, and even though my kids and husband are the most important in my life it still didnt stop me. thats how powerfull these poisons can be. There was only one who could help me, and that one was God. I want to get this message out, so that others may find help before I knew it almost 10 years of my life was gone and the loss is infinite.

[jrizzy303]

Hey sorry to hear you perdicamnet. Yeah I agree with trdofbeingtrd if you can stay away from the suboxone the better you will do. Its just a substitute from pain pills. Very addictive. I have been on it for the past 2 years. I am 22 days clean from it. Suboxone just prolongs the process of getting clean. After a certain amount time your cravings will become less and less. I think about pills here and there but not like I did and not as strong cravings very minimal. I take a natural pill called sam-e for mood and joint comfort and alot of vitamins. Exercising four times to five days a week I feel great compared to being so dependent on pills. Please hold on to sobriety. It will get better. Feel free to message me.

[Candiceb]

Thanks for posting!  The thought of Suboxone is kind of iffy, seeing as i have already gone this long without anything.  I was told that it would curve the cravings which i seem to be having quite a bit of, especially with these stressors around me.  
I definitely think that you are right about the entry level job.  I also think that getting constant drug tests will help to ease his mind a little at least!

The support of others and my faith gets me through each day.  I just wish that everyone would understand that "every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future!"  Wouldn't the world be a better place if everyone was a open-minded as us???

[trdofbeingtrd]

There is one place I can think of where you can get a job, but you would have to stay clean. Begining level at a drug addiction therapy office.

I am a tad confused, if you have the stuff out of your system, then why are you going to get Suboxone? I am only asking because there are all kinds of people coming here saying they are addicted to it.

Your finance is hurt, but especially if you were to work some where that is about helping other addicts get clean..........I mean you get drug tested if you work there all the time, it's not like you would be able to keep that job and use at the same time.

Eh, just a suggestion, sorry you are going through this.