Sick and tired of this perc addiction

[On a Clear Day...]

Here I am again...after 3+ years of talking about this and posting for help. I am so sick of this and want this to be over. Not sure if I should be seeing a doc for Suboxone (sp?)...try counseling again...both...I just don't know but feeling so low and disappointed in myself. So tired with no motivation. What a horrible feeling this is and I just can not imagine going on like this for another few years. I know it is up to me but also believe I need help from another source as well. No one around me knows about this and I really don't want them knowing. I have the name and number of a doctor that I could get Suboxone from but not sure if that is the best place to start. Any advice? Lost my Mom earlier this year after being sick for a year. I went from taking maybe 2-percs a day to at least 3 to 4 now 10 mgs. Help! I hate this :( Thanks much

[quitinoxys]

It sounds like you are on the road to sobriety because you realize you have a problem. I myself became addicted to oxys after several back surgeries and finally decided I wanted to feel life again so I went C/T. It was the best decision I made in my life, as now I have my life back. I am sorry to hear that your husband is ill. If you have a friend that can support you through this it makes a world of difference. Going C/T is no picnic but the physical part of it only last between 3-7 days. It is the mental part that is the toughest that is why you need to get aftercare as it is so important. I will pray that God will give you the strenght he gave me to help you through this. The thing is it is possible and you just have to work at it. I hope you stay on the road as I know you can make so as always keep on keepin on-----quitin

[On a Clear Day...]

How wonderful to hear you have been off for 100-days. Wow. I so hope I can say that soon myself. It is hard to imagine not taking pills, but I want to know what it feels like again to just "feel". I do have a gal that I have talked with before that offers holistic type of healing remedies and works with addiction and grief. I eluded to her I had an "issue" w/taking pain meds, but did not get into how much, or what exactly I was taking-and she did not press. I sort of like that. She deals with the "whole person" and encourages the art of forgiveness. My gut feeling is to go to her and not to a doctor for suboxone or one of those other types of medications. It honestly does not make sense to replace one thing with another, but just wasn't so sure my problem could be addressed without something like that. I read of others that have been successful with it..guess it just depends on the person. I am not so worried about physical withdraws as I am the mental part of it. I do know the busier I keep myself, the fewer I take. My husband is ill and recently home from the hospital. I  have been staying home to take care of him and find myself popping a few extra pills than normal because I know I can pretty much curl up in a ball. I hate the way I feel and the lack of energy. Find I make excuse after excuse and can not/have a hard time I should say-keeping appointments. Tend to reschedule things as I don't know how I am going to feel. It really stinks. Have had several occaisons where I would drink an entire bottle of wine as I am taking the percs and it flows down very nicely. The next two days I am so sick...hung over..it is just awful. Can only imagine what this is doing to my body. I get close to talking to my husband about it, then shy away. His daughters both are abusing the same exact thing I have been sneaking for the last 3-4-5 years now. I feel so ashamed as I listen to him talk about their addiction. I just sit there and think to myself...if they only knew I have the same problem. How sad is that :(  I believe my family would be shocked/devastated if they knew so I just have to get a handle on stopping this once and for all for myself. The guilts and shame I feel are almost too much to take. I am missing out on so much by not really being present. Not to mention the money I have been spending on this. I can not wait to be able to say...I remember those days when I was taking percs every day to cope with life, and how much better I feel being off of them. I want it to become a distant memory. Every day having a "medicine head" is just the pits.

[quitinoxys]

You have taken the first step by posting here. I went C/T off oxys and am now 100 days clean, it was the best decision I ever made in my life. I am sorry to hear about losing your mom I know that type of stress can cause you to use more. But Subs will only prolong your pain I honestly think you should talk to someone close to you that can trust. It makes a world of difference to have someone to support you through all of this. If you feel there isn't anyone you have all of us here on this forum as there isn't any judgement passed here. Counseling is also a great idea as they will help you to realize why you are doing what you are doing and are great support. I hope you take the next step and quit the percs you will be happy you did. I will pray that God gives you the strenght to make it through God Bless you----quitin