So I have posted before about my year and three month long run with Suboxone, which I started after a few years of Vicodin use. For the past few months I have been scared to death to start tapering, because I see how I feel when simply going too long before my next dose and feeling anxiety from not having it. I was also scared to death of quitting because I had anxiety and panic issues BEFORE my Vicodin addiciton, that I am afraid will be waiting for me when I am drug free.
However, the last few months have also been filled with horrible physical symptoms that I am certain are directly related to the Suboxone, i.e. bathroom issues. My bloodwork, liver function tests, and colonoscopy were all normal, and yet I felt like **** and have not had a normal bowel movement. Wouldn't you know, I cut my evening .5mg dose out of my life first, and the flood gates opened. I really hate when doctors tell you that Suboxone "couldn't possibly be causing these things." Yeah buddy, the same way that I won't have any withdrawal from it, or that I need to stay on it for a few years to "heal my brain."
But things feel good, with just cutting that evening dose I feel a little bit clearer. I have to admit that I began taking a .5mg sliver because my morning dose felt like it was wearing off, and I began feeling anxious throughout the night. But after a few nights, I felt a little euphoric from it. I continued taking it before bed because I enjoyed the feeling of laying there, feeling good, and then drifting off to sleep for the entire night. I feel like a fool and a hypocrite for it, because I once posted to someone on here that a bedtime dose is rediculous, because you are only going to sleep. I apologize for that, because I fell victim to the same pattern.
After a few nights of not taking that dose, the anxiety early in the morning returned but I did not give in and start taking it again. I also did not give in by taking more than my usual 2mg pill in the morning. I dealt with the feeling, because I am truly sick of this medication. I have the motivation now that I did not have before, because I truly believe I can have my life back and feel good without anything.
Another thing I wanted to talk about is something I read that says if you have any kind of post acute withdrawal symptoms after stopping Suboxone, you probably didn't give your brain enough time to heal. Do any of you believe this is true, or is it just another line of BS to make staying on a long term plan seem like a good idea? I mean, my doctor did tell me the day I started Suboxone that because it is a partial agonist, it allows your brain to heal from the opiate abuse, and to begin producing chemicals on its own. I REALLY want to believe this is true, but I would think that if the brain is getting at least a little bit of outside stimulation, that it wouldn't work on its own at all.
Part of my taper plan was going to be to start taking Celexa, or some kind of SSRI, so that my brain can begin making chemicals again. But another question is, does this really work? I read in another post that SSRI's don't do much for the healing process unless you actually have depression. Does anyone have experience with using an SSRI after quitting, and feeling better from it?
Last thing, I promise. What does Clonidine actually do for withdrawal? I'd like to hear any success stories regarding Clonodine or anything else that has helped during the taper process. Thanks!