Staying Sober From Hydro

[Goldenbear]

It has been over 2 weeks since my last Lorcet 10/650. At my peak I was taking 10-10/650 Lorcets for herniated discs in my back that were diagnosed in January of this year.(C5,C6 shoulder, neck level).
My injury was completely healed in early July, but I knew all the tricks to keep my Doctors thinking that I was still injured badly enough to be on 60-80 Lorcet 10/650 a week.
I really loved the pills alot. Never have I been addicted to any drug or alchohol... Hydro was a good companion for me.
In looking at myself carefully since my sobriety started I recognize that the Hydro was the vehicle I chose to take to relieve myself of some serious doubts I felt about taking care of my family and the fear of not being able to be DADDY and HUSBAND.
Today I understand (I go to group therapy twice a week for 2 hours at a time) through reflection and by being honest to myself that I cannot make everyones life perfect and happy. My responsibilities are to be a good father, husband, friend to the ones around me. My fear of being inadequite will not take those I Love away from me. Somehow I never understood that if I wasn't perfect it wouldn't cause me to lose the ones I Love so much.
Also, by expressing my pain and frustration my mind does not need the numbness and buzz from HYdro. Can anyone else see that drug abuse is directly related to how we run from our pain and suffering? All of you on this forum magnify the thought that if we dealt with life as it comes we would all feel better and possibly seek attention, warmth, and security instead of drugs and alchohol.
Goldenbear

[juliegal]

Yes, herniated disks as seen on my MRI and I had a discogram which was by far the worst test I have EVER had - the machine broke while they were testing so I was laying in pain on that table for 45 extra mins...then I went straight to CT Scan - so they could see where the damage was when I had that die in me.  The xray tech there said she did NOT see any way that they could or would not do surgery...but the surgeon said since fusion was not an option and the nerve root is being just 'impinged upon' he would not touch me - referred me to another neuro - I have gone to him, he started by changing the meds - that did not work and here I am - had to cancel the last three appts.  I am a union steward for my company and we are starting contract negotiations...so I was also using the vikes to make it through those meetings...just feel like I was on a never ending train - still do - but just have to figure out a NEW way to deal with it - and get my a** back to the doctor.  

Chezz - sounds like you have been through it - alot of mine and your story sounds the same - I just have been lucky enough to avoid most of the leg problems...the last episode I just could not lift my leg...but once the pressure was relieved by meds - I regained the use - mostly my pain shoots down my butt ...so hearing your story..I feel lucky, but by the same token - just biding my time til mine gets that bad and I have to make the meds decision again....
My posts are long too - but I am so HAPPY to have someone to talk to - my husband tries - but unless you are living through it - you really do not understand the full story.

[percsnomas]

Yes that makes sense; that's why i asked what your pain management program would be.....knowing you have the pathology that dictates pain and pain meds.
So, first things first, you've got herniated discs, as evidenced on MRI; referred pain?, tingles/numbness in legs/feet?(Your doc said your nerve structures are not comprimised....is that true?)
Have you got a second opinion? Done further testing?

Thats the *****, when you have a condition that warrants meds, you can end up with an untreated/treated condition and a dependency.  So for me, it seems, to avoid/minimize the latter, a prompt treatment is required.....

[Chezz]

What is up with my long a## posts!!! Sorry, but it is here if you want to read it. (I copied and pasted this from the end of my post!!!! LOL)

I have been on neurontin before also. It worked good for a couple of months. That was when the pain was shooting down my butt and stopped at my knee.
This is totally different this time. The pain is about 2x. It now goes down my leg through the front of my shin. The lower half of my leg is now numb 3/4 of the time. I never had ANY numbness before. It changes from the left part of my shin, to my foot, ect. I have woken many times in the night with the feeling in my calf like someone is trying to wring it out. That is the wierdest feeling, besides the pain of it.
So this is all new to me. I feel like I am learning what it is to have "real" back pain. What I mean by that is - I never really understood some of the tests they did before I had this pain/numbness. Like when they use the roller pin needle thing and ask if it feels the same. Or when they make you push your foot down, and then make you push it back up while putting pressure on it with their hand. I always just said "no it feels the same, and nothing is wrong with my legs, they feel alright, it is just the shooting pain in my thigh and butt. Now I FULLY understand. I always felt lucky since I never had to worry about loosing feeling in my foot. I always felt that if the pain just stayed up above my knee I would be alright. And I always felt bad for the other patients that did loose the feelings. Now I am that patient. It is really different now.

I will get through this though. I have alot better grasp on it now that the shell shock of finding out that surgery is for sure. I really was hoping I would get through this like I have my other episodes. Just get to the right docs and do physical therapy has been the answer before.
I knew in the back of my mind that really wouldn't happen. I knew surgery was going to be it, with all of the different symptoms I was having. I am just so young and really didn't want to hear that I had to get it done.
The pain/numbness is too much. And like she told me yesterday. "Would you rather deal with this for another year or whatever, or get surgery and get back on your feet and get back in the air? She is right. And that really helped when she talked me through it a little. She is a great women and doctor. Really caring and knowledgeable. So it has been refreshing. That was only my 2nd visit yesterday. After the 1st visit she ordered the CT enhanced myelogram. So she knows her stuff. She also told me on my 1st visit that they definetly were missing something and that this test would probably show it. And that I probably wouldn't get any relief from epidurals, but she would find out for sure with this test.
Well she did, and she knows her stuff. So I am trusting her and I know it is for the best.
Chezz

What is up with my long a## posts!!! Sorry, but it is here if you want to read it.

[juliegal]

I hear what you are saying....It was when I realized that I was taking them for that 'lift' that I made my mind up, especially after reading on here that the horrible aching feeling I was having when I needed another one - was the DRUGS doing that to me themselves.  My main concern is with the incredible back pain I can run into - I am not sure what to do then.  My injections seems to be wearing off - and I am not sure how I will work with the pain and not take the vikes...does that make sense?

[percsnomas]

Please take my advice, STOP NOW. I'm not saying ditch the vikes(you'll know when to do that).
It's just that you stated in your first post, you were tired of the "ups and downs" from these pills...so you have the first ingredient.....recognition of a problem and a desire to change it.
You know soooo many of us started off at your habit size, so please, this would be a great time to exit BEFORE your habit size equals the size of your state.  I know the energy thing for work, that meeting, etc....but i assure you, you'll get your own energy back....keep up on the formula and try to exercise.
You are soooo close already, stay strong

[Chezz]

Thanks again Percs. It has been tough this morning by the way. I can type my butt off, but it doesn't do much good when you have been up all night. Plus I have been trying to post to who I see is up and read all the posts I have missed at the same time.
It was a little easier to read at about 4am(california time) when nobody was up.
That didn't last long though. As you know I usually the last one to post in the morning due to the time difference. Plus I don't like to get out of bed before 8am if I can help it! LOL
My wife and I usually don't get to bed until around 11:30 or so. So I guess it is all relative.

Thanks again for the info. I am sure I will find it on the net, or I will call. I am going to order it today for sure.
Kind of ironic - It matches the surgery that my doc is saying I will need. When I originally thought it would be fusion. Plus I am 28, and the movie is on someone who is 30!
To be honest, I didn't think people my age got back surgery.
Chezz