The good Lord said I would conquer and not be weak

I don't know how I am gonna do this either but I have bee on hyrocodone 100-1300mg/day for 15 years drained evryone I know and now I find my self dealing with kids of my friends I went to scool woth and I am 52 years old. my dad passed 3 years ago and I was in Jail because I had a bottle of his loritabs in wrong bottle so I went to jail. I had alway got pre-trial released all my life on any charge and there have been seems like hundredsbut not that time. I went in on a Friday night and thought for sure they wold release me but no. than court time came and they did'nt call my nae. I called home and told my family that I was'nt getting out because court had started and they hand called me! my sister said they'renot gonna let him out abd then my Dad took his last breath! we were best friends! I sore to my Mother that I would straighten up! that was three years ago!                                                                                Then I lost mywife of 25 years half my life we were toghther and she diend of kidney failure and an anureium after some one stole all her Meds. I had to dieve from FLA. TO ky> WITH HER dead IN THE BACK SEAT OF CAR WITH AIR CONDITION ON AND WE HAVE THREE KIDSAND ONE IS ASENIOR IN SCHOOL AND THE OTHER IN 8THgrade 14 years old! I dont know what TO do it has been 1 year 04/01/2011 when she passed and we prayed that god would let her stop hurting just did'nt know he was goona have to take her to heaven to stop her suffering! now I wish it would have been me but GOD had a different plan. yeas ter day I had to pick up my 14 year old daughter about 30 miles away and cried the whole way. I had taken 1100 mg of hydrocodone I am going broke bottom line is I have to stop and I hurt now and I can hardly stand it but she knows itjust like everyone else. today is my firsst day and it is only 9:21 A.M. I pray I can make thru today I have stopped so many drugs since the 70's and I am gonna beet this one too! Even if it kills me Pray for DEADMANWALK799 asI will for all of you please If there is some one out there that can help me I sure would appreciate it! I wish I could go on Dr. Phil Show and he would send me to one of those top Re=Habs centers but for now I will try my best. Thanks to everyone who reads this I git to go beefore I dye mt *** bones are hurting just sitting here! GOD HEP US ALL!!!!!!!!!!

[timetogetbetter]

I am praying for you. Can you go to a doctor and see if you can be tapered? I don't know if you have insurance or not. Please keep us updated!!

[deadmanwalking799]

I have meicare because I broke my back in a car wreck Dec 24 2001 and I am Dis Able But I Can still walk I get my MED Friday July 13th and I know it will start all over again I sell my didlulid to support my Hyrocode habbit! Thats how bad it is!!! morphine is over rated as far as long time pain relief!!

[mary577]

I said a prayer and will be praying for you.   Please keep posting.   Yours is one of the saddest stories I have ever read here.   Please go to the doctor, if there is any way possible and tell him everything.

[marycarmel]

I really hope you can get in touch with your doctor for help with this.  You have many issues here.  It sounds like you really want to stop this.  Most people need help and need aftercare.  Additionally, you have pain and you'll have to learn to manage that without drugs.  You're on a dangerous path selling your dilaudid.  Your children have already lost one parent; please don't let them lose you to either death or jail.

It would be ideal if you could taper, though I know that doesn't work for everyone.  You've been on meds for a long time.  There are many ways to manage pain other than drugs, and the right doctor or pain clinic can help you.  You may not be pain free but you can learn to manage it.

There are a lot of things that can help with the withdrawal symptoms.  The Thomas Recipe seems to help a lot of people.  Also, if you can talk to your doctor, they may prescribe you Clonidine.  Clonidine is a blood pressure medication but it is also used to help withdrawals symptoms.  It's also used to treat pain so it may be a medication that would be helpful to you.

You've probably experienced withdrawal before so you probably know what to expect.  AA or NA would be a great help to you.  Have you thought about seeing a counselor?  Between losing your dad, your wife, your medical condition, addiction and being a single parent, you have a lot going on.  Having a counselor to talk through everything would be a big help.

Also, inpatient rehab would be great for you.  For someone that has been on medication for a long time and with underlying medical conditions, they can monitor your blood pressure and keep you physically more comfortable.  They'll also have meetings and counselors right there with you.

I have mixed feelings about what I've researched on Suboxone, but I think it's a good choice for some people to help them get their lives on track.  Additionally, Suboxone is sometimes used in pain management so it may be something that could benefit you in more than one way.  Again, in your situation, I think you really need to do this with a doctor's supervision.

[4adifferentlife]

Heartbreaking!! I assume your from Ky, please tell me your visit to Fla was not to your Doc??
My heart goes out to you, but you know this demon will take you and keep you.. GOD works and answers prayer in mysterious ways, HIS way us so much better than what we can imagine.. HE has a better life for you, but you must seek it, want it, and turn from that monster that will destroy you...I am a firm believer what we put down for OUR LORD, we are given the strength to turn it away, that doesn't mean, temptation will not come, we are just given strength to say NO!! Please keep posting!!! Want to live for your kids, you know there are only 2 choices... Life or Death, and it's up to you!! You and your family are being prayed for!!

[Lostgal2012]

I hope you make it through this, I am on my way fighting this as well. I'm on day two but yesterday I has 2 hydrocodone and a half today so far, my usual dose is 20 daily, and my prostration inst due to last day of July. And I'm down to 4  1/2  pills. But the people here are very helpful with giving advice and being here for you, i wish you the best of luck!

[DeeDee5555]

I'm praying for you!  Depending on your financial situation, you may qualify for additional help, such as medicaid spend-down. Do you have a social worker assigned to you? Maybe start there and ask for help. I hope and pray that you can get into some kind of State detox! I know where I live they have hotlines for different agencies. I know it must be overwhelming for you but try to call. If all else fails call 911 and get to a hospital. They can not refuse you! If they start your detox in the hospital then they can help you get into some kind of aftercare. God bless you! Diane

[smartgirlbadecisions]

i cried for you while i read this. i will pray for you. we are all in this together, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!! keep praying keep praying keep praying... you are in Gods hands, and you are doing the right thing, im so sorry to hear about your past, unfortunately we can all relate to the pill chasing. yo can do this!! keep praying..