Just Found out I am pregn,ant and am addicted to painkillers

[AshamedMariah]

Hi there, I have been abusing pain killers on and off for about 6 years. I just found out 1 week ago I am pregnant.  I have been taking 4 10 milligrams hydrocodones a day for the last few months.  I have 3, 5 mgs left. I wanted to taper but I am more addicted than I thought.  I am 5-6 weeks pregnant.  I am not sure what to do? Is the dose i was taking small enough to go cold turkey, although at this point i dont have enough to taper.  I am so ashamed so please avoid trying to make me feel any worse than what I already do.  Does anyone have any tips to make withdrawls easier?  HELP please.....I feel so desperate.

[ImDONENoMore]

I think the best thing you can do is talk to your Dr. about tapering off of the opiates.  I believe it's dangerous to quit cold turkey while pregnant.

Good luck to you and congrats to you too! :)

[AshamedMariah]

I just left a message for my doctor, I am so embarassed but you are right, I need to make sure its safe.  I guess my pride is MUCh less important than the health of my baby.  I just hate to think what the dr will think of me.  I am scared.

[kyle505]

I obviously didn't have the same issue that you do, but I too told my doc about my addiction to pills and that I wanted to stop. He told me, and I'll never forget this, "Good for you. Few people can admit that they have a problem, and fewer still ever do anything about it".
The odds are your doc will be understanding and supportive. Follow her/his advice. You should be fine. There have been others on this forum who were in the same situation as you, and they were OK. And, the shame is normal, but not something that you should dwell on. When we decide to stop whatever, we tend to be very hard on ourselves, but carrying that is just excess baggage. Let it go; keep posting.

[AshamedMariah]

Thank you so much Kyle. I have an appointment for tomorrow morning.  Your response really helped me.  This is the first time I have told anyone and although I am embarassed and ashamed, I feel a little better like it will be okay.  I hope you are right and the Dr. doesnt look at me like a terrible person/mother.  Thank you thank you.

[kyle505]

I know nothing about your situation, i.e., you medical coverage, health plan options, etc., but I'd suggest that IF your doc is anything less than 100% supportive, then you may want to look for another. Some of the best, smartest, most upstanding people I know have struggled with addiction. So, you are in good company. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed - take pride in taking some very difficult steps towards getting yourself healthy.
We will be here to listen to you and to support you.

[kellkell2184]

I am extremely proud of the fact that you are thinking of your baby before your own needs and to me that speaks numbers as to the kind of person you are. As to feeling ashamed and embarrassed don't dwell on it but also take pride in the fact that you are feeling remorse that shows that you are not a horrible person in fact that shows that you like the rest of us want to get clean and change your life. So hold your head high, talk to your doctor and I am sure you will get the help you desire. Good luck to you! Congrats on your bundle of joy on the way!

[littlebit667]

Talk to your doctor.....do not go cold turkey or even taper without help and information from the doc.  What you feel the baby will feel and stress the fetus.  If you were taking if by script for pain needs...the doctor will help you  assess if you need to continue with monitoring of the pregnancy.  Sometimes having pain is more stressful on the fetus and pregnancy than the concern of the pills.  You are good to talk to your doctor.  It is so important and will help so much more than anything else you could do.  Please let us know what happens...there are some here that have walked your walk and doing good and will have more info to share.

[waterLilly7]

I agree with kellkell, good job, you are already being a good momma. Do not worry, the baby will be fine if you quit now, and you will.
today is day 14 for me, and I am just fighting some residual anxiety, but other than that I am in the light babe, and so too will you be,

I am proud of a fellow sister such as you who is doing this for her child, but alos, you are doing it for you. New motherhood is such a wonderful exxperience. ahhh, the smell, with the opiates you won't smell the smell of the new born baby, the lotions, the bath stuff, ,even the formula smell is good to me.
what a wonderful time you will have. Stay on the path, talk to the doc, and blessings to you,
Lily

[AshamedMariah]

Thank you so much.  I hate to admit it littlebit667, but i have been rec scipts for them, I have been buying them on my own, I do not medically need them anymore like i did back when I had kidney stones.  Now I am simply just addicted.  I appreciate the comments on here.  So great to talk to people about it, it has been my secret for so long.  Not even my husband knows.  I cant tell him.

[dominosarah]

You have gotten really good advice from the others.  The important thing is that you and the baby are safe now and by telling your doctor he/she will be able to help you taper down.  Our secrets keep us sick so you will feel so much better once you talk with them.  At some point you may want to talk with your husband but for right now you need to get off the pills.  We have many moms on here who have successfully tapered off and delivered healthy babies.  I will hunt a couple of them down~

[AshamedMariah]

Last thing..... the reason I cant tell my husband about this addiction is because I told him a few years back I had a problem, and promised him I wouldnt do it anymore.  I never made that promise with ANY intention of lying to him, i just became addicted all over again after being prescribed them the next time. If I told him he would be so upset with me, and hurt.  And possibly not trust me for a very long time again and that would make me feel even worse than I already do at this point.  I would hate to shatter any part of what we have, even though I already have on my part.  Sorry for babbling, I just wanted to share this.

[AshamedMariah]

Thank you, really.

[dominosarah]

Let us know how the appt goes tomorrow okay?  Is this your 1st baby?

[AshamedMariah]

Will definitely let you know.  This is my 2nd child, my daughter is 15 months old.  I scared of the withdrawls so bad because I do not want her to suffer from my STUPID mistake(s).

[dominosarah]

That is why tapering down slowly will help.  Try and calm yourself, you will get thru this and we will be here to help you~~

[AshamedMariah]

I keep tearing up when I ready everyone's comments. EVeryone is so kind and understanding.  I felt so alone before I got on here.  God bless you, thank you.

[dominosarah]

You are never alone while you are here.  We are all addicts in different stages of recovery.  We know the feelings you are going thru right now.  Look around the forum and get comfortable.  We are open 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week.

[jshively]

Well my fiance is about 3 months pregnant and had a way larger problem than 40 mg's a day. She has found a doctor and now takes Subutex. Which is a safer alternative for the baby to Suboxone.. Which is an addiction medication used to taper people off of opiates..

[autumnsky88]

It takes tremendous courage to admit your addiction. My very first hydro script was given to me while I was pregnant with my daughter- 15 years ago. I had a 9mm kidney stone! Obviously, I could not pass that. LoL! Kidney started shutting down, they put in a stent, etc.. I started having contractions because my body was under so much stress. They could not operate because the chances were high that I would lose her. They couldn't do anything but try to keep me comfortable. The stone moved so much that my urine was red for months. I wish I knew then how dependant I would become upon them. My daughter was, thankfully, healthy. They had to induce 3 weeks early to get that stone taken care of.
You are doing the right thing, but I wouldn't advise quitting cold turkey while pregnant.  I agree that if your doctor doesn't support and encourage, you need to find a new one! Everyone has their own struggles and need encouragement, not judgement! You are already putting your child first- you'll be a great Mom.
Stay Strong <3

[AshamedMariah]

Just got back from the Dr. She was very, very kind.  Thank goodness.  She even hugged me when I left.  She prescribed me 30 pills and gave me specific instructions on when to take.  She said to take two for 5 days, then 1.5 for 5 days, then 1 for 5 days and so on.  SHe has me scheduled to see her next week.  She told me that with the baby and me taking the pills, it was all or nothing, basically meaning I will miscarry if I stayed on the path and increased dosage or the baby would be born and be fine.  I do NOT want to lose the baby so I will follow her instructions exactly.  When i left there I even texted my contact that i get them from and said to please never contact me again i do not want any part of the pills.  I am going to block her number too just in case.  I do feel better, even though it was so humiliating for me to tell her I got it off my chest and will ge off the right way.  The good thing is I am sure she can check if I am still on them when I visit her so its yet another good reason to make sure I am doing what she says.  Thank you everyone, I will keep posting.  If I wouldnt have got on here, I wouldnt have found the courage to call my dr.  Thank you.

[dominosarah]

I am so proud of you~~That took alot of strength and courage to do what you did.  I am also very happy your doctor was so helpful and understanding.  Make sure you keep being honest with her.  Keep talking with us on here.  We care about you and the baby~~~sara

[adgal]

I just read through this.  I work for a non profit agency and a part of what we do is help women who are in exactly your situation.  So I see this all the time.  I just want to tell you that I think you are absolutely fabulous!  What you did took a lot of courage and strength.  It is clear to me that your first priority is that baby and that is pretty telling as to the kind of mother you will be (and already are).  You should be incredibly proud of yourself and I know that your story will inspire a lot of other women.  I honestly wish that I could reach right through this screen and give you a big hug.  You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and a great deal to be very very proud of.  I wish you nothing but the best!!  I wish everyone would be brave enough to take the steps you just did.  Way to go momma!!!

[Sonrissa]

Hi! I was not going to weigh in on this post because I have absolutely no experience being pregnant and addicted! I have read through the entire thing! I just have to say you are so amazing!! This took so much courage and yes you have put your baby's health and well being ahead of your addiction!  

I hope to see you stay around here for a long time! We see many posts from pregnant women who are in your similar situation! They are scared and ashamed and desperate! You are truly an inspiration! You have so much to offer here! Please keep us updated on your progress! We really care! Also, stick around you can give many women hope! Take care and all the best to you! Big hug!!

[littlebit667]

Sounds like a plan!  You are to be congratulated for your strength!  Thanks for letting us know what happened.  Please keep checking with us..we love babies!