PAWS?? Day 292

[Clong45]

Hello everyone new and old here at MedHelp.  

After 10 years of abusing, I've officially surpassed the longest I had ever been clean since the day I started.  I've had some bad days here lately with what I believe are mostly due to PAWS.  I took Suboxone at high doses for about the last 2 years of usage.  About a week ago I started having these negative thoughts about every little thing I deal with within a normal day.  I stopped going to meetings around the six month mark.  Things were going so good.  I was busy with normal life and I wasn't even thinking about drugs.  Seems I need to get back to meetings to help get through this.  Hope it dosen't last too long.  I know stopping our abuse dosen't guarantee us a great life.  But it sure does enable all of us to have a better one and a chance at a great one.

Anyone out there dealt with PAWS after the nine month point?  

Just frustrated..

Clong

[VICourageous]

Hi..I go to both meetings but I was in a place that alot of people where atheist..They just try to tell you to give it away to something else other then your self..Our self control is what got us in this mess..For some it was trusting the Dr too..I still have some in my meetings that do not get the God thing but they know there is something Spiritual working.. Heck maybe its aliens!!! Ha!! But what ever it is a flower or the people around you..We just have to give it away..Heck one guy said he was giving it to his Dog everyday..You know what I mean..He was telling his secrets and such too his dogs..That made him feel much better...So what ever works for you..You can do it..I can tell you are a smart cookie..OK

[weaver71]

I Was thinking more about this. I just quit the job I has wanted for a long time. The fast pass complex software was wearing on me. I started feeling stress, anxiety, and pressure. I looked to my wife and realized that I wAs in a space when I would have gone on a bender that ruins everything, so I wouldn't have to deal directly with my problems. The mental was becoming physical symptoms, luckily I had a realization that lead to right action. I talked about it. Started feeling like a failure, then I remembered the only important thing, my recovery program. Nothing else matters without my sanity. I spoke to the CEO, and everything has worked out fine. I totally agree with relapse and paws start in the brain. Once the stress was gone, the insomnia, aches, and rising fog where gone. Those pills are sneaky, but  a clear head and watchful eye can prevent them from getting control again. You know this, just wanted to share how it has been in my version.

[laurel453]

therapy is what helped me so give it a try... as for the NA meetings, as sara says, take what helps you and leave behind the other stuff...

[Clong45]

Thanks again everyone..

My problems with my local meetings.  I am a Agnostic.  Which makes it hard when people talk about their "higher power" and "the devil made me do this" mindset.  Having God part of your recovery and your life is great if it works for you..But that is just not the recovery I have in mind.  I have looked for a atheism na or aa...nothing near my area.  I've been thinking the last few days to get into some professional, one on one help.  Seems to be my best option.   I will still go to some local meetings though... I just hate it when people try pushing God on me.  

[VICourageous]

Hi I just wanted to chime in..I am walking in to my 8 month clean of 12years or more from the methadone and three other drugs.I am no sprig chic and I started using at the age 14..So I study this disease..I just wanted to read you some paper work here..
After a person has become adjusted to a certain level of the drug/experience removal of it affects the emotional/ biochemical balance that has been established,The persons then has to readjust to living without the previous level of stimulation, ect..Post acute withdraws can last two years or more..It also has a emotional and physiological aspects that are very difficult to endure..OK..I sure hope this helped..
Great-Great Job on your Time..
vickie

[Fireby29]

I am huge believer in PAWS and where it starts, the brain.  We really trash our brains on narcotics, and it takes a long time to heal them.  It is hard to accept this because for a new person trying to get clean it adds to how daunting the job is going to be for them.  I am at about the same clean time as you, and for me, I plan on re-assessing where I am at when one year clean.  Most of the science says it takes a year to heal our damaged brains to as good as they are going to get.  In some cases it will not come back all the way, hence the desire to use for some never leaving.  This is why aftercare is so crucial along with cutting sources, telling your secret, etc.  Exercise and diet is a huge help!

Hang in there, keep plugging, and know you continue to get better and your brain heals itself.

Bryan

[gnarly_1]

hi paws is always a posibilty  but also is the addict in your head getting ready to rear itself up again   GARD UP  read the artical on the bottom of this page about paws  then its time to treat your addiction  get to an N/A meeting work the program and set yourself free from this once and for all  N/A  has a great program its free and it works if you work it
good luck and God bless................Gnarly

[Clong45]

Sir...you hit the nail on the head.  It's gotta be a mixture of PAWS and normal ups and downs of "normal" life.  I messed up with my support system.  That is exactly what i'm starting to do, getting my support system back to full throttle and slowing life down a bit and remembering one day at a time.   Just hard to do it with the emotions and confusion.  Feels like the mind done fell off track.  No bad actions either...just a mental thing.  Glad we are not alone.  Thanks again

[Clong45]

Sorry to here what you have been through.  We all got the same story I'm sure.  All that we have lost to addiction.  Day 9 off methadone is a BIG victory.  That is awesome...Keep it up and thanks.

[Clong45]

Thanks and congrats on your clean time as well.  I was on H back in the day and was back and forth with it and Methadone.  I know I've done alot of damage and it takes time.  Just a rough week.  Time to get my support system on track.

[laurel453]

For me the worst time was from 9 month to 12 month... it was really a  struggle, therapy helped me great time.. I am almost 4 years clean and i still remember those months so i would say.. go back to the meetings, work on positive thinking and your frame of mind, do not give up cause things do get better  so please, do not feel discouraged by how you are feeling right now, no way !! :)

[weaver71]

I'm not sure if it's PAWs or the normal ups and downs of a "Normal" persons life, but I definitely find myself slipping into some bad thoughts and feelings, no bad actions yet. When a wave of confusion or emotion hits me, I take a long, sincere look at my life and reach out for support. I think stopping the meetings could easily play a role in a mental relapse. I don't go to meetings as often, but I always make sure to replace any part of my program that gets cut out. I stopped meetings as much, but I spend more time in group counseling for addiction. I feel like I'm sliding off the wagon all the time, so I adjust my program all the time. I try to keep my expectations low and my effort high. With support, I find that I can pull myself out of a funk in 2 weeks or so. The duration of the funk seems to be getting shorter, but I'm right there with you. If I cut out something in recovery and don't replace it, that's when I feel myself drift. At least for a year, I think it's crucial to keep the aftercare going. I'll probably say two years in a couple more months. Exercise is another thing that helps, just like in detox. It seems that all the same things that brought me through detox, bring me through the other struggles that arrise. You're doing great, thanks for all your support and I hope you feel better soon.

[addiction777]

I have no idea what u mean with paws but I was on h from 17 till 21 and got clean with methadone matience ! 7 years I was clean off meth and everything, I was close to being a pro golfer and worked a normal job and had great straight edge friends I partied with on weekends ! still I fell back into the life of selling drugs growing weed and getting high on h! my life went through hell! I got arrested put on house arrest for a year ! Lost my wife ! and am fighting for custody of my kids! maybe listening to my story will remind u even a boring depressing life is better than what I went through after already knowing how bad drugs are! there was a coke binge I went through as well where I learned that the coke made me skizafrenic , I started hearing things seeing things and starting believing my wife was going to kill me after taking another hit! stay stong reach back to programs , and try and set goals to achieve wether it be a hobby , getting jacked working out or finding a better job! I'm now on 9 days clean from methadone for my second time! Don't let your life get ruined like mine did! Everyday I miss my wife and she's still out there hanging with druggies not involved with her 2 and 4 year old boys! such sad stories come from addition , I hope u can snap out of the slump your in and find something that truely makes u happy ! I am now training again and will one day become a pro golfer! Remember we can achieve anything we want with the right drive!!

[EvolverU]

Hi Clong! I'm only at four months but what I can tell you - and I'm sure you know this already - is that Suboxone/Methadone are special cases. I've done both and am four mos. clean off 20 yrs, of M./almost 30 yrs. of H. I've asked around - both on this site and off it and it takes many over a year - depending  on length of use and dosage, etc. to really get those synapses firing properly again.
It sounds like you're right about those meetings, though. Don't let yourself down. Get back to them if they were keeping you on track. It's rough but we can never let our guard down. Those moods start blindsiding us and we've got to keep our 'arsenals' in top form to fight them - to stare them down. Just know that these thoughts aren't YOU. That they come and go. That they can't force you to use. They're a warning! Do what you have to do to protect yourself and your hard-won gains. You're worth it.
Congratulations on your INCREDIBLE and Unprecedented clean time. Great work! My hat's off to you. Keep it up and thanks for the inspiration, my friend.