what should i do???

[9077]

Im just going to start from the beginning of it all. (Long story short.) Ok i dont know what it is but back 7 years ago. I was 14 years old. i was hurt by a man and turned into this very angry little girl. My dad went to jail and i was a daddys girl so that really pissed me off. so i started using marijuana and moved my way up to slamming heroin and i quit on oct 6 2012. I met the love of my life on aug 1 2011 at my lowest he doesnt use at all. He kept me well until i felt like i was ready to kick (it sucked) but it was worth it. Now ive tried to come to terms with what happened 7 years ago some say forgiveness (didnt work) some say talk to someone (didnt work) nothing has worked for me. But anyways i seen this ******* probably an arm length away from me litterally (he couldve grabbed me if he wanted to) anyways i ran away and left the store and ever since than i just feel like i want to slam heroin and i cant so i getting very angry about it and it makes me take out every bit of anger out on the one man that doesnt deserve it at all i dont know what to do roll with the punches and keep flipping out or do it and get it out of my system and be done with it... please somebody give me some good advice i dont want to hurt the only person that honestly loves and cares about me..

[overopiates]

Its so hard and unimaginable to forgive someone who hurt u like that.The point of forgiveness is NOT for that sick F U C its for u to b able to move on with ur life and n a strange way u forgive urself too.Even though we rationally know its not our fault deep down often subconsciously we carry guilt.Therapy isn't a quick fix,it takes time but it does work I promise u that.u r obviously a smart,strong young woman and have a great supportive partner and for that ur blessed and u haven't used thats awesome u know its a temporary black out to something thats not gonna go away on its own but I would suggest therapy again and remember its painful and a long process but I can tell u from experience it does work.r u going to NA thats a big help for so many.u r n my prayers

[bama88]

Or do you think about maybe you shouldn't have done drugs at all??  I mean that your angry about loosing control over your self control because the pain was just too much and you needed to escape? I did. And forgiving myself wasn't easy. Yet when I did. When I forgave myself along with that police officer. I had the power again.

Just a thought. I wanted to share with you.
How are you really feeling?? I'm not judging at all. I want to help you......whatever you feel tonight is ok. Just talk it out. That's what we are here for. Don't hold the pain in. Hugs bama

[bama88]

I am sorry to hear your having such emotional turmoil lately. When someone hurts us. It can take a very very long time to let go of your emotions. Especially when it comes to physical hurt. And I'm sure the encounter brought many feelings up. I can't imagine.

If your like me. It takes a long time to forgive someone who deeply hurt me. Yet forgiveness is key. It releases yourself too. What I mean is that it will allow you to move forward the healthy way.

When my husband was hit head on by a police officer in 2004 I was so angry at that man I wanted to run him over in a gigantic bulldozer crushing him in a volxwagon bug. I stayed bitter and angry for a very long time. I felt that that policeman stole my life away by his selfish carless behavior that day. My husband almost died. He flatlined twice that awful night. And the officer who hit him walked away with a broken leg while ly husband fought just to stay alive.  I don't remember much until 2008. I blacked out. Really. Also that's when I found out about pain pills. Between drinking and popping pills. I just exsisted and didn't heal healthy. Therefore it took even longer for me to forgive him. Also that officer never ever said he was the least bit sorry. Even in the Corte room he didn't think anything about what he had done. He was sentenced to ten years of prision. When he acted like that.....well I knew he was a deeply evil man.  He said things to the judge that still make me angry. Lol. However I did find a way to forgive him. How?? Lots of prayers and soul searching. And when I did forgive him I felt better. That policeman box longer had any power over me. Does that make sense??

What I'm trying to say may not make sense..yet.. but until you can forgive that man. He still has power over you. What happened to you wasn't your fault. You didn't deserve it. But sometimes a bad situation can and will help you in the long run. I can see that he caused a lot of pain and heartache but you do have a man that loves you. Even tho you take out your anger on him. Think about how much this man wants to show you that all men aren't going to hurt you. And that this man really loves you. All of you. Now that's powerful stuff......wow.

It may not seem like it now. But one day you'll look at the one that hurt you and forgive him. He has to live with his actions everyday for the rest of his life too...... And if the man that hurt you said he was sorry. He probably means it.

You don't need to forgive him and become friends. Or even talk. But forgiveness is a very powerful emotion.

May I ask a very deep and tough question?? Have you forgave yourself for the drug abuse??  Reason I ask this is I get the feeling part of you may be angry at yourself. And that's ok. Part of the process. Do you ever think well if that mean evil man didn't hurt me I would have never done drugs??

[9077]

Ive been doing alright still want to do it. But i know i cant. My boyfriend bought me a puppy to take my mind off of things. Its helping alittle bit.. how are you?

[selfinduced]

How are you?

[9077]

Thank you

[9077]

Thank you

[9077]

Thank you

[selfinduced]

WOW, You have been given some GREAT advice. I just wanted to also tell you how sad I am for your deep hurt. I think maybe writing a letter to this person and unloading your anger, explain how his actions have effected your entire life. This may clear your head some. PLEASE, PLEASE don't go back to any form of drugs or alcohol to erase this pain....It will not work and make your life hell. Cherish this new life you have and the sweet man you deserve. xx

[akitagurl12]

i don't know if this will help at all, but i do think forgiveness is the way to go.  I always had a problem with forgiving those who hurt me, but then someone told me that forgiving someone is really for my benefit, not for the one that hurt me.  That really clicked for me.  This person is still hurting you, it is causing you mental distress & making you consider hurting yourself with drugs.  I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are, but for me, when a situation is too big or hard for me to let go of and forgive, I just keep praying and asking for God's help.  Or, like in my case, with a particularly hard situation, I told God that if he wanted me to forgive someone, he would have to do it for me because I couldn't.  And it worked.  Forgiving someone doesn't excuse them from what they did, and you don't forget it, but it does free you to move on.  I am so sorry you are struggling, but you know getting high will do nothing but cause you more pain & it sounds like you have already gone through enough of that.  Good luck & I'll be thinking of you:)