SERIOUS HYDROCONE DEPENDANCY ANY HELP APPRECIATED

[vicaddict]

HELLO EVERYONE, AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU ALL.I found this site by doing a web search regarding hydrocone abuse. I found in the forum these archives that really got my attention.
http://www.medhelp.org/forums/addiction/messages/30961a.html..
I really want to get off these, but I have found it so hard to do. I started out on these when I had my back surgery in 2003, had no problems with them stopped taking them after my pain stopped. Shortly after that I had oral surgery, then broke my ankle. Before I knew it I could not be without them. I do suffer from Chronic Pain due to my back but I do not ONLY take them for my pain.(sighs) My recommended dosage from my Dr is only to be 3- 5/500's daily. I am now at about 8-10 a day. Where did I go wrong, and what happened? I don't know how I got here and now I am so scared I am going to develop severe liver damage amongst other things, and that alone should be enough to make me stop taking them, one would think! I get very depressed, I am so moody, and want to do nothing if I don't have the meds and or if I know I am running low and it is too soon for my refill. I actually get depressed, like nothing to look forward to. I have 2 beautiful boys, and I hate that I have gotten to this point. I am afraid to tell my Doctor, and only 2 of my friends know about this. I was daily whiskey drinker before this all happened, that is how I broke my ankle. I quit drinking after that, like nothing. No withdrawels nothing. I do not understand, and I am scared. Anyone that can relate and or have any suggestions?
Thank you all in advance.

[gsmith4489]

Hello My friend you came to the right spot.  Lots of us here with the same issues maybe for different reasons but the same result.  We want to stop and need help and encouragement to do it.

First of all you have to come to a decision deep in your heart that you need to stop and that the net of using the pills is negative.  Sometimes you only see part of the negative often its much much worse of an impact then you imagion.  Once issue I had was lowered sex drive and that drove a wedge between my wife and I that I didn't even see or know about until after I stopped.

Your habit level is not super high which is the good news.  The bad news is you still don't know how bad of withdrawals you will have because there is such a variation between people.

I recommend the following

1)  Tell your doctor.  You don't have to but if you do (I know its embarassing but they have heard it before and they will keep it in confidence).  With help from your doctor you can get medications that will help the symptoms of withdrawal.

2)  Taper down and don't stop cold turkey.  Why punish yourself?  If you reduce your daily intake by 10% every 2-3 days you will have few serious w/d symptoms.  I found I could not do this from a will power standpoint until I had a friend hold the pills for me and given my weekly amount each week.

Please note I am still tapering myself.  I have gone from a 12/day to a 4/day and its been tough at times.  I know when I fill my perscription next week if I don't immediatly give them to my friend I will dose up high so I have got to give them to him

3)  Keep in the support group and help us and we will help you.  Knowing you are not alone and that you are cared about is a huge deal.

4)  Pray and read scriptures if that is something you do.  let this tough time bring you closer to the Lord.  If it does then the net of the whole thing is positive.

Hang in the dude and keep posting.

[cakegirl]

check out my post about 7 down TRYING TO BACK OFF HYDROCODONE THEN OOPS - frommoon i think I was the first response. let me know what you think -k

[gipsee]

Lordy, I try don't know where to begin... I've read (I think) every message and post on her dating back to 2002.

I guess I'm not so abnormal... and I'm in an anxiety state and to the point now where I will admittedly say I'm depressed.   I've been taking vicodin for a very long time.   In the beginning it was 2 a day and I split the ES in half so I was taking it 4 x's a day w/o a problem.   Then I had surgery... the following year a hernia repair which was not so easy to get over...now I'm taking 2 7.5 Vic's at a time every four hours.  YES... they do make me anxious... so I was prescribed Xanax...this has worsened the condition.   I had the bright idea all on my own, that the Xanax would help me quit the Viodin...and I was OK w/taking the Xanax just to sleep but lately it's all falling apart.   I feel miserable most of the time... just stuck... don't feel like doing a thing...I honestly do not know what to do.

I am taking only 4 mg of Xanax a day.   Used to be 1mg just at bedtime... and I know now after reading all these post that my body is craving more of them....what to do?   I just want to get off of everything... but after reading all of this...everyone is talking about tapering.   Xanax first?  Or the Vicodin first. ??  I just want to feel better.   I've been taking the Xanax for about a year...and as I said, it's becoming a problem now I feel like do-do....it's not because of the amount I am taking ... it's because my body needs more to feel better...can I just stop them w/o fear of having seizures, if I'm taking 4 - 5 .50mg a day?

My e-mail addy is ***@****.   If there is anyone out here who can help me I would truly appreciate it.

[vicaddict]

Thank you so much for responding everyone. Yes cakegirl I did already read your post and it was great! It all makes so much sense, and your right sounds easy but so isn't. I have tried not to take them, but I find myself always with my hands in the cookie jar! So easy to give in than suffer the consiquence. I now only have 3 pills left and have no refill until Friday..I am just panicing. Not the way to go if I want to get off them, but I took them all and it is my own fault. ( So easy to say ) Now I do not know what to do with only having that few left and trying to "taper". UGHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Thank you also gsmith, your post was very touching. I am so glad to have finally found somewhere I can get this off my chest and not be judged as a junkie.

By the way, I am a dudette ;) LOL.

Are there any medications over counter posibly I can get to help with the withdrawel symtoms? Something non addictive of course, and even if it just takes the edge off.
Thank you all again so much! I am so glad I came here!
Tracy

[vicaddict]

I forgot to ask..I was reading posts and have also heard of this before as I have a friend who was addicted to hydrocodone herself. Her dr put her through some program giving her methodone ( I think ) to get through her addiction.

I do not understand the logic in this. What is it that methadone does that helps with the addiction as I thought that would be giving up one addiction for another.
Anyone that can clear me up on this?
Thank you!

[i hate lortabs]

I wold definately get into a Methadone clinic asap if I were you. They will ween you off of hydrocodone with Methadone under doctors supervision. My situation was a whole lot like yours and I was taking 8 (10mg) Hydrocodone /day. I self medicated with Methadone to get off of the Lortabs (not recammended of course) and now i'm getting myself into a Methadone clinic. It's a lot easier for me on Methadone. I don't have to take very much to keep the withdrawels at bay and they last for about 8 or 9 hrs. WAY longer than Hydrocodone. I know how it feels to be helplessly addicted to Hydrocodone and it's one of the worst experiances of my life! Please do me a favor and seek professional help. I tried to quit countless times on my own. I'm not saying that you can't do it, but it's a lot wiser (and easier) to do it with help. Here is a website that lists clinics by state. Please check it out, find yourself a clinic and keep me posted...


http://www.usnodrugs.com/rehabs.php/US/

[gipsee]

When I read some other's comments I don't feel as if I'm taking enough.   But as I read all day yesterday, it doesn't seem to be that takiing any more is going to help my pligt at all.  I feel miserable.   I can't seem to cry, I truly am feeling helpless, lethargic and it becomes harder and harder to maintain.
  
At this point I'm not sure if the Vics or the Xanax.....but I want to feel "normal" again.    I got the Xanax 3 .50 mg a day to help with sleep..... but instead of the two the used to work @ .5 mgs I need to take three....and that just doesn't do the trick for 8 hours.  I guess signing onto this site was my first plea for help.   The metadone scares me.   AT this point the 2 mg a day I'm taking doesn't seem much compared to what I've read... by script last w/o having to seek more.   But this is miserable none-the less.   The thing is with the Vics if I stop taking them a while .... it's just really uncomfortable fore @ 3 days... I just want to throw out the bottle of Xanx but this sizur thing has got me a bit scared.   The meth seems to be replaicing one for the other.    This board is my first reach for help so I guess it's a start.

Thanks
gipsee

[vicaddict]

HI there;
First off let me say that the xanax is a short acting drug. I am not a phiysician at all however I was on them for anxiety, etc. before. They stopped working for me and I found myself neededing more to keep my nerves down. ( This is way before the hydrcodone addiction) However, when I spoke to my therapist regarding this he put me on Clonazepam which is a sister to the xanax, only difference is it stays in the body longer making you need less pills per day.
Just a thought to you if you are taking alot of xanax. I have severe anxiety w/agoraphbia and was on them for this. I did find though that I was more anxious when the xanax wore off as opposed to what I am on now. I have been on the clozazepam now for about 3 yrs and they are so much better than the xanax. Not in a "buzz" factor or making you high, but in a all around calmer state and relaxed. This medication I probably am addicted to if I was to stop them, which no you are not suppose to however I do not over take them, my huge problem is the hydro.
I hope this helps a little.
Hang in there!

[gipsee]

When I was first got the script for the Hydro....as I said I was taking 1/2 of the ES 4x's a day.   For two years that worked.   When my Dad passed, I started with anxiety attacks...and was given the Xanax...after a while I just stopped taking everything.  Closed myself in the Bedroom for three days and just stopped cold turkey.    Then I had three surgeries in three years, plus arthritis...and the same Doc started me back on the Vics....last year the Panic attacks started again....so I was just using the Benzos to sleep...and still am really...but I realize after doing all this reading that I'm feeling so miserable because I'm really craving the Xanax ... or more of it... apparently what I am taking at night is not working.

I don't see me needing methadone at this point.   I truly and honestly don't want to replace one drug for another.  I have every symptom of Benzo withdrawl one can have... chills, sweating, always cold, lethargy, depression, etc.   I don't feel anything, and in plain words am not myself EVER!  I rarely take more than 2/3 mgs of the Xanax in any one day.  I'm wondering if just stopping them if I still have the chance for the seizure episodes. I think I can live with just feeling crappy for three days..if that's all that will happen.   I've been feeling crappy anyway.   I must have a really low tolerance to this stuff.   I didn't realize that because the doses I was taking were low, I was feeling this way because I was needing more.   Pretty Stupid on my part...!   The hydro has to stop too... and I never have to look for more, my Dr. gives me enough to cover that...but I know they are doing me more harm than good at this point.   I have severe arthritis and I can't take NASAIDS... so I'm kinda stuck!   I'm a 57 year old professional, there is no one I can talk to unless I get my butt to a professional shrink....and this is miserable... I figure I should just stop everything... take it on the shoulder and maybe I'll just start to feel better in a couple of weeks.   I just don't know if this seizure thing I've been reading is a threat at the doses I've been taking.   It's just about a year now with this Xanax.   And I know now that all this is happening because I'm just not taking enough Xanax at this point.  

When I read the detox charts.... they are starting @ 6 mgs a day.... and ending at what I am currently taking and supplementing with Valium at the end of the process.   I will never EVER touch this stuff again if I manage this withdrawl.

The Hydro for me is truly a dependency not an addiction, if that makes any sense at all... I don't take them to get a buzz...but I feel it's just time to let go of them as well.. I'm truly feeling miserable.   I want out of this mess... so for me ... even writing here was a start...

Thanks for the input... I truly do appreciate it.

[PaulTrain]

good luck to you gipsee, i'm fighting like many others to come off a hydracodone (percocet) addiction I didn't know I had. I feel like total **** and hope tonight i can sleep and tomorrow i will feel a little better.

paul

[cakegirl]

OK, this is an eyeopener to me. I have been prescribed xanex .025, 4xday, if I want. I have probally a few months backed up and my friends want them more than I do. I heard they were addicting, didn't know they were physically addicting. I was assuming it was a mental addiction. I got them initally to help level out my cocaine buzz. I lied, said I had anxiety, and I did, when I was sketched out on coke. Got a script, and have had them ever since. I just started taking them more often, because I am hooked on vics. I too have arthritis, very badly and am only 36. Already had surgery on rt hand lft. coming near future. Never occurred to me that some of my wd symptoms could be from my random use of zanex. meaning that some days I take 1 some days6 never really had a schedule never connected any of this. Tell me more. I always thought all my suffering is from hydro. thought zanex would help. now I am confused. truth is, I would love to be off everything. I never was a drinker, but I admit I do love grass. Sorry. Look forward to hearing more, hope you feel better soon Krista

[gipsee]

I didn't realize it either about the Xanax... I was using two at bedtime to sleep.   My Dr. is giving me scripts for 90 a month and I was giving them away freely as you everyone seemed to want them...they didn't facinate me at all.

I know about the Vic thing... actually I said before I'm dependent not addicted but if I take the time to really think about it... what's the difference really?   I never took the Xanax during the day.... but I did go through a time where I was having bad panic attaks...and I took them back then but managed to stop and that was that.

Lately I really have been feeling crappy....the more I read, the more I'm finding out that I'm really craving the Xanax and didn't even realize it.    Everything seems to level out if I take a Xanax and I'm fine for a few hours.   I feel as though I'm crawling out of my skin.   My vic levels have changed as well...I know this time it's not going to be so easy to just stop taking them... with this Xanax thing on top of it.....I'm a bit older than you.... I can't take NASAIDS at all... so I guess the Vics were a good enough solution...but I've been taking them for so long that unless I take more they are useless.

I'm a child of the 60's... I used to smoke pot all the time....that was my "glass of wine" after work... then on my 40th Birthday... I just stopped... it was time.   No withdrawl and I never went back.   Never thought I'd say that.... but I wouldn't smoke a joint now for money....just don't have any desire.   I did the same thing with Cocaine....it became part of my life for two-years... just decided to quit....took a bit longer for that but it was not so severe.   Just telling you this ... I'm not a stranger to addictive behavior.

It was a very long time of me being "clean" of EVERYTHING... then I was hit with three surgeries in three years.   Now between the feeling of ill ease, the Vic usage going up...two .50 mgs not being enough to keep me sleeping all night... I'm right back to square one.   I was going to use the Xanax to wean myself off the Vics... bad idea... I'm not going to do that.  Xanax are deadly for me... they put me in a state of feeling nothing...as I began to delve into the subject of Hydro withdrawl... I began reading about Xanax ... and I have every symptom of withdrawl... cold chills, profuse sweating, anxious, depression...and the list goes on....so I guess it's a bad idea to think about upping the dosage to get off the Vics.. YA THINK?

I'm a bit scared of the seizure thing... not because of my current dosage...but because I've been taking them for a year.

What I plan on doing is ragging the heck out of the house, meaning cleaning, finish up with everything... then on Thursday shutting the door and start with nothing.   I'm armed with a bunch of vitamins I just want out of this ... I'm hoping to bring in the new year clean as a whistle.

Gipp

[gipsee]

Unlike a lot of other drugs Percoset withdrawl is "just" uncomfortable.. it's living hell but uncomfortable is the word.  Truly, the worst of it is for 72 hours of the physical, then some body aches and pains then dealing with the mental stress of not doing any more and wanting to feel good is the true effort.  

I truly deep down inside hope you can get through it w/o going through too awful much.   And I sure hope that you have someone to talk with... believe it or not it does help.   I'm not looking forward to going through it either but I'm intent...living this lifestyle is not what I want to be when I grow up.

When I decided to go off cocaine I truly disengaged myself from every "partying" friend that I had.  At the time...these were all very much educated, financially secure people and it all seemed so harmless we were "at first" weekend warriors... it digresses... the same way these damn pain killers do.    I literally moved 60 miles away from it all.  Knowing full well, however well intentioned, those friends would not understand my resolve.   This is how I feel now.

If you need to talk w/someone... ***@****.   If I can help you at all.   Thursday is my "D" day...by that time I sure hope you are feeling better.

Gipp

[vicaddict]

Hi again;
I hope you are doing better today. I know I was told even with the clonazepam not to stop them due to the seizure thing.However..I do not think you are on that high of a dose. But again as yu said have been on them for some time. I guess I would not quit them cold turkey..unless you can handle it. I again do not think you will suffer any seziure, but I am not Dr.

I guess what I would do..is if you are handling them fine right now on the low dose you are on..try cutting that in half for a week. Then down to just the one, and then totally off. Or even in half for say 3 or 4 days, then the one. Depending how fast you want off of these.
If I had to choose, this would be the way I would do it only because I just like you am so afriad of the seziure thing. I have been on mine for 3 yrs, and I can't get off of them because my panic attacks, anxiety, etc is way too much without them. I would be a fixture in the local emergency room!

I do hope you get through this, and the good news is that you are not "highly" addicted to the drug. May just be that mental addiction for the fear of the seziures.
Hope this helps and do let me know how you are doing!!

I have come to the conclusion after reading so much on this site, I am not alone and there are so many addictions out there. Physical, mental, etc. This hydro is horrible...I have never had anything like it and never have been an abuser before now.  It just happened and I never saw it coming. I heard of the addiction factor, but I thought pfft me??? Always afriad to take any medication??? Never happen. Man was I wrong!
I hope we all get through these holidays in happy times! I just can't seem to get those damn pills off my brain. It's like a constant thought, and fear sets in when I am low. Now it is Christmas and I don't want my kids to suffer b/c I am depressed that all I have are 5 pills left until Sunday. It just seems so stupid doesn't it? But oh so hard to handle.
God Bless All! Please keep writing, I love to read all of this keeps me somewhat occupied. Even If I can help another is worth it for me!!
Look forward to more reading....

[gipsee]

Three years is a long time.  But after all the reading I've been doing...the PILLS THEMSELVES add to the depression and anxiety.  Again, I've only been taking no more that 3 .50 a day...

I came here when I thought I'd use them to help me get off the vicodin.   I've already been going thru the symptoms of the Xanax withdawal just because I haven't messed with them yet.  And I did have a "human" resourse to check this with.  He's a Dr.    My PCP thinks we live in an anxiety overhwelming world and relief is just a pill away.   If staying on the three a day was OK.. I'd do that...but not taking them for a day (I did that last week) was horrible.. absolutely horrible.  sweating, cold, anxious, not being able to sleep, yadda, yadda no different than anyone else's.

I have been through horrible anxiety attacks. I was in the hospital 2x's with them, and as you probably well know, the fear of having them, actually casuse them.  They started for me after my father died...then without knowing about seizures, etc., I just felt so miserable with all the pills I just stopped taking everything.  All those new sleeping meds make me feel crappy too.. I don't like them, so she gave me Zanax to sleep.   Every now and again I would slip one in...in the middle of the day to even things out....then I started reading.   The more I read about these things the worse I feel about them.   Truly, I am too embarassed to ask for professional help.  Things like this don't happen to someone like me.   YEA RIGHT!

I was on two-vics a day for almost three years, 1/2 pill starting at noon... didn't even phase me. They helped with the knee pain.   It is such a viscous cycle.   The Vics too will make me anxious.   The lower doses don't have the affect they used to have so....anxiety sets in... voila ... just take more pills.

I too have a full Rx...I think it would make me feel crazee to just stop and have nothing.   Whatever sense that makes.   Ive quit them before with 1/2 bottle....eventually gave them away.  My very best friend also a professional, went through a couple of surgeries the last two years herself... she is on percs....she goes through 50 perocests every other day... gets Rx's from three different Drs... then buys them at 7bucks a peice on the street to boot. She'll swallow to percs with a glass of wine.  And she can drive and function like that.  I can't do that.   And looks like I'm going to head in that direction.   It feels good to write about it... it's better yet that someone else understands, so here I be!

Thanks for your post.

[vicaddict]

Your welcome gipsee. And you are right it helps a great deal to talk about it.

If you absolutely need these for your anxiety, then you need them for the anxiety. There is nothing wrong with that..hwoever if you get to where you need more in a day to get through, then yes that is where you can find the trouble. As I am sure you know. :)

And the Dr is right..this world we live in, it seems now a days there is a pill for anything and everything...give you a pill and send you on your way. Anxiety is also the highest prescribed medication along with antidepressants.


I hope I have helped out somehow, and if you need someone to talk to you let me know right away. I will give you my email.

Hang in there and keep me posted!

[gipsee]

It has been a tremendous help to me finding this site.   I've read messages from here from 2002.   I realize totally that if I don't make a true and sincere effort to get off this stuff now I have no place else to go but higher up on the pain med scale.

Tomorrow is the day I set for myself.   I'm already going through the anguish of knowing what is in store for me over the weekend.   And without trying to sound overly dramatic, the thought of being clear headed by 1/1 is what I'm reaching for.  I truly am embarassed to seek professional help with this... and I'm prolly being stupid for doing it on my own, and I truly don't want to substitute one drug for another drug.  But this time around I just feel as though it is going to get worse instead of better... maybe just feeling like **** for a couple of weeks will do it.  I'm scared....and I'm crippling myself emotionally.   I have my own business and I'm all caught up with no work for the next two weeks... I bought a boatload of vits....and I'm prepared to spend the weekend being miserable.

I keep thinking I wonder how the community of people around me would feel about me if they knew I was actually a "drug addict"...Am I beating myself up or what?

Now I have yet another question?   Will getting off this stuff play any havoc with my appetite?   I don't really have much of an appetite right now but I don't want to have to worry about gaining weight on top of everything else.

my personal e-mail addy is ***@****.  By tomorrow this time I will be reaching for all the help I can get.  I am the proud caretaker of an 84 year old mother...who is a royal pain in the butt...I wish there was someplace I could ship her for a few days...I was even thinking about an e-bay thing... rent-a-mom-for-the-holidays... YA think it would work??  :)  She is truly one of the aged who is just totally demanding and very nasty in nature.  I guess she can't hide her personality as well now that she's older.  SHE DOES NOTHING!  Wakes up...eats...makes a mess... Eats somemore and watches re-runs of the dating game all day long.    I'm worried... hoping this withdrawl thing doesn't make me have to KILL HER... (Just kidding)

Thanks for your help... I'm rambling...

Gip

[mema3]

Hey ladies -

Well - Gipsee - I am praying for you.  I am commending you on setting a goal and going for it!  It will be tough - there is no question - and add to that your Mom - which will only get more and more frustrating as you w/d.  

I am currently 18 hours without anything - and at the 12 hour mark - I was a mega beeeyatch.  I was not a nice person.  But I give myself a pat on the back each hour I tick off.  (or get ticked off!)  

We can do it!  We can be clean by 1/1.  I have set a goal of 12/25 to be free of the stuff - or at worse, down to 5mg a day.  

I have been on the stuff (in varying doses) since 2001.  I took as many as 7-8 pills a day post op and since that date in 01 - this is the lowest amount I have ever taken!  I'm determined to kick this thing - and I have to say - it has been with the help of this forum!  Knowing I'm not alone makes it possible.

So - when you are going through this - know that we are here - and keep us posted on your progress.  It won't be easy - if it was none of us would be posting like this.  

[gipsee]

Thanks for the encouragement.  

YOU TOO... I'm hoping you'll hang in... the worst of it from what I understand last for THREE DAYS....  Right now, just take it one moment at a time.

We can do this...Lotsa Water, Vit. C., Potassium and a Good B Complex.   B-Complex are really essential vitamins.. may help on the other end if you get my drift.  I'm told the more water the better.  

My e-mail addy is in one of these messages... if anyone wants to talk I'm homebound for the rest of the week.

I'm sure we'll feel better next week....I'm praying for all of us...it's not a good thing to find comfort in the discomfort of others, but it's nice to know that at least there are others who understand what we are going through.

I offically started Today... my last hydro was @ 3... I figured what the hey....I put the pills away.   I'm done.   I bought five really old movies at the mall...Gone with the wind is my Fav... I'm prepared for no sleep as well....

Both you and Vicaddict let me know how you are doing.

XoXo
Gip

[mema3]

Hey Gip -

How are you???  I have been thinking of you!!!

I did get to 5 mg for over 24hrs - YEAHHHH! - but then night time hit - and I couldn't take it.  I fought hard - but took another 1/2 tab to sleep.  What a wuss!  I need to be prepared for the 72hrs and just do it!

SOOOO - how are you today???  I truly have been thinking of you - but it has been hard for me to get online with the in-laws lurking all over!  I'm trying to stay even tempered during this holiday - but it is really hard!  I can only imagine what you are going through with your Mom and w/ds.  

Hang in there.  Keep us posted!

[gipsee]

I'm absolutely miserable.   Gawd, this hit me like a train...

I wish you well.....I'm taking advil.... hopefully this will let me legs settle down.   I can't even think about food...my hands feel as though they belong to someone else.

But I'd doing it Cold Turkey.   I have some Xanax...so I've been taking that in tiny doeses to just help over the terrible anxiety.

I never used Hydro's to sleep.... they gave me energy... LOL... I have no energy.   It's hard to understand how all this can happen in one day... but @ 3 it will be two days and counting.

Know what's weird...my dog has not left my side...she has made sure she's been with me since I started that sahking episode last night.   That was the worse.   i don't think everyone goes through that...

I do feel better today than yesterday, hopefully the advil will help with the pains in my bones... I ain't no young spring chicken I'm 56...All of a sudden I'm crying... I haven't cried in a very long time.

I've been thinking abot you as well.

Write to me if you want!

Joanne

[mema3]

Hey girl - DAY TWO!!!!  (since it is past three!!!!)

Congrats!

Amazing how dogs pick up on things - they are rather intuitive!

I'm proud of you.  I'm so wanting a pill right now - but i'm on here typing - (in secret of course!)

I might not be able to check in a whole bunch - too much family around here right now - but KNOW I am thinking of you!  

My last dose was at 10pm last night - and I want to make it until 10 - but I'm aching, cold, then hot - you know the drill!

I cannot take anything else right now - I want to keep moving forward.  And believe me - I am VERY proud of you!

If you don't hear from me - don't be surprised - but know I'm thinking of you and everyone on this forum- this is my best support and, well - only support.

Take care - thinking of you - Trina

[gipsee]

Thanks sweetie, it's nice to know that a stranger far away is thinking about my withdarl sypmptoms.

I goint to take a power nap and see if I can't muster enough strenght up to go out and do "smothing"

I know I'm wallowing in self-pity... maybe that will help  The shaking is over, the joint and muscle pain are way over the top.

I sure hope this is the biggest lession I learned... and in the furture just have will power to say to to Oxys or Hydros.... it will start the cycle all over again.

I'm proud of you too... 1/2 by comparison is nothng.  

Suprizingling enought I don't have the urge to use... I feel that horrible.   Maybe it's the advil... who knows

I'm thinking of all of you... it's a touch season to be stopping but sure will be a nice sleflpresent if successuful

Love
Gip

[christy1085]

Hello.  I have been clean from Hydrocodone (10/325's) for over 7 months.  My situation is like others, I was prescribed them from a doctor for "back pain"..which I did have....but before I knew it, I was enjoying the high I got from them more than enjoying the pain relief.  I got as bad as taking up to 16 of the 10 mg. per day, that's A LOT of narcotic.  I even got to the point (and I'm ashamed to say this)....of calling in my own prescriptions which could have landed me in prison.  One day, I was counting my pills (just as I'm sure you've all done) and noticed I was running out.  My doctor never lowered my dosage or warned me how serious an addiction could be (I'm not only blaming him - people should read up on med's before taking them, especially long term).  Anyway, as I was counting them on my bathroom counter, I looked in the mirror at myself and said "this is pathetic, what the hell am I doing"???  I was calling them into different pharmacies and paying much more than my insurance allowed since insurance companies only pay for a certain amount of narcotics per month.  I would tell the other pharmacies I didn't have insurance and just pay full price for the pills.  I was 30 years old when this started.  I just recently turned 35 and was on the pills for 4 long years.  I never thought much of it until I ran out and started making sure I had enough pills.  I didn't consult a doctor of any kind, not mine, not a counselor, nothing.  I have a FANTASTIC teenage boy and have been a single mother since he was a baby.  I quit cold turkey.  It was SOOOOOOO hard.  I literally felt like I was going to dye some days.  I remember not being able to sleep, having the leg tremors in bed, yawning all the time, feeling like I had a horrible flu, being moody and sad...just simply MISSING THE PILLS.  I literally had to push myself to get out of bed and jump in the shower and then when it came time to blow dry my hair, I had to sit on the floor to do it, absolutely NO ENERGY!  I wanted some SO bad....however, I got tired of walking out of pharmacy thinking they were all looking at me and whispering that I'de been going there for 4 years for narcotics thinking they KNEW I was addicted...I was embarrased.  What I'm saying is that, quitting is SO possible and yes, it SUCKS and it's HARD and it HURTS.  I wouldn't recommend quitting cold turkey like I did but it was and is possible.  I am so incredibly proud of myself.  I won't lie, there are a few times when I think, wow..I wish I had a vicodin....but I know what taking one little pill would do, I don't want to go back to that person.  The withdrawals are the worst pain I've ever experienced.  After you've been clean for several months - and to be honest, it took at a minimum of 4 full months before I felt back to normal...yes, it took that long...but when you don't have to spend time obtaining the pills, wondering how to get more and being scared of your money and health going into a whirlwind, it's so much less stressful.  Life looks different, family and friends look different to you... IT IS POSSIBLE AND I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST OF LUCK NO MATTER HOW YOU APPROACH YOUR PROBLEM.  I wanted to say this to you all because I KNOW FIRST HAND HOW HARD IT IS.  Take care of yourselves. - a friend