Vicodin HP

[secret girl]

I just turned 29 years old & I have a problem.
Today is day 2 without any pills. I was taking 8-10 vic hp's a day for over a year now. Before that I was taking ES's...maybe 5 or 6 a day...this has been an ongoing battle for 7 years & has gotten worse as the years went on.
I am at a really sad point in my life right now. I was recently married about 7 months ago. I have gone through our wedding money...taken personal loan out....and I feel like I lost it.
I have tried several times to quit but the urge is to strong.
My "Friend" will call when it's that time of the month & I just can't resist. It all started when I had my gallbladder removed, then car accident, then 2 herniated discs in my back. So I would go cry to my dr about the pain...because it was really there, but as soon as I got my script filled I was the happiest person in the world. Knowing that for the next week or two I could get alot more done & feel great because I had pills. perscribed 3 ES's a day lead me to 10 a day then to HP's.
I would do anything for the pills even sexual favors and it is a big secret that I have kept to myself. Husband has no idea that our wedding money is gone because of my stupidity...he doesn't even know the money is gone. My family has no idea, they know I am perscribed because of back problems. But they have no idea I have been abusing them. I have not gone to work in two days now! I need to overcome this! I feel like such a failure, such a horrible wife to a really great guy! I am a disappointment & I feel like I am living lie!! I am scared of the "sober" me because people like to be around me & enjoy my company. I am hoping I will still be that person once I am off of this ****!
Right now I don't even feel like showering or eating or anything! Cann't sleep at night, sweating....it is horrible.
And my husband asks me why I am so depressed. I don't want to lie anymore. I just want to beat this and start over.

[FLaddict]

YOu are not alone.. many of us have been is simialiar shoes.  If you are on day 2 you are almost there.. another 2 days and you will feel better. Can you not work til then??  Can you tell your doc??  YOur doc could help you through this rough part. Meds like clonidine for blood pressure, Immodium, and others help alot in theses stages..

Keep posting.. welcome to the site

[invincible]

Your doing the right thing by quitting, and you are in the right place for support.  Two weeks ago I was like you, 8-10 vicodin es daily, 3 a day prescribed so the script would run out in 8 or 9 days.  I can't take off work to detox so I tapered to 3 a day and tried to do less than that the past week, on day 1 without.  I know it is about time for my dealer to call me to let me know that this month's supply is in, I think I will let that call go to voicemail.

I understand about being the happy go lucky person on the pills, I can do anything on the pills and nothing without them.  But I have discovered that the pills are causing most of my pains, during the taper I felt better and more alert (after the brain got used to the lower doses).

My trouble started when I was 16 when I was with a friend that wanted to play with a gun, and ended up being shot in the head behind my left temple.  Most of the left side of my skull is a plate, was not expected to live, and would never talk or walk again (no speach center or right-side movement center left in the brain).  Saturday Night Special with hollow point bullet (with most of it still lodged in the brain).  After that I discovered that I have a curved spine, pinched nerves in my neck (beat up by a cop for no reason, really), and other problems here and there.  But, if you met me you would not know any of this.  I do walk and talk with minor problem with my right hand, nothing short of a miracle if you believe in such things.

If I remember you are 2 days without, I think if you can stretch that out to 5 days the worst of it will be over.  But others here will be able to help you out more since I am also a newbie.  I think that you should have a talk with your husband and come clean, trust is the most important thing.  I don't use the term 'addict' with my wife, dependent sounds better to her.  She knows that there is not much of a difference but it is easier for her...

Take care and stick with this site, you can get through this..

Steve

[secret girl]

The thing with work is this...3 weeks ago I tried to stop cold turkey & I called off work for a week went to DR & got an excuse (telling the front desk what dates I needed, but again, not being honest with my DR as to why) just said back pain & told work I hurt my back doing yard work) got to the end of day 4 & I got the phone call. I didn't even hesitate, got in my car and that was it. Of course, I told myself okay I will wean off of these ones, when that didn't happen..last week I actually bought more just to wean myself off (as stupid as that sounds) Last Friday was my "splurge" day....I had 7 HP's and 5 ES's from 7am-2am. Then Saturday was 5 HP's, Sunday 4 1/2 HP's, Mon. 3 1/2 HP's, Tues 1 1/2 HP, Wed & Thurs. a big zero & I have called off & I am hoping I will be able to make it in tomorow, then I also have the weekend to get through.
I have seriously been trying to stop this mess, but always get caught up in an excuse to get more.  To clean...to watch a movie...to work ....to visit family...to be happy. I think it hides alot of my "real life" issues that I am trying so hard to hide, because I have so many thoughts in my head just racing.
Thanks for responding so quickly. I really, really need to get through this without breaking down.

[secret girl]

Steve, you made me cry...

I am so, so, so scared to be honest... I hate to see people hurt...expecially if I am the cause of that hurt. I could not imagine coming clean with anyone except this place, because you all don't know me & this seems to give me hope.
I am completely embarressed about this & can't believe I let something control me & take everything I have worked so hard for & swallowed it for a temporary buzz.

I really wish I could just start all over again because it seems like one lie just snowballed into this huge problem. I stress about money all the time...what if something happened to our house or a car or something. My husband thinks there is close to $4,000 dollars in our savings....there is $120.00. Every day I wonder if it will be the day he finds out and what will he do? I keep telling myself I will be able to replace it before he finds out...but will I?
And the "favors" i've done weighs on my mind every second...I could never tell a soul about that...I am completely mortified. That is not who I am. I feel lost & dirty!
So for me...being honest about my past is not something I am ready to do, I'm not sure if I ever will be ready for that. Sometimes I think I will just take my secrets with me to the grave, that way the only person they can hurt is me.

[invincible]

Ok, maybe not be totally honest.. Maybe try to be honest about the addiction/dependency first, which will explain where the money went.  Then maybe after getting off of the vics you might be able to come clean about the rest.. One battle at a time.  After he understands the addiction and see you beat it, he might understand that because of the addiction you did these other things.  Keeping it secret until the grave is one option, if you can live with it after getting through this..

Also, I can't even start to think how many pills I bought after running out of my prescriptions so a could start weaning.  Think most of us here as been there-done that..Steve

ps.. will be away for a little bit, I'm a computer tech in charge of 12 locations and have to run out to another office...

[pacnwgrl]

I have withheld money spending from my husband in the past, and  the longer I kept it a secret, the more the fear of his discovery consumed me.   Finally he had to be told; all I can say is if your husband  truly loves you, tell him about the addiction.   He might be more supportive than you think.  He will be upset, disappointed, etc.   You have to allow for that, accept it, and take some responsibility.
   Your admission that your addiction is tamping down on your emotions probably applies to everyone here.   We all have issues we're escaping from.   I've only  been to this forum for a week but everyone here has very similar issues.  You will have support here, and I imagine, from your husband and your family.  If you can do it, you will take the first step and that's a victory in itself.  Good luck.