Aa
Tracks. Can they be removed?
Once a person has track scars from intravenous linjections, is there any way they can be minimized or removed? I am talking about scars on a 19 year old person. thanks,
Thanks Kristen, i look forward to getting to know you much better and helping eachother get through this mess... i love our im 'chats', we have a lot in common--- keep strong, i'm proud of you!!!
Kip,
thank you, i hardly know what to say... i never realized i had some an impact on the board and also on you... I usually post late at night, and i get real deep late at night (too deep sometimes - i feel like an idiot in the morning sometimes - lol!!!!)
I drank last night, and you know what, i didn't like it... and i feel like **** today.
My hub used again yesterday and took off on the new bike for a 200 mile trip up to st augustine to visit old friends (we lived there for 14-years). they'll set his ass straight because they love him too darn much not to care -- i hope he comes back with a new attitude!
I know i know, focus on ME!!!!! It's not a habit, so it's gonna take some time!
Just wanted to thank your supportive post, it really touched my heart!
Lv Jenny
Kip,
thank you, i hardly know what to say... i never realized i had some an impact on the board and also on you... I usually post late at night, and i get real deep late at night (too deep sometimes - i feel like an idiot in the morning sometimes - lol!!!!)
I drank last night, and you know what, i didn't like it... and i feel like **** today.
My hub used again yesterday and took off on the new bike for a 200 mile trip up to st augustine to visit old friends (we lived there for 14-years). they'll set his ass straight because they love him too darn much not to care -- i hope he comes back with a new attitude!
I know i know, focus on ME!!!!! It's not a habit, so it's gonna take some time!
Just wanted to thank your supportive post, it really touched my heart!
Lv Jenny
I used believe it or not, Neosporin & Cocca Butter (the stick). Just keep putting Cocca Butter on so that its nice and greasy. Once you start to notice a change, use the Neosporin and they will get lighter
jenny:
My thoughts are real diorganized on this-- I'm going to love & care
about and there isn't a damm thing you can do about it!
please store those words and thoughts in that *somewhere* between
your heart and your guts.
I've been searching for the words to express my reaction to the
unfortunate events in your life as of late... Jenny you were one
of the first of the forum to help me believe i'ld found this place of cyber kinship where i could get unconditional love and
acceptance during one of the worst chain of events that ever happened to me. your the best "one woman welcome waggon" this
forum has probably ever expierenced!
i've watched the awful turn of events you and your husband and
children have gone through lately. I will not give up hope that
your husband will find peace and god's grace in recovery. as long
as he is alive, so my hopes are too. but your husband is not the
whom i'm most concerned about.
I worry most about you jenny- your the one who has put your heart
out for everyone on this forum. to everything there is a seasion,
and it is time for jenny to concentrate her efforts on jenny. i've tried to tell you this before. you can't fix a broken hammer
with another broken hammer! you have given up the booze and that
is really great. thats whats inspired this post! PLEASE DO WHAT
EVER YOU HAVE TO DO GET TO OFF THE OXI-C. I can only guess at how
awful it must be to watch your husbands current downward plunge.
my point is this: jenny can't fix her husband, but she can change
herself! perhaps your husband will be attracted to your recovery,
once you've kicked the draggon as Wiz would say. until you do that, there will be nothing you can do to attract a desire in your husband to seek recovery. It is time for jenny to focus her
efforts on jenny. it's that simple (maybe not easy)
i guess what i'm trying to say is it's time for you to save your
ass now! there will always be many reasions to keep on using, but only one to quit. Your children need at least one of the "grown
ups" to be clean. i think that "grownup" will have to be you.
keep an angel on your shoulder,never mind what the sick folks say
you, your children, & your husband are in my prayers!
kio
My thoughts are real diorganized on this-- I'm going to love & care
about and there isn't a damm thing you can do about it!
please store those words and thoughts in that *somewhere* between
your heart and your guts.
I've been searching for the words to express my reaction to the
unfortunate events in your life as of late... Jenny you were one
of the first of the forum to help me believe i'ld found this place of cyber kinship where i could get unconditional love and
acceptance during one of the worst chain of events that ever happened to me. your the best "one woman welcome waggon" this
forum has probably ever expierenced!
i've watched the awful turn of events you and your husband and
children have gone through lately. I will not give up hope that
your husband will find peace and god's grace in recovery. as long
as he is alive, so my hopes are too. but your husband is not the
whom i'm most concerned about.
I worry most about you jenny- your the one who has put your heart
out for everyone on this forum. to everything there is a seasion,
and it is time for jenny to concentrate her efforts on jenny. i've tried to tell you this before. you can't fix a broken hammer
with another broken hammer! you have given up the booze and that
is really great. thats whats inspired this post! PLEASE DO WHAT
EVER YOU HAVE TO DO GET TO OFF THE OXI-C. I can only guess at how
awful it must be to watch your husbands current downward plunge.
my point is this: jenny can't fix her husband, but she can change
herself! perhaps your husband will be attracted to your recovery,
once you've kicked the draggon as Wiz would say. until you do that, there will be nothing you can do to attract a desire in your husband to seek recovery. It is time for jenny to focus her
efforts on jenny. it's that simple (maybe not easy)
i guess what i'm trying to say is it's time for you to save your
ass now! there will always be many reasions to keep on using, but only one to quit. Your children need at least one of the "grown
ups" to be clean. i think that "grownup" will have to be you.
keep an angel on your shoulder,never mind what the sick folks say
you, your children, & your husband are in my prayers!
kio
Both of you have inspired me so much the past 2 days....skipper, you know your stuff....you are so right, you have really given me some hope and have offered some great words of encouragement....I dont know you guys, but my heart is with you and I have been thinking of you guys alot today. When you said Jenny was one of the first on the forum to give you hope....or something like that...I couldn't agree more....Jenny your honesty has helped me so much.....your a strong woman, take care of you and those babies, they need you healthy and clean....you can do it girl!!!
Hi Kip,
Reading you quote to 1021, i fear my husband may just be one that never recovers from this disease and eventually will kill him...
I told him last night that it's not the part of leaving me as a widow someday (probably in my 40's -- i'm 38 now), it's watching him slowly kill himself!
His world just seems to be getting smaller and smaller each day, and he is getting further and further from his program. He is focusing on his addiction and how all he wants to do is get high!!!
I wish to god that we could put him back into fulltime extended care (like i had originally wanted back before he went in).
Or possibly a half-way house. He told me he will "blow his brains out before he ever goes back into a rehab again"!
God help him and god help me... he starts his new job on Monday, and insists that he will be ok when he gets busy with that... although today, he doesn't sound so sure that will even work now... He's getting worse each day, and stopped going to meetings. I know i need to get tough with him (something i suck at), and when i get home tonight, i will insist he at least go to a meeting!!!
I fear i will loose him someday, and it's going to be a long, painful road! What a way to live... i just have to be strong, and make sure i don't try to numb myself to get through it... something i'm very good at!! :(
Thanks kip for listening!
Lv Jenny
Reading you quote to 1021, i fear my husband may just be one that never recovers from this disease and eventually will kill him...
I told him last night that it's not the part of leaving me as a widow someday (probably in my 40's -- i'm 38 now), it's watching him slowly kill himself!
His world just seems to be getting smaller and smaller each day, and he is getting further and further from his program. He is focusing on his addiction and how all he wants to do is get high!!!
I wish to god that we could put him back into fulltime extended care (like i had originally wanted back before he went in).
Or possibly a half-way house. He told me he will "blow his brains out before he ever goes back into a rehab again"!
God help him and god help me... he starts his new job on Monday, and insists that he will be ok when he gets busy with that... although today, he doesn't sound so sure that will even work now... He's getting worse each day, and stopped going to meetings. I know i need to get tough with him (something i suck at), and when i get home tonight, i will insist he at least go to a meeting!!!
I fear i will loose him someday, and it's going to be a long, painful road! What a way to live... i just have to be strong, and make sure i don't try to numb myself to get through it... something i'm very good at!! :(
Thanks kip for listening!
Lv Jenny
Mrs 1021:
your atill with us--good.
your attending alanon? - good
I've said this before (i' really just a collection of old phrases}:
1) my first 12 step sponcer told me "i'm going to love you &
there is just not a damm thing you can do about it.
2) not everyone lives thru the disease of addiction.
3) not every one who uses drugs will ever find recovery of a
sufficent qualith to stay clean.
Put statement in between your guts and your heart, and every time
you speak to or think/worry about your son repeat thos words
aloud!
all of us pray that #2 & #3 won't come too pass but know reality
doesn't always play out to happy endings!
keep an angel on your shoulder (and your son's too)
kip
your atill with us--good.
your attending alanon? - good
I've said this before (i' really just a collection of old phrases}:
1) my first 12 step sponcer told me "i'm going to love you &
there is just not a damm thing you can do about it.
2) not everyone lives thru the disease of addiction.
3) not every one who uses drugs will ever find recovery of a
sufficent qualith to stay clean.
Put statement in between your guts and your heart, and every time
you speak to or think/worry about your son repeat thos words
aloud!
all of us pray that #2 & #3 won't come too pass but know reality
doesn't always play out to happy endings!
keep an angel on your shoulder (and your son's too)
kip
Thanks to everyone for sticking with me. My husband and I are going to Alanon and have a lot of support. We aren't
as naive as we may sound (or maybe we are) I have both eyes wide open but I will never give up on my son. Take care. All of you.
as naive as we may sound (or maybe we are) I have both eyes wide open but I will never give up on my son. Take care. All of you.
Thanks to everyone for sticking with me. My husband and I are going to Alanon and have a lot of support. We aren't
as naive as we may sound (or maybe we are) I have both eyes wide open but I will never give up on my son. Take care. All of you.
as naive as we may sound (or maybe we are) I have both eyes wide open but I will never give up on my son. Take care. All of you.
I'm afraid i have to agree with Kip, this is a man who knows what's he's talking about, and i'm sure you've seen enough to honor his suggestions!!
I don't know much about UA tests, but never ever unestimate the power and will of a junkie, there are many tricks to get past an UA test i'm sure! I'm sorry, i just don't want to see your hurt anymore... i have three children of my own, who have two addictive parents, and a history right up the family tree. I couldn't imagine the pain you must feel watching your own child go through this hell. I love my children with every with every cell in my body, and i pray to god that i never have to witness them going through an addiction like i have seen firsthand!
I pray that your son is clean, but there is so much to an addicts mind, it just sounds too good to be true! Again, i'm sorry. Take Kip's advice, and seek some counseling and go to Alanon. You can find the help you need for YOU at least, and then, with god's power, i hope that you son is willing to seek the treatment and counseling that he so very much deserves and needs... from what i've read from your posts, he is going to need extensive therapy, there really isn't any other way around it, it's too complex! Plus, he's so young, he is still in that crazy 'i'm never gonna die' stage of life where you think your body will put up with anything and live on....
Good luck and prayers! I hope i didn't upset you!
Lv Jenny
I don't know much about UA tests, but never ever unestimate the power and will of a junkie, there are many tricks to get past an UA test i'm sure! I'm sorry, i just don't want to see your hurt anymore... i have three children of my own, who have two addictive parents, and a history right up the family tree. I couldn't imagine the pain you must feel watching your own child go through this hell. I love my children with every with every cell in my body, and i pray to god that i never have to witness them going through an addiction like i have seen firsthand!
I pray that your son is clean, but there is so much to an addicts mind, it just sounds too good to be true! Again, i'm sorry. Take Kip's advice, and seek some counseling and go to Alanon. You can find the help you need for YOU at least, and then, with god's power, i hope that you son is willing to seek the treatment and counseling that he so very much deserves and needs... from what i've read from your posts, he is going to need extensive therapy, there really isn't any other way around it, it's too complex! Plus, he's so young, he is still in that crazy 'i'm never gonna die' stage of life where you think your body will put up with anything and live on....
Good luck and prayers! I hope i didn't upset you!
Lv Jenny
Thank you for the encouraging post!!!! I just read it, i missed it this morning, sorry for the delay in responding!
You know, you and I are so similar in so many ways, it floors me. When i first responded to your post, i just had too because i felt this connection!!!!
The post i just read confirms it again!!!!
I'm so proud of you, you are going to go far in your life, and you have so many wonderful things waiting for you in your future, i can tell!!!! You have a good head on your shoulders, and you know what you want out of life, and you are going to get it, trust me on this!!!!!
I too look at others, all of the time, wondering how, how could they possibly be so happy!! But i remember, i used to be happy too without drugs, although i always drank except during my 3 pregnancies, and you know what, i was happy then!!!! Mommy hormones help somewhat, but you are right, you can be happy without drugs, and the world looks so different when you're clean and sober. No more tunnel vision, and everything looks brighter and fuller!!!!
Thank you for the encouragement, i'm getting closer, i can feel it. My husband's sadness is tearing me apart though. I need to get my butt to alanon before it destroys me. I can save myself, but i can't do what he needs to do for himself!!!
You're taken the biggest step that there is, and now it's all downhill from hereonin, and of course, you know we are all right here for you always!!!!
Lv Jenny
You know, you and I are so similar in so many ways, it floors me. When i first responded to your post, i just had too because i felt this connection!!!!
The post i just read confirms it again!!!!
I'm so proud of you, you are going to go far in your life, and you have so many wonderful things waiting for you in your future, i can tell!!!! You have a good head on your shoulders, and you know what you want out of life, and you are going to get it, trust me on this!!!!!
I too look at others, all of the time, wondering how, how could they possibly be so happy!! But i remember, i used to be happy too without drugs, although i always drank except during my 3 pregnancies, and you know what, i was happy then!!!! Mommy hormones help somewhat, but you are right, you can be happy without drugs, and the world looks so different when you're clean and sober. No more tunnel vision, and everything looks brighter and fuller!!!!
Thank you for the encouragement, i'm getting closer, i can feel it. My husband's sadness is tearing me apart though. I need to get my butt to alanon before it destroys me. I can save myself, but i can't do what he needs to do for himself!!!
You're taken the biggest step that there is, and now it's all downhill from hereonin, and of course, you know we are all right here for you always!!!!
Lv Jenny
1021:
misunderstand me not, i'm happy your son's ua came up clean. i
played cat & mouse with a parole officer for over 2 years and never
got caught with a dirty ua! I was using almost every day. the only
time they (the parole dept.) would have caught me, i didn't screw
the lid of the jar down tight and so my urine leaked out in the US
Postal system vast network. there was nothing to test by the time
it arrived to Lousiana Gulf Western labratory. My point is, one
clean U A means nothing. Now a whole salvo of say 7-10 over 14 days might turn up something. Also an unsupervised donation of sample means nothing. A good UA administered by a competent tester is always supervised. Do you really want to invade your son's privacey to this extent? I look back on my years of shooting/snorting hourse and know deep in my heart this- nothing, not even love for my mom could make me stop me shooting junk. I have some idea of the hell I put my mom & Dad thru. INSTEAD OF ALL THIS CODEPENDANT BEHAVIOR, WHY NOT SEEK OUT SOME HELP FOR YOUR SELF? addiction is a family disease. You have no or little control over your son's behavior,but you can have total control over your own. Codependent councelling could make a workd of difference and even give you back your own life.
I've watched your post for a while now Ms. 1021. My heart goes
out to you, I pray first for you, and then your son. I have a 23
year old step son who drinks, but so far i don't believe he is
using (at least not when he lived here). i know he is a constant
worry to my and I. Sooner or later though, you just have to dis-
connest, and take care of your self.
if you know he is alive right now, that may be the best it gets!
need you-need everyone
kio
misunderstand me not, i'm happy your son's ua came up clean. i
played cat & mouse with a parole officer for over 2 years and never
got caught with a dirty ua! I was using almost every day. the only
time they (the parole dept.) would have caught me, i didn't screw
the lid of the jar down tight and so my urine leaked out in the US
Postal system vast network. there was nothing to test by the time
it arrived to Lousiana Gulf Western labratory. My point is, one
clean U A means nothing. Now a whole salvo of say 7-10 over 14 days might turn up something. Also an unsupervised donation of sample means nothing. A good UA administered by a competent tester is always supervised. Do you really want to invade your son's privacey to this extent? I look back on my years of shooting/snorting hourse and know deep in my heart this- nothing, not even love for my mom could make me stop me shooting junk. I have some idea of the hell I put my mom & Dad thru. INSTEAD OF ALL THIS CODEPENDANT BEHAVIOR, WHY NOT SEEK OUT SOME HELP FOR YOUR SELF? addiction is a family disease. You have no or little control over your son's behavior,but you can have total control over your own. Codependent councelling could make a workd of difference and even give you back your own life.
I've watched your post for a while now Ms. 1021. My heart goes
out to you, I pray first for you, and then your son. I have a 23
year old step son who drinks, but so far i don't believe he is
using (at least not when he lived here). i know he is a constant
worry to my and I. Sooner or later though, you just have to dis-
connest, and take care of your self.
if you know he is alive right now, that may be the best it gets!
need you-need everyone
kio
and it doesn't take long to get them, i only shooted for a short while 3-years ago, in my feet, and i still see them, and they scare the hell out of me!!!!
Good reminder for a time you never want to go back to!
Too bad my nose doesn't show tracks for all the powder of the oxys i've snorted over the past year.
My husband wants to get a tatoo of a poppy plant with two tears coming from it, the two times he spent in rehab. Tears of joy as far as i'm concerned. Suttle reminders!
Jenny
Good reminder for a time you never want to go back to!
Too bad my nose doesn't show tracks for all the powder of the oxys i've snorted over the past year.
My husband wants to get a tatoo of a poppy plant with two tears coming from it, the two times he spent in rehab. Tears of joy as far as i'm concerned. Suttle reminders!
Jenny
hey you:
how ya doing? been thinking bout ya. how the W.D. going? hope all
is well with you and fmaily.
need ya all
kip
how ya doing? been thinking bout ya. how the W.D. going? hope all
is well with you and fmaily.
need ya all
kip
I'm having a rough time...
I had withdrawals a few nights know, and can't seem to keep clean. The kids are demanding, the husband is lost (but ok and going to meetings, and even got a job he interviewed for today), but i'm not being as strong as i need to be.
I've had insomnia for two nights now, and i get the creepy crawlers that drive me nuts. i try taking xanax or valium, but i get too tired to function the next day. I'm even drinking still, but just drank my last drop of what i had hidden, and i am NOT going back to the liquir store!!!
Worse part is i'm sneaking behind my husband's back, he must know, he knows i should be feeling worst than i am, but i don't want to push him back into using... this is so very very very hard, and i am so mad at myself for not being stronger!
:(
It's awful!
How are you doing?
Need you too!!!!
Lv Jenny
I had withdrawals a few nights know, and can't seem to keep clean. The kids are demanding, the husband is lost (but ok and going to meetings, and even got a job he interviewed for today), but i'm not being as strong as i need to be.
I've had insomnia for two nights now, and i get the creepy crawlers that drive me nuts. i try taking xanax or valium, but i get too tired to function the next day. I'm even drinking still, but just drank my last drop of what i had hidden, and i am NOT going back to the liquir store!!!
Worse part is i'm sneaking behind my husband's back, he must know, he knows i should be feeling worst than i am, but i don't want to push him back into using... this is so very very very hard, and i am so mad at myself for not being stronger!
:(
It's awful!
How are you doing?
Need you too!!!!
Lv Jenny
Hey,
I know exactly what you are going through. I have been clean for over a week now and I am still having trouble sleeping. I get about three hours of sleep and then I wake up and feel very uncomfortable. I take some Phenergan and Flexerall and try to go back to sleep. I heard that one of the main reasons an addict will relapse is because they are tired of not getting any sleep (no pun intended). I thought to myself, "If I took some percocet I would probably get a great nights sleep." But I know thats not the answer. I would rather deal with a couple of sleepless nights than to go back to the pain killers (I can't believe I'm saying this). I know this sounds cheezy and corny but I realized everything I was missing when I was doing the percocets. I am going out with friends and dating again. When I was doing percocet all I wanted to do was stay home and get high. I am really not having any cravings for the drugs...except to go to sleep.
It's hard to tough out withdrawl all by yourself. It's so easy to use again just so you can feel somewhat normal. Don't beat yourself up about it. You are a strong person and you will beat this addiction...I have total faith in you. First of all, you wouldn't be on this forum if you didn't want to quit. Some people say they want to quit and not do a damn thing about it. You are headed in the right direction. Once you get sober you might realize how great the wold is without drugs...I don't mean to sound like an after school special...but that is what happened with me. I didn't like that I was a slave to the drug. Even though I bought the prescription I didn't own them...they owned me. My life revolved around doctor appointments and trip to the pharmacy. I would try to get my stories straight...I sometimes told different things to different doctors. I sometimes gave different adresses to the pharmacy, and so on. What kind of life is that? Not to mention I was spending an arm and a leg buying the ****. I never used insurance when going to the doctors or picking up prescriptions. I never wanted my insurance company to have a record of what I was doing. Nor did I want my insurance company sending a letter to the doctors telling them I was getting the same treatment from dozens of other doctors. I was never caught by the pharmacy thank God!!! i would run out of pharmacies to go to and then I would have to run a half hour across town to find some more. Now that I am clean I don't need to worry about a doctor catching on to me, or the anxiety of waiting to get a script filled worrying if the pharmacist will refuse to fill it or tell me that he knows what I'm doing. The closest I ever came was a pharmacist calling the doctors office to verify the large script of 60-10mg percocets...he looked at me and said, "I'm calling the doctor to make sure this script is legitimate." I nervously said, "Go ahead but you'll look like a fool in about five minutes." I was pissed off that he treated me that way...normally I am very nice, to the point of being overly nice to the pharmacist. You don't want to bite the hand that feeds you. That script cost me over a hundred dollars...and by the way I hope he felt stupid after he called the doctor because he was being a jerk to me. But listen to this story. I am such a hypocrite. I was getting a script for percocets filled when I saw a guy come in with a script for vicodin and penecillin all on the same script. he said, "give me the vicodin I don't want the penecillin now but I will come back for it." He then proceeded to tell everyone about why he was getting the pain medicine (dead giveaway that he is abusing them because why else would he say anything. It's like he was confirming why he needed them). Not only that but his friend was there with him pitching in money to get the vicodin filled. I looked at him and thought, "you don't really need the vicodin, you just want to get high." What a hypocrite I am. I am doing the EXACT same thing I have the audacity to look down on him! I've been in his shoes before. I get a script for a narcotic and a script for motrin or vioxx from the same doctor and never get the motrin or vioxx filled. But when they put it on the same script you have to get both filled or its a dead giveaway of what you are doing! After all you want to seem legite and this guy didn't mind letting people know what he is doing. Ahhh, who am I to accuse others? I couldn't believe myself after that encounter. I am just as bad as that guy and I am pointing fingers. Go figure. My brother, who is a doctor, told me that he knows of some ER physicians will give someone what they want just to get them out of the ER. They will write them a script for ten and send them on their way. They call them GOMERS. Get Out of My ER. A pharmacist friend of mine told me the same thing. He said that they would get people comming in there with a script for five vicodins and they know the doctor wrote it just to shut them up and leave. He said he never confronted anyone about getting too many narcotic scripts filled because he said that he also figured...just fill it and get them out of here. I know I am rambing on and on.
But my point Jenny is that you will quit when the time is right for you. Its hard because you are giving up somethinng that you love. You are giving up something that makes you feel like a million buck. I use to think to myslelf, "how could all those other people who don't do drugs be so happy?" I couldn't imagine my life without the pills. Well I hope I helped you in anyway. I know I was rambling but it felt so good to get those things off my chest. Good luck to you.
Tyler
PS- I don't mean to sound like a broken record but look into getting help professionally. Buprenorphine is a wonderful drug.
I know exactly what you are going through. I have been clean for over a week now and I am still having trouble sleeping. I get about three hours of sleep and then I wake up and feel very uncomfortable. I take some Phenergan and Flexerall and try to go back to sleep. I heard that one of the main reasons an addict will relapse is because they are tired of not getting any sleep (no pun intended). I thought to myself, "If I took some percocet I would probably get a great nights sleep." But I know thats not the answer. I would rather deal with a couple of sleepless nights than to go back to the pain killers (I can't believe I'm saying this). I know this sounds cheezy and corny but I realized everything I was missing when I was doing the percocets. I am going out with friends and dating again. When I was doing percocet all I wanted to do was stay home and get high. I am really not having any cravings for the drugs...except to go to sleep.
It's hard to tough out withdrawl all by yourself. It's so easy to use again just so you can feel somewhat normal. Don't beat yourself up about it. You are a strong person and you will beat this addiction...I have total faith in you. First of all, you wouldn't be on this forum if you didn't want to quit. Some people say they want to quit and not do a damn thing about it. You are headed in the right direction. Once you get sober you might realize how great the wold is without drugs...I don't mean to sound like an after school special...but that is what happened with me. I didn't like that I was a slave to the drug. Even though I bought the prescription I didn't own them...they owned me. My life revolved around doctor appointments and trip to the pharmacy. I would try to get my stories straight...I sometimes told different things to different doctors. I sometimes gave different adresses to the pharmacy, and so on. What kind of life is that? Not to mention I was spending an arm and a leg buying the ****. I never used insurance when going to the doctors or picking up prescriptions. I never wanted my insurance company to have a record of what I was doing. Nor did I want my insurance company sending a letter to the doctors telling them I was getting the same treatment from dozens of other doctors. I was never caught by the pharmacy thank God!!! i would run out of pharmacies to go to and then I would have to run a half hour across town to find some more. Now that I am clean I don't need to worry about a doctor catching on to me, or the anxiety of waiting to get a script filled worrying if the pharmacist will refuse to fill it or tell me that he knows what I'm doing. The closest I ever came was a pharmacist calling the doctors office to verify the large script of 60-10mg percocets...he looked at me and said, "I'm calling the doctor to make sure this script is legitimate." I nervously said, "Go ahead but you'll look like a fool in about five minutes." I was pissed off that he treated me that way...normally I am very nice, to the point of being overly nice to the pharmacist. You don't want to bite the hand that feeds you. That script cost me over a hundred dollars...and by the way I hope he felt stupid after he called the doctor because he was being a jerk to me. But listen to this story. I am such a hypocrite. I was getting a script for percocets filled when I saw a guy come in with a script for vicodin and penecillin all on the same script. he said, "give me the vicodin I don't want the penecillin now but I will come back for it." He then proceeded to tell everyone about why he was getting the pain medicine (dead giveaway that he is abusing them because why else would he say anything. It's like he was confirming why he needed them). Not only that but his friend was there with him pitching in money to get the vicodin filled. I looked at him and thought, "you don't really need the vicodin, you just want to get high." What a hypocrite I am. I am doing the EXACT same thing I have the audacity to look down on him! I've been in his shoes before. I get a script for a narcotic and a script for motrin or vioxx from the same doctor and never get the motrin or vioxx filled. But when they put it on the same script you have to get both filled or its a dead giveaway of what you are doing! After all you want to seem legite and this guy didn't mind letting people know what he is doing. Ahhh, who am I to accuse others? I couldn't believe myself after that encounter. I am just as bad as that guy and I am pointing fingers. Go figure. My brother, who is a doctor, told me that he knows of some ER physicians will give someone what they want just to get them out of the ER. They will write them a script for ten and send them on their way. They call them GOMERS. Get Out of My ER. A pharmacist friend of mine told me the same thing. He said that they would get people comming in there with a script for five vicodins and they know the doctor wrote it just to shut them up and leave. He said he never confronted anyone about getting too many narcotic scripts filled because he said that he also figured...just fill it and get them out of here. I know I am rambing on and on.
But my point Jenny is that you will quit when the time is right for you. Its hard because you are giving up somethinng that you love. You are giving up something that makes you feel like a million buck. I use to think to myslelf, "how could all those other people who don't do drugs be so happy?" I couldn't imagine my life without the pills. Well I hope I helped you in anyway. I know I was rambling but it felt so good to get those things off my chest. Good luck to you.
Tyler
PS- I don't mean to sound like a broken record but look into getting help professionally. Buprenorphine is a wonderful drug.
Although most of the time I am tapping into your expertise and experiences, I do think of all of you frequently and pray that you can get through your pain and challenges. My heart especially goes out to those of you who have to take care of young children while worrying about addiction and the well being of your partners. Not to mention all of the chronic pain so many of you constantly deal with. I have suffered migraines for 30 years but not every day. My heart goes out to you. Just wanted to share a little joy. I finally asked my son to do a UA. He wasn't happy about it but it just came back. It was totally clean! Do I dare celebrate this moment of Joy? I am almost afraid to be happy. You know the fear. Thought I would let you in on some good news for a change.
1021:
whatn i mean is this-
it's not the things your son tells you in a coversation that are
about his using (think about it-would you tell your mother you
were goin to shoot some smack?). trust me,what he isn't talking
about is whats cooking down his next shot.
even a mom can get hip to a hype. Let your instincts and intuition
(somethin most women aren't short on) guide you. It's sort of a
game of cat nails mouse. the more you play the more natural you
will become at it. trust me, i've never met a hype that was as
sly as he /she thought they were, myself included. Just stay with
it. don't give it up until he's dead!
my prayers are with your son and you
kip
whatn i mean is this-
it's not the things your son tells you in a coversation that are
about his using (think about it-would you tell your mother you
were goin to shoot some smack?). trust me,what he isn't talking
about is whats cooking down his next shot.
even a mom can get hip to a hype. Let your instincts and intuition
(somethin most women aren't short on) guide you. It's sort of a
game of cat nails mouse. the more you play the more natural you
will become at it. trust me, i've never met a hype that was as
sly as he /she thought they were, myself included. Just stay with
it. don't give it up until he's dead!
my prayers are with your son and you
kip
thanks for the specific recommendations. What did you have in mind when you said heed what he doesn't say? I always have my antenna up but he is a mystery.
1021:
with all due respect maybe you should let your son keep his iv
tracks (weather he wants to or not). after all they might be the
only decisions and things he has ever done for himself (without
anyone elses wishes or demands forced on him). i remember an old
saying about tracks in an NA meeting 20 years ago, "turn your scars
into stars!"
my tracks have always kept me remembering where and what i've come
from, and how fortuneately,, at least for now i'm off the hell boundtrain of iv drug use.
i think your energy would be beter spent keeping your nose clean
of the codependet behavior of worrying about your son's tracks.
maybe you could help him find his way to a good treatment center,
one that lasts 90+ days would beter use of time and money than
getting rid of his tracks.
keepp trying- if he's still sucking air in and out there is a
chance he will find his way to recovery.
need ya all
kip
with all due respect maybe you should let your son keep his iv
tracks (weather he wants to or not). after all they might be the
only decisions and things he has ever done for himself (without
anyone elses wishes or demands forced on him). i remember an old
saying about tracks in an NA meeting 20 years ago, "turn your scars
into stars!"
my tracks have always kept me remembering where and what i've come
from, and how fortuneately,, at least for now i'm off the hell boundtrain of iv drug use.
i think your energy would be beter spent keeping your nose clean
of the codependet behavior of worrying about your son's tracks.
maybe you could help him find his way to a good treatment center,
one that lasts 90+ days would beter use of time and money than
getting rid of his tracks.
keepp trying- if he's still sucking air in and out there is a
chance he will find his way to recovery.
need ya all
kip
I am pretty sure a dermatologist can use a laser to help with the scarring it is expensive though. It is a little like tattoo removal which I know some drs will do free for former inmates. Maybe you could find a caring dr. to help you. It never hurts to ask you may get lucky. If the scars are fresh they make silicone sheets that you can put on the scars and leave them on as much as possible they really help. Also retin a or renova can greatly help fresh scars. That requires a prescription. Good luck!!
1021:
several things can speed healing:
vitamen e oil applied to the tracks
A&D diediper ointment applied to tracks (it smells like fish)
I don't of anything that ever gets rid of tracks totally except
time. I've been off the needle for 20 years and the only time
mine show up are when i'm sunburned
note: a hip doc, a nurse, other hype can spot me, not by what
they see, but by what they don't see-veins
note: 1021 when you talk with your son, it's the things he is
not talking about you should really take note of.
kip
several things can speed healing:
vitamen e oil applied to the tracks
A&D diediper ointment applied to tracks (it smells like fish)
I don't of anything that ever gets rid of tracks totally except
time. I've been off the needle for 20 years and the only time
mine show up are when i'm sunburned
note: a hip doc, a nurse, other hype can spot me, not by what
they see, but by what they don't see-veins
note: 1021 when you talk with your son, it's the things he is
not talking about you should really take note of.
kip
Thanks. If I find our from my dermatologist or homeopath, I will let you know. Calendula cream from the healthfood store does help scarring to a degree. I appreciate all of your concern for my son and family. I hate to see him go through life, avoiding taking his shirt off or having to wear long sleeve clothing all of the time. Of course, right now, this is the least of his problems. It just isn't good for his self image. I think of you, your husband and family all the time. Good luck with your continued return to health. You are all in my prayers. I do alot of that these days.
Good question, i was wondering that myself. I was looking at my husband's arm the other day, and asked if they would go away. It's like a dark purplish line, and he said, it will probably stay like that, but i hope not for his sake!
Good luck with finding an answer, and i hope your son gets the help me so very much needs and deserves soon!
Jenny
Good luck with finding an answer, and i hope your son gets the help me so very much needs and deserves soon!
Jenny
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