PROBLEM

[Korley]

I am having an issue here. I am leaving to go on vacation next week, and I keep wanting to go to the doc and get more pills. I have not had any in 9 days, but I keep thinking that I should get some to take with me b/c I deserve to feel good on my vacation. I know deep down that I will have to go through all of the w/d's again, and feeling guilt, shame and depression. So why am I still wanting to get more? Can someone please help talk me out of this?

[limodan73]

Just wanted to let ya know that we all feel ya. The mind and mental part of this is really a beech! I am on day 22 and still find myself reaching for them, even though they aren't there. Crazy how these things get ahold of us. Anyways, one point I want to make is this. On Day 6 I took a walk, it was the sunday before memorial day. I actually had a smile on my face because I hadn't smelled and enjoyed the fires and family BBQ's in so long. Its these type of things we all want back, right? Real Joy, Real happiness.  A sense of normalcy? If you take them on the trip, you might feel the fake normalcy, but you won't have the real, beutiful sence of Joy. And, Thats the point of the vacation. Right? Stay strong and  leave the pills alone. You'll end up just feeling like **** anyways. You don't wanna deal with guilt on vaca.  Good luck and god bless.

[lady67]

In November, I was where you are now.  My family and I were finally taking the kids to Orlando for a week at Disneyworld.  I had been on pills for a long time, but I had told my husband I had stopped.  I didn't want him to know I was taking anything, plus, I wanted to remember my trip.  I didn't take ANYTHING for that week, and I did great.  It was a great week.  I screwed up when I got back because the first thing that I did was call and get the ambien refilled.  I should have never done that.  But as I have said before, that is water under the bridge and I am thankful that I was CLEAN during our vacation and my family was thankful for it too.  

Please consider trying to do this without pills, you will feel so much better about yourself.

Susan

[janshan]

First you are awesome to make it 9 days I envy you so much!  Do not do it you have come so far, you will find enjoyment in other things on vacation.  I went on a bus trip last week and thought ok I will wean myself there and ended up taking a lot so I could function now I regret it so much!  You will end up back in the same spot, if you are anything like me.
Hang in there

[sunshine73]

I hear you. I was a week clean and my family had a vacation planned. The day before we left there was so much stuff that needed to be done. I had zero energy, so I caved in. I took half a pill, felt great and got my stuff done. The next day I took the other half and by the middle of the week while on vacation I was up to 4 a day. I was so mad at myself. I could not let anyone know. They all knew what I went through the first time around. So now Im trying to ween off, last time I did it cold turkey. Im down to 2 a day and hope to be back down to zero in a few days. It so hard not to take them when you have them. Those pills will call you like a demon wanting to posess you. Its horrible. But we see them as our happy pills. Good luck and I hope you are stronger than I was.

[broknbck]

9 days clean. This will be a great opportunity to start reviving natural endorphins again.
That helped me alot while i was tappering down. Going places and experiencing real cool things, doing fun stuff. Take advantage of this vacation, it is perfect timing!!

And have fun!

[Korley]

Everyone on here always makes me feel so much better, like people really care and I can do this! So thanks for all of  the advice, reading it makes me feel more empowered!

[avisg]

I understand where you are and what you are saying my first vaction was three months after I got clean and I still went threw the same thought prosses you are right now . I choose to stay sober and it was the best vaction I have ever had .I think if you can get threw the vaction will be sooo happy with yourself .

[cocobeanlisa]

You say your a recovering AA, as you know I am also (11 1/2 years sober)

This time around with pills I am treating them just like I treated the booze.  Would you
take a bottle of vodka on your vacation or maybe gin?  NOo you know those will kill you,
the same with the pills.  They will kill me and I have a disease, an alergy to them.

1 is to many a 1000 not enough, hold on and remember you never have to go through this again, we stay clean no matter what, and put your A$$ in a Winn DIxie bag and get it to a meeting.  All of those sayings holds true for me today.  Do you want to detxo all over again ? b/c you will, ther will never be enough pills for you.

SO to enjoy your vacation, take the money you would have spent on the pills and go
to a very nice resturant, or buy a nice outfit.  treat yourself not not with pills.

cocobean

[AlessandrasMom]

I think when events like vacations, social outings, etc. come up and you are clean for the first time, it's like a trigger to take pills to get through it.  I have my daughter's first birthday party this weekend, I have no power at my house, trees and wires down in the backyard and a good chance for my house catching on fire.  I want to down my drugs right now like there's no tomorrow but I know I can't.
By next week you would be in your teens as far as days go and hopefully it should be a whole lot better for you.  Also, hopefully you will have such a good vacation that you won't even be thinking about pills.
Keep posting and reading and be strong.  You can do this!!!

[Decisions]

Another note....
If you give in to the pills for your vacation, then your enjoyment of that vacation will be marred by possible guilt afterwards, netting you the same possible result, disappointment.  

Try to just enjoy your time away.  Or, another option would be to move the vacation back a few weeks while you really put your DOC use to 'bed'.

Good luck and I do understand your sentiment!

[Decisions]

If you are not feeling unwell from the last W/D, why ruin your run?  You are doing so well..  And I understand. This week I have family in town and we have to go to the typical places, Universal Studios, Disney, etc.. I am NOT in the mood to do this, and I am sure if I downed a few Hydros, my "mood" would change.  
My son graduated this week, and we have Grad-Nite lock down (where I will be there from 10pm to 5am), needless to say I am a bit panicked over that, with my gut and back still in spasm, me praying it will get better in the next 2 days...

Point is, I could easily take to 'get through' but I am not going to.  I hope you won't either. If you truly are not feeling sick, you can do the trip and enjoy it for what it is.

You can do it, ..  I'm gonna too, even though mine is not a vacation, it is a time to be proud , happy, etc..