back again what to do what to say to my son

[momloves54]

Well my son is out of hospital they took stints out of his bowel they were infected, he told me the doctor said there was no mass Im sorry if you read my other 3 post you might be able to help me ! He stopped by tonight denies that the pilss have caused this and still does not see what it is doing to him ! what do i do or say to help him ? please read the post ive posted 3.  I pray for all who battle any addiction !!

[mtgoat911]

nar-a-non or alonon is where you will find the best solutions
i am trying to get together some information on the forum i started here at medhelp
so far i do have some information for the family, i hope to get more up soon
i am in na but i also goto nar-a-non
its a great program

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

Oh sweet pea.. My Heart goes out to you.. You are in such a vicious heart tugging cycle.. And, I don't know what to tell  you to do except to love him.. You're his MOM.. and he's your SON.. That's a GOD given..

I will suggest that you keep on with the ALANON meetings.. for the support.. and have you Tried to do an INTERVENTION on him yet... ??? Just might work to RAIL=ROAD his butt into treatment... Tough Love.. Tough Choice!

Keep us posted and BIG HUGS and PRAYERS to you and your son!

[momloves54]

Thank you so much for sharing He does doctor shop! I cleaned my car that i let him use and found so many prescription bags that it was un real found syringe but no needle He is sick all the time seems well for a couple of days than sick again Hes been in and out of the hospital too many times for me to even count , in the last 3 yrs with pancreaitist, liver infection, and kidney not working the way they should I've been to al-anon it hepled some but peole tell you to love them but let tem make the choice to choose life or death let them hit rock bottom and then they will get help that might be to late!!!! I know i can not make him ! But how can i help him see what he is doing to him self ! God gave him to me to love, help In any way i can God never turns his back on us so how can i do what some people tell me to do and that is to cut all ties with him I cannot do that I love him more than my own life!!! We as a family have been though it all with him ! some are done with him but im not and never will be I love my son to much, but some times the torment of it all I wish i could stop my love and look at him the way others do to ease my hell but my heart and god will not let me hes my gift from god !! you are in my prayers never never turn back keep your feet and eyes on the narrow path to Gods love and peace!! Helping others is a great gift !!! thank you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!     MOMLOVES

[CATUF]

what you said about your son having the arms of a 9 year old reminded me of me - the day I walked into my second rehab 1,574 days ago.  I was a mess - 5'9" and I weighed 128 lb fully dressed.  And I looked absolutely like death . . . not even warmed over.

i found out later that an older woman that worked there (whom i grew to love and still talk to frequently) was shocked when she saw me.  now she worked with drug addicts in need of rehab on a daily basis, but she took one look at me and asked the director "what is he, some kind of a dwarf?"  She told me later that she didn't know what to think.  In her still heavy accent (she escaped from East Germany in the early '50's) she said "I saw these great big hand attached to STICKS.  Nothing but STICKS that went all the way to tiny sholders.  I had seen nothing like it since the war."

I stayed at that rehab for exactly four months -- June 7 to October 7, 2005.  It saved my life.  In truth, I was really just ready to start recovery when I got out, but I never would have been in a position to start without the time in a safe place to heal physically, menatlly, emotionally and spiritually.

I didn't want to go to rehab and I didn't want to quit using when I got there.  But I was in no shape (physically, menatlly, emotionally and spiritually) to know what I wanted, much less what I needed.  I was one sick man.  If people had waited until I "wanted to get clean," they would have been soon going to my funeral.  

Waiting for me to be ready for help made as much sense as waiting for someone who has lapsed into unconsciousness due to loss of blood, to tell you "I'm ready to stop bleeding now - would you please call the doctor."  Wasn't going to happen.  I was already in the drain and was just about to be lost.  Someone not caught in the drain needed to make that call for me.

Any kind of addiction is a form of insanity.  Late-stage addiction is as insane as it gets.  We addicts get a lot of red flags on the way toward the end.  Some people are able to see them for what they are: an urgent message to STOP.  Others, like me and perhaps your son, have an amazing ability to ignore flag. after flag, after flag, all the time taking a perverse pride in our ability to "take it."  We are the epitome of fools who rush in where angels fear to tread.

I now believe that addiction is primarily a spiritual ailment and that it ultimately requires a spiritual solution.  I didn't believe that at all when I first heard it -- in fact, I thought it was about the dumbest thing I had ever heard -- but I believe it now.  I also believe that before I was anywhere near ready to find and accept a spiritual solution, I needed substantial physical, mental and emotional healing to take place.  

For so long, my problem was that I couldn't STAY clean long enough for that initial healing to take place.  I GOT clean time after time, each time thinking that GETTING CLEAN was the key; that if I could make it to CLEAN that surely I'd NEVER GO BACK AGAIN.  

But stopping active recovery from active addiction with just getting clean is like a pilot abandoning the controls as soon as his plane flys high enough for him to see the tallest rooftop.  His job isn't over at that point, it's just beginning.  

After too many crashes from rooftop height, I came to believe at my core that such flight was impossible and that I was foolish to even attempt it.  I became resigned to what so clearly seemed to be my inescapable fate.  I needed to be kept safe until I could get enough distance between me and using to see that that fate was not inescapable.

For me that safety was long-term rehab.  Maybe that's what your son needs.  Maybe he could find the same chance in Suboxone or Methadone, combined with out-patient treatment and lots of meetings, maybe an Oxford House or Sober Living House.  I don't know what he needs.  But he does need something.

Don't listen to anyone who tells you "he has to want to quit first."  It ain't true.  Eventually he will need to develope the desire to stay clean (actually, just the desire for the desire, or even the desire for the desire for the desire, is enough to start), but that doesn't matter now.  What matters when someone's about to die from addiction is to keep them safe from themselves.  


I'm not sure this fits in right here, but something I took great comfort in keeps popping into my mind, so I just stick it in here.  It's Psalm 107:16-21, which seemed to have been written just for me and perhaps for your son too:  

Some became fools through their rebellious ways
and suffered affliction because of their iniquities.
They loathed all food
and drew near the gates of death.
Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.
He sent forth his word and healed them;
he rescued them from the grave.

I didn't mean to write anywhere near this long.  Please excuse what I'm sure are many typos, misspellings, etc.  If I proof this before posting it will never get posted.  Before I stop, I must mention one more thing that I think is very important in you situation:  

YOU MUST GET HELP FOR YOURSELF.  Your son may be the one addicted to and killing himself with drugs, but it's affecting you in more ways than you know and you need help to recover too.  Start going to Al-Anon meetings and let its members help YOU heal.  I know your primary concern is for your son, but you can't help him if you're unhealthy from his addiction.  The good folks at Al-Anon will be a real help to you during (and after) this crisis.

CATUF
1574

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

If he denies the pills have caused this - get with your Doc and make a list of the things with which he struggles that are most likely caused directly by opiates..........  Opiate Bowel Syndrome comes to mind - opiates are in diarrhea medicines because they decrease GI motility - -  after awhile the the bowels dont work at all without outside stimulus / both to move and not to move. And they wont absorb much nutrition during this time.  Ask Son to argue this part.      Money problems are usually present.   Other health problems - ask the Doc to elaborate.   Jail problems - Does he have money problems to solve?  Is he taking any risks to obtain pills that could result in jail?  Is he selling them?  Doctor shopping to get them.  Buying them from a drug dealer?   Or has he started using them in an IV fashion? That develops in about half the ones that start popping pills.  If he is snorting (insuflucating) them, the next progression is shooting them.  I used a needle once - - and contracted hepatitis c.   There are many ways for this problem to kill.  The only given is that it will kill.