Trying to stay strong.......

[CAP56]

I took my last pills on Thursday (8 norco 7.5) around noon. Fri morning I was in panic mode because there was no more. I'll save you most of the BS but im on day 4 after taking them for 3 years. I feel pretty good compared to day 1 and 2. Day 1 was terrible (I don't wish it upon anyone): I listened to my favorite praise and worship music, Flyleaf, War of Ages and Jeremy Camp on shuffle all Damn day (Google the band's you might snicker at my gospel remark). Honestly that was all I needed. I cried and cried and pitied myself. I took ib prophen, and because I've been through this before I had imodium for my stomach and Tylenol PM at night. I eventually feel asleep around 2am. Day 2 is when I really needed a buddy!!! My wife brought me water,  smokes, whatever I needed, pretzels ect. By 4pm I had it; and went to the ER with a "migraine". I almost screwed up and got pain medication but after getting an IV for a couple hours along with a non narcotic mixture of benadryl, magnesium and anti nasious medicine with saline solution I felt better. Got out of there as fast as possible (I needed a cigarette bad). Anyway I got threw day 2. Day 3 was freaking awesome!!!! I went for a walk, ate some real food. The whole family went to get ice cream. I think being dehydrated on day 2 intensified the withdrawal symptoms. Day 4 I got out and up and around its spring break so all three kids are home. But im sluggish so im thinking more water and vitamins. No ib prophen today at all. The difference from day 1 to day 3 was remarkable. Day 5 is just now starting and feel pretty good, minor aches nothing like before so I won't complain. I am worried because I know it's been on my mind for 5 days now how I will reply when someone says,  "hey I got some". I hope I will be strong enough to say "good for you" and not ask for any.

I get them prescribed to me on the 15th so I really need to be strong then. This is so ridiculous im functioning while gong threw withdrawal so why even consider taking any? I've spent more time with my family in the past two days than I have the past 3 years (mentally). Guess I need to be strong and stay focused on everything I have lost.  (Money, 3 jobs, more money). What a joke, I can lose all my part time jobs within 6 months and still want this crap. "The joys of addiction"

[VICourageous]

Hi CAP!!  You are just ticking along. I found it really nice to have people here with me at the same time..Even it is was a few months before me or a few behind me. We seem to come in Waves and we come connected to each other. Keep on pushing. Support is so important for this Journey into our Recovery. Almost 19 months later I still am Changing and feeling better and better. Just take it Day by Day and try not to put NO time limit on this..This Journey will be for the rest of your Life..lol
Bless

[CAP56]

Awesome, 7 days seemed like an eternity last week didn't it? Im glad I share a quit date with someone. I find its the little things that keep me going.  I mean I know im not alone at all but it's cool that as I sit here on day 7 that someone else is also on day 7 with me. Keep up the good work!!!!

[Readytolive31]

Congrats on your clean time!! I am on day 7 today and I have been experiencing headaches as well, but you are right it's worth it to be sober! Keep pushing :)

[CAP56]

Thanks everyone;  yea having an ongoing script would be difficult. But I did squash that, I have a great doctor who I can be honest with. I wasn't initially honest to get them but explained what was going on and he seemed perceptive.

Last Friday,  I was a complete MESS; today I feel normal! Remember looking at posts that were day 7, 15, ect and thinking,  "how do they do that? " I guess you just do it. I still have headaches everyday but it's worth it to be sober.  

[gnarly_1]

HI  you need to cancel that refill or it will be calling your name till you fold not many addicts can resist a open script this is coming from one pill freak to another...lol trust me on this one...''the desire to stay clean must excide the desire to use...this is preventive medicine
.......................................Gnarly.................................................

[Merri123]

You are definitely right. The Lord is carrying you right now. I am so happy you have a supportive wife too. It makes all the difference in this.

Yes by Mondsy you will be functioning. May still have a raw stomach but that will pass too. Take care of yourself.  And stay strong.

[CAP56]

Thank you, day six here and all is well. Im hoping by Monday I can go back to my normal routine. I haven't been donating plasma because of how I feel and unfortunately that has taken money away from my family (my wife is still going). That pays half our rent.

I'm having small headaches everyday but very small and im still only getting 4-5 hours of sleep a night but through all that I manage to be happy.

So seriously; Thank you all. Reading others stories, questions, ect helped me get through. But as you said I am thinking about, "what am I going to do 2-4 months from now?" I would like to think I will be strong but honestly, I'm an addict therefore I will always be weak. So I focus on my walk with the Lord and if that's good than I should be fine.

[Merri123]

Yes we lose do much with our addictions but can gain it all back thru sobriety. You are doing great and I am happy you are pushing thru all this. The first step is admitting. Church is the wonderful place to go. Thru God all things are possible. You give all that pain and suffering over to Him and you will be whole again.

And great choice in music. Know and love them all.  One step at a time. You will rebuild your life, enjoy do much more time with your family and get that career back. Good job and congrats!!!

[jugglin]

Great to hear that you have plans in place and cut your sources.  Sounds like you are working hard on your life,  Congrats to you CAP for fighting for a sober, healthy you!  Keep pushing forward!

[CAP56]

I made it through the day. I sorta cut ties with my "supply" today. She knows that I've been trying and after 5 days she even told me "no more your doing good". As much as I wished she would had said "ones ok" she actually supports me. She knows I lost my career over this ****. (8 years in law enforcement) Yep, I tossed it all over this crap. So I have a lot of ground to make up.

I am planning to go to CR (celebrate recovery) at my church. To continue my quest. Idk what else to do; to make up for my failure and lose of control. Looks like I'll be spending my spare time on here with you all. "People who understand, encourage and never judge".

Thank you all. Your responses are uplifting as I go to bed tonight. Today was great. Had marriage counseling, took our kids to pizza hut and then went and got ice cream. It was truly a good day. Prayers are felt and needed, thank you again.

[Pjtwenty]

Your doing awesome!!!  Keep up the good fight!!

[jugglin]

Good morning to you and congrats on your clean time.  As much as the physical withdraws $uck, we get thru them.  It is the mental that will kick you hard.  You need to make sure you cut your sources so that you limit your chances of temptations.  You did well leaving the hosp without pain meds...but you may not always be strong enough to turn them down.  Trust me on that.  Even at 4 months there are moments of pain that make me think about throwing away those 4 months and if somebody came along and offered, I don't know if I would be strong enough to say no.  However, the good news is that there is aftercare out there that can help you with this. NA/AA, church support, counseling.  These folks have been in your shoes and can help you do this.  NA/AA folks sole mission is to help others get and stay clean...to give you tools to help you cope with the addict brain. To give you guidance and support as welcoming and non-judgmental as this site.Congrats again on your clean time and deciding to turn your life around. God bless!

[CRSeaside]

Stay strong.  Make a gratitude list. It sounds like you have a lot to be thankful for.