Relapse!!!

[JC1981]

Hi All...

I have relapse from taken painkillers again, i know i've not been on here for a while because i was gettin help from my doctor which worked but how this all happend again was when i went to football (soccer) training and i hurt my back, the physo gave me a tablet but without knowin it was a painkiller which givein me the taste of it again, the tablets i was taken are tramadol, oxycodone,

it feels like there's a black cloud over my head and it won't go away, even tho i was clean for 5 months i still saw that black cloud over my head just waiting for that day to come for me to take a painkiller which did happen, now im on day 3 without any tablets and feel like ****, but whats getting me is when i get clean again will that cloud over my head still be there ???

JC1981

[dominosarah]

I am sorry to hear about your relapse but the writing was all over the place.  You took a pill that you said you didnt know what it was for one.  Your relapse was already happening before you took that pill.  Recovery care is vital for staying clean.  We say many times on here that getting clean is the easy part, staying clean is the hard one.  The mind games are the hardest and we always have to keep our guard up.  The minute we let that down bad things happen.  Protect your clean time with everything you have and make it the most sacred thing in your life.  You can and will get thru this.  Put together a good plan and follow thru.  The answers are right in front of you.  Keep posting as we are here to support you~~~~~sara

[Cissy373]

Hang in there and I've relapsed so many times I can't count, but get back on the horse so to speak and go after your dream of being clean.

I am now on day 2 again, and was beating myself up over it, but truly that does no good at all. I know I have a bad addiction and need much help and support.

We are here for you.

[vicki595]

Hey!!  You have to guard your sobriety with your life!!!

I KNOW you know better than to let someone pop a pill in your mouth without questioning what it is !!!   Even if it was a doctor!!!!   Never do that !!!

There is no such thing as a "black cloud" over your head. You create that and you can make it go away. It's just another silly excuse !!

You can get clean again and stay that way!!!  Frankly,it's a lot easier than the alternative !

Vicki

[GoingToMakeIt]

IBKleen hit the nail on the head! Relapse is so much more mental than physical. Afterr 5 months, there would be no residual drugs in you. You have made a good decision to get clean again. Your relapse should show you the need for aftercare. Join NA or AA and commit to staying with them. Staying here would help too.
   Read up on addiction. Know what a true enemy of your soul it is. Do not trust your body with these drugs. They are called addictive for a reason. Know that you will always be weaker than the addiction! Always! Keeping up your guard is absolutely necessary from here on out.

[adkalanna]

yes, but the less attention you give the cloud the further away it gets.  i have fought addiction and watched many around me all my life do the same, and i know what i'm saying.  it's damn hard, but try to focus on other things, any other thing, just not the cloud.  one day, and not necessarily too far down the rode, you may realize that you haven't seen it hanging around much at all.  
good luck my friend!

[IBKleen]

I am sorry to hear you relapsed and hope you pick yourself back up.

Relapse is tough and what most people don't think about is that the relapse happens before you pick up the drug. It is more mental than anything. I don't know what was going on with you (that is something you should really work on) but the fact that you took a pill when you didn't even know what it was tells me that you were well on your way (mentally) already.

I am glad you are back here and at least talking about it but I hope you take the advise of getting outside support.

Best of luck.

[jstntime]

I have to agree with Tramhater on this one.  Staying clean is tough, hardcore relapser here speaking of course.  NA and other programs show you ways to overcome the "black cloud".

You've made a great choice to stop again.  You know what it takes and what it entails.  Keep your chin up and try and stay positive.  You are doing a positive, life saving process and should be commended.

Check out some external help.  Whatever you choose, it will greatly increase your chances of staying clean and doing so without the thoughts of impending doom.

Keep keeping and keep us posted!!!!

bob

[LeaAnn807]

You may feel like you have the black cloud until you get some real recovery and support!  You just have to change your attitude and WANT to stop taking pills.  Tramadol is double as bad as a true opiate, because it contains an antidepressant too.  

I think you should talk to a doctor about how you feel.  Is there a doctor you trust who won't give you more pills?  If so, talk to them!  They might be able to help you!