Afraid I might relapse

[Storme]

I thought i was doing really well. I was answering questions here, giving advice and feeling so proud of myself for being 56 days sober and then tonight, the urge came over me to want the pills so badly that right now it is all I can think of. I am twitchy with need/desire and I am so close to calling my sister and asking her for some right now. The problem is, she would hand them to me. Only my immediate family knows my shame in this. It is taking every ounce of self preservation that I have not to make that call. I need help guys. I am not sure why all of a sudden the urge has hit me but I feel like I am fading fast.

[gizzy32]

Are you ok today? Those 56 days clean is something to be proud of:) The fact you posted this shows how committed you are to staying clean and hope you check out one of those meetings. You could also be experiencing PAWS, so read up on it in the health pages. I think PAWS caused me a couple relapses. Stay strong your doing so good.

[dominosarah]

How are you doing today?  Great job on making it thru!!  You can do this!!      sara

[outcold]

Just got on today and saw your post. You have been such a huge help to me that I wanted to lend my support. Today is not a good day for me either. You are doing so wonderfully and you ARE helping those of us with less clean time, so keep hanging on. I love it that you exercised your way through the craving! I find that exercise not only keeps my mind occupied but, even temporarily, makes my body feel better! If you haven't tried it yet, I recommend yoga/meditation. It requires so much concentration and focus that it's hard to think about anything else at the time. You may want to give it a shot! You rock! I really hope your day gets better!

[udoschoices]

hang in there Storme - you can do it. Like the post above me says - i only dream of 56 days you are doing SO good just think of how much better each day brings. I too thought i could do it without NA or a counselor and i'm going back to a meeting today to do whatever it takes this time... congrats on the weight loss milestone!  One of the consequences of my addiction was weight gain also and i'm slowly starting the same, getting back into working out which i did my whole life..

congrats on not making the call and thanks for responding to my post helping me

[Newlife58]

I picked up on one word you said in your first post . The word Shame . How can you have shame for how far you have come. You are a 56 day champion and a inspiration to many who have only dreamed of being 1 day sober. I am so glad you have resited. Im day 5 and please keep up the fight as you blaze the trail ahead of me and those that are ahead of you bring you a long. We are all in this togeather.

[LeaAnn807]

Oh, I am so happy you didn't use!  Good job with the distraction.  Just make sure you have some good support in place for when that happens again!!!!!!! : )

[pillfree21]

I am true believer in the fact that we grow tremedously during these periods of cravings, most likely much more than we do just WDing...because these are the true test of our resolve.  I am around 39 or 40 days and I can completely relate to this...it is a matter of convincing myself that the pills just do not work for me anymore and then I begin to not see them as option.  Great good and hang in there.

[laurel453]

well said and done, storme :)... brian has told you very good advices about those cravings, you were doing well and you are still doing great, don't think that because you have had those cravings, you are doing something wrong, please..... they are to be expected :) fight them ! and looking for help is the best thing, we need going to the root of our addictive behaviour and learning tools too deal with life without some crutch, good luck :)

[Storme]

Hi all,

I wanted you to know that I did not take the Norco. I did a mother of a Wii workout instead and found out I am under my first major weight loss milestone! It helped a lot and I realize I don't want to go through all of that again. I am going to keep up the good fight and stay sober. Later today I am going to look up an NA meeting in my area and an addiction therapist. I thought I could do without one or both but I can't.

[bmdad]

Cravings can hit at the drop of a dime. The often leave as quickly as they came. Some so last longer than others. The good news is you are taking steps this time to prevent that relapse. Now that you have 56 days clean you need to protect that clean time by figuring out how to control that craving. Have you thought about going for a walk, laying in a dark room listening to some quiet music, coming on here and posting, etc? You have to figure out what works best for you. The longer you are clean the more infrequent the cravings will be. Eventually you will hit a point to where you might have one only once a year. It just takes time for our mind and body to heal. I noticed once I hit 3 months, even though I was feeling good, I ended up feeling great. I'm sure you will experience this also.
It's great you came here for support. You know as well as I that using will only cause harm. Even through you may promise yourself that you will only take a "couple" just this time that it will turn in to full blown using once again. Do you really want to have to go through the physical withdrawals again? Do you really want to have to work your way up to 56 clean days again? If you use it will only cause a temporary solution to what would turn in to a long term problem without knowing when you would quit again. You know that using will not do anything to help. It would do way more harm than good. Addicts always have a way of rationalizing using but addicts also know what they are getting ready to do is a huge mistake. Please learn from your past mistakes. Relapsing will only put you back in to the cycle of insanity and you know that is not where you want to be.
Hang in there. Breath in through your mouth and out your nose. Try and relax. This craving will pass shortly. Every craving that you get through will keep putting you further away from using. Each craving that you successfully bury away will make you that much stronger.
Keep fighting. Sobriety is worth every second of the pain we have to endure at times.
Best of luck!

Brian

[Htownnofrown]

Don't do it. My best advice to you would be to get to an NA/AA meeting ASAP. This website can help, but it doesn't constitue the aftercare required for long term sobriety.

[PomoLady]

Please just breath!!!!! and then Breath some more.....all of the WD are not worth it. You are an inteligent person and realize that the worst thing you can do is to call your sister. I have 0 days sober !!!!  but i am happy to be off of the Norco and not looking forward to the WD from the Tram's.....you are so far ahead of the game, don't give in......

God what I wouldn't do for 56 days clean, Just Breath.....and hang in there!

Let me know how you are doing Im here for you!