not sure what day im on...but going strong.

[strongbutscared]

my last pill was monday am at 830. dont know if this is day 2 or 3 for me. but either way, i feel like im dying. ugh! i just wanna play with my baby without sneezing & running to the bathroom. but i know ill get there!!!!

[strongbutscared]

i am off to bed. hoping for sleep. ya know, its so strange going to bed at a decent hour. it was just days ago that i was up till 2 n 3 am, popping pills and sitting online all night. ugh. praying for a decent night tonight. & im mentally preparing for tomorrow. i get apaycheck tomorrow. that will be the hardest part! having $ in my hands. my plan is to hand it immediately to my husband n tell him to deposit it since i have the "flu". i can do this. i just got a text from my dealer that said how many u need tomorrow"? i am proud to say i replied, "none, thanks"...then blocked his number. it does make me sad though that one of my best friends is someone that popped pills with me, so for my well being, i need to distance myself from her for awhile. but its my life and my battle and i cant have it around me. maybe its a blessing that im laid off, collecting unemployment now. dont know how i would have held up working thru this. well, ive rambld again. and im glad i did! i go to bed with 57 hours opiate free. thank u all for ur posts, ur replies, ur strength. u keep me going. i am so thankful for u all. i remeber some sorrt of quote i read once about if something is easy, its probably not worth it...or somethin like that. this is so not easy. but so worth it. tomorrow will be hard!

[udoschoices]

hang in there, i'm with you the same... its very hard, but also on my day 2/3 or whatever... since monday at noon probably...  you can do it, i'm with you

[freedom007]

You got it...absolutely right on.  I cringe every time I get a call from the bank...knowing I have run up TWO 10k credit cards...and have nothing in savings.  The good news is my wife and I can bounce back quickly...given our good paying jobs.

I just got done with my two kids...2.5 and 1.5 and I MADE IT...it didn't kill me...quite the contrary...I was inspired.

I danced with them, for the first time...SOBER!!  I hurt, but was AWESOME.

Keep it up...we are almost there!!!

[strongbutscared]

thanks so much for that reply. i really needed it. its nighttime now and i have a baby with a high fever, so im realy being tested today! i feel horrible, but "ok" if that makes any sense? i feel so bad, but not end of the world bad. i dont think i have the choice really with two kids to keep me going, but somehow im going. the hardest partis doing this "alone", as no one knows of my addiction. but...this site has helped me to not go it alone and im so thankful. im prepared for tomorow to be my hardest day & i plan to just post alot and stay motivated. my cravings r very bad at this point but im focusing on the prize...the prize in my mind is a clear head. its not having a panic attack everytime the bank statement comes in, hoping my husband doesnt look too closely.its my kids having a drug free mother. its....just having my effing life back!

[Charetti]

I appreciate that you are posting often, its very therapeutic for me.  It sucked that I didnt make it yet but I am still motivated and I NEED to hear from people about how they did it.  I went one day of that horrible feeling of wd...multiple sneezing, freezing, trembles, restless legs, total uck feeling.   I could barely imagine going through one more minute so I really need to keep reading in here and seeing you go from where you started.

You are amazing!!

[freedom007]

it doesn't happen all at once...but then, it does.  Weird, but true.  And yes, posting all the time feels strange...but it is VERY therapeutic...and it keeps your mind right.  That's all I have done for 3 days...but **** it...I am getting better anyway I can.

My kids will be home soon...it will be tough...but I will get through that too.  Nothing can stop us...keep going.

[strongbutscared]

Holy sh&t! i'm doing this. I'm sitting at the computer, instead of laying on the couch feeling sorry for myself. My son just came down with a fever, so now I have to be productive. I took a long hot bath, I did the dishes. I felt like falling on the floor and crying the entire time, but I didn't. I feel extra extra emotional, but I keep telling myself that my brain is just "righting" itself. I CANT WAIT to be back here tomorrow at this time and say Im still here! God, this is so so so hard. But I am actually doing it!I need to post alot. I probably sound like a lunatic just posting random thoughts and posting so much but the heck with it, I NEED TO!!! It's soooooo weird to not be going to take a pill to "enjoy life more". it's so weird not carrying my purse around the house so no one looks and sees what I have. It's great! I even see such a difference already in my physical self...after my bath I looked in the mirror and my skin looks more "alive". my eyes don't look all whacked out. Ok, I'm sure I'll be back with a ohmygod i hate this post. but as of this moment, i'm here. i'm alive. and I AM SOBER!!!

[strongbutscared]

wow 96 hrs! great job. cant wait to be there. lets see, i should start doing hrs....i am heading into about 50 hours. my mind is my worst enemy right now, thinking of pills and how much better id be instantly. but im gonna stay strong and fight thru.

[freedom007]

You got that right!!...Get Mad, Get Better...this is only temporary...trust the posts and post as much as you can.  I know it has helped me.  

3.5 hours from Hour 96...I can't believe it!!!  More to go...but less than before.

You can do this!!!

[strongbutscared]

F&*K! its all i wanna scream! ok, so i just went to the store with my sister. just to the pharmacy to get some immodium, and to force myelf out of the house. i am at that spot where i just wanna say f this, im tired of blaming the flu, tired of not having the energy to even vacuum. but nope! i wont! i have a family function to attend sunday and i wanna go sober! my biggest motivation is not only my future, but no longer sneaking around, hiding money, saying im paying bills that i dont pay. i cannot believe the $ i have blown thru on this addiction. its sickening & selfish. if we were broke, oh well as long as i had my pills. its feel sooooo good to not count pills n try to plan them until i could get more. f that life! i feel like i am literally dying at this moment, when reallymy life is beginnin all over again.

[prayformetoo]

We are so proud of you. You are going to make it Just keep up the fight for that Baby,,
Know That we are Praying for you ..God Bless you

[freedom007]

ditto, ditto, ditto...to know that I will have the money know to buy my kids their Christmas presents is reward enough.  You are getting to the turning point...do not waste the good you have already done.  I know it feels like a treadmill...but you will begin to move forward...I am on day 4 and already feeling my spirit, emotions, happiness...everything that makes me, me...come back.

Post constantly if that helps...I sure have...and the time goes by as you are talking to these great folks.

Much love...YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

Hang in there hon... You're at the point of turning the courner....You CAN do this!  
And.. if it helps any.. just look in to your little babies eyes and SEE WHAT YOU HAVE TO LIVE FOR!  Don't mean to make you cry... it's just one of the main reasons I was able to quit using... just by looking into my childs eyes and being able to SEE A FUTURE,,,

[WDsRawful]

You're doing great.  You're about half way there to feeling a bit better.  Keep up the good work.