Rehab

[Dane74]

Hey y'all, I am actually on the plane now off to rehab!!!!   I am so scared of detox and leaving my family, but i know deep down inside, this is the right thing to do.  I can only pray that i will get through this and come out stronger than ever and continue to seek therapy.  This really has been a long dark road for me and i am ready to take charge of my life, i am going into rehab with an open mind and i am going to fight this demon with everything i got in me, and i will WIN!!!!  I will not let myself or my family down that's for sure.  i am scared of the unknown and what life will be  like clean,  since i only really know life on pills, but i am ready to see life with a clear mind.  I want to say thank you to all of you that have stuck by me through this journey,  I cant thank you all enough for the support.  So now its time for me to put on my armor vest, fight this demon, because now that i want to be clean the devil will be trying to come after me with his arrows, but i got my armor vest on and i will beat his A$$!!!!!  i will keep y'all posted as much as i can while in rehab and for sure when i return home, but in the meantime i want to say to all, keep fighting and soon life will be allot clearer and just beautiful, i know there is light at the end of this tunnel and i cant wait to see it!!!!!  XO to all Dane

[LostNoMore]

Dane, I'm happy for you. good luck and take care. Post often. Keep that open mind and soak up as much as you can!!

[rizboy]

Keeping on fighting mate kick some a%s.as soon as you getoff that plane get the armoured vest on!! NO RETREAT NO SURRENDER
Good luck warrior

[NorthEast213]

Good luck my friend!!  Keep that positive attitude and you will do great!

[GA_need_help]

Hey Beautiful Woman, I am fighting this magnificent obsession with you, and you are so much stronger than your   limited eyes can see bc you have you soldiers son every side of you.  You know its a beautiful thing that you (and I as I in this detox place now)that God is trying to reassure us that we may feel like we are the underbrush being wakened over, but really we are the sead that had been properly positioned to grow into a powerhouse.    And you and I and lots of others have to go through a certain set of traces to end up with out remanding journey's strength..... I just to a  an 8   mg sub.  
all my thoughts about it, wanted to cry because of both the fear and for having plan, and NOT being the one in control any  F------ more.  This is about finding my oif one HS life.   Its about service But when I am wounded, its about letting these people here love on me.  Oh Dane I am so glad we get to share stories!!!!!  Write us as soon as you can.  I love you all.  Marie

[vicki595]

I'm really happy this day has arrived!   It's just the best you could ever do...

Stay positive and don't those sight of your goal. I'll be thinking about you and I'm very proud of you. I know this is very hard...

[atthebeach]

Hey my friend. I am so proud of you.
don't let fear in.
F = false
E = evidence
A = appearing
R = real

praying for you,
Sending peace,hope,trust,faith,love
Debbie

[Addicted2long]

Where did u decide to go to rehab?

[dominosarah]

Go with a spirit that fears nothing~~~sara

[Dane74]

Hey All,  well, i made it to rehab and i am  on day one clean.  Its is very nice place that keeps me very busy and i have a full schedule throughout the day.  Currently i am in the detox house with a nurse right in the next room.  They have me pretty heavily medicated i started heavy Wd's this AM, so i went to the nurse she takes your blood pressure and accesses  you on how bad or active WD i am in.  I was losing my mind this morning and they started me on subutex 8mg, i take 4mg in the am and 4mg in the pm, they gave me 3 mg of Klonipn and serotal.  At night they give me the serotal as well just a higher dose.  Tomorrow i get all my blood work done and also a urine test again.  the staff is great and very understanding and they try to keep you as comfortable as possible.  I missed the group therapy this morning because i was too sick but then after the subutx i felt better and was able to go to all my therapies.  It is very draining for sure and man do they dig deep down into your inner child, and that freaks me out a bit.  My emotions are running wild, i mean i cry over everything and i am not a cryer.  But tomorrow is another jammed packed day at picking my brain so lets see how it goes.  I am just taking this day by day.  I am only on the subutex for a week and then they will taper me off of that.   I hear that coming off of subutex is worse is that true?  I actually cant believe it can be any worse than the opiates.  I just cant wait to finish this detox crap and then they will move me into the main house where all the other people are staying. i am lonely in the detox, i hate that i am all alone down here but glad the nurse is right there if i need her, but i do look forward to moving up to the main house and getting  roommate.  I am so homesick already and dont know how i can stay this long away from my kids, i feel so guilty about leaving them and our phone conversations are cut short with the 3 hour time difference:(  But i promise y'all i am giving this 100 percent and i am doing all the things they want me to do i just follow my schedule and attend all my appointments.  I am actually going to try and get hypnotized next week, i met with her today and i really like her and she gave me all the information about what it all entails, hey it will be a first and i have nothing to lose.  So far i do not have a craving to use, so that is a good thing, but i am very well aware that can change. So overall i am doing OK, they told me the worst is to come around day 3 or 4.  Ok all, going to take my sleeping pill and off to la la land and tackle tomorrow. Thanks again all for all your support!!!!

[minn66]

Good morning, Dane,

It sounds like you are in a great place and just where you need to be. I don't think you have much to worry about with the sub. From what I have read here, if used short term as intended they are very helpful and you won't have a problem with them. Since you will be on them a short time and tapered off you should be fine.

Your post really is encouraging and may inspire someone else to get help.

Please stay in touch as you are able.

Love and hugs,

Minn :)

[Dane74]

Day3 sober for me, and moving upward and onward!!  One day at a time and so some points its hour by hour.  All the therapy is so draining, i see one on one for an hour each, and then group.  I am really learning alot and getting to terms with the unlining issues that brought me to use.  So overall its going well.  I am afraid of coming of the subutex, i have one week on on it then they will start the taper.  Hopefully it will not be that bad.  They sure keep you busy here and i did meet allot of lovely people.  I am so glad i did decide to go and get help and i am feeling positive that i want going to walk out of rehab a new person.

[vicki595]

Coming off the sub will be fine. Don't worry about it. They're doing it the way it should be done:FAST!!   LOL!  That place sounds just perfect for you!

[lulu747]

Dane,
Hi darlin'!  I am so happy for you that have embarked on your journey to reclaiming your life.  Remember it is a journey and not a race!  Keep that open mind and more importantly, an open heart.  You are healing, so make sure you treat yourself with lots of love and compassion.  I am rooting for you!

xo
Lu

[Dane74]

Thank guys, i am so glad to have ya'll on my corner!!!!  I have mentioned this site to the other people i have made friends with and only 1 guy is interested, how bizarre is that?  Whatever, i just i have to be selfish and just worry about me for a change.  Today is another clean and its not a good day for me, i am so tired and just scared, and unfortunately the cravings are coming back:(  The people that know me on here know for a fact i am honest and i am sad to say i  just want to take a pill, i hate to even say it but its so true.  The weekends are dead around here, so i have so much time on my hands to just think,Monday my schedule will be so filled up and i actually enjoy that.  I see so many therapists  all in one day monday -friday and it does get draining.   They are waiting for me to break down and cry and i cant let it all out, i still have not done that yet, i am sure that will be coming soon, i well up in session and then stop myself.  Vicki, is it normal to go from 4mgs twice a day and then start my taper to 4mg once a day?  I m freaking out, and all i have done today is sit in my room and cry, i keep getting the run round first they told me i moved up to a level one which means your out of detox and can move to a regular room, but NOW they say nope you are still at detox your not moving,  after they F'ing told  me to pack up and i can move into the house.  The house is the main area where everyone is and hangs out, the detox is off the beaten path in the dungeon i call it.  My emotions are so crazy and i keep getting told by someone different a different story,ugg i am so pissed off today.  If it means anything i am now 4 days clean,,,big freaking deal......

[ricart70]

hope you get over to the other building soon.Are they going to take you off of suboxone before you leave?

[quitinoxys]

Dane it is a big freaking deal to be 4 days clean and you should be very proud of yorself as we all are here of you, try not to put all your hard work down. You sound like you are making it through. I know it's tough but you are determoned and you WILL make it. It's good that you are getting some counsoling and therapy as it helps us figure out why we use. I know it is easier said than done but try not to fight the emotions tlet them come out you may re-discover yourself. I know I did when I went through counseling. I went kickin and screaming saying I don't need this I know why I use. HA I knew nothing until I learned everything, so go with the flow right now and relax. I will say a prayer for you and ask God to guide you down the road to sobriety and the light at the end of the tunnel. Also you said they tapered you down from 8 mg subs to 4 mg are you OK at 4mg. If so I would leave it there so it will be easier to taper off. Good Luck anf God Bless you---Rick

[quitinoxys]

Sorry about all the typos I am typing this on my blackberry which I am terrible at.

[IBKleen]

Dane, you are in a detox center? I'm sorry hun, I just don't remember your entire story. I ask because generally a rehab or treatment center does not detox you so they are very different. I assume you were put on Suboxone? Are you still on it?

Listen, I know this is rough but they know what they are doing so please stick it out and let them help you. I also know this is out of your comfort zone and that is a good thing. If it is uncomfortable---then it is working!!

I am shocked that you are permitted outside contact but keep talking!! Hang in there. It will be okay.

[minn66]

Hi Dane, great to hear from you! I understand your frustration. We tend to want things to go on our schedule. Take your time with the therapy. You will let it out when you are ready. I am not very good at baring my soul either. It does seem as though you are doing well. We're all here rooting for you. I have decided to go to therapy through EAP and it is a scary prospect for me.

Take care and keep us posted,

Minn :)

[ImDONENoMore]

Go slow dane.  One moment at a time.  And IB is right, if you're pissed off, then this is working.  Change is hard no matter how good it might be for you.  All you have to do is think about now.  Nothing else.  I'm really proud of you.

[Dane74]

Thanks guys!!! Gosh guys i just love y'all!!!!!  I am in rehab/medical detox, and i was put on subutex not suboxone.  Basically depending on the individual you usually stay in the detox house for a few days and then you work your way up to the main house at a level one, once you prove that you attend all your sessions and groups show participation then you graduate to a level 2 and thats where you get outside privileges like going to the movies and such, of course supervised.  So of course the nurse made an error when he explained my taper coming off of the subutex, i demanded to talk to the doctor to discuss the taper and i was right the nurses screwed up, tomorrow will start my taper, as of now i take 4 mg in am and 4 in pm, tomorrow it will be 4 and 3 and so forth, and yes, before i leave i will be off of the subutex.  I do wish the first few days they didnt allow outside contact but they do, only becasue its hard to be so slefish when i have to keep looking at the clock as to when to call the kids and such, but its working, but my mind is not 100 percent focused on me, maybe next week when i am booked up it will get better.  Thank you guys for always being such a great support  structure for me, i will contine to write my journey with yall, day 4 is almost gone and ready to embrace day 5!!!

[Dane74]

Hi guys, well i am a week clean today!!!  I am not feeling well at all, but as gnarly says you need to feel ok with just being ok.  I am receiving lots and lots of therapy here in rehab and learning to re learn myself, if that makes any sense?  My emotions are all over the board and all i do is cry.  Today in group was my time to talk and i just couldn't talk, i just cried and i dont even know why, so embarrassing to say the least, but wow, talk about all the emotions coming back, i guess this is what it is like to feel again since i was so numb by all the opiates.  I am very homesick and i only committed to 3 weeks but yall will be proud, i made a comprise and i am paying for  extra one on one sessions with each therapist a  week so its like doing a 4 week program into 3 weeks!!! I am proud that i decided to do that, i actually am now getting in group and learning so much .  I came into rehab with an open mind saying that i will give this my all and try everything before i knock it.  So i grew to love medication and yoga and when i return i will continue do so as well.  I have not been around much since my days are so filled but i just did a quick lurking around and so many people are relapsing, and its so sad to hear.  Come on guys lets fight this all together and beat this b1tch, we just have to want it for ourselves and nobody else!!!   I am going to win, who else is on board with me???

[ImDONENoMore]

Hey dane!  So so proud of you!  I'm really glad to hear you're taking everything you can out of this experience.  It's going to help you when you get home.  Just go slow okay?  And try not to worry so much about being away from home.  When you get back, you're going to be on your way to becoming the person you've always known you were so you're getting there.  It's a slow process and a long road to recovery, but as you know, it's worth it.

And we'll be here for you.  I'm so freaking proud of you!  :)

[bama88]

Hey dane im so proud of you!!! a week is awesome. whit shoot. i can't wait to hear your stores. i think of you all the time...your my buddy