Aa
Relapse..... help!
So I guess the temptation got the better of me............... I was doing so good, 6 days, then the craving and temptation just got to be too much for me to handle................ i took some Percs on Friday, and some more on Saturday........... OMG what was I thinking!!! Now I'm sitting here feeling bad for myself, and scoulding myself, how could I let this happen.... I'm considering the Meth program now, as I understand it helps with cravings etc, and helps you to function normally throughout the day....................... Does anyone have any feedback on that program? Good / bad experiences.... do you reccommend it?
Thanks guys!
Thanks guys!
Best Answer
I understand why it is important to tell your spouse...BUT in the steps it says to make a list of our damages and make amends, UNLESS to do so would create harm. We don't know what harm it would create in her telling her spouse because we don't know their relationship. Let's just say that in her telling him, he was to flip out? When someone says they can't tell, I don't assume its because they don't want to be accountable to that person, but that they may have very justifiable reasons at the time for not saying so. Playing devils advocate here, I know....but I also am a realist. We would all love to believe that sharing our secret will bring support, but that is not always the case. For example, most people believe the only reasons for divorce are cheating and addictions. She has shared in the past and now relapsed. How are we to know that he wont say that he has had enough? Its easy to give suggestions based on our circumstances, but we don't live in others shoes. And maybe he would be supportive...but the poster has toweigh the benefits vs cons herself. I wish I could tell my SO, BUT IF I did, too much other stuff would come out of that and it would devestate him. Sorry, but I would rather carry that cross myself. If that puts me at risk for relapse, then I need to find another way to work through this. Not trying to offfend, just how I feel about this.
I don't think you need to consider methadone just yet. You relapsed, a lot of us do on our first attempts to quit. But why are you still able to get percocet in the first place? You have to remove ALL access to the drugs. One of the very first things you have to do. Because as you'll find, the temptation will be great and you'll be feeling vulnerable early on. Unless you remove the access to your DOC, it will be much too easy to fall back.
Are these prescribed or are you getting them off the street? Either way, you have to cut that source immediately and permanently.
Are these prescribed or are you getting them off the street? Either way, you have to cut that source immediately and permanently.
jibi, don't be too down on yourself but i agree you need to try and cut all sources if you can. you have so much strength and desire to be clean, please get right back up and keep going!!! here for you.
You have to remove ALL access to the drugs. One of the very first things you have to do. Because as you'll find, the temptation will be great and you'll be feeling vulnerable early on. Unless you remove the access to your DOC, it will be much too easy to fall back.
The above is important from Im Done! If you don't eliminate your sources, it makes it way too easy for you to relapse.
Try not to be TOO hard on yourself, like Im Done said, most people do relapse, it's pretty common. Also, you MUST start working on some kind of aftercare program...NA/AA, private counseling, something. Getting clean is one thing, staying clean is another. You need to explore the reasons behind your addiction, and identify your triggers. Aftercare will also help you identify stages of relapse, and teach you what to do if you're vulnerable.
Start today...get back on that horse. Eliminate ALL of your sources, get rid of any pills you have, tell someone what's going on. The more you tell your secret, the more roadblocks you put up to relapse. It creates accountability. If you only have to be accountable to yourself, you are making yourself more vulnerable.
I too agree that methadone really isn't necessary...you've proved to yourself that you CAN get through the detox...you were well on your way...and there are lots of ways to deal with the cravings. Methadone can really be helpful, but I would recommend trying very hard to do this without it,...because eventually you'll have to get off that too...and from everything I've read here, it's pretty difficult...typically worse than most DOC's.
Hang in there!
The above is important from Im Done! If you don't eliminate your sources, it makes it way too easy for you to relapse.
Try not to be TOO hard on yourself, like Im Done said, most people do relapse, it's pretty common. Also, you MUST start working on some kind of aftercare program...NA/AA, private counseling, something. Getting clean is one thing, staying clean is another. You need to explore the reasons behind your addiction, and identify your triggers. Aftercare will also help you identify stages of relapse, and teach you what to do if you're vulnerable.
Start today...get back on that horse. Eliminate ALL of your sources, get rid of any pills you have, tell someone what's going on. The more you tell your secret, the more roadblocks you put up to relapse. It creates accountability. If you only have to be accountable to yourself, you are making yourself more vulnerable.
I too agree that methadone really isn't necessary...you've proved to yourself that you CAN get through the detox...you were well on your way...and there are lots of ways to deal with the cravings. Methadone can really be helpful, but I would recommend trying very hard to do this without it,...because eventually you'll have to get off that too...and from everything I've read here, it's pretty difficult...typically worse than most DOC's.
Hang in there!
Dont beat yourself up! That toxic gulit just fuels our want to use. I found 3 pills on my 4th day of detox...took them and then sought out and bought 5 more. It is such a slippery slope.
BUT, then I stopped again and have 19 days clean today!! : )
Relaspe happens, its not about perfection, its about a determination to be healthy and free of the beast. I can tell you it does get easier and if you wait out a craving by distracting yourself it really does go away in 10-15min. Phone calls, movies and exercise have been the most useful distractions for me. I almost called the Dr about Suboxone for a week straight but after reading everyone struggle to get off of it I kept telling myself that Id give it another day. And each day was incrementally better than the last. You can do this...if you dont believe in yourself yet, lean on all the people here that didnt think they could do it either.
BUT, then I stopped again and have 19 days clean today!! : )
Relaspe happens, its not about perfection, its about a determination to be healthy and free of the beast. I can tell you it does get easier and if you wait out a craving by distracting yourself it really does go away in 10-15min. Phone calls, movies and exercise have been the most useful distractions for me. I almost called the Dr about Suboxone for a week straight but after reading everyone struggle to get off of it I kept telling myself that Id give it another day. And each day was incrementally better than the last. You can do this...if you dont believe in yourself yet, lean on all the people here that didnt think they could do it either.
If you think it's hard to detox oxys or perks, you don't ever want to get off methadone. I wish I had never had access to that stuff. I remember being 3 weeks into methadone detox rolling around on the floor wishing I had only been using heroine and oxys, it's that much worse. It took 3 months for me to feel like the fog was clearing, and another 3 months to start feeling good. The last months or so has been pretty good. Read all the posts from people who have or are coming off methadone, it's a nightmare.
Take the advice above seriously. You've heard it said, set yourself up for success. Lose a few "friends" if that's what it takes, but get those connections out of your life. Get to a 12 step meeting to meet some new sober friends and have constant reminders of why you wanted to quit in the first place. Opiates lend themselves to relapse. In my class on chemical dependency we learned about how addicts shut down the new brain, the part that makes decisions and thinks about the future. Thinking gets taken over by the old brain, the part the produces fight or flight and instinctive actions. They can take pictures of it now, it's pretty amazing. An addict in early recovery has the same brain power as other animals, as most animals only have the old brain. I share all this to back the need for outside help in recovery. When we relapse, which I've done plenty over the years, we are more like rats than humans. We lose control of making choices. I would consider going to 12 step meetings every day, they saved me. Getting off drugs has little to do with will power, you're not weak or a bad person. Keep focused by doing whatever it takes to help you hold onto why you want this. Failure is giving up on trying, you CAN do it.
Take the advice above seriously. You've heard it said, set yourself up for success. Lose a few "friends" if that's what it takes, but get those connections out of your life. Get to a 12 step meeting to meet some new sober friends and have constant reminders of why you wanted to quit in the first place. Opiates lend themselves to relapse. In my class on chemical dependency we learned about how addicts shut down the new brain, the part that makes decisions and thinks about the future. Thinking gets taken over by the old brain, the part the produces fight or flight and instinctive actions. They can take pictures of it now, it's pretty amazing. An addict in early recovery has the same brain power as other animals, as most animals only have the old brain. I share all this to back the need for outside help in recovery. When we relapse, which I've done plenty over the years, we are more like rats than humans. We lose control of making choices. I would consider going to 12 step meetings every day, they saved me. Getting off drugs has little to do with will power, you're not weak or a bad person. Keep focused by doing whatever it takes to help you hold onto why you want this. Failure is giving up on trying, you CAN do it.
Remember feeling are fact! All feelings pass with time...the important part is not to beat yourself up because you did something that comes natural to you...use. It's a relapse, now put it behind you and move on. I had 3 1/2 years clean when I relapsed...it was so upsetting. I gave up on myself and decided to go back to methadone. Worst decision I personally ever made. I found myself back addicted to very high levels of methadone for another 8 years!! Then switched to suboxone then back to methadone. I was ALWAYS looking for another drug to take away my pain. I know today my only choice is nothing. I am an addict and I can not handle any substance. Today I have 24 days off methadone...and I'm 15 days out of detox totally clean from all substances. I wish I could tell you it's was easy, but it hasn't been. Methadone withdrawal is a killer. But as much pain as I'm in I keep telling myself I'm not willing to take a step back. Each day gets me further away from it. And I use every resource I have to stay positive...this website, my NA meetings and I only surround myself with people that do not use. I wish you the best of luck...methadone is a personal decision...I just hope you take some of the advice on here seriously from people who have lived it.
I feel your pain. I tried to quit several times before I actually quit. I visited a doctor for Suboxone but decided not to use it for 3 reasons - I felt like I was trading one addiction for another; also they will not prescribe if you are on Xanax even if it is in low dosages (like I am on) - (2) .5 mg tablets per day are much cheaper than Suboxone and lastly, I had a friend who did this program and she took Suboxone for 3 years! I decided to lower my dosage and go out of town for a few days so that I would not be around anyone who would give me the medication while I was going through the worst part of the physical withdrawal.
It has been a little over 2 weeks I think - I am trying not to consciously count the days because then I start wanting just one or two.
My legs still ache and my energy is still low but my "duh" mental moments are getting better and I am starting to think more clearly.
Methadone was NOT an option to me because my ex-husband has chronic pain and took methadone. His side effects and withdrawal were much worse than what I experienced with hydrocodone. When he missed an appointment and ran out I had to drive 4 hours to his brothers (who also has chronic pain) to get him the medication because it was so unbearable for him. He finally found a new doctor and switched to morphine which seems to have less negative side effects. Methadone seems to me to be so much worse. I could only see justifiably taking that if you are using heroin not hydrocodone. Heroin is the only thing that I have heard methadone to be compared.
One of the HARDEST parts is the mental addiction and the habit of taking a pill.
I can’t believe how I let myself fall into this and I am glad to be putting this chapter of my life BEHIND ME.
Good luck. I know it’s hard.
It has been a little over 2 weeks I think - I am trying not to consciously count the days because then I start wanting just one or two.
My legs still ache and my energy is still low but my "duh" mental moments are getting better and I am starting to think more clearly.
Methadone was NOT an option to me because my ex-husband has chronic pain and took methadone. His side effects and withdrawal were much worse than what I experienced with hydrocodone. When he missed an appointment and ran out I had to drive 4 hours to his brothers (who also has chronic pain) to get him the medication because it was so unbearable for him. He finally found a new doctor and switched to morphine which seems to have less negative side effects. Methadone seems to me to be so much worse. I could only see justifiably taking that if you are using heroin not hydrocodone. Heroin is the only thing that I have heard methadone to be compared.
One of the HARDEST parts is the mental addiction and the habit of taking a pill.
I can’t believe how I let myself fall into this and I am glad to be putting this chapter of my life BEHIND ME.
Good luck. I know it’s hard.
Hey Jibi it happens to the best of us, I was on day 28 and I caved. We are all human and bound to make bad decisions sometimes. The thing is that you realized that you couldn't keep taking percs and stopped again. So just pick yourself up and go for it again and change what ever condition/situation that helped you use again.
Methodone is Definitely not the answer. I have heard many people say its was Horrible the WDs please dont go that route.
First off you have been given great advice YOU HAVE TO ELIMINATE Pill source , Have you given anymore thought to telling your husband? You need the support to get thru this Think about it okay ? What your doing is not working
Heres a quote I have written on post it and I give it to you
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results ~ Albert Einstein~
We all make mistakes and I know you are trying hard but please please consider telling him . Get back on that Horse and keep after it. Elminate pill source its too easy to relapse you went 6 days or even 5 I am not sure and that is great! I am here for you and you can do this, I Know you can Keep after it and keep posting you will get lots of support and help .
First off you have been given great advice YOU HAVE TO ELIMINATE Pill source , Have you given anymore thought to telling your husband? You need the support to get thru this Think about it okay ? What your doing is not working
Heres a quote I have written on post it and I give it to you
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results ~ Albert Einstein~
We all make mistakes and I know you are trying hard but please please consider telling him . Get back on that Horse and keep after it. Elminate pill source its too easy to relapse you went 6 days or even 5 I am not sure and that is great! I am here for you and you can do this, I Know you can Keep after it and keep posting you will get lots of support and help .
We're our own worst enemies, of course. No one can feed our heads more critical thoughts than we, ourselves do. But now that you have relapsed, if you still want to get and stay clean....maybe you'll have to re-think some things. Having a brother, sister and dad that are addicts and can feed you percs is a HUGE source that has to be reigned in/door closed. Knowing you don't want to totally cut off your relationships w/them would only be natural, but for NOW while you are getting clean and your addict brain is going 90 to nothing....some road blocks have to be put in place. Just for YOU.....and keeping your addiction a secret still leaves another HUGE avenue to use percs. Course you've heard the three S's for success:.....sources, secrets, support....which is kinda my abbreviation, but if you have sources available, keep secrets so you aren't accountable and can secretly use and don't seek some outside support.....you can just about guarantee yourself you will keep using. It's not what you want to hear....I'm sure of that.......but most everybody I know that successfully and triumphantly wins and STAYS clean .....closes ALL those doors.
We get to choose to follow the winners....and we also can be grateful to ALL our teachers.....even relapse can be a teacher.
Hope you will get back on.....and do it again.....you are SO worth it~~
We get to choose to follow the winners....and we also can be grateful to ALL our teachers.....even relapse can be a teacher.
Hope you will get back on.....and do it again.....you are SO worth it~~
Others have given great advice I just wanted to echo that it is not productive to beat yourself up, just move forward and learn from it. Keep on going!
COMMUNITY LEADER
What are you going to differently this time? Beating yourself up will get you nowhere. Start focusing on what you can do to prevent this from happening again. You know what you need to do.
You've gotten some excellent advice here. The thing is, always look up the side effects of any drug that suggested, and seriously figure on that happening to you. Also, don't automatically fall and follow what a doctor will suggest. They have gotten millions hooked on **** and it never should have happened. It seems it's just easier to write a script than to go over all the things an addict must to to get clean. You've used for a certain amount of time, and of course you're gong to relapse. It's par for the course. When it happens, you have to look at why it happened, and change that. For you, it's removing the sources, for someone else, it might be to stay out of the bars, or to get an exercise program. It might be that you need more meeting, or a sponsor, or a better sponsor. It might mean to make clean and sober friends with long term sobriety. It might be as simple as talking to the right people when you first think about relapsing, BEFORE you relapse. The thing is, don't be discouraged because you need to TWEAK YOUR PROGRAM. I'm so glad that i came off of heroin, crack, iv drug use, narcotics, and booze without methadone. My friends were not so lucky. Clean and sober is always hard to achieve, don't give up before you do absolutely everything you possibly can for a year before you opt for methadone IMO. Give your body and mind a chance to change so that you can enjoy a clean and sober life. You have to ask yourself, WHY? What should you be doing, or doing more? Have faith. The program works. Just talk about your stinking thinking, before you use, and accept the help that's available. Okay?
Thanks guys your advice means so much....I have read many people saying meth WD is horrible, but don't they wean u off it so that u don't go through that? It's what my dr is recommending, but now after reading what u guys r saying I'm questioning it. I have not told hubby yet any of this... Still not ready to cross that bridge, I'm going to enroll tomorrow in a program for afte care... I hope the WD is not going to be to bad as I wa only using for a cpl days! Ugh why did I do this I started feeling so good.... ******* lol
Please don't start the methadone. You did this before, so you know you can do the initial withdrawal/detox. Now you just have to find some form of aftercare to help you after you get hrough that initial detox. I see no reason to support going on methadone. Remember eventually you're going to just have to quit that and go through the withdrawal anyway.
You can do this, you just have to learn from the experience and find a form of aftercare that you think will work for you.
You can do this, you just have to learn from the experience and find a form of aftercare that you think will work for you.
Don't go on methodone. I have a friend who struggled to quit and was promised that done would help keep him clean. Well years later he's been on it for as long as pills and says its worse than pills
Just start again. I relapsed for 4 days and now I'm 3 days clean. Sure it sux but everyday I'm closer to healing
Just start again. I relapsed for 4 days and now I'm 3 days clean. Sure it sux but everyday I'm closer to healing
Yeah, they "wean you off" the methadone.....but if you think getting off percs and the physcial w/drawals are hell now.....trying to find an easier softer way off percs by getting yourself addicted to methadone is a lie straight from the pit....don't listen to it!! There is no painless way to avoid narcotic w/drawals. Taking a drug to get off a drug is your addict brain SCREAMING at you.
Switching UP to methadoone from percs is NUTS.....MUCH, much stronger opiates would be binding to your pain receptors.....WAY harder and LONGER to get off of. So if percs are hard....methadone will be harder. Weaning is in your future so why not wean off the lesser of two evils? We have to go thru the nasties to get to the goodies.....and we can't go around it.....over it....under it.....we gots to go THRU it. And we have done it....so can you girl!!!
Please re-read what ALL the great people on this thread are trying to share, it comes from their experience, strength and hope.
You can prevent yourself from making a HUGE mistake, if you are willing to listen to others that have been there. Routing for you~
Switching UP to methadoone from percs is NUTS.....MUCH, much stronger opiates would be binding to your pain receptors.....WAY harder and LONGER to get off of. So if percs are hard....methadone will be harder. Weaning is in your future so why not wean off the lesser of two evils? We have to go thru the nasties to get to the goodies.....and we can't go around it.....over it....under it.....we gots to go THRU it. And we have done it....so can you girl!!!
Please re-read what ALL the great people on this thread are trying to share, it comes from their experience, strength and hope.
You can prevent yourself from making a HUGE mistake, if you are willing to listen to others that have been there. Routing for you~
Don't let the addict in you convince you to get on methadone!
I know that despite all the reading your doing and finding out how horrible meth weaning/withdrawal is you still seem to be latching onto some idea that you can be weaned off at some later date and have no problems.
Just stay the course on quitting the percs and save yourself the hell and possibly years on methadone. You can do it -you have already shown that
I know that despite all the reading your doing and finding out how horrible meth weaning/withdrawal is you still seem to be latching onto some idea that you can be weaned off at some later date and have no problems.
Just stay the course on quitting the percs and save yourself the hell and possibly years on methadone. You can do it -you have already shown that
Im currently on the methadone program. I was taking percocet then turned to herion and used everyday, At the beginning of the program I was started at a low dose of 20 ml. I still used or took perc's but i realized shortly after that I wasnt craving the drugs any more and just ended up stopping. I quit pills and herion with pretty much no problem and no withdrawls cause of the methadone but I cant quit crack. Youd think crack would be a piece of cake if I beat herion with not muh trouble. Just keep telling yourself that you can do this. If I can do it then you for sure can do it. At first I thought that I would never ever be able to do it and it was not at all as bad as i thought it was going to be. So maybe try the methadone program, it may be the answer your looking for. I wish you all the best and you can do it!!!! If you ever need to chat about anything please feel free to send me a msg. I hope my info was a bit a help for you.
I was clean for only 6 days then used again I wonder if the wd will be bad again or not so bad ugh I know I can do this I'm just scared I guess, normal feelings I'm sure... God I hate this so much and if I could turn back time I would not be here now I guess.... I'm sure we r all thinking the same... Thx for the advice guys ...
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