Advice???

[LostDreamer25]

I have been taking hydrocodone for about a year now. My family and friends do not know anything about it. I just recently tried quitting AGAIN 3 days ago. I really want to stop these things. I have so much to lose and getting on them was so easy. Relapsing is too easy too. I know that in about a week there will be more and unfortunatly only my will power can keep me from swallowing more. My mind is racing with conflicting thoughts. one side says "you can do it, prove it to yourself that you are stronger than that!!" But the other side says"maybe just a couple will ease the physical pain of withdrawl and you can ease off them" Now I would like to think that I am a pretty smart person. I know that I should listen to the good things but the bad ones are so much louder. How do I get through this without anyone knowing?? I'm all alone here.

[LostDreamer25]

I just read that day 4 is the worst. That would be tomorrow for me. I'm a little scared about that. But the good thing is, I have nowhere to get any. Well nowhere that wouldn't get me caught or in trouble. The part of me that wants to keep this a secret is stronger than the part of me that wants them so bad I don't care. My favorite saying is, "Pain is a part of Life, Suffering is optional"  I plan on starting Vitamins tomorrow and Excedrin seems to help with some of the pain.

[LostDreamer25]

Michelle,  Sounds like you have your mind set. that is good. But let me warn you first, when you get to that first day and you feel like you can't get out of bed without one, your mind is going to go right to "I need one!" You have to FIGHT that. If you can get past that then you have the will power to follow through. Medical advice is good too. If I had time to see a doctor I would take Jen2331's advice and see about Suboxone. But for now I have to do it myself. I plan on coming clean with my loved one's eventually but I want to make sure I am in the clear first.

[jen2331]

I went on Suboxone 2 weeks ago and it saved my life.  No one knows about my addiction or my recovery program - yet.  I will be going back to 12 step meetings soon and I actively go to a counselor.  I'm sure I will get to feeling safe enough to share this with my husband one day...just not ready yet.  It's a lot easier to hide my Sub use than it was to hide my op's.  
I am happy again, not depressed or scared.  I have energy, control over my life, and a recovery plan.  My dr. is very educated in Sub and I have a 6 month plan with him.  I see him once a month and I really feel like I have my life back again.  I never had to fake the flu (although did have to be in w/d for 24 hrs before starting the sub) and the difference between my behavior the months and months before I went on Sub and now is indescribable.  I am me again.  
I still have some cravings, and I take Clonidine at night - but I was on that for years before this for high b/p anyways.  I know there are a lot of people out there that have nothing good to say about sub, but I'm here to tell you that it worked for me.  And it's my personal choice - and I've decided to take control of my disease and get the help I need.  It's out there for people like us.
Keep in touch Lost and NewWay - I know exactly how you feel!
jen

[newwayoflife]

My name is Michelle.  I hate to say this but I have enough to probably last a week.  My stop date is going to be March 1.  I swear I am not putting it off, I have to sub next week (I know, thats terrible) and I am not going to just throw them away.  I am going to get the stuff together for the withdraw symptoms and I may make a doctors appointment next week to make sure I am healthy to do this at home and seek a little medical advice (not another crutch) and at some point, I am going to tell my hubby...I think.  I cannot decide to tell or just act like I am sick because I have always been the rock.  Pride gets in the way, huh?  I cannot believe how many people are going through this.  I have been reading another forum on soberrecovery and it blows me away how many people are addicted to pain killers.  You take care.

[LostDreamer25]

Aww thank you newwayoflife!! I'm happy to hear that there are others on here in the same boat as me. Sad thing about my situation and how easy they are to get..... I know someone that gets a script for them and doesn't take em. She gives them to me for free. I have 2 children and a wonderful boyfriend that is buying a house for us. I really don't want to lose that!! Like you, living this lie is a killer. I'm about to go back to school to be an EMT and how am I supposed to tell people that almost overdose not to do it when I am doing it to myself?? I hope that you and I can support eachother through this. How many days have you been off them? To hide from my family I am sort of faking the flu. Thats what it feels like anyway. Tuesday at about noon was when I took my last one.

[newwayoflife]

I am right where you are....I just joined...and I am so sick of these pills.  They are very easy to get and so addictive.  I am looking up and researching everything I can to quit.  I am in the exact same boat....I have a great family, church and very involved in school and community.  No one knows what is going on with me and I don't know if I can get the help I need without people knowing.  My mind is running in circles and I don't know what to do.  I take about 8-9 10/500 a day.  Please....I need help too.  Praying for you!!!

[LostDreamer25]

Well it all depends on how many I have. Sometimes I can take up to 50mg+ per day. I usually take the 5/500, 2-3 at a time, every few hours. But will do 10/650 if I can. I don't really even get high anymore. I just get droned because I'm reaching for the high with more.

[Calamity2]

Hello dreamer.    Well you came to the right place.  I was addicted to hydro for 8 years. I stopped using 2 years ago in Dec with the help of this forum.  How may do you take?  What mgs?