Update: found a great doc

[debsgotcurves]

Hi everyone, I've not been here much the last few days, been dealing with trying to not get evicted. For now, that situation is better.  Now, some of  you know my story, I've been on methadone 5 and a half years, and for most of it I was taking 550mgs daily. I started weaning down in April this year, and now am down to 80mgs. I have been considering going on Subs for a few months 1) for financial reasons, my insurance will pay the doc visits and most of the med cost and 2) because I have weaned off the methadone so quickly I want to give my body more time to get the crap out of my fat and tissues etc. So I found a doc online, and he was listed in my insurance.  I saw him Wednesday, and I know that God put this man in my path.  He is incredibly spiritual, very educated in addictionology, and wants to treat ALL of me, not just give me a script for subs and send me home.  I have now many tests to do(bloodwork,etc), and paperwork and such.  He is going to help me get my MRI co-pay waived somehow so we can find out exactly what is going on in my back. I have to get a full physical. He wrote to my primary doc already. He spent over 90 minutes with me going over every detail of my addictions and health and mental history (I am bi-polar II also).  I just know he is the right doc for me.  He says he doesn't take on too many patients like me because of the amount of work involved, but he felt after talking with me that I was a "special lady" who was serious about getting and staying clean, and who could really use a break.  I left his office feeling HOPEFUL for the first time in a long time.  A big reason for my getting off the methadone was financial like I said, and as soon as next week I should be his patient and the insurance will be footing most of the cost.  I do have great insurance, and that is a blessing.  So I told many of you I would let you know how my appointment went.  It could not have gone better!!  God is present in my life.  I sometimes wonder about His timing, but He is always there.  I am so grateful for this forum. It also gives me hope and the fellowship I am lacking.  My new doc says I HAVE to go back to meetings. Not too sure how I feel about that right now, but that is for another day.  For now, I am grateful.  Thanks everyone for being here!!!!!

[weaver71]

That is great news Deb. it sounds like you found a winner. Methadone changed me a lot. I tried for a couple years to quit, following advice was the main difference this time. I did not like all the things I've done in recovery, that's for sure.I had memories of AA from the eary 90's, they have changed. I was asked to find another form of therapy for mentioning drugs. Back then, half the members were on pain killers. Now, they recognize that pills are as bad as alcohol. Try to keep an open mind. It was more the surrender to accept help than the meetings that helped me. I prefer therapy. Point is, try it all, you will find what suites you. For now, accept your new blessings. I am so happy you found a good doctor.

[dominosarah]

Not only do we have to take care of our bodies we need to also take care of our minds so i am glad your doctor is on board with some sort of aftercare.  If your insurance allows check out an addiction counselor.

[debsgotcurves]

Thanks babe, I needed that. Thank God for the AMAZING women(and guys too!) on this forum. I don't think I would have even come this far without you!!!

[clean_in_ks]

Mornin, DD!  You ARE a special woman.....and sounds like you have been blessed with finding a dr that is thorough, caring, knows about addiction and willing to do all that is possible to help you.  That's a RARE beauty in and of itself.  It's no mistake....and the timing IS perfect, babe!

The negative feelings you have attached to meetings may be rooted in the history with your abusive, sick, marriage and the "inaccurate" tapes still playing in your heart and mind.  Those tapes can be changed.....time and life's experiences change us.....many of those that were "fooled" by your hub back then....may have learned the truth later after you left.  Doesn't matter....there are lots of people out there that will love and support YOU for YOU....just gotta be willing to do something your brain is telling you not to do or try.  It may not be a mistake that this new dr requires meetings of support in order to receive his help.  Ask God to help you with this new challenging task....ask to be shown what meetings you might try.....treat it like shoe shopping...haha....just keep trying them on until you find one that fits.  You WILL.....and you will be able to heal from the negative messages that hurt your heart and your brain.  those are in the PAST.

I'm SO, SO happy for you, DD!!  What a great find.....never forget you ARE a very special woman....and God has a plan for you......I'm proud of you!!

[debsgotcurves]

Thanks. I quit AA when I started abusing the pills. I had 8 years of sobriety and had been super involved in  the program all of those years.  After I got on the methadone, I started going to meetings again, but because I didn't have the urge to use or drink, it seemed pointless. I actually would leave the meeting wanting to drink because it's all they talk about (obviously).   I don't even think I AM  an alcoholic.  My life before my kids was very different. I was on a suicide mission because I was so unhappy and alone. I had wanted children my WHOLE LIFE. It was really the only thing I knew I wanted. After 2 specialists told me my chances of a pregnancy and carrying term were one in millions, it destroyed me.  I didn't care about anything anymore. I am adopted and then I couldnt have kids, I kind of felt like an alien unattached to ANYONE!!   I got sober, and then two weeks later found out I was pregnant!!  It changed everything for me.  I don't think I would have started abusing the pain pills if not for being stuck in an abusive marriage then.  I OBVIOUSLY have an addictive personality, and I KNOW I cannot do this alone. But the idea of meetings right now, uggghhhh!  But my new doc is going to make me go so I guess I better start looking for a group I like.  It was hard and embarrassing to have to admit I had failed and lost my 8 years. I still don't drink, but it makes no difference. My ex and I met in AA, and thousands of people knew us because his first wife was murdered while she was out prostituting for crack. He still goes to meetings and talks about the whole thing. I was with him for 11 years, and I am a footnote in his story. It hurts and I don't want to see any of those old people.  They took his side and believed his BS. Nobody wanted to believe that HE could have been an abusive husband, not "Mr. Nice Guy".  So there are many issues. If I want to stay clean I know I have to get OVER the issues. Won't be easy though!

[OpenMind24hours]

Deb, that's great news!! It always seems that when I read people on here making steps towards recovery every day,  good things happen to them. I start to see a power greater than them working in their lives. Keep following that path! God IS present in your life. When you're feeling ready, start to hit the meetings. You already have the first three steps going in your life. The remainder is changing, and of course helping others. We keep it by giving it away. Thanks for posting, I enjoyed reading your uplifting post!!

[GANeedHelpMarie]

hi Debs,
I have had an interesting relationship with my meetings.  What I did was find a program that works for me.....and I AM CHANGING!  I have found a way out of the deep emotional pain and turbulence......It is taking time...but there really is an option for a better life, and I have but scratched the surface (on my 4th step), but I see the total transformation in the people at the meetings, and I have so much hope now.  Just want to say my journey has been from AA to NA to an offshoot of AA called "Big Book Step Study."  This program started in Maine, and isn't everywhere. I am finding the recovery I want here.  So my point is to try lots of meetings.  Be diligent about it.  There are other solutions to life, but I haven't found another way to get past all the junk in  my life and to begin to live life on a spiritual basis.  I know I am blessed to have the program in my life.  Hugs, Anna Marie