Stressed over being kept waiting

[Eveleivibe]

I had an assessment a few weeks ago with the local drugs n alcohol team n been told I'm waiting to be allocated to a keyworker. Stressed as I don't know what's happening.
They have a team meeting on Tuesday to decide if anyone gets allocated.
Meanwhile my parents are dishing out my codeine which makes me feel like I'm walking on eggshells. Every time im due my codein I start panicking inside, worrying that I won't get them or that my parents will have a go at me.
Today i went there n the door was locked, I had to wait 45 minutes n my mam said I should start spacing them out more etc.
i really want to get in my drugs n alcohol so they can help me.
Yesterday my mam shouted at me for crying in front of my daughter. I honestly feel like I'm just a thing that exists to look after my daughter nothing else. That makes me sound like a nasty, horrible person. I love my daughter to bits n she is my world but i never wanted to be a single mother n resent it n
I need to deal with these issues in counselling.
I thought i'd bury these feelings until she was 18 but all the anger n resentful feelings for how ive made my life turn out. I wanted more for my daughter than to grow up with a single parent while other kids get two parents, holidays etc.
wont go away its like now im not on as much codeine the cripling horrible anger is back

Every time i try talking about this i get told to stop feeling sorry for myself or how others are worst off. I'm aware of this but I've spent the last yeae masking all of this with 700 mg codeine. Surely i need to address this stuff?????
I tried putting an act on n where did that get me? Addicted to codeine.
Evey :(

[Eveleivibe]

If im on a taper with a few slips, is that recovery or still active addiction?

[Eveleivibe]

I've been allocated a keyworker n am seeing her on Monday.

[Eveleivibe]

No they can't. Theyhave to get up very early in the morning to work so go to bed quite early. Plus little 1 goes to bed at 7 pm so someone would have to come and sit here.
If drugs n alcohol don't alcohol me today i don't know what I'm going to do. I know others are waiting so I should be patient n that it's not their fault but it is frustrating. I feel like I am in limbo n I want to get my life back.
A few years ago i was exercising n going for long walks with my daughter along the canal. Seriously wish I'd never had that prescription now as I'd not know what codeine was like, that it took all the negative stuff away etc n wouldn't want it. I used to really be judgemental of addicts how things change.

Evey

[ImDONENoMore]

I'm going to bet your parents would jump at the chance to watch your child if it meant you were going to a meeting.

[OpenMind24hours]

Might be a good idea spacing out your dosage more and more and then finally getting off of codeine. I'm sure you know opiate requires more and more as you go along. The ending isn't pleasant at all. Time to make the most important decision of your life.

If you want to use that's your business. If you want to stop, then it becomes our business. We'll be honored to help you to stop using and see you become our next miracle.

[Eveleivibe]

Theres NA but it's in the evenings n I've no one to look after my child.

[ImDONENoMore]

There aren't any free meetings you can attend until this decision has been made re: your treatment?  There have to be other options you can consider other than sitting around waiting for one organization to decide your fate.