Aa
My mother threw a fit when I did not give her.
Ok so I have my pain issues and I have chronic pain and I mean your talking spine problems, herniations, disc tears, IBS, migraines. But I guess my first thing I have to say is my mistake in actually letting her have some of my pain medication when she ran out. I thought I took mine when I needed mine and that was that. But actually I was giving my mother almost more than half of my prescription, and trying to manage my pain. If my pain was a 6 today I would not take my pain medication because it was not that bad. It was only when my pain sky rocketed to an 8 or a 9 and then I was running low, but I would never run out.
So here is my dilemma: This month I decided no more enabling and I told her ahead of time, but she still thought she could try to ask me and I refused sternly. And she went bonkers. She tried every trick in the book, like "come on help me out" "after all I do for you".
Well yes this is the part I feel guilty about, I am disabled and I would like to get my own place and well living in my mothers place was never supposed to be this long. I was supposed to get some kind of ticket to work employment and then get an apartment. The vocational rehab center seems to be stalling in that section right now and I'm waiting for a yes or a no.
But even without living there, I still think she would try to go on pestering me. And then she had to bring my sister into it who also lives in the house. And all my sister can think is that I am doing something cruel. And maybe she is right, but I think I would be doing something more cruel if I gave her some of my pills again and increased her tolerance some more. She has to take not only different medication, but double the dose which is usually 5mg of whatever, and she has to take two of my 5mg. Which I told her that is not good. This does not seep through her head. I am worried about her withdrawals, but come to find out she still has some long acting ones. So she will just be in pain, and in a really really bad mood.
But now as I scream in rage because my sister is now against me in every way possible and I catch her in every corner that it's wrong to hand out your meds to someone already on pain meds, and doesn't help them. So now my mother is crying and then gets me with she wants to commit suicide with sleeping pills. This is a side of my mother that I have never seen or heard. It scared me lingering over my head and using that against me. I don't think I have played that card, but I have been suicidal before. But I told her "look it's not anyone's fault but the doctor who needs to manage your pain and it's up to the doctor too."
I also said that it was a sign of depression if she was even thinking that. And to tell the doctor what you just told me. Because I guess I heard antidepressants can help with pain. But after all this long read I need to know? Is my mother becoming an addict who was legitimately in pain, but then keeps going up in dose? Is that an addict? She has been on these things for years. And the amount she takes now could of killed her when she first started. I'm sorry I'm very worried for her safety.
So here is my dilemma: This month I decided no more enabling and I told her ahead of time, but she still thought she could try to ask me and I refused sternly. And she went bonkers. She tried every trick in the book, like "come on help me out" "after all I do for you".
Well yes this is the part I feel guilty about, I am disabled and I would like to get my own place and well living in my mothers place was never supposed to be this long. I was supposed to get some kind of ticket to work employment and then get an apartment. The vocational rehab center seems to be stalling in that section right now and I'm waiting for a yes or a no.
But even without living there, I still think she would try to go on pestering me. And then she had to bring my sister into it who also lives in the house. And all my sister can think is that I am doing something cruel. And maybe she is right, but I think I would be doing something more cruel if I gave her some of my pills again and increased her tolerance some more. She has to take not only different medication, but double the dose which is usually 5mg of whatever, and she has to take two of my 5mg. Which I told her that is not good. This does not seep through her head. I am worried about her withdrawals, but come to find out she still has some long acting ones. So she will just be in pain, and in a really really bad mood.
But now as I scream in rage because my sister is now against me in every way possible and I catch her in every corner that it's wrong to hand out your meds to someone already on pain meds, and doesn't help them. So now my mother is crying and then gets me with she wants to commit suicide with sleeping pills. This is a side of my mother that I have never seen or heard. It scared me lingering over my head and using that against me. I don't think I have played that card, but I have been suicidal before. But I told her "look it's not anyone's fault but the doctor who needs to manage your pain and it's up to the doctor too."
I also said that it was a sign of depression if she was even thinking that. And to tell the doctor what you just told me. Because I guess I heard antidepressants can help with pain. But after all this long read I need to know? Is my mother becoming an addict who was legitimately in pain, but then keeps going up in dose? Is that an addict? She has been on these things for years. And the amount she takes now could of killed her when she first started. I'm sorry I'm very worried for her safety.
Dear geckopaws,
I really do hope everything works out for you. One thing that I can suggest is trying to go with her to her next Doctor's appointment. You don't necessarily have to tell him/her that she has been taking your meds, but at least let them know that her current med regimen is not adequately covering her pain. Try to inform him of what she is afraid to tell him. My prayers are with you and your Mom.
SLCPMOM
I really do hope everything works out for you. One thing that I can suggest is trying to go with her to her next Doctor's appointment. You don't necessarily have to tell him/her that she has been taking your meds, but at least let them know that her current med regimen is not adequately covering her pain. Try to inform him of what she is afraid to tell him. My prayers are with you and your Mom.
SLCPMOM
Yes I have told her this. And she still leaves it up to me. I guess I always fear that she will kick me out into the streets. I am thinking of her interest and you absolutely correct about what you said. That it is a felony. And I have told her that, if the doctor finds out that he could discharge me and that doesn't help me. I don't think my mother cares though. She says that no one will find out. In fact I have told her that if they decide to check her urine randomly that they will certainly find that chemical compound in there. She has stood there in disbelief.
It still is not enough for her. She still begs and she is in a bad mood and I've tried to be understanding. She will be working tonight, and I told her to call out or call her doctor, if this is an issue. It means that the doctor is poorly managing her pain whether she is an addict or not. I don't think anyone who comes to pain management clearly thinks that they will turn into an addict. They haven't turned me into one, but for so many others, it is a huge issue. The addict comes out in them. And the only way to go is through rehab. I really would like her to go to a partial hospital program. It's hard to say that she has a problem. I know she has legit spine problems. Thank you so much for your answer.
It still is not enough for her. She still begs and she is in a bad mood and I've tried to be understanding. She will be working tonight, and I told her to call out or call her doctor, if this is an issue. It means that the doctor is poorly managing her pain whether she is an addict or not. I don't think anyone who comes to pain management clearly thinks that they will turn into an addict. They haven't turned me into one, but for so many others, it is a huge issue. The addict comes out in them. And the only way to go is through rehab. I really would like her to go to a partial hospital program. It's hard to say that she has a problem. I know she has legit spine problems. Thank you so much for your answer.
Thank you for the response. I know I can get in deep trouble for sharing my meds. This is probably part of the reason that I do not want to share them. But seeing my mother in pain is awful and it pulls at my heart strings.
I still haven't given in yet. I talked to her that I've talked to a therapist and she thinks it is a big issue and she commends me for not making a stand. Also she specifically deals with pain disorders and dissociation which I do have, and she says that when you give her your meds and she takes double and it's a different kind it's not only going to make her tolerance bigger it's going to do serious damage. So that right there made me even stronger. It have me the strength to say no and talk to my mother to talk with her doctor on getting the help she needs.
I believe it's 72 hours they can keep you in for threatening your life. I believe it was an empty threat, but I'm still afraid. I haven't left my house yet because of that fact. And I think all you can do is call the police and tell them that she threatened to take sleeping pills. That is all and they will come and get the person.
She also has used the guilt tripping method that she works full time and has to work her butt off as a CNA. And I am disabled so I don't work so I don't know what it's like. But I have told her that she forgets that I have worked in the past and I do know what it's like to work more than 40 hours a week. But my mother needs someone right now and I'm her for her. I told her if she has ever heard of pain mantras to say to herself. She thinks it's all bull. She says she can't just do that while she is working.
She is just after the opiate. It pains me that she is going to go in to work tonight in pain. Gosh I wonder if committing her is the best thing I can do. I wanted to speak to one of the family members. My sister doesn't know she threatened to me. I told my sister she is depressed. I know I have been in the wrong for so many months in the first place. I thought I was helping her out and nulifying myself, which is a bit of co dependency going on there, cause she had to work. I felt guilty. I felt horrible. But now I have said you might as well tell the pain doctor to increase your dose to ten. But thank you again for the comment.
I still haven't given in yet. I talked to her that I've talked to a therapist and she thinks it is a big issue and she commends me for not making a stand. Also she specifically deals with pain disorders and dissociation which I do have, and she says that when you give her your meds and she takes double and it's a different kind it's not only going to make her tolerance bigger it's going to do serious damage. So that right there made me even stronger. It have me the strength to say no and talk to my mother to talk with her doctor on getting the help she needs.
I believe it's 72 hours they can keep you in for threatening your life. I believe it was an empty threat, but I'm still afraid. I haven't left my house yet because of that fact. And I think all you can do is call the police and tell them that she threatened to take sleeping pills. That is all and they will come and get the person.
She also has used the guilt tripping method that she works full time and has to work her butt off as a CNA. And I am disabled so I don't work so I don't know what it's like. But I have told her that she forgets that I have worked in the past and I do know what it's like to work more than 40 hours a week. But my mother needs someone right now and I'm her for her. I told her if she has ever heard of pain mantras to say to herself. She thinks it's all bull. She says she can't just do that while she is working.
She is just after the opiate. It pains me that she is going to go in to work tonight in pain. Gosh I wonder if committing her is the best thing I can do. I wanted to speak to one of the family members. My sister doesn't know she threatened to me. I told my sister she is depressed. I know I have been in the wrong for so many months in the first place. I thought I was helping her out and nulifying myself, which is a bit of co dependency going on there, cause she had to work. I felt guilty. I felt horrible. But now I have said you might as well tell the pain doctor to increase your dose to ten. But thank you again for the comment.
I can only comment briefly because I have to make dinner for my family but a few things jumped out at me:
first, you obviously know you could get in huge trouble for sharing your script. it's against the law. I understand wanting to help someone you love, but YOU would pay the penalty in this case if you were fond out.
secondly...it's hard to say about your mom. very often people who take pain medicine and run out early are undermedicated and are not taking the pills to get high but simply cannot find pain relief. HOWEVER....the people I've known in this position (and I've run out a few days early once or twice over the past 5 years) don't go begging for more pain medicine...they just tough it out. Withdrawals and all. what happens if you stop helping her all together and she runs out - does she go to the street? I mean where does it end?
Whether or not she's an addict or simply in a lot of pain and desperate for relief, she clearly needs help. her behavior is compulsive and she is no longer in control of her treatment and THAT is a red flag, no matter how you look at it. You are right to worry about her safety. withdrawals can cause depression and erratic behavior but that doesn't mean you can ignore suicide threats - have you considered going to the probate court to commit her to a psych ward for short-term care?
whatever the true root of her problem (under-managed pain or true addiction) this is a huge problem and you are the one who is paying the price. time to make her accountable. you can love someone and do what's best for them and they can hate you for it, but it's better than enabling and living co-dependently. give her a chance to get this right - tell her, no I'm not going to help you. you need to talk to your doctor about upping your dose or you need to learn to live with what he gives you - it's better than having NOTHING, isn't it? tell her to explore other pain management options. if she doesn't, if she WON'T, then you tell her "sorry, that's too bad, I can't stick my neck out anymore for you and I really think you have a problem"...if she threatens suicide, I *personally* would work on getting her committed and evaluated. they will address her potential addiction, but it only lasts 48-72 (I can't remember which) hours so you will need to have a plan for when she comes home...do you have any other family members who can help you?
you might get more answers if you post this on the "addiction: substance abuse" forum...the link is in the column on the right if you scroll down.
best of luck, sorry I can't be of more help I probably just repeated what you already knew, but that's all I can offer. here's a link to help you understand your options for getting her involuntarily committed for a short amount of time to be examined if she threatens suicide again: (I don't really know all the details for Connecticut, I just googled and this came up...you can look for it in greater detail if you want, but there's something similar where I live in FL called the Baker Act which my family had to do for an aunt who was an addict years ago and was threatening suicide)
http://www.clrp.org/legal-issues-we-handle/psychiatric-inpatient-hospital-issues/challenging-physicians-emergency-certificates-and-involuntary-commitment/
first, you obviously know you could get in huge trouble for sharing your script. it's against the law. I understand wanting to help someone you love, but YOU would pay the penalty in this case if you were fond out.
secondly...it's hard to say about your mom. very often people who take pain medicine and run out early are undermedicated and are not taking the pills to get high but simply cannot find pain relief. HOWEVER....the people I've known in this position (and I've run out a few days early once or twice over the past 5 years) don't go begging for more pain medicine...they just tough it out. Withdrawals and all. what happens if you stop helping her all together and she runs out - does she go to the street? I mean where does it end?
Whether or not she's an addict or simply in a lot of pain and desperate for relief, she clearly needs help. her behavior is compulsive and she is no longer in control of her treatment and THAT is a red flag, no matter how you look at it. You are right to worry about her safety. withdrawals can cause depression and erratic behavior but that doesn't mean you can ignore suicide threats - have you considered going to the probate court to commit her to a psych ward for short-term care?
whatever the true root of her problem (under-managed pain or true addiction) this is a huge problem and you are the one who is paying the price. time to make her accountable. you can love someone and do what's best for them and they can hate you for it, but it's better than enabling and living co-dependently. give her a chance to get this right - tell her, no I'm not going to help you. you need to talk to your doctor about upping your dose or you need to learn to live with what he gives you - it's better than having NOTHING, isn't it? tell her to explore other pain management options. if she doesn't, if she WON'T, then you tell her "sorry, that's too bad, I can't stick my neck out anymore for you and I really think you have a problem"...if she threatens suicide, I *personally* would work on getting her committed and evaluated. they will address her potential addiction, but it only lasts 48-72 (I can't remember which) hours so you will need to have a plan for when she comes home...do you have any other family members who can help you?
you might get more answers if you post this on the "addiction: substance abuse" forum...the link is in the column on the right if you scroll down.
best of luck, sorry I can't be of more help I probably just repeated what you already knew, but that's all I can offer. here's a link to help you understand your options for getting her involuntarily committed for a short amount of time to be examined if she threatens suicide again: (I don't really know all the details for Connecticut, I just googled and this came up...you can look for it in greater detail if you want, but there's something similar where I live in FL called the Baker Act which my family had to do for an aunt who was an addict years ago and was threatening suicide)
http://www.clrp.org/legal-issues-we-handle/psychiatric-inpatient-hospital-issues/challenging-physicians-emergency-certificates-and-involuntary-commitment/
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First, I would like to say that Ashelen is correct in saying that you can get into serious trouble sharing your meds. Not only is it a felony in most states, if your Doc finds out your sharing your meds, he/she may discharge you from their practice. If that happens, you will have a hard time finding another physician who will write meds for you.
Second, the question I need to pose to you is that if your Mom is in a lot of pain (addicted or not), why does she not discuss the problem of increased pain with the physician who is currently writing her meds? If it is a pain issue and not an addiction problem, then she needs to discuss that with her Doc and not leave it up to you to solve her problem. I'm sorry if that seems harsh. I wish you the best and my prayers are with you.