Tomorrow is the day

[Ladybug9705]

Well tomorrow is the day that I begin CT off Lortabs. I dont want to ramble but I want to give you part of my story. About 6 years ago I began taking them recreationally just off and on. About 4 years ago I began my dr hunt to find a dr that would write me a script. I have legitimate back pain so I used that reason. After testing and mri I was diagnosed with degenerative disc disease...sadly I was happy because I knew getting a script would be no problem!! After a while I was sent to a pain clinic and I currently am prescribed 100 7.5s a month. They are gone in a couple of weeks and I buy off the street(hundreds of dollars worth). I am sick and tired and fed up with this! That is money that my family needs! I hate waking up wondering if I have enough to make it till pay day? How many can I take today? I don't get high on them anymore I just take them to feel "normal". I have a full time job and a family so being sick for a few days will be tough but I am ready to do it!! My back pain is nothing that a little advil wont take care. There is no looking back now..tonight I will take my last pill!!! I am ready! Please say a little prayer for me that I can be strong enough to pull through this darkness!     ---Ladybug

[ANewLife4Me]

Congrats on making the decision to take your life back!  I kinda started out the same way you did, recreationally, then got myself a doc to prescribe, had the MRI done, found bulging discs that I was happy (?) about, sent to pain management, etc., etc.!
Does your husband know?  I will say a little prayer for you....  You can do this!!!

[Ladybug9705]

Yes my husband knows in fact he is the only person that knows. He is very supportive. As far as my kids, friends and coworkers are concerned I will be sick with the bug thats been going around lately. Thanks for the prayer.

[jeffclowns]

hey ladybug god bless you and i know u can do it so look forward to seeing your progress posted on site so everyone here is ready when u are, so u made 1 hard decision already admitting there is a problem so let's do it and get u pill free ...

[roughroad]

Great decision! As a mom I can sympathize with your worries. I work full-time and am a single mother so the whole idea of detoxing was super scary. I lucked out and got a week off of work for a bad 'flu'. So now I just have to manage two very small children while withdrawing(sarcasm btw...that is the hardest part). It's really hard when they don't know whats going on but they see you aren't yourself. Being a mother is hard enough but being a mother with an addiction is just plain impossible. Let your kids be your motivational force behind this. Mine certainly are exactly that for me. I wasn't really able to be the attentive mom I wanted to be while using...or the mom they deserved. They first few days are so hard but thankfully you have a supportive husband that knows what is going on, thank God for that. You'll feel better soon enough. You just need to get day 1 underway. Best of luck to you and your family.

[DayToTry]

Ladybug ... you are so lucky to have a husband like that.  My husband is a Jehovah's Witness and I am not.  Everything he does it right and everything I do is wrong.  I could never ever tell him.

I envy you.  Go home and hug your husband.

[Ladybug9705]

Thank you all for your kind words. My children are my driving force for quitting, I have to do it for myself and them. My daughter is 12 and my son is 5. I feel like my son has never even saw me for who I really am. He has always saw me on pills. I feel so so very guilty for that. The other night after he fell asleep I just watched him sleep and cried until I could not cry anymore for what I have put them through. I have always managed to feed my addiction but could not afford take them to the movies or buy them something they wanted. That makes me feel like a horrible mother. But enough dwelling on the bad things and the past time to move forward and make things better!! My husband works nights so I pretty much have all the duties a single mom has, luckily my husband will be home this weekend to help out with the kids and housework.

I am already starting to feel a little different because today I have only taken 2 pills instead of the 4 I normally would have had by now. I will take 1 more (my last one) tonight so I can get some rest and work tomorrow. Tomorrow after work I plan on renting a bunch of movies since I probably will not sleep much. It is suposed to rain and be cold this weekend so I guess I will pile up on the couch and pay the piper!! I am ready to get this show on the road! I want to be me again!

[readynow81]

Hey. I'm so happy that you are ready to do this. I know first hand the way you were feeling when you were looking at your child asleep and just cried. I too felt like my son didn't even know the real me. I felt like  I've failed him, until now. I know on my thread it says I was taking  about 15 pills a day for the past 10 months, that was at my worst. Before then I had a script for less and was still using.. it only got worse. I kept feeding this demon in me and feeding it. It only wanted more. The more I took, the worse I felt in the morning. But did that stop me? Nope, I kept going. I got to the point of 15 a day and it flat out scared me. I wondered a few times if id wake up. Not a good way to live. I'm  so so glad I was able to realize I was worth more than I was allowing myself. The best decision I ever made was to get clean. And, we are both lucky to have supportive husbands. I don't know about you, but when I finally came clean and told him, it brought us closer. I didn't have to hide from  him anymore. Just think, once the hard part is over, you will look at your children in a whole new light. I know I do. I absolutely adore my son. Not that I didn't while I was using, but I couldn't show him whole heartedly. I was preoccupied. I'm so proud of you, and I know you can get through this. I will make sure to catch up with you over the weekend. Before you know it, you will have YOU back!! It's scary, a lot of work, and can be really  emotional. All worth the reward!!! Mo matter what, remember you WILL be ok, breathe deep, and stay POSITIVE!! Like a very wise friend on here told me.. This too shall pass.  Best of luck,  talk to you soon!!

[Ladybug9705]

All the encouraging words on this site really do help so much. I am so proud I found it. You people are extremely amazing and I thank God I found you. I took my last pill a couple of hours ago and wouldn't you know...my dealer called about 10 minutes later I firmly told him I was not interested and not to call me anymore. Shew that was hard to do but I did it with a smile on my face. I have to change my habits. What will I do in the morning instead of taking a pill? It will be hard to break habits but I will make new, healthy habits. Like I said before I just want ME back!
In the morning when I get a break at work I will check to let everyone know how it is going. Till then please say a lil prayer for me as I begin day 1 of ct.

[tramsbite]

I just want me back....... You know what you want and you are going for it! I commend you for your strength and bravery. Always remember what you want and why you are putting yourself thru this. We will all be here for you. Sending tons of prayers your way.

[pillfree21]

I wish you patience and strength on this journey, it will definitely test both of those, but it is very much doable.  I would try and read as many posts as possible and use some of the advice to lessen the effects of WDs. It truly does get better with time, you just have to allow yourself to get past those first 5-7 days.

[gnarly_1]

HI ......just read your post and congrats on wanting to take your life back....this will be tuff but very rewarding in the end....fist off try not to let fear or panic into the equation it only makes it worst and its always worst in our minds then it turns out to be...get comfortable with the saying ...''you just got to be ok without be ok for a wile '' you will understand it as you go threw it..remember this is 1/3 physical and 2/3 mental be ready to fight on both fronts... .we always recommend picking up the stuff in the thomas recipe you will find it under the health pages off to the lower right hand side of the screen...as a bear minimum
pick up the imodium and the highlands restful legs along with plenty of stuff to drink
your probably not going to feel great in the morning but you should be able to get out b/4 it gets bad walmart has everything you'll need you can find the highlands stuff with the vitamins and herbal stuff the best thing you can bring to the table is a positive attitude
it will take you a long way doing this if you can rent a bunch of movies to keep yourself bizzy at night your probably not going to sleep for several days...a hot bath is your best friend doing this a shower will do but a bath helps releave the anxiety also and is good for overall symptoms....hang  in there and just know you can do this ....I noticed you believe in God...that will be priceless going threw this prayer works.... rather then pray for God to take it away...I found praying for the strength to get threw it more effective when it's 3am and your up shaking he's all you got...God was instrumental in helping me get off the stuff and I still relye on him to help keep me clean...I will pray for you ...well I hope the stress of this dosent keep you up tonight let this encourage you that your making the right desison..keep posting for support I will check on you tomorrow morning good luck and God bless......Gnarly        

[Ladybug9705]

Well I have began my journey today, my last pill was 15 hours ago and the withdrawl symptoms have began. I am at work which is the really sucky part but it is helping to keep my mind off things. My legs are already aching and the bathroom issues have started. My head is pounding. I have imodium and will get the Hylands when I get off work.
Gnarly, thanks for the prayers and all the advice, Lord knows I need them!!

[DayToTry]

Do you have to work the weekend Ladybug?  I'm hoping for your sake you don't.  Then you can have those two days to recouperate and hopefully be starting to feel better by Monday.  Good luck bug.

[ANewLife4Me]

Good luck to you ladybug!  Take it minute by minute if you have to.  Sending prayers your way :)

[mychalupa]

Day 1 was hard hun, your mind plays tricks on you, your body kills so bad but when they say it passes, it truly passes! Day 2 comes and your happy with yourself, surprised that you made it but just keep pushing through, I have children myself,8,5,3 and 1..they are my motivation. I to spent money on drugs that could have went towards them....or bills! They never go without but that truly is not the point.We cant dwell on the past, unfortunately we can only move forwd and learn from those mistakes!
I am starting day 3 in my journal..come take a peak if you like.
Congrats to you on day1 ...stay strong and keep going! XOXO

[Ladybug9705]

Aww you guys are awesome...I am supposed to working but I find myself coming back to this site. It really does help to read all the encouraging words and storys! Well DayToTry, I have not worked but 2 Saturdays in the past year and just found out I have to work half a day tomorrow---yuck!! But atleast it is only till noon.
mychalupa, I will check your journal out. Thanks! XOXO

[gnarly_1]

HEY how you feeling today....??

[Ladybug9705]

Honestly, I feel like crap but I am pulling through!! Everyone on this site is absolutly amazing!! If it was not for yall I would probably have gave in already. I start getting weak and I come back here looking for support and find it everytime. It helps alot to know there really are people just like me out there and I am not alone. Thanks for checking on me.

[tramsbite]

Bug you are doing so well. I am in awe of your strength. To have to work while going thru.w/d and still keeping a smile on your face. That is strength. God bless you hunnie. I am praying for you.

[gnarly_1]

HI hang in there use your symptoms to strengthen your resolve to quit...its actually not a bad thing your at work it will help keep your mind off of it dont clock watch just let the day go by....look forward to a nice hot soak when you get home and rent a couple of movies your  probably not going to sleep...use your faith in God....prayer helps it made a huge difference for me....just know what your going threw is temporary and in a few days it will pass
your off to a great start remember attitude is everything you can do this.....Gnarly  

[dominosarah]

You can do this Ladybug!!  Stay positive and know you are doing something really great here~~~~~~~sara

[lostsoul30]

stay strong! sending positive vibes

[abel04]

sounds like you might not be having as bad physical symptoms as some-----if you start feeling like you could die......just remeber you won't; i had to pace the floor for about 6-7 nights; big ditto on the hot baths----i just kept it full & got in every hour during the worst.

the psychological is hard too, but when you just get tired of sneaking around & like you said spending $$$$ on what? and the children see & know all.....and the pills that were you friend & your "happy pill" now make you sad & steal you from your life & your children's lives....once you really see all this, & i think you have....you may have bumps, you may relapse, but you can & will do this!

[Ladybug9705]

Will this day ever end??? I am 19 hours into day 1....i feel absolutly terrible!!! Chills, bathroom problems, aches, pains, cramps, yawns, you name I have it right now. The very thought that one call could make feel better is very very temping. I am fighting that urge hard right now. Please God help me get through this!