Starting Buprenorphine on Monday - Questions....

[ColdInVT]

Hi - here is my deal.  I am 35, I have 2 children and have been married for 14 years.  I have a good job and a nice home.  Why is it that all I care about are percocets and how to get them?  I feel like the biggest loser.  I am up to 20 a day and have been doing this for over a year.  Prior to the past year and 1/2, I would use percocets for recreational use which soon started to spiral out of control and here I am today.  

I have decided to get off the percocets as I have a lot to lose at this point (including my health!).  I am, frankly, scared to death.  I only know how I am (personality wise) with percocets and am having a hard time seeing myself without them.  I hate myself for allowing this to happen to me.  I will start bup. on Monday and was hoping someone can tell me what to expect.  I am worried that I will get to this appt. (which is 3 hours away) and be sent home with nothing?  Will they start me on the bup. the same day?  I suppose it depends on the doctor, but I am really counting on this treatment to work.

I want/need my life back... Anyone out there know what the first appt. is like?  Please let me know... :)

[peaz]

Thanks for sharing your name!!  it's nice to know.  Guardian angels get all confused when they're looking for just "Ladies" in Nawlins........You sound just great!! You are doing an awesome job of keeping a good attitude and doing what you need to do to get yourself straight.  (round of applause here)  Tell me more about your husband and what he's been saying/doing during your recovery. Are you sharing Rational recovery w/ him?? Make sure you do, and then he'll have a better idea of what this freaking addiction monster is like......
  Anyway--just wanted to say "hey" and I'm rootin' for ya.  Love, Peazy (Diane)

[mystere]

Yes day 9 is in the history books and I'm feeling pretty darn great!--Thanks to you dear heart and percs and Kilo and Thomas and hippi and Graci97 and rodewk and everyone who responded to my deperate cries for help!  I will reiterate I could have never come this far without you!--I would probably be locked away somewhere doing a 12-step dance--(Not that there's anything wrong with that)--Remember Seinfeld?-Anyway I mentioned to gracy97 I'm in a posting kinda mood so I'll check back later!
Peace and Prayers-Mystere

Anne

[peaz]

I just LOVE you, Lulu!!!!

[peaz]

Day 9???? Yo WENCH--That is remarkable!!  You are haning' in there w/ the big boys and I am so proud of you!!  Is work going better and is your life in better focus by now?  You will still have your "Senior Moments", but they will lessen w/ time.  I really think there has got to be some permanent brain "alteration" (sounds better than damage!!) though, because even now, 16 months later, I have some tough memory recall bouts (who is this post to, again??) and while it is disconcerting, I tell myself, "What the HELL, girl?  How can you be surprised after what you out in your body for all that time???!!"  So just do the best you can....hopefully any lack in abilities will be slight.
     Thanks for the Krispy Kremes---today will be 50 more crunches and 45 more minutes of cardio......:-) "Everything in moderation" is my motto. I HATE fad diets. So there.
       I am happy to be your guardian angel because you're really no trouble...:-)  Keep up the good work, Doll!! Love, Peazy

[pammy0690]

Peazy may have lossed her memory but not her sense of humor!  Pamela

[NEW ORLEANS LADY]

The doughnuts are on your desk!--Krispy Kremes i might add--Thanks so much for checking on me--I read one of your posts saying that you had a houseful of people this weekend so I figured we wouldn't be hearing much from you-Today is day 8 out of hydro-hell and I'm am actually feeling great! Anyway did you happen to see the season finale of "Touched by an Angel"--I know its sort of hoaky, and I have never been a particularly religous person but I really enjoyed it!--it was all about emotional healing and helping strangers being one of the greatest gifts of all--(I will admit I shed a tear or two)--Anyway see any parallels here? HMMMM--I hoped you had a great weekend and I'll check in as Mystere from home tonight-Thanks Love You Are My Guardian Angel--Peace Prayers-N.O. Lady AKA Mystere

[pammy0690]

Ah I loved it Doll!  I am buddy buddy with our tech support so I get to do what I want.   If I do get fired I can collect unemployment and when that runs out get a job making more money anyhow!  LOL!  PAmmy (A good financial aid officer is hard to find harder to train!)

[peaz]

HEY--Did ja get a load of my morning email???  LMFAO!!!  I almost lost my breakfast.......I'll let you decide whether or not to show it to Mr Rip....Hope it didn't get you fired..... TTYL  Love, Peazy Mae

[peaz]

Hi Doll--Just thought  I'd say "hey" and let you know I did read your weekend posts to see how you were faring, and you sound GOOD!!  I know you expressed a little anxiousness in one post; a "what happens NOW??" kind of thing, and  all I can say is that it's a feeling that ebbs and flows.....Gradually you will feel less apprehension.  This is a brand new gig for your mind and body, and it will take awhile (I don't know how long ;-) until this mode becomes second nature.  Try to stay mellow and not let  the introductory phase throw you for a loop.  Find something to do, and don't dwell on any panic or doldrums.  SMILE and kiss your husband.  Enjoy your clarity.  Thank God you made it.
   I'll check back tomorrow morning.  It's your turn to bring donuts.   Love,  Peazy

[pammy0690]

That is awesome!  I am happy to hear that he came around.  Sometimes a guys first reaction to a situation is anger.  Then once they have had some time to stew about it they come around.  You are doing very well!  My husband and I are both addicts and we had a hard time with it all for a long time. Around the time I started posting to these fine folks is when things started to come together but it is still a struggle and there are some ruff roads ahead.  We have had to work on the addiction together and are much closer because of it.  Keep comunicating to each other!  I be rooting for ya!

Peaz wouldn't that be a hoot!  My and Emma and Rip at your house?  Sounds great!  We can BBQ!  Love, Pammy

[NEW ORLEANS LADY]

I'm not really trying to confuse anyone--I didn't know when i registered with Med help on my home computer that I could use my same nickname as at work--When I'm on my computer at work my nickname is N.O. Lady--When I post from home my nickame is Mystere--Sorry for any confusion!  How's my guardian angel today? I managed to make it in to work today but I'll tell you my heart is not in it!  I'm strickly a body because I absolutely cannot concentrate--My wonderful husband left me a card by the coffe pot this morning basically stating that we can overcome this addiction together!  I started crying--He really wants to help me beat this beast! You need to come down here to the beautiful Crescent City--We're gearing up for another BIG PARTY this weekend know as JAZZ FEST!--Yes I will be clean and sober!
I don't think I could have made it this far without all your love and support! I'll post again probably soon--Peace and Prayers- N.O. Lady AKA Mystere (from my home computer)

[peaz]

Hey Doll!! You can come to my retreat ANYTIME--bring Rip and your lab and we'll camp out in the yard.....LOL
   I tend to agree w/ your take on this: In-patient just more-or-less postpones the inevitable..I think it is INVALUABLE for those who CANNOT detox by themselves... but in NO LADY'S case, she is on her way and seems to be **** well.   When she posted: "When my doc found out that my husband was a physician, he recommended in-patient  right away!!"  I thought of two things: 1)  MD's stick together ---is he trying to sweep you away and under the proverbial rug? and 2) He assumes that your husband has the bucks to let you do the inpatient, so what the hell?  I may be wrong, of course......just my 2 cents...Pammie. Let me know when you'll be here.....

[pammy0690]

Sign me up darlin' I am there!  I could use some peace and solatude in the beauitful lakes of Minn! That sounds like the best rehab I heard yet!  What happens when people get out is all the stuff they have to deal with is still there.  You still have the same triggers and problems and you still have to cure yourself.  PAmmy

[peaz]

Hell, no! We won't get tired of reading your posts!  Why do you think we hang around??  We want to know how you're doing....Tell you what--you pay me HALF what you would be paying the in-patient dudes and I'll pamper and spoil you, I'll cook you gourmet meals and lend you my golden retriever to soothe you .... and I'll even be your therapist---right here in beautiful Minnesota: Land of 10,000 Lakes.....What a deal!!! LOL  What is the point of in-patient, exactly, that you can't do out-patient?  You can get a good therapist and sleep in your own bed if you do out-patient, and your husband can be w/ you.  In sharing this he will probably get the addiction education that he needs so badly.   Plus, out-patient costs TONS less...Anyone have any input here?  I have never done in-patient, so I really can't say what the advantages are.
   You sound like you're maintaining just fine, darlin'---just keep writing and letting us know how you are.  Someone will post after this and give you thoughts on what in-patient was like for them.  Take care, Doll--love, Peazy

[mystere]

Just thought I'd check in with another one of my "guardian angels"--Over 48 hrs now and things are getting much better!  I really think staying on the Wellbutrin (anti-depressant) has helped lesson the horrid effects of the withdrawals! Along with the Thomas Recipe of course!--I spoke to another addiction therapist today and the minute he heard my husband was a physician he is recommending in-patient therapy--Who would have thought?-I did look this place up on the internet it is called Joli Mar Recovery--It looks like a resort/spa-As I said on an early thread I could check in to the Ritz Carlton for a month and cure myself for what this "Recovery Center" costs--I am very confused right now I'm in the middle of the Rational Recovery Book and I know I need support after the initial withdrawal period is over. So for right now I think I stick with you guys as long as you don't get sick of me posting! You are one of the many wonderful helpful people on this forum! Thanks and much love peazy--Peace/Prayers/ Mystere AKA N.O. Lady

[mystere]

You are also one of my guardian angels--48 hrs. and counting hoping NO KNOWING this will be the last time I will have to endure the agony of withdrawal--I had posted on another thread about a recovery center mentioned to me by a therapist known as Joli Mar Recovery? Have you ever heard of it? I looked it up on the internet and it looks like a freakin resort!--I am very confused right now between AA/NA--and this Ratonal Recovery thing by Jack Trimpey--Anyway for what it would cost to stay at this "Recovery Center"--HELL I could check into the Ritz Carlton for a month and cure myself!  Anyway thanks for thinking of me and I hope you are doing well--I can't tell you what your support means--Love, Peace, and Prayers always--Mystere/AKA N.O. Lady

[Chezz2]

Mystere,

Glad to see you hubby came through. Most of us guys are suckers and can't stay mad too long. Especially when it is evident that you are suffering. I am sure he came to his senses when he finally realized this was his WIFE, and not a drug seeking patient.
I hope all goes well with this detox and you are able to stay off them!!! That at it seems for some is almost harder than just the initial withrawals.

Happy Easter(belated).

Post on, that is what keeps this forum going......Good job,
Chezz

[peaz]

I neglected to state the obvious about in-patient care: That it's lots more intense and w/ out "worldly interruptions". One can concentrate SOLEY on the problems at hand.  There would be benefits associated w/ that set-up.

[peaz]

Did ja get it yet or is third time a charm?? LOL

[peaz]

WOW!!! Good for you!!  Hang in there w/ the CT thang..you can do it.  That is awesome about your husband---I just knew he'd come to his senses after a bit....WhooHoo!!!  I'm doin' a cartwheel here, which is miraculous in itself since I don't know HOW to do a cartwheel.....LOL
   I have read Rational Recovery cover to cover.  AVRT and the "Beast" approach makes sense in terms of identifying addictive behaviors and voices that lead you down the path of relapsing.  And I positively LOVED  Chapter 4: The Recovery Hall of Mirrors: Let's Shatter the Illusions.  Great stuff.  I can't say that I TOTALLY subscribe to any one school of thought in this recovery gig, however.  I have mostly taken some from each( Rational Recovery, AA, Smart Recovery Pavlov :-), et al) and come up w/ a custom plan that works for me.  
  You are ON YOUR WAY girl---with your huband's support you will do this.  This is the best news I've had today!! Congrats!!!  love, Peaz

[NEW ORLEANS LADY]

peazy we are kindred spirits and you positively have to be my guardian angel--You are so right about finding a program that is specially designed for you--There are many aspects of AA that I like and MANY that I have problems with--I plan on finishing the the Rational Recovery book and see what happens--I like the idea that I am in control! of my addiction--Thanks hon again just for being here--Now I guess I really had better do some work!--Love Ya--Peace, Prayers,  N.O. Lady--AKA mystere

[peaz]

WOW!!! Good for you!!  Hang in there w/ the CT thang..you can do it.  That is awesome about your husband---I just knew he'd come to his senses after a bit....WhooHoo!!!  I'm doin' a cartwheel here, which is miraculous in itself since I don't know HOW to do a cartwheel.....LOL
   I have read Rational Recovery cover to cover.  AVRT and the "Beast" approach makes sense in terms of identifying addictive behaviors and voices that lead you down the path of relapsing.  And I positively LOVED  Chapter 4: The Recovery Hall of Mirrors: Let's Shatter the Illusions.  Great stuff.  I can't say that I TOTALLY subscribe to any one school of thought in this recovery gig, however.  I have mostly taken some from each( Rational Recovery, AA, Smart Recovery Pavlov :-), et al) and come up w/ a custom plan that works for me.  
  You are ON YOUR WAY girl---with your huband's support you will do this.  This is the best news I've had today!! Congrats!!!  love, Peaz

[NEW ORLEANS LADY]

Just checking in "mother"--I had my last Hydro at 4:30 p.m. yesterday--Yea so much for tapering---for me its cold turkey or nothing--I guess I'm a glutton for punishment--Things are so much better with Hubby--We both actually broke down and cried last night over this!  He is offering support--and as you know that means soooo much!--I went to Barnes & Noble and found a book called Rational Recovery--Have you ever heard of it?  I started reading it and it seems to make a lot of sense--Please forgive the rambling I'm a little shaky right now but knowing my wonderful husband is behind me I know I can Make it--Love, Peace,and Prayers to everyone--N.O. Lady--AKA Mystere

[peaz]

LMAO--You're not supposed to actually TELL people when you've forgotten something....just let them think you're doing more research.  LOL  But perhaps you need to write down what it is you're researching.........