So Conflicted Today

[troubleinohio]

Day 44 of being clean here and I feel so confused and stressed today. Im still at my moms with the kids and its getting harder by the hour it seems. The kids want to go back home really bad and they want to see daddy bad. I miss home too. I feel like im on a really crapppy camping trip or something and just want to go back home. But I dont miss the way husband has been acting and I dont know what to do. I feel so conflicted right now. Part of me thinks I should just throw in the towel and go back home and just deal with things the best I can. The other half thinks that is just crazy to go back to that situation and nothing would change, and possibly be even worse than it was.

this is so hard.

I am letting him see the boys today because they need their dad and they love and miss him. Im worried that once they see him they will want to stay with him and not be with me anymore..

I feel like ripping my hair out trying to mull over all these decisions!!! I know there is no easy answer to this, and even with my head clear Im finding it difficult to come to any suitable resolution.    

[toxictome]

You sound so torn,,,i was in tha tsame situation only i ws pg...didn't have kids yet...i moved to my moms and told hubby iwasnn'tmovin gback until he got into therspy or something..he told me he would...so imoved back...the therapist told me not to until he STARTED therapy...well...i moved back and he never went...

NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES!!!!
I know you're lonely...but what you are missing is NOT how things really are...you are missing how you wish things were..

.hang in there.......a bad camping trip is better than the domestic violence roller coaster...let him see the kids...(cops along sounds like a good idea...or meet in a public place)...maybe it will spur him into action!!!

I wish you well , my friend.....did you get all this fereaking snow last night???

[taekwondo_fighter]

my brother and i went through something similar with my step father years ago when we were younger...  i can speak to you from the kids point of view..  we witness the abuse and suck it up... we also take the abuse ( physical and verbal )..  my mom was beat up by my step dad, and so was my bro and i , but we were too small to fight back.. it went on for a couple of years, till my step dad threw a plate of hot pasta in my brothers face, then my mom flipped out and got in his face, told him to get the f%ck out...  i witnessed her taking abuse from him and it stuck with me, enough to locate him recently.. i paid money to find this A$$HOLE in connecticut, and i planned on taking a trip to see the scumbag..  i know i'd put him in the ground right now so i keep thinking of my own kids and they dont need me in jail, but god forbid i run into him, its over...  i'm just trying to explain to you the effect this **** had on the kids...  end this marriage for good......  
just my 1 1/2 cents

[avisg]

I am sooo sorry you went threw this , sometimes parents think there doing the right thing by staying they don't realize the damage that can be done to the children , watching your mom be abused whether it be verbal or physical is going to damage a child .thank for sharing this

[road2recovery]

I know this seems hard to you..BUT it really is not..here is something to think about...YOU want your boys to grow up and great young men...If they continue to see this they will think it is ok to treat women this way...You have to show them it is not ok, and this is the only way..
U can't go back!!!
r2r

[taekwondo_fighter]

its hard for troubleinohio, i know it is, cause she is actually living it right now..  but 20 years from now she will look back and be grateful she didnt go back..    i almost think i am re-living this with my wife...  although i am NOT abusive with her, i am in a dead end marriage right now, and when we argue, i know it affects the kids...  i too will have to make a decision soon..  but if i leave, i am considered a dead beat dad...  

[VicUser]

I too come from a broken home, I was about 12 when it all happened, my life seemed perfect until that point. For years I blamed my Dad for leaving, my folks couldn't be in the same room for more than 5 min without getting mad at each other. I was bound to find the "right" gal, love and treat her right and love my kids making my family the center of my life. The woman I picked came from a stable home, her Mom adored her Dad and he did what it took to provide for them. I assumed that my wife would be the same. We dated for a few years then were married. We have been married for 27 years, some good some not so good. I wanted it to be "my" family centered, wife, me and kids. She looked at it more as extended family centered. This meant that I felt like I was on equal or maybe lower level of priority than her folks. It has at times caused a lot of pain for me, I am, for the most part a hopeless romantic. I like doing special things for her, but for a long time it seemed like every time I did something the response was "I suppose you want sex now". There were a few years that I really started to resent this and was not a nice person to her. It was around this time I first started to have back problems and discovered that drugs helped numb the pain, both kinds. Fast forward to recently, I started to listen to Dr. Laura, she is a radio talk show host. OK I know I may lose some of you but PLEASE read on. She talks about how a woman should treat her man and how a MAN is to treat his wife. I took most of it to heart, I bought my wife the book, actually the MP3, of her book “The Care and Feeding of Husbands” but I listened to it first and realized that I was not living up to my end of the deal. How could I expect MY wife to love and adore me if I was being a jerk! So, I have taken the stance that no matter what I am going to show her the love, respect and affection that I would like her to give me. Guess what it is working. I’ll stop not as this is getting way too long, but the long and the short is unless there is any physical abuse, try giving way more of yourself than you expect back, be loving and understanding even if you don’t feel loved or understood. It just might work and wouldn’t that be a good lesson and role model for your kids?