Sister update

[Needhelp59]

Well just when I thought nothing else could pack a wollop, I  got a message on my phone tonight from an unknown cell #.  It was my sister - she wanted to know if I knew where her kids were?  Are you kidding me?  I can't reach her husband, and when I tried the # back that showed up on caller ID, no one answered and no voice mail came on.  I am convinced now that the drugs have taken over completely. And here I sit ( soaking) with her kids, a sick grandmother and no idea where or how to reach her.  What an utterly hopeless feeling!  I know that earlier I was joking about writing a book  - makes me feel guilty for trying to find some humor in this pathetic situation.  Advice?  Comments?  Recriminations?  Help?

[opi]

you're going through some shizzit,,,,,,do NOT feel guilty for injecting humour into anything..........if i did not have a laugh through my **** i would be like ....well no names...but i would not have made it to now..in this  shape...............i'd be dangling from the rafters,,,if i had any......you rock,,,i don't care what they say     ;)

[rosebud66]

What a beautiful person you are!!!


Needhelp......good for you!  You can make this happen.  Save those babies and if your sister decides to save herself then by all means help her out.  If not then you must do what you have to to protect those little ones.

[confused456]

Why do you think he is not able to be found? I guess I am not understanding that part. If he is a loving father and is drug free, then why has he not contacted you? Sorry, just wondering.

[Needhelp59]

Her husband knows pretty much everything - he doesn't know exactly how much $ has been spent (though I have her credit report and plan on showing him).  He thinks she has stopped or at least thought she had, then I walk in and find that stash?  BUT I know he doesn't do drugs and loves the kids.  He is in total denial.  i know he will admit she has a problem now, but for the last several months she has convinced him all was well.  When I find him, I am giong to talk to him.  It is going to take a family effort if not a court ordered one, to get this where it needs to be.  Even if she never speaks to me again, I am willing to do whatever it takes (including getting the court or police involved) to get her the help she needs.

[bobby139]

Thank You, I usually don't share our story but if it can help just one it is worth telling!

[Flutterby111]

Great post bobby, and Bless you for showing those children love, for if not for you, they may have been just 2 more statistics, getting lost in the system.  Bravo....

[bobby139]

I just needed to post on this....I totally agree with newmanagment and I'll tell u why,
I have twin boy's, they are adopted thur the state when they were 11 mo old. Their mother was into drugs and left them alone alot, then one of her drugged up friends started to beat the babies by the time they were taken away from her they both were in terriable condition, when they called me and told me that there was twin boys and wanted to know if i wanted to adopted them but they also let me know that one of them might not make it, when i went and saw them in the hospital it broke my heart, they were starved their skin was see thur and they had broken ribs, skull fractures, broken leg, infected ears nose , u name it.. But the worst was when u would touch them there was no response and then when there finally was it was scared to be touched, they were hurt mentally even worse. I fell in love right away and beliaved they had a chance that all they needed was love, I was right, they are 16 now and are great loving kids.
My reason for telling u this is to let u know what could happen to those babies, please use the hard love, protect those kids..when she dose get straight she will thank you.

[house1]

Addiction is not to be messed with addiction has teeth.
This is your sister who is unfit to be a mother.
You need to get her husband to your house and you need to make him understand how much his wife is out of control.
He needs to get involved because of the kids, your sister needs to go inpatient for a while and hubby needs to make arrangements for that to help her get better. She won't want to go her drug addiction will fight both of you very hard but one thing that is very important these kids should not be made to suffer because of her addiction.
How much does Hubby know?

[Needhelp59]

Thanks so much for your replies, and yes I am in total agreement. I cannot help her until she wants to help herself. I have called CPS this morning to advise them of this latest occurence, and that I don't know where the dad is either.  The baby is staying with my dad - I took her out of preschool for the very reason I was afraid she would show up.  If she calls me again and I can catch the call, I plan to tell her not to phone me anymore until she is in a rehab facility.  New is right - I should have let her get busted when I found that stash of meth or crack or whatever it was. Hindsight is 20/20.  I am going to see an attorney to see what we can do as far as getting her committed and evaluated via a court order.   I love her, but I am done with her until she is clean.  The kids are safe with me, and right now that is all that matters!  Love to all, God bless and I will let you know what is going on.

[troubleinohio]

I also totally agree with everything Newmanagment said in this thread...well put.......good advice and it seems the only reasonable thing left to do at this point. Wishing you the best of luck. Stay strong.  

[troubleinohio]

I also totally agree with everything Newmanagment said in this thread...well put.......good advice and it seems the only reasonable thing left to do at this point. Wishing you the best of luck. Stay strong.  

[Mikeinthesouth]

Law here is I think someone can be committed for drugs mental illness or the like definitely by a family member for at least 72 hrs. by the coroner for observation if they are a threat to themselves or someone else which it sounds as though she is definitely that. I am sure she won't be able to buffoloe them that much while there and they will see thru any attempts she might try to convince them other than she is in need of help and intervention. Good luck and blessings. Please keep us posted.

[Mikeinthesouth]

I also wanted to say that I feel for you wanting to help your'e sis, I also feel for you regarding feeling helpless in changing your'e sister. It is a bad feeling I am sure to try to change someone we love and especially them avoid you at all cost, give you the roughest times through this, and dump their own responsibilities on your'e shoulders. I think I might have wriiten this already in one of your'e previous posts but I reitterate this thought and opinion, If I did not want to kick this habit there is nothing anyone could or as far that matter goes I believe would do to stop me from being so buried in my own addiction, I also say that it seems to me that the lil innocent children that she obannded would be eating at her, but again this is only my opinion and take it if you choose, If she just thought of asking you where they might be and uncertain if they were there or somewhere else God Forbid, seems like it has not touched the surface of her heart yet. I am sorry if you feel I am being harsh on your'e sis I am not as I do not know her just know what you describe here, am hard on the addiction she has and I do know that well. I continue to pray for her to undertsand or care what she is doing to her own lil people that she brought into this world. I do not even know you face to face, but it breaks my heart to think of those kids and what could have happened had you not decided to drive over there when you came acroos them alone, although it might have been a different situation right now if the police would have as I am sure it is much easier for the law and the system to not enable her to keep using her cocaine and recking her life as well as the children's life. It might not seem like it is affecting them as they are there with you and safe, but i am sure just knowing their mother is out there in the streets is harm in itself. I wanted to say this before and might have hinted at it previously she has to want to get clean and chooses to shoot up, snort or smoke coke however she may be doing it not the lil ones so it is entirely unfair that it affect them or yourself for that matter and her choice of it affecting her. She has so many other options and resources to get clean so many more than alot of us had here, just look at what you have been going through calling her chasing her going look in on her and picking her lil ones up and taking care of her responsibilities so she can stay high. Thabk God though that you did get them outta there, all the rest enables her to keep using her drugs and everyone around her. I know it is hard for you and a difficult situation and  hard choices you have to make, look at it this way you are not making the choice of having her committed she is what other option has she given you?? My prayers are still with you all.

[rosebud66]

well it looks like it is time to help yourself.  you have already shown how strong you are so it is time to take the final step and take full control of the situation.  you can do this as she won't until you force her hand.  do not let her work you over anymore.  you have done and given her all you can.  take a deep breath and march on.  you know what has to be done.  listen to all these smart people who care and can see this situation from your eyes since you are the onw who has put forth all of the info.  time to get a good nights sleep cause you have a ton of things to take care of in the next couple of days.  we are here support you in doing what needs to be done.  i don't think we should be here to enable you to not do what needs to be done considering there are kids lives at stake here.  just get it done and watch how in the long run your sister will thank you for saving her kids lives.  good luck and stay strong!!

[road2recovery]

I also agree with newmanagement.....I never thought of it that way..at least you would know where she is...
r2r

[Mikeinthesouth]

I think New management has all the votes here ofr being correct on this one. It is time to care for yourself and the children she seems to be making it impossible to care for her during this and has proved quite a few times what she really wants to do at this time. I pray not in the near future, but for now she chooses the drugs over everyone you her husband even her children. I cannot believe she waited this long to ask about her lil ones after leaving them alone to fend for themselves. She did not even know you had them? That is so sad and pitiful that she just left them. I have done a few things I am not proud of in my addiction, I can so though that I know where my children are and have always known. I know some are worse than others, but I was on hard narcotics for a long time and it ruled my life, but always concerned that my kids are well and that they are eating, sleeping, going to school, safe etc. I will pray that she she's the light and tries to do the right thing here I just reitterate that I cannot believe that she left them alone without any supervision at all and just found out where they were. I would have hate to think someone other than you or someone who does not have their best interest to heart. It is scary as hell to think what could have happened to those innocent kids. There are so crazy people out there that I am sure we all have seen and read about psychos that would think nothing of hurting a baby. I know the pain of losing my sis and would not want that to happen to anyone, but she is choosing thisnot the children they only want to be happy. So So unfair, this is a very cruel and unforgiving world we live in, but we can and should do what is within our power to do to insure the children God entrusted us with are safe and out of harm's way not to put them into harm's way. Love to you and yours, Mike

[confused456]

Hi sweetie. You have rally done way more than your fair share!! You need to worry about you, your husband and children, and your sisters children. They are obviously not safe with her and they are getting loving care from you. Didn't you even say the little one called you Mommy already. I have to agree with everyone else on this one. Intervention, cut her off, take her butt to court, whatever you have to do. Keep those children safe. You are an incredible person and you are being used and abused by your sister. That is sad. Don't let it continue. I will pray for you and the kids. Please look after yourself and don't let this continue. Best of luck. God Bless.

[usarmymedic1]

new

I am with you on this time for the altermatium go to rehab or lose your kids your choice and then place a no contact order on her so you can get a record so when time comes you have proff that she is using and that she needs help but keep them kids safe sis does not need to be caring for them at this time in her life and make sure the police are the court system know cause if you hold on to them with out her willing you can go to jail for kidnapping them CYA CYA CYA cover your a s s

[cathy5841]

newmanagement i totally agree with you.  as long as you enable them they keep going.  you have to take a stand and then stand firm.  the babies have to be looked out for 1st.  and you really do need to notify the school, that she is not allowed to get the boys.  hang in there
cathy

[newmanagment]

we already knew she was out of control. you found that baby alone, and also found drugs where she could reach them. it is time to quit worrying about her , and cut her out of your life till she sobers up. i cant help but think that if ya woulda called the police when you found the dope, or when ya found the baby alone, she would already be in court ordered rehab , without adding all the xtra drama to your life. she would have gone to jail, yes, she would see a judge and go to rehab, yes. it woulda been a shame, but she could have died in that car wreck. or she could blow her heart up tonite. im not trying to be harsh, but how long are you going to keep enabling her? when she calls , tell her you are done playing games. file for complete custody of the kids, get a set court date that she must show up for.. and 2moro, i would make sure schools are informed about your temp. custody, because she could pick them up there. and another call to SS is needed , to inform them that she is out using again, or else you could be held liable, and those babies will be in foster care. it is time to stop worrying about her feelings, and hand out a lil tough love. im sure some are not gonna like my view, but read your post , this has gone on long enough, put an end to it now. my prayers are with those babies....

[Will390]

Your sister needs an intervention. There are many different kinds. For me it took going to prison. Sometimes families and close friends can accomplish a successful intervention. Depending on the laws in Virginia, you can possibly have her civally committed for a mental health eval. It can be done here in Washington (Seattle) but not sure about VA. That sounds drastic, I know, but if she has no underlying mental health issues, she would not be "institutionalized" very long. It would however be long enough to detox her and put a little fear in her forcing her to take a long hard look at what is REALLY important to her in life. I would get advice from family and friends first before you even consider it. You would have to file through the court.

I can tell you have a lot of love for your sister, and this situation with her is driving you batty. Try to be strong and remember "love conquers all". I wish you all the best in whatever you decide...

Will

[cathy5841]

hey sweetie.  you should not feel guilty for injecting a little humor into this otherwise grim situation.  humor will help you keep your sanity.

there is really nothing you can do but take care of the kids.  it is a good sign that she even thought of them.  i am relly surprised she did not block the number so you couldnt call back,  that is what my daughter use to do.

just try to keep your headed up so you dont drown in despair,  and know we will continue to be here for you,
cathy