Same person new thread, recovery......

[wantnormalagain]

I posted a new thread so th eold one would go archives, I am doing okay today, it was a hard morning but did what had to be done, did my chores, Grandma is comming, i am excited to see her now that i am clean, well recovering, i havent used in i think almost 2 weeks i lost track of time, but i still struggle some days over the last while, i think stress was a trigger, i have turned to food as a substitute, lol.. well mom hime baked goods anyways, and cookies. I know prob the the healthiest but better than what i was doing, I appreciate all the help and advise im gonna do this, i see the shrink Tuesday i will go through everything with her

[wantnormalagain]

Morning

   Ya, it has been hard work, yesterday was brutal, i had a hard time, no matter what i did i could not stop thinking about them and my depression was horrible, I think I am 16 days now, but yesterday felt like day 6 or 7, it was crazy, Today so far is alright, I slept in alittle first time since i quit, but am lost now at the same time, I spend some time talking to mom last night, she wanted to know how i felt, and it was so hard to explain without making her worry, thanks for thinking of me.

[tgtiffany]

Sorry that you had a not so good day, tomorrow will be better :)  

As for the "shrink" thing, I didn't mean it like that, I was going to type "shrink" too but I couldn't, I had to backspace and put psychologist lol....OCD maybe.  Anyway, yeah I'm really thinking about finishing school and going for a substance abuse counselor :)  I just love to help people and this seems to work out really well.  

I think the ice cream thing is a cool idea.  Although yes, must work more to get off those calories haha.  I don't even eat ice cream and I still seem to have to work more...NOT FAIR! lol j/k.  Your Mom sure is awesome though.  Glad that she is helping you so much still, even if it's baking cookies 24/7 lol.  

As for Stephen and Christine.  I think it's cool that you're spending time with him.  Kids don't always understand all the circumstances that cause things to happen in life, but they still need that support and stability to come from somewhere.  Just be careful though.  As you said yourself you think she using it more now to spend more time with you.  Make sure she knows FOR REAL that y'all are just friends now and nothing more.  Girls sometimes forget things like that when we get lots of attention from someone we like :)  Good luck though.  I hope tomorrow is better for you :) Don't forget to smile when you wake up!!!

[quitinoxys]

Glad to see you are still hanging in there Congrats you should be proud of all the hard work you have put into your recovery so Keep on Keepin on. How many days do you have now?---Rick

[wantnormalagain]

I accidently deleted my original post, could you please correct my error, sorry there were several and i thought if i took acouple out and just left 1 i would be okay, but it took them all, it was called,,, I have my own post now....

thank you so much

[wantnormalagain]

Hi
  Well that is a day, what a long day, and i need and want a shower in the worst way, and a pill, today was brutal, don't know why but it was all i could think of all day, it didnt seem to matter what i did or ate, but the day is almost done, well it could be, I am looking forward to bed so bad today, alittle tired but not everly, I just want the day to end in the worst way, sleep and start a new day, Wish i knew why it wa so bad today, oh well something we just arn't ment to know..but i can beat this, although i said it all day and it didnt help alot today, think ill grap a snack and play some PS3, the weather sucked all day to wonder if that is why, who knows right? anyways going for a shower, grab a snack, and go hibernate or find something to watch on tv, ahhh i'll figure it out anyways, be back later, ya alittle down today

[wantnormalagain]

I know it all seems great but i still have days that just about kill me, dsys like this where i am stuck in the barns or sheds working, they seem to bring back memories of using and then i crave and bow do i crave, but i found something by accident that actually helps a bit, maybe just in my mind but it works, I was visiting a friend, and in his town he has this van that goes around selling icecream, I had a craving, and couldnt shake it, anyways this van comes down the road, his daughter comes in asking for money, so i went with him and ended up buying myself this ice cream cone, i ate it, and shortly after the craving was gone, I don't know, so i went to the grocery store and bought a tub of icecream, each time i get a craving i get a bowl, it seems to work, like i said it may just be my mind, but im happy with that, Sorry about using the word shrink, no disrespect intended, i have been seeing the one so long that it was getting old, and now i see him weekely again, ut we dont discuss addiction, just old family issues and my personal stuff, it's boring,,sorr, you should do what you need to finish and become a Psychologist, after all you have been through an addiction specialist would prob work out great for you, I know mine has never been addicted to anything as i asked her, just thought it would be better if she had been then she could understand, As for the 180, i don't know, i just keep saying to myself that i can do this, i will not prove people right, i will not use, I am better than that now, and i remember what i went through and put mom through and wont do that again ever, I tell myself I Can do it i bet, 100 times or more a day, earlier i said it 20 times ina  row, I had a real bad craving, so i had ice cream, now i have to work out twice as hard just to burn off those caleries, i went the food way for dealing with cravings, i don't recomend that one, i have gained alittle, not noticeable, but if not carefull it will be, so i just work out alittle longer to deal with it, ice cream and cookies, those are my down fall, mom can't bake them often enough to keep from running out, but she says she don't mind, she is my mom and i love her...shes a great person, i should have told her ages ago when i first noticed it was a problem, but as the shrink says i still have a lot of work to do, i have to get rid of the triggers, i dont know how yet but i will.. I appreciate you always sending me a note each day, beleive it or not it helps, someone who doesnt even know me cares enough about my recovery to send something daily, thats decent, thanks, well back to work, will be a couple of hours now, as for stephen, he is 5, great kid, dad is an ***, denies him, won't even send a christmas card or birthday card, nothing not even the child support, and she won't chase him for it, and he lives close, if they run into each other in the store, he actually goes in a diffrent direction, and you can tell it's his son, spitting image of him, it's to bad, i have been a part of his life for so long that i am all he knows, and because of what she did doesnt make it his fault, and i did avoid them both for awhile, realized it wasnt fair to him, so thats why i will get involved in his life again, taking him to the fair this weekend, and her, thats not my choice it's hers, i think it's just a way she can use to spend time with me,,,just agame, anyways have a greta day and remember WE CAN DO THIS