Tracking the Road to Recovery - Suboxone Tapering

[KLB84]

I'm starting this thread to begin tracking my road to recovery using suboxone. I'm entering some of the most crucial stages and will be "jumping" soon. There are so many horror stories, I'm hoping I'll have one that's more encouraging to tell. Currently I am taking .25mgs per day (.125 twice daily). *Notice decimal in front of 25*

Recent progress info: I had been on .25 for around 3 weeks - long enough to gain stability, but I did have a small set back. I ran out of my 2mg strips and thought I could cut my 8mg strip down enough to use until I saw the Dr. again. (I had one of these left from a prior prescription). This was two weeks during which I had finals, my wedding and honey moon. I should have taken more time to either call in a request or analyze the amount I was taking or both. Before I realized it, I had been taking the wrong dose for two weeks - the pieces were so small - it was impossible to cut an 8mg strip down to .125 pieces. I had been instead taking .25 twice daily - .5 daily - double the amount I had tapered to. I guess b/c I had already stabilized on .25 and had so much going on I didn't even feel a difference. ANYWAY, yesterday I got my 2mg strips refilled and jumped back down to .25 mg per day (.125 twice daily).  Previously I had tapered even slower - from 1/2 a strip (.5 mgs) to 1/3 to 1/4 to 1/6 to 1/8 (.25 mgs) taking many months to do so. That was definately easier, but at this point I just want to get back to where I was. I was proud of myself and when I realized I had screwed up I was feeling depressed, SO, I'm motivated to get back quicker this time.

OK, SO FIRST 24 HOURS BACK DOWN TO .25 mgs (.125 twice daily): Last night I hurt. I took a diclofenac (an NSAID like advil) and slept fairly well throughout the night. This morning I hurt. I took another NSAID. I also feel very antsy but besides that I'm doing ok and the NSAID is working good enough. No stomach problems. Also, when I say hurt, right now I just mean "ache".  Strangely, mostly shoulders/upper body.

[digger1976]

I think you are secretly hoping that your friend scores and phones, your trying to stretch the little amount of subs out in the hope this gives him time. That's the impression I got anyway! I do hope I'm wrong and your really ready for this, you can't go on for ever my friend! In my opinion you are better off dropping the subs, (flush them), jump now and get it over with! The subs will just confuse your detox and your thinking, I would pick a hydro detox every time now, subs take so long to leave you! Just my opinion! Stay away from your source, tell him to #### off!

[ouchie1987]

Hello, I too am detoxing right now and I also have to work. I'm 37 hrs clean and I'm not gonna lie I wish I was hit by a bus. We have to be strong together. I think the little pieces of subs u have will jus increase ur wd time. Remember the last time u took anything n start counting the hours ur clean. My goal is to make it to 100 hrs. Good luck n u r not alone.

[xBellaBellx]

I am also tapering down at the moment. I am stable and not hurting at all on 3mg. I am proud of you for staying in control even when you realized your mistake. Don't give up, cause the recovery stories Ive heard on this site is worth all the pain from the taper and the detox that follows. Stay strong.

[ariley13]

Hi there! I am so sorry to hear about this. I know you had worked very hard to taper down. Unfortunately there is nothing I can recommend that will alleviate your withdrawal symptoms other than the Thomas Recipe, staying hydrated, eating a healthy balanced diet, and exercising as much as you can. There is no way around the detox. We just have to buckle down and go through it. The big thing that you need to do is cut your sources. If you don't, I guarantee you will be going through this again. It may take a week or two for you to break down, but it will happen. Also, I know you don't want to hear this either, but some sort of after care is a must. Everyone is different and different things work for different people. It is so important to make a conscious effort to do something towards your recovery daily. It doesn't work if we just go through detox and pretend that we are cured. Get you some Imodium for the diarrhea. Also, ginger root or ginger ale for nausea. Post any other symptoms you are having and we can recommend stuff that might help a little. Please stick around and keep posting. We all have been where you are and we want to be here for you and see you succeed. Take care of yourself and please try to keep your head up.

[KLB84]

P.S. I already know about the Thomas Recipe, and I can't wait until the weekend to be "sick" because like I said, I'm already "out", I just want to know if anyone thinks this very very brief small amount of suboxone I have left will help me make it thru the worst part....and how long do you think it will take (even though I know everyone is different) to be better physically?
God, so bad I want to take all the little pieces of subs I have left right now to feel better. I know ideally I wouldn't be starting out on less than a mg....but I don't think I have any other options here.....

[KLB84]

Looks like it's been almost 2 months since I posted. I got down to the POINT 125 mgs per day, ONCE per day. I was ready to jump. I got scared, and got some hydrocodone "just incase" the horror stories were true. I shouldn't have been so scared at .125mgs per day. I shouldn't have made excuses like the fact that my husband can't handle it when I'm sick b/c he considers it my fault and still wants to go out and do things when I feel like crap. I got anxiety and depression just thinking about the jump. Getting the hydrocodone was the worst mistake. I took one or two within 12 hours or so of my last dose. It felt good, too good.....I'm so ashamed.....I've been on a 2-3 week binge now, and feel like I'm exactly where I started over a year ago!!!! What a depressing, hopeless feeling...I can't tell my dr. He might quit seeing me as a patient altogether, and I really do need my other meds - paxil and wellbutrin. I have about 4 tiny pieces of suboxone left. I don't even know what mg because they were left over from an 8 mg strip and they're super duper TINY. I'm sure they're less than a mg. So....after taking my last 3 hydrocodone last night around 7, I started going thru major w/ds today about 9:30am. Like I said before, I have NO sick time or vacation time left at work. I took 2 of the small pieces of suboxone I had and felt much better within an hour - at least the feeling of death and diarrhea stopped; by 2:30 I was hurting again and knew I couldn't leave so I took another sliver. - leaving me with the 4 I have now. I guess I'm going to try to take 2 of the pieces tomorrow and 2 of the pieces the next day. I remind you, these pieces are probably around 1/2 a mg or so. (That's just my guestimate). I'm hoping that these few pieces will help me survive the first and worst 72 hours and that I can manage after that. Any suggestions. I know the most common answer will be "after-care", but I mean besides that...and I also know that every person is different and this may or may not work. I still have medication left over for the restless legs which should help at night. I just don't know what to expect over the next few weeks. If I do this "plan" I have, which I think is my only option - no more subs and my "supplier" is out of tabs so.....unless he screws me up, gets a script, and begs me to buy some b/c he's my "best friend" and needs the money and "saved them just for me" blah blah blah, then this is my only option, and if I make it through the first 3 days (even with a little sub help) won't the worst be over with???? I realize ONCE AGAIN, that taking a couple pain killers is not an option for me. I like them way way way too much. I can't stop once I start, I mean I CAN, but it is very freak'n hard. When I took those hydrocodone after being off them for a year and tapering off the subs for months, I felt soooooo good. All of a sudden I wasn't depressed, had no pain, felt GREAT! No wonder they're so addicting. So I know this is just hydrocodone that I'm talking about, and I've done much worse, but I was already back up to like 70-90mgs a day. My tolerance goes up very very quick considering my background. I guess I'm just lucky I don't know where to get oxy's or methadone or heroin where I live now, and that I only know of one supplier and most of his sales come from crack (which I hate) and the hydrocodone he'd prefer to keep for himself unless he gets a big quantity. I did almost get sucked into the uppers coming off subs b/c I was so tired all the time, but I quickly remembered how much I hated them. I can't handle them emotionally, and I discovered redbull was still a friend and better option - I can only drink one of those a day without being jittery so you can imagine how much I REALLY don't need any kind of "speed". Even if it helps with fatigue it's not worth the emotional rollercoaster it sends me on. The opiates make me depressed too when I'm not on them, but when I am on them they actually do feel worth it - oh, to have no pain.... I've always been sensitive to pain and that's probably why I became an opiate addict by the time I was 14 yrs old. On the other hand, there isn't an endless supply, and due to increasing tolerance it always takes more and more and more. I know I can't live like that forever. If there was an endless supply and it didn't lead to "never being satisfied, always wanting more" then I'm sure no one would EVER come off pain killers. Why would we? Is my thinking wrong? Or just normal? I do so bad want to be normal AGAIN. It's been years now, but if you've kept up with my story, you know that btw. the ages of 22-28 I was "normal" so I know its a possibility. Even though I hurt on a daily basis, but at my age I don't think taking pain killers forever is an option...maybe if I was like 80 that would seem more legitimate, but I want to have babies, and be able to live as normal a life as possible. Even if I have to wear salon pas patches forever, I can at least go out, work, and have fun without HAVING to be on something right???? Please don't be too hard on me. I'm feeling very depressed right now.....