Scared- really need support! please!

[FibroMissa]

Hey all, I'm so glad I have this board.  I have decided to jump off oxycodone tomorrow and am terrified.  I figure I'm around  100 mgs to 200 mgs per day.  I'm hoping this isn't some crazy amount that will be extremely hard. I will have some left that I am flushing but will take my dose tonight. I see the doctor tomorrow to let him know what I'm doing.
Is this an extremely high doze to just jump off of?  I considered tapering but that doesn't seem to work with me. my mom is coming to stay for a few days to help with my daughter.  I'm just terrified and I know that when I did it once before this board helped with the first week using if day.  I'm scared of how I will deal with the chronic pain. but I do realize I'm still in pain even with the pain pills.  

I could use any support. Hope I'm capable of dealing with the pain and not being nasty to my mom .
I also have some support set up for next week, going to go to meetings and therapy.  

please wish me supoort, thanks to all of you for sharing you stories and support.

xo
D

[gnarly_1]

HI......well your not the highest dose I have seen people jump from but your high enough to feel it.....try not to let fear into the equation it always worst in our minds then it turns out to be..
go into this with a win win attitude it will get you farther then any one thing...remember this is 1/3 physical and 2/3 mental be ready to fight on both fronts....I tell everybody beginning this
''you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile'' this to shall pass...the symptoms are only tempoary and attitude makes the difference between being uncomfortable and suffering
remember to force fluids gatoraid is good it has electrolytes to replase the ones you will be loosing ...when its bad remember a hot bath goes a long way in releiving the symptoms
sleep is usually a problem dont fight it pick  up some movies to watch wile your up
and just know deep down YOU CAN DO THIS I wish you all the luck in the world God bless....Gnarly    

[FibroMissa]

thank you all for your replies.  It really does help to hear the positive support.  I am hoping too that possibly the pain has become worse BECAUSE of the pills I'm taking. I'm looking forward to the aftercare this time as I've become so alone in my pain and my using.  I'm still scared of the pain but I can feel myself become stronger as I think of the things that will be gone.  Gone will be the constant counting again, gone will be the worry of a snow storm and not getting to the doctor's office. gone will be the shame.  
In so many ways I can't wait.
to those going through it with me, I wish you well also. We can do it and do it once and for all. I was positive the last time I was done but when the pain was there so was the thought of just a couple pills and yes for awhile I could keep it down low but my tolerance skyrocketed so quickly and here I am again.  

thank you again for your replies. I truly needed it

xo
D

[throwindatowl]

Good job for quiting. Dont be scared. Things get better just remember that. Its not gonna  be fun but using is no fun either. You can do this. You have support and people to help you out. Stick to your guns and in afew days youll be pretty much in the clear. Congrats for making the best decision youll probably ever make. Try aftercare to help you stay on the right path. Its important.

[tired_of_oxy]

Hi Fibromissa,

Glad to hear you have your mom coming to stay, that will help a lot not having to worry about taking care of your child while enduring the next week. You have done this before so you know what to expect and I'm sure your familiar with the Thomas Recipe. But your right, it's not the detoxing - it's staying clean thats hard and in the past I've jumped from 100-160 mgs of oxy, went through the wds and went back because I didn't get any aftercare.

I also could never taper off oxy to save my life but have found I'm able to taper with suboxone. I am now down to 2 mgs a day (just dropped down today actually) and getting set to jump soon. I also lined up a therapist I start seeing next week and do NA meetings when I can get to them (single mom of two young tots).

We have a lot in common, I also suffer from pain. My spine is basically that of a 65 year olds according to the MRI- yet I'm just 35. Pain is a way of life for me but recently I started Lyrica (which is btw, a med for fibromyagia and non narcotic) and I have noticed some improvement with my back pain. And when I was taking the amount of oxy you are I swear those little devils make the pain worse! There were some mornings I could barely get out of bed. The pain was excruciating. I'm convinced when your addicted the pills create waaay more pain then your actually in. You might be surprised to find that once your through detox and after the initial rebound pain that the pain isn't as bad as it is now. Trying OTC's and maybe asking your doctor about the med I mentioned might be something to try. I've even read that Lyrica can help with withdrawls. Not sure but I'm going to find out when I jump :)

But above all, your mindset will be the biggest thing in getting through this. Keep POSITIVE and your on your way. In the past I've learned my mindset (negative thinking) has made it so much worse and my last attempt at ct failed from a lack of support in my life and mostly my negative thinking. Stay postive and post here lots. The people here are amazing and will help carry you through this. I will be right behind you, I plan on spending a week at most at 2 mgs and then jump. You can do this and although it ***** you have to go through the pain of withdrawl again, it sounds like you've learned a lot from your relapse and know what you have to do to stay clean. Lots of aftercare!! And come clean with your doctor too. Leaving the door open to more scripts is just a relapse waiting to happen. Outing ALL sources will help cement in your mind what you want to do,

Don't be scared - be angry at the addiction and what it's put you through. Fight hard and stay positive and determined to get your life back for you and your daughter. Remember the fun you had with her clean and how good it felt to do things and feel real feelings clean with her. You can have it back! Just press on and stay focused on the big picture. Do you have all your Thomas recipe stuff yet? For me that Hylands restful legs stuff helped quite a bit. The RLS is one of the worst symptoms for me and I was surprised at how well it worked. Mind you I took it every hour around the clock lol. but it helped a lot.

This can be the LAST time you EVER have to go through this. I have quit 3 times. The first 2 I got through the physical hell but relapsed a month or so after because I never sought aftercare. The last time I didn't make it through detox and went on sub. Then I started a yoyo thing of on sub, off sub, on oxy, off oxy. But since Feb 8 have had no oxy and have had an epiphany of sorts. Something clicked in me and I'm finally ready to get clean. Looks like you are too. So don't let fear into the mix, you know what you need to do now just get it done! btw How much were you taking last time you detoxed?

[Anjelinejo]

Hi..I'm new to this forum and we are in this together..I decided to quit oxycodone tomorrow...I want my life back...I wast taking 60-70mcg a day along with 350 mcg of Soma for back pain from a serious car accident two years ago. They put me on  Morphine also (been on that for about 5 months)and then switched me from that to Fentanyl..very Powerful drug...The first patch I took my young son found me on the floor and couldn't wake me...He told me later he thought I  was dead...Very scary....I quit the Fentanyl...pulled the patch right off and have been off both that and the Morphine now for 3 days...Cold Turkey because I was scared..Pain Mgmt not helpful when I told them what happened...Withdrawals not as bad as I thought...Exercising helps a lot even tho it's the last thing I feel like ****...Now I want off EVERYTHING...I want my life back....You're very lucky to have someone to help you...I'm in this alone...Going thru a divorce and have 5 kids depending on me...I've missed so much of their lives the last two years...I'm very frightened of going off thee last 2 meds..So You are not alone...we're in this together..feel free to "lean" on me and we'll get thru this...Warmly, Anj

[carson1975]

U can do this I was at 150mg of oxycoden daily and sunday was my first clean day the first 2 were bad but it does get better and your mom coming is going to be such a help u can do this just keep telling your self that god bless u and hang in there

[TryingForGood]

I think this is a VERY brave and VERY wise decision.  I severely herniated L-5 S1 two years ago and when Vicodin ES and Tylenol cut Percs weren't doing the trick, I was prescribed OxyContin 40MG which was eventually bumped to 80MG.  I started abusing the drugs about a year in an I was snorting about 4-5 80's a day, was also abusing OxyIr.  It takes a personal of incredible willpower to taper, so I think going cold turkey, although hard as hell, is the only way, I know personally I don't possess the willpower to taper.  Being up font with your doctor is the best idea since he/she will probably cut you off from Sched II narcs all together which mentally will make it easier for you.  I'm on day four, and I can tell you, not to scare you, but to be honest, it's pretty rough.  I am physically stating to get out of the sickness but the mental aspect is even tougher.  May I ask how long you have been taking this amount daily?  After care (NA) helps tremendously with the mental aspect, you know, a support group, just like this site.  Lots of water, potassium such as bananas, Thomas recipe, all help mildly with what we call "hell week' that being the first week of withdrawal.  Luckily, you can go cold turkey, you wont be in any physical danger to my knowledge, just very uncomfortable, sad, etc...Good luck and God Bless, keep us posted.