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Should I turn my heroin addicted daughter into the police?
I don't know wht else to do!! I found out 2 yrs ago this summer that my, now, 25 yr old daughter is a heroin addict. It began with "experimenting" with oxy, and that lead to heroin. I live in anohter state, and have flown to where she lives numerous time to try to give "tough love".. I took away the car I bought her (for college), I called the police on her because one day I found out (from my youngest daughter) taht she was driving while high/drunk...etc..etc..My daughter's father has been 100% enabling her: lieing ot the police, paying for her apartment, car, car insurance, utilities, food, anad college classes (that she never attended). I have called him numersous times, begging him to do an Intervention with me and her two sisters..he hangs up on me and refuses to confront her as "he doesn't want her to hate him". (When I turned her into the police for driving while high and drunk, the last words I have heard from her mouth was:" I hate you and wish you would die, and if you died tomorrow, I wouldn't go to your funeral" and that was August of 2009)...
I don't know what else to do!! She will only speak to her younger sister. Last Dec. (2009) she went to detox. the
"plan" was that her father will take her to rehab immediately after detox..Her enabling father did a "180" and allowed her to go back to her apartment. thus, back to heroin...
Most recently, my younger daughter told me that she had heard my heroin addicted daughter has turned to prostitution to pay for her drugs..and my addicted daughter "was" a wonderful, happy, healthy, college student who played 2 years of college volleyball!! Now she is a heroin addict and a prostitute!! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN??
Just this last Feb. (2010) she was arrested for shoplifting. They searched her bag and found heroin. I contacted the prosecuting DA. We had a couple of great conversations. The DA was extremely helpful, and even spoke to her aobut her future after the hearing!! I sent a 3 page letter BEGGING that the court sentence her to a jail term with court ordered detox and rehab...she only received "probation", as they had to follow the law pertaining to "first offenders"..
My daughter needs help!! No one will help me, help her, except her younger sister.
Plus, I live in another state, which makes it more difficult trying to help "long distance".
Her father will NOT do "tough love" and, as mentioned, "covers up for her"..even when he found out she was prostituting herself out, his statement to my younger daughter was, "well..at least she is paying for her own things a little"..Her "father" should be jailed, too!!!
Should I call the police and inform them that there is illegal drug use going on in her apartment? I feel that this will be the only way to save her life!! At least in jail, she can "detox" and perhaps see "normally" and decide to go to rehab!! Right now, she is seeing the world through "heroin haze" and does not want help..
What should I do??
I don't know what else to do!! She will only speak to her younger sister. Last Dec. (2009) she went to detox. the
"plan" was that her father will take her to rehab immediately after detox..Her enabling father did a "180" and allowed her to go back to her apartment. thus, back to heroin...
Most recently, my younger daughter told me that she had heard my heroin addicted daughter has turned to prostitution to pay for her drugs..and my addicted daughter "was" a wonderful, happy, healthy, college student who played 2 years of college volleyball!! Now she is a heroin addict and a prostitute!! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN??
Just this last Feb. (2010) she was arrested for shoplifting. They searched her bag and found heroin. I contacted the prosecuting DA. We had a couple of great conversations. The DA was extremely helpful, and even spoke to her aobut her future after the hearing!! I sent a 3 page letter BEGGING that the court sentence her to a jail term with court ordered detox and rehab...she only received "probation", as they had to follow the law pertaining to "first offenders"..
My daughter needs help!! No one will help me, help her, except her younger sister.
Plus, I live in another state, which makes it more difficult trying to help "long distance".
Her father will NOT do "tough love" and, as mentioned, "covers up for her"..even when he found out she was prostituting herself out, his statement to my younger daughter was, "well..at least she is paying for her own things a little"..Her "father" should be jailed, too!!!
Should I call the police and inform them that there is illegal drug use going on in her apartment? I feel that this will be the only way to save her life!! At least in jail, she can "detox" and perhaps see "normally" and decide to go to rehab!! Right now, she is seeing the world through "heroin haze" and does not want help..
What should I do??
Morning!
You were on my mind last evening after I got off line.
I have forgotten, is she still in college? What I was thinking of was some kind of intervention to get her into treatment. Most colleges have counseling available and are very familiar with these types of situations. Maybe you can find out from the college if they offer these services. I cannot tell you how to handle this but it seems she is still angry with you and she may become very defensive if you just show up. I say this because when I was using, I was defensive....very defensive.
My heart goes out to you, and although I did know, you remind me what my family went through with me. It still pains me to this day. I have been clean from heroin for 21-1/2 years. It is my drug of choice but I have chosen not to use it for those years. I too had a promising career and graduated as an Accountant from a prestigious school. I lived in a beautiful home on the Jersey Shore, new car every two years, etc. Next thing you know, I am laying in the streets of Brooklyn. I went from jail to rehab, to jail, to rehab, to jail and to, please GOD, my last rehab.
I am telling you this to tell you I DO KNOW what your daughter is going through and I also know what YOU are going through. It is horrible for any mother to see her daughter go down this path.
Anyway, what do you think of the idea of asking at the college if they have counseling for drug addiction and if they are familiar and are set-up for interventions?
You were on my mind last evening after I got off line.
I have forgotten, is she still in college? What I was thinking of was some kind of intervention to get her into treatment. Most colleges have counseling available and are very familiar with these types of situations. Maybe you can find out from the college if they offer these services. I cannot tell you how to handle this but it seems she is still angry with you and she may become very defensive if you just show up. I say this because when I was using, I was defensive....very defensive.
My heart goes out to you, and although I did know, you remind me what my family went through with me. It still pains me to this day. I have been clean from heroin for 21-1/2 years. It is my drug of choice but I have chosen not to use it for those years. I too had a promising career and graduated as an Accountant from a prestigious school. I lived in a beautiful home on the Jersey Shore, new car every two years, etc. Next thing you know, I am laying in the streets of Brooklyn. I went from jail to rehab, to jail, to rehab, to jail and to, please GOD, my last rehab.
I am telling you this to tell you I DO KNOW what your daughter is going through and I also know what YOU are going through. It is horrible for any mother to see her daughter go down this path.
Anyway, what do you think of the idea of asking at the college if they have counseling for drug addiction and if they are familiar and are set-up for interventions?
Good morning to you, IBKLEEN!
I, too, thought about everything you wrote/said after I logged off last night, and I REALLY am learning and absorbing everything you, and others, have told me!
Unfortunately, my daughter is no longer going to college. I am not sure "when" she quit going and dropped out, but I think it was after Fall term of 2009. GREAT idea, though, to see if her college has drug counseling programs!
Wow...your story is very interesting AND touching!! Thank you for sharing!! You could write a book, or there could be a movie, telling your story...or, even give speeches at junior highs or high schools!! MANY people could benefit from hearing your story!!
I have a question for you, and if it is too personal, most definitely you don't have to answer, but you mentioned heroin was your "drug of choice"...why did you choose to try heroin?
I, too, thought about everything you wrote/said after I logged off last night, and I REALLY am learning and absorbing everything you, and others, have told me!
Unfortunately, my daughter is no longer going to college. I am not sure "when" she quit going and dropped out, but I think it was after Fall term of 2009. GREAT idea, though, to see if her college has drug counseling programs!
Wow...your story is very interesting AND touching!! Thank you for sharing!! You could write a book, or there could be a movie, telling your story...or, even give speeches at junior highs or high schools!! MANY people could benefit from hearing your story!!
I have a question for you, and if it is too personal, most definitely you don't have to answer, but you mentioned heroin was your "drug of choice"...why did you choose to try heroin?
Shucks, I was hoping she was still in school. It is just my opinion but I still think, because of her most recent "career choice" and her combined drug use, an intervention is the way to go for her. Interventions are difficult and have to be done properly and with a profession present. Even then, she could run. It's a crap shoot of sorts but often when the addict is surrounded by loved ones that are pleading, they may give in.
You asked what made me choose heroin. Good question. I had said yesterday that your daughter was running, hiding if you will, from her feelings. Well, I found that heroin did that for me. I started using drugs at 13 and did not get clean at first until I was 35. I spent many years chasing that "quick fix" and running from anything that even remotely resembled a feeling. I ran from life and in the beginning heroin helped me do that successfully. Once addicted (and it happens very quickly), there is no where to hide.
Again, my heart breaks for you. I know the pain is intense and I am certain she is on your mind every minute. Sometimes, there is nothing we can do. Sometimes we just have to let go and pray for the best. She may get arrested on her own, maybe more than once, and turn things around. You don't know. Yet I know in the meantime you will think of everything you can and try everything you can. I understand that and admire you for it.
Please take care of YOURSELF during all of this. It is important for you to stay healthy and strong.
You asked what made me choose heroin. Good question. I had said yesterday that your daughter was running, hiding if you will, from her feelings. Well, I found that heroin did that for me. I started using drugs at 13 and did not get clean at first until I was 35. I spent many years chasing that "quick fix" and running from anything that even remotely resembled a feeling. I ran from life and in the beginning heroin helped me do that successfully. Once addicted (and it happens very quickly), there is no where to hide.
Again, my heart breaks for you. I know the pain is intense and I am certain she is on your mind every minute. Sometimes, there is nothing we can do. Sometimes we just have to let go and pray for the best. She may get arrested on her own, maybe more than once, and turn things around. You don't know. Yet I know in the meantime you will think of everything you can and try everything you can. I understand that and admire you for it.
Please take care of YOURSELF during all of this. It is important for you to stay healthy and strong.
What a sad story. My heart breaks for you. You have gotten some good advise here, but the bad part is, you cant help her til she wants it. I would like to add that you could benefit from some al-anon meetings. They are meetings for the family of addicts. There you can learn how to help her, even from afar. I wish you the best and will keep your family in my prayers.
Thank you, again, for sharing! It help me SO MUCH in trying to "understand" the "WHY" question!
As mentioned, I thought about everyting you wrote to me last night, and I tried to piece together what happened to her...what her "demons" are...I "think" what happend to her, is that she had a couple of relationships, in a row, with guys who probably "used" her, then "dumped" her. She moved to Arizona in 2005 with her volleyball buddy, and attended ASU. She met a guy, fell in love, and basically gave her life to him..quit playing volleyball, and went to classes "off and on". This guy seemed nice (I flew down to Arizona to visit her several times, and met this guy). After a year he "dumped" her. She was devestated..She then met this other guy. I met him, too. He was kind of a "bad boy" type. He decided to move back to Minnesota (he is Norwegian, as we are, and she felt a very strong connection with him). She decided to move to Minnesota with him, and didn't tell me until she was in Minnesota. I told her that I thought it was a mistake, as she had no family, or friends in Minnesota, and she quit school to move there with him, etc.. etc.. 6 months, he dumped her..Again, she was devestated. She had a job, but no family or friends, etc..and she wasn't going to school. I flew one of her cousins back to Minnesota to help her move back to the Northwest. I financed her move. I told her she could move in with me, and my husband, in Cali., but she didn't know anyone down here, and decided to back to the Northwest. From what my youngest daughter told me, once my drug addict daughter arrived back in Oregon, she "re-connected" with some of her old high school friends. One of these friends, ahd gone down the "drug path". (And these kids were good kids..I knew all of them through HS sports). Apparently, she was "talked into" trying Oxy..she immediately got hooked, and graduated to heroin...during this time, my youngest daughter found out about the drug abuse. She called me, crying, etc.. I had just been diagnosed with breat cancer, had bi-lateral mastectomie, and was on heavy chemo treatments...I flew up, inbetween chemo treatments. and tried to talk to my drug addicted daughter..she lied to e and told me that "there was nothing wrong"...A few months later, is when my youngest daughter told me that my drug addict daughter was driving "high and drunk"...that is when I flew up and took my car back ( I had bought her a brand new car when she moved to Arizona)..again..I tried to talk her into going into rehab..she ignored me..a few months later, I flew up again, and again, she was driving high and drunk. (Her father had given her one of his cars). That was August of 2009. That was when I called the police in hopes she would be picked up and forced into court ordered rehab. That is when she told me, "I hate you and wish you would die, and if yuo died tommorrow, I wouldn't go to your funeral"..Long story, but I think the "WHY" question, may be that she had "2" bad relationships with guys in a row, she even moved to another state to be with the last boyfriend, only to be dumped...I think she felt guilty for not playing VB anymore, etc.. (She began attending college, again, once she moved back to Oregon, but I think she dropped out after Fall of 2009)...so maybe the "WHY" is that she had her heart broken BIG TIME twice in a row...maybe that sent her over the edge...Just an idea....
You are right...She is on my mind EVERY day..I have cried a river of tears over her and not knowing what to do to help her get well..
It has put a strain on my relationship with my husband, as he is so mad at ehr biological father, and he is sick of seeing me so sad..I try to hide my sadness from him now.
Thank you..I will try to take care of myself, emotionally..My oncologist keeps telling me to eliminate all stresses, as the "healing" process is so important, and stress and cause the healing process to slow down...so..I try not to think about it...
You are right..sometimes we just have to "let go" as it really IS up to the drug addict to WANT to get help....
Thank you so much for caring and sharing!! It helps me tremendously!!
As mentioned, I thought about everyting you wrote to me last night, and I tried to piece together what happened to her...what her "demons" are...I "think" what happend to her, is that she had a couple of relationships, in a row, with guys who probably "used" her, then "dumped" her. She moved to Arizona in 2005 with her volleyball buddy, and attended ASU. She met a guy, fell in love, and basically gave her life to him..quit playing volleyball, and went to classes "off and on". This guy seemed nice (I flew down to Arizona to visit her several times, and met this guy). After a year he "dumped" her. She was devestated..She then met this other guy. I met him, too. He was kind of a "bad boy" type. He decided to move back to Minnesota (he is Norwegian, as we are, and she felt a very strong connection with him). She decided to move to Minnesota with him, and didn't tell me until she was in Minnesota. I told her that I thought it was a mistake, as she had no family, or friends in Minnesota, and she quit school to move there with him, etc.. etc.. 6 months, he dumped her..Again, she was devestated. She had a job, but no family or friends, etc..and she wasn't going to school. I flew one of her cousins back to Minnesota to help her move back to the Northwest. I financed her move. I told her she could move in with me, and my husband, in Cali., but she didn't know anyone down here, and decided to back to the Northwest. From what my youngest daughter told me, once my drug addict daughter arrived back in Oregon, she "re-connected" with some of her old high school friends. One of these friends, ahd gone down the "drug path". (And these kids were good kids..I knew all of them through HS sports). Apparently, she was "talked into" trying Oxy..she immediately got hooked, and graduated to heroin...during this time, my youngest daughter found out about the drug abuse. She called me, crying, etc.. I had just been diagnosed with breat cancer, had bi-lateral mastectomie, and was on heavy chemo treatments...I flew up, inbetween chemo treatments. and tried to talk to my drug addicted daughter..she lied to e and told me that "there was nothing wrong"...A few months later, is when my youngest daughter told me that my drug addict daughter was driving "high and drunk"...that is when I flew up and took my car back ( I had bought her a brand new car when she moved to Arizona)..again..I tried to talk her into going into rehab..she ignored me..a few months later, I flew up again, and again, she was driving high and drunk. (Her father had given her one of his cars). That was August of 2009. That was when I called the police in hopes she would be picked up and forced into court ordered rehab. That is when she told me, "I hate you and wish you would die, and if yuo died tommorrow, I wouldn't go to your funeral"..Long story, but I think the "WHY" question, may be that she had "2" bad relationships with guys in a row, she even moved to another state to be with the last boyfriend, only to be dumped...I think she felt guilty for not playing VB anymore, etc.. (She began attending college, again, once she moved back to Oregon, but I think she dropped out after Fall of 2009)...so maybe the "WHY" is that she had her heart broken BIG TIME twice in a row...maybe that sent her over the edge...Just an idea....
You are right...She is on my mind EVERY day..I have cried a river of tears over her and not knowing what to do to help her get well..
It has put a strain on my relationship with my husband, as he is so mad at ehr biological father, and he is sick of seeing me so sad..I try to hide my sadness from him now.
Thank you..I will try to take care of myself, emotionally..My oncologist keeps telling me to eliminate all stresses, as the "healing" process is so important, and stress and cause the healing process to slow down...so..I try not to think about it...
You are right..sometimes we just have to "let go" as it really IS up to the drug addict to WANT to get help....
Thank you so much for caring and sharing!! It helps me tremendously!!
I just placed a police report tonight on my daughter, 23. She has been and addict for years and pleading for help. she has been in and out of recovery programs... out patient, in patient, short term and long term. She was in jail for 6 months for steeling from her brother to get money for her drugs. then transferred to long term. She trived. They LOVED her. She graduated and then the stresses of LIFE, JOB and BOYFRIEND found her lost and depressed and she began using here and there. She put herself in out patient again. THEN she found out she was pregnant. Tried to get back on track. Had fights with the babies father and broke down and used again. I picked her up from the city high on heroin. She called for help. I drove her straigt the her Counselors office.. they put her in the hospital and then moved her into a long term facilitly for Pregnant women. She was doing well .... and begining to show. She started getting very depressed not being home or with her Boyfriend. Got in a fight with the counselors at the rehab and walked out... we told her she could not live with us until she finished the program because we just knew she was emotionally mature or stable enough.. We had to SEE some long clean time and a change. She is bright and beautiful.... really. But her drug addiction has her in its grips still.
Anyhow, a few days ago, she came into my house in the middle of the night, stole my purse and took my bank card and stole $400 from my account... later she addmitted it was to bail a friend out of jail. Then I researched it and that wasn't true. She admitted to using and spent it ALL.
SHE IS 4 MOS. PREGNANT. Now I have to worry about the baby and HER! I cried and cried and cried... AGAIN! I just did not know what to do. All of the counselors, nar anon folks, etc. agreed I had to turn her in. She may hate me (but i know she wont forever, really) but, like you said, I KNOW she'll be safe in jail at least the baby may have a clean start. She was on probation from before, so she'll go back to jail and hopefully she'll go back COURT ORDERED again to LONG TERM rehab. SHE has to suffer the consequences of her behavior! I know that, and this is a consequence. I am sick and heartbroken.. again. I LOVE her so very much and she knows that too. I know this is a disease.. but i just do not want her to kill herself or this baby. God I pray and pray and pray....... all day every day.
Anyhow, a few days ago, she came into my house in the middle of the night, stole my purse and took my bank card and stole $400 from my account... later she addmitted it was to bail a friend out of jail. Then I researched it and that wasn't true. She admitted to using and spent it ALL.
SHE IS 4 MOS. PREGNANT. Now I have to worry about the baby and HER! I cried and cried and cried... AGAIN! I just did not know what to do. All of the counselors, nar anon folks, etc. agreed I had to turn her in. She may hate me (but i know she wont forever, really) but, like you said, I KNOW she'll be safe in jail at least the baby may have a clean start. She was on probation from before, so she'll go back to jail and hopefully she'll go back COURT ORDERED again to LONG TERM rehab. SHE has to suffer the consequences of her behavior! I know that, and this is a consequence. I am sick and heartbroken.. again. I LOVE her so very much and she knows that too. I know this is a disease.. but i just do not want her to kill herself or this baby. God I pray and pray and pray....... all day every day.
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