Urine Testing

Advice please from addicts or former addicts .... ???


My hubby is off the klonopin he took for a few days, it's nice to have him back - he was basically passed out for a few days.  

He had relapsed last weekend with Oxycontin and Methadone.  We have a supply of home urine tests for both drugs.

I had told him a long time ago, being upset that he had broken my trust, that he had to work to regain it instead of force me into the position of having to mommy and monitor him.  It felt crappy to be like 'okay, time to **** test for me'  So back then he was offering every 2 or 3 days to take one and would call me back to the bathroom.   It was feeling good to not have to demand it, to have him offer to take it.  

So now he knows the trust has been broken again and the tests have started again.  I'm wondering what you all think, is it better for me to ask when I want a test taken? Or let him do it that way.  I guess I'm hoping I'm not setting myself up here, if he knows he only has to test when he offers -could he decide to use immediately or the morning after a test knowing he wouldn't offer again for 3 days or so??  Any of you know REALLY how long after using that the test will show positive?  

Just help me decide if this is a good way to do the testing or if you have other ideas.  I don't like the feeling of hauling him back to the bathroom to make him take a test, it feels so negative, but is it my only choice?

Thanks everyone....

[michael hunt]

maybe you should grab him some time after work and just ask him to take a test, 'cause you realy just need to make sure.

[peekawho]

Decide if you are his probation officer, or his wife.  

Get counseling for yourself, first and foremost.  Its a terrible position to be put in, to be responsible for someone elses sobriety.  He should be doing this on his own.  

Getting him into a treatment program if he seems committed to wanting to quit would be more constructive than springing urine tests on him.   If he isn't interested in treatment for his addiction to 2 very dangerous and highly addictive drugs, I would suggest that he is not committed to really quitting and learning how to live drug free.  

Others who are trying to kick on their own may disagree, but look at the # of posts from relapsers.  Even with professional help, the rates are discouragingly high.  But better then going it alone, in most cases.

[beachtowel]

Hello Kristen,

If I may I would like to correct your opening statement.......

There is no such thing as a former addict once an addict always an addict the difference is recovery.....

The judicial system uses random and for good reason it comes as a surprise and you never know when it is coming....
I understand your mistrust and your right about one thing trust is earned.......

I am currently under some judicial obligations in this manner but I don't mind........I have nothing to hide and it will end soon......

If he calls the shots the tests could be tainted.........
addicts can be very clever......

[spankyone]

This comment may seem irrelevant to the question you asked, but here it goes anyway.  In my first marriage, I had to get up every morning and make sure my husband had on the proper Navy uniform, socks, and yes underwear.  He would often where black briefs under his office whites.
After 10 years if this...I began to become his mother, I had 3 kids at the time, and soon he made it 4.  My point here is that you do not want to become his mother or warden.  Find another way.  Ask a trusted friend, or pastor.  Perhaps an outpatient program where they will test at random.
Good Luck