Started my taper

   So I have posted before about my year and three month long run with Suboxone, which I started after a few years of Vicodin use.  For the past few months I have been scared to death to start tapering, because I see how I feel when simply going too long before my next dose and feeling anxiety from not having it.  I was also scared to death of quitting because I had anxiety and panic issues BEFORE my Vicodin addiciton, that I am afraid will be waiting for me when I am drug free.
   However, the last few months have also been filled with horrible physical symptoms that I am certain are directly related to the Suboxone, i.e. bathroom issues.  My bloodwork, liver function tests, and colonoscopy were all normal, and yet I felt like **** and have not had a normal bowel movement.  Wouldn't you know, I cut my evening .5mg dose out of my life first, and the flood gates opened.  I really hate when doctors tell you that Suboxone "couldn't possibly be causing these things."  Yeah buddy, the same way that I won't have any withdrawal from it, or that I need to stay on it for a few years to "heal my brain."
   But things feel good, with just cutting that evening dose I feel a little bit clearer.  I have to admit that I began taking a .5mg sliver because my morning dose felt like it was wearing off, and I began feeling anxious throughout the night.  But after a few nights, I felt a little euphoric from it.  I continued taking it before bed because I enjoyed the feeling of laying there, feeling good, and then drifting off to sleep for the entire night.  I feel like a fool and a hypocrite for it, because I once posted to someone on here that a bedtime dose is rediculous, because you are only going to sleep.  I apologize for that, because I fell victim to the same pattern.
   After a few nights of not taking that dose, the anxiety early in the morning returned but I did not give in and start taking it again.  I also did not give in by taking more than my usual 2mg pill in the morning.  I dealt with the feeling, because I am truly sick of this medication.  I have the motivation now that I did not have before, because I truly believe I can have my life back and feel good without anything.
   Another thing I wanted to talk about is something I read that says if you have any kind of post acute withdrawal symptoms after stopping Suboxone, you probably didn't give your brain enough time to heal.  Do any of you believe this is true, or is it just another line of BS to make staying on a long term plan seem like a good idea?  I mean, my doctor did tell me the day I started Suboxone that because it is a partial agonist, it allows your brain to heal from the opiate abuse, and to begin producing chemicals on its own.  I REALLY want to believe this is true, but I would think that if the brain is getting at least a little bit of outside stimulation, that it wouldn't work on its own at all.
   Part of my taper plan was going to be to start taking Celexa, or some kind of SSRI, so that my brain can begin making chemicals again.  But another question is, does this really work?  I read in another post that SSRI's don't do much for the healing process unless you actually have depression.  Does anyone have experience with using an SSRI after quitting, and feeling better from it?
   Last thing, I promise.  What does Clonidine actually do for withdrawal?  I'd like to hear any success stories regarding Clonodine or anything else that has helped during the taper process.  Thanks!

[liscamdave]

Clonodine is good for the chills/cold sweats. It will take them away completely. Its a blood pressure med and when we discontinue opiates, our blood pressure goes crazy. This will stablize it and also help you sleep. When I had it, I slept like a baby...

Good luck and welcome back.

[steveo30]

yes,the clonodine will help with what lynn said and take away the heart pounding that we experience from withdrawal.i dont know to much about suboxone so i wont comment on that.hang in there

[Lynn79]

Thanks for your input, both of you!  I am still toying with a few different ideas, but the main part of my strategy is to reduce my dose to as little as possible without dying from it, and using whatever I can to ease the pain.  While my brain is slowly getting rid of opiates, and my receptors are slowly opening up, I will introduce something like Provigil, which enhances Dopamine production in the brain.  By the time I am ready to completely jump off of Sub, the medication that helps my brain to produce its own chemicals again will be in full force, and will hopefully take over.  I do have a little bit of Klonopin and some Ativan from a long time ago, to use as needed for anxiety.  But hopefully, my mind will be stronger than last time and I will not go back to that debilitating anxious feeling I had BEFORE drugs.  I am ready for this!

[refusingbondage]

Congrats and GOOD LUCK.  YOU totally CAN do this. If it gets bad - so what.. it will not last forever and it will get better.  Your mind IS definitely stronger than this addiction. Its weird how you dont think your addicted to suboxone at first but then realize how mercilessly addicted you are.. I was in the same spot as you.  You just have to have the grit and determination to do it.  I have heard very good things about clonidine and about provigil.  I didn't use either but did take Lunesta for sleep -- which didnt help me sleep in the slightest..I wish you the best of luck.  Do I believe that your brain heals while on suboxone?  Nope, personally I think the opposite.  However you are probably in a better place than when using your drug of choice...and your able to prepare yourself for being drug free and definately able to discuss with the doctor more level-headed about possibly trying an anti dep for a short time.  I found the best natural thing to do to help with the endorphins, dopamine receptors is exercise (and sex.. being honest).  The exercise helps tremendously as crazy as it sounds..