shadowknight

[sharma799]

hey m 22 years old. i have an elder brother who is 24 . he's addicted to cough syrup . i've seen him consuming it. Due to this our family is suffering a lot. he doesn't listen to anyone. I think this cough syrup addiction is effecting his brain. i really need your help. tell me what can i do to get him out of this addiction. i'll be really gr8ful to you .

[sharma799]

thnx.

[sharma799]

today is his second day at rehab. His detoxification has been started . But we're feeling really bad for him. we all miss him alot at home.i hope he doesn't carry any grudge for his family n see that we're doing it just for his well being.

[weaver71]

That's awesome bud. You and your family made a plan and stuck with it, your brother is a lucky man. I hope he see's you are doing whatever it takes and wants to do whatever it takes also. Keep us posted.

[newoutlook12]

So glad to hear that!  I'll be praying for him to be able to get this under control.  So he can live a happy healthy life without drugs. And also praying for your family to be whole and happy again! I bet your mother is thrilled!

[sharma799]

we got him into a rehab today. i hope he'll handle the situations well n get relapsed . thnx :)

[Dozeman]

I read threw your post and hitting your mother is a bad deal the drugs will take care of his career in time if he dont get help good luck I will pray for you

[EvolverU]

If this makes any sense or helps at all, abusing drugs is not a 'choice' in the way that we usually think of choices. It doesn't start out with an intent. The drug works @ first giving the user a feeling of power & ease -- more energy, less anxiety, more sleep, less physical pain, more confidence, a sense of well-being, whatever it is for that particular user..Then, by degrees, it slowly changes our chemistries & our mental and even behavioral tendencies 'till we're no longer in the driver's seat. The drug is and we're caught in it's tentacles. While we're in the deep stages of use and denial, we're pretty much unable to grasp how we're affecting ourselves and others. I suspect that this is pretty much where you're brother's @ right now. Just know that it's not a conscious choice for him @ the moment -- he can't see his way clear to rational and constructive thought because of the place he's in. He may not admit it but he doesn't feel good about himself or anything that he's doing. He will heal if he stops using but it's a process and a struggle. It doesn't happen overnight and it's not just a question of getting the drugs out of his body. He'll need some form of aftercare & an understanding of where he's been and why and how he's going to stay clean in the future.  Staying clean will be his real challenge. If he makes a True effort & succeeds in getting and staying clean he's going to be facing his own demons and doing one of the most difficult things a person can do in this life. So, don't be discouraged if it's a struggle. It's worth it to get him back!

[sharma799]

thnx a ton for giving me your time. i feel a bit relaxed now. i hope watever we do would harm no one in our family. rest we'll see how it goes. n ya i'll keep you guys updated . we live once dnt knw y people waste their lives abusing drugs . its just so sad

[weaver71]

Sounds good. I'm real curious as to how this plays out. I am sorry you have to deal with all this. I think of those who love addicts and stick by their side as heroes. I would have left me many times, but I am glad my wife didn't, for whatever reason. We do recover, but it takes our own efforts and desire, all of it. Any question as to whether we should quit at all, I mean anything, and we relapse. Keep us posted.

[sharma799]

yeah its true.. we've got to do something to get him out now from the house now. we'll get him into a rehab. lets see how it goes. money is nothing compared to family. we've faced enough of his shi t. i hope he realize what wrong with him. he actually doesn't have any job. he always asks for the money to invest in some business . he has wasted a lot of money befooling us. now when we know he's abusing cough syrup we'll not aid him with money no matter what he says .

[EvolverU]

Sharma,

I know that this is really, really hard & that you're worried about your mom & dad but in order for this to not get even worse, it's important that she understand that enabling him by giving him money, etc. is actually hurting him & delaying any chance @ recovery & a decent life.

Again, may we ask how you guys are planning to get him into this rehab? If he's willing to go, I think it's really important that it be a long & structured stay. If you need help w/ places -- folks on this forum will be more than happy to guide you guys.

Violence against your mom says it all! It's unacceptable & I know you agree! I think for starters, you should change the locks where you live. This is a situation that calls for tough love. You can not protect him from himself. He has to do that -- he has to come to a place of 'bottoming-out' & 'submitting' to sanity. It's not pretty to watch but there's really no other way. I mentioned Al anon for you and your family & so did my friend Weaver above. It will make you feel less helpless, give you some insight & some much-needed support! Please, do check it out.

[weaver71]

Let me put it very simply, what is more important, a good career and being abusive to your mother in active addiction, or being poor and loving your mother the way she deserves? I put family above money, always. Maybe his career is worth it to your mother, but I bet she cares more about him than his job. Just saying, his addict priorities are influencing the whole house.

[sharma799]

Ur right . but we cant cut him lose . we did it 2 weeks ago n he came back n get violent on my mom. if we call police then his career is finished. so what we have thought is to put him into rehab n let him see whats wrong with him. i hope it works .

[weaver71]

You need to talk to your mom and have her stop helping him, she can call the cops or a strong neighbor to remove him from the house. If one of you keeps helping him, then it won't work to make him realize his problem. I would look into Al anon for your mom, so she can meet others who have been through this and how they were able to handle it. I don't know where you are, but there is help in every country in the world. I'd look for help for your mom for now, let your brother take care of himself, until he asks for help.

[sharma799]

it's like we are in touch of some people who knows about the rehab facility in our near place. n no i dnt know how long would it take him to rejuvenate . and we are still looking for a rehab . i'll let you know when we finalize . i'm just too scared coz he start hitting my mom when he's denied of money plus he's not admitting of his addiction. everything is just so scary . i wish we get through all this real soon . my dad is down with depression . i've got to go to different city for my job in next 6 months. It's my mom who is facing all this **** . i just love my mom . cant see her getting through all this .

[weaver71]

From what I see in this situation, the whole family needs to cut him off. No food, no housing, money, nothing. I lived on my own at 14, I think by 24 he should be able to live on his own, especially since he isn't an addict, according to him. The one thing that seems to make us addicts accept our addiction is consequences and it sounds like your brother doesn't have enough consequences. If it is still feels good and doesn't cause any problems, in his mind, why would he want to quit or think he should? The problems and consequences of his actions have to be put on him, not you and your family, then he MIGHT finally decide there is a problem. Just my opinion, as mean as it may sound, the best way to help an addict in denial is to let them create and deal with their own consequences for awhile. After he finally realizes that his drug use is the problem and asks for help, then and only then can you help him.

[EvolverU]

Ok! (Thanks for the info :)

I'm not going to lie. If he's not yet admitting that he's got a problem then you guys definitely are facing an uphill battle. Hopefully his denial will change once he's immersed in a rehab setting & has to go through the rigors of withdrawal.

May I ask you a question? If he's denying he's an addict, I'm assuming that he's not interested in going to rehab. How are you guys getting him to accept it? Also, what kind of a rehab? Do you know how long it will be for (the longer the better in his case! He needs some time under his belt & to be kept away from his DOC (drug of choice -- Codeine) & to gain a little Clarity on the situation.

(Thanks! You seem like a good person as well:)

[sharma799]

he's not admitting it n thats the worst part . we have to get him into rehab by ourselves . it's kinda frightening to see all this happening . everything was just so perfect 6 months ago. n now m facing the worst phase of my life i guess. i hope he'll be fine when he gets back home from rehab. helpless is what my family is.
thanks for listening to my problems . ur a nice person :)

[EvolverU]

Hi!

It's nice to see you, I just got your message & am here. So, your family is looking into rehab for him. How does he feel about that?

Again, I'm sorry that you're going through this. I know it's painful..How are you & your family holding up. How's your bro doing?

[sharma799]

it was good to see some1 coming up to help me. but what has happened in last few days is he's threatening all of us for the money. he's not able to understand our love for him. all he needs is money. so we're looking for a rehab centre for him. it hurts to make him get through all this. but this is the only option we are left with. just pray for the well being of my family .

[EvolverU]

Oops! (Sent too soon :) Btw. I'm not saying that your family is enabling him in any way -- just to watch out for it as it's so easy to mistakenly do out of love.

3) Tell him that you love him & will support him in anything healthy that he wants to do like rehab, counseling, meetings & detoxing.

Let us know what you think. We're here & we're pulling for all of you :)

[EvolverU]

Hi there & Welcome :)

I'm so sorry that your family is going through this!

Unfortunately, until your brother wants to do this for himself & comes out of his denial, there's not too much you can do for him. That said, there are a few important things you & others who love & care for him can do:

1) Find out all you can about the nature of opiate & addiction in general. It will help you to understand where he's @ & why, as hard as it is, you can't do this for him. Al Anon is a good place to get the support & input of other folks who are going through or have been through something similar in their families.

2) It's crucial that no one 'enable' him, as this will ultimately harm him by allowing & actually aiding in the continuance of his habit. He may lie, charm, bluster &/or manipulate in order to get his way & continue using. Please, don't lend him money, cover for him, get him 'one last dose' because he's 'quitting' or can't make it through work or whatever. As painful as it may be to watch him in the grips of this, don't let him guilt you. I promise you that if you do, it won't be the last time & he'll come to you again & again & it will only get worse. That's the nature of the beast. (B