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[NoMorePartyArty]

I've been doing anywhere from 20 to 200mg of oxycodone a day since I was first put on 60 5mg percocete at the age of 15 for scoliosis(I am 19 now). I know 15 years old!! Well it gets better since I was making a trip every month to get my prescription for oh let's say 5 months my doc says hey let's just give you 120 a month and you come back in 2 months. Well after that a couple times untill I learned I could make money, that led to 3 felonies and me being kicked out of school with no pain medicine. So here I am 4 years later dealing with every dirty slimmy pill head in western carolina with a tolerence were 60mgs of oxy doesn't do anything.Addiction has ruined my family and this not the route I want.My girlfriend provides all the money for the 2 of us and I beg borrow plead cry just for money to get a 30 everyday. The past 3 months I've been recovering from a bunionectomey and since the surgery I've been misserable in HUGE amounts of pain. Also I now have multiple herniated disks in my back and have been reffered to pain management but I know what they give me won't be a drop in the bucket for me. I've been so tired of ALL the crap to be able to move I mean I'm 19! I can't go cold turkey I have tried multiple times and my girlfriend doesn't want me in pain so she wouldn't be good to help me taper. What do I do my pain management appointment is in a little more than a month and I want whatever tthey give me to work. Please please please I need some help


Thank You

[NoMorePartyArty]

I'm back to say I went to a detox center last month and I've been clean for over 40 days. I'm sorry I stopped posting but for those of you that read this and that helped me on this a while back, THANK YOU.

So ima keep on the right path and hopefully this is my last post

[Dave1963]

Hey brotha, it's gonna get better.  Day 4 is an awesome accomplishment for you, so pat yourself on the back.  When things get tough for you look at your little brother and say to yourself "I have to be here for him, I have to be CLEAN for him".  But, it's not just being clean for him, it's being clean for YOU and taking back your life.  You can do this!!!  Drink lots of water and you have to try to eat, bland foods work best and Immodium works wonders.  If you like music, put on your fav and close your eyes and relax.  Get out and get some fresh air.  Take deep breaths and just enjoy how that feels.  Keep posting and we are all here for you.  Good luck and God Bless...Dave

P.S. Keep Posting !!!!

[NoMorePartyArty]

Hey everybody since my last post I didn't make it past that day 2 but here I am on day 4 clean. Feelin rough but that's what it takes to get better

[disFUNctional]

IT IS WORTH IT!!!!  Nuff said!!!

[NoMorePartyArty]

Hey everone I'm in day 2 off cold turkey withdrawls, starting to wornder if its iven worth it

[NoMorePartyArty]

Hey guys and gals sorry to report but today I went from total clarity to about to goon mask up and steal my neighbors script of OC 80s just to get me to a phsyce ward tommorow. Sad right? Pretty sure I tore the tendon that runs on the bottom of my heel AGAIN second time in 2 months, broke and busted a knuckle just to keep my hand hitting cender blocks rather than my dads fat meth mouth of his, my back is catching everytime I freaking blink it seems.

Is it so wrong for me to want to get that last little taste of relief for atleast a couple months and cut out a whole part of myself and everyday life for past 4 years. It helps to know my great friend that I've had since we were 12 who was one of my many dealers recently is 2 weeks clean.

I will post more when my hand isn't throbbing so hard I keep having to re-type words from it smacking and flailing the keys. Eh either way I will post tommorow.

I have never everr ever in all my addiction felt this low but its a far ways from what rock bottom could be for me.

Thanks for even owning a device with internet, maybe someone could give me that clairity again that I had yesterday morning when I first posted.

Thank you all truely

[el_em_en_oh]

To answer your Opana question:

I never snorted them. I used to take them the old'fashioned way... orally. I'd get prescribed 180, 10mg IR's (for the month), and have them gobbled up in about 6 days, give or take a day. If memory serves, I'd take them 6 at a time, about 3-4 times a day. Then, I'd move on to my Dilaudid prescription. 120, 8mg (again, for the month), and blow through them in about 5-6 days.

The w/d's after I'd get finished were pretty terrible, but I'd tough it out until my next PM appointment. I'd look at the calendar about 4 times a day, and count the days until my next appointment. Funny thing is, the 2 weeks that I HAD pills, would fly by and take no time at all, but the 2 weeks waiting, and waiting, and waiting for my next appointment, seemed to take FOREVER.

Addiction is a horrible thing, my friend. I would STRONGLY suggest you cancel your PM appointment and ditch your PM doctor. They're not doing anything for you except to keep you hooked. I'm not saying that there's not a time & place for PM doctors, but for addicts, PM doc's are a losing proposition.

WE DON'T HAVE CONTROL, and no matter how hard you try and take them as prescribed, you'll fail... 100% of the time, I promise you.

Throw out every single notion or thought, in your head, that you'll ever be able to take pills "normally" again, and you'll be on the right step in your recovery.

Until we give up, completely, every notion of control that we had, we're bound to get sick again.

Throw in the towel now, dude, and I promise you, you'll be MUCH better off.

I wish I'd found this board earlier and someone had given me this exact advice, but I found it when I did, and I haven't looked back since.

[dominosarah]

Good for you on 30 days!!!  Now work on the rest and you will get that chip!!!

[NoMorePartyArty]

I couldn't agree more. I was in the same shoes he's in now except I had no male role model so I took to a life of rebellion, sex, DRUGS, robbing stealing, and look at me now lol. I'm glad he never saw things or got treated the way I did at that age. But I feel like **** because he sits there's and plays video games all day errrr day if schools out,but yet I can't give him all my attention 24/7 because I always have a hidden agenda. I can truely say that I'm no roll model but there's always time to change. Its time for me to jump into life and throw a wrench in the gears because its the same cycle over and over. Well idk if this proves anything but I've stopped smoking pot for a full 30 days as of today for PM with the drug test and all. And for me that's big I have smoked ATLEAST once a week for 8 years.    Untill 30 days ago woot! Do I get a green chip for that lol

P.S. I AM NOT A FEMALE I MADE MY ACCOUNT LAST NIGHT AND I CAN'T CHANGE MY STUFF OFF THIS DERN DROID.

[NoMorePartyArty]

Also this is to el_em_en_oh, how many mgs of opana were you taking a day my mom gets them from PM and last week I would snort like 7 a day and the day or two after no pills or even a little oxycodone I still felt like I've been thrown under a bus. Not to mention how it raises the hell out of your tolerence almost instantaniously

[dominosarah]

You have to make a decision here for yourself.  Either you stay around your family and continue to follow in their footsteps or you make a new path for yourself.  You are not destined to fail, you have it in you to succeed.  It isnt going to be easy but that is okay.  If it was we wouldnt learn anything along the way.  Moving out is a start, getting with a therapist is another.  You have alot of demons hiding in you that need to be addressed.  I feel for you and your 10 yr old brother.  Show yourself you have it in you to break this cycle.  It will be good for your brother to see that there is another path to take.  You are not alone here so keep talking with us~~~sara

[el_em_en_oh]

We're ALL here for you, Brother.

I applaud your effort to WANT to get clean. The only thing left for you to do now, is to stop taking the pills.

In my opinion, jumping off and going c/t is the only way to go, although some here have had decent luck & results from tapering.

Whatever you decide to do, and whichever route you decide to take, know that we'll be here for you to support and give advice, as best we can.

Keep us posted on your progress Brother.

LMNO

[NoMorePartyArty]

I appriciate all the support this is the greatest support system I've ever been in on. THANK YOU! I've never been able to trust and be comfortable talking to an outside source, I feel at this point today or tommorow I'm going to give myself a little sorta modest ( for me ) HOORAH! because I don't have my regular prescriptions like my Ambien and so on because I have horrible insomnia as is and I took a perc 10 last night just to be able to get up to smoke a cigg and I've been up for 48 hours already. I don't think I can go cold turkey without those for sleep and the Somas for all the aches, pains, cramps, and spasms. I might have to sacrifice a week from my girlfriend, who is my life heart and soul, to go 5 hours out of town to a relatives house. I'm very thankfull for all of you but if it wasn't for my girlfriend and my 10 year old brother who I know he looks up to me as his dad because his real one is always a methed out ******* or a everyone should do everything for me cuz I'm dopesick in bed deal.

I know there's people way worse off than me but I feel like there the lames for not having the sac to admit they have a problem.

Plus the whole family thing is SUPER muffed up..... but that's about the most normal thing I have that makes me feel any kind of passion or emosion anymore is when I want to put a pistol to his head to say shut the hell up because he's so possesive and selfish he doesn't even see how my life has been ruined since the age of 12 do to.... DING DING!!! Correct, addiction.

So in a way I feel destined to fail but I know I'm 1000000 times better than him. I have the right mind to seek help and express exactly what I'm thinking (sorry for that) but hang in there friends.  This is for me and anyone who cares

Once again thank you all for being friendly and the mentors I've never had : )  

[gnarly_1]

HI.....welcome to the forum......I will tell you this.....you may find your pain a lot more manageable once your off the pain meds it that way for myself as well as many of our members .....your own body can produce natural endorphins once you off the pills for a wile wile your on them our brains kinda get lazy about it because of the flow of artificial ones the pills provide ....its a vicious cycle ....I was on the strongest pain pills available and lived not only in pain but in a fog from the meds......it would be a healthy dision to break free for a wile and get a true base line of exactly how much pain your in once your brain recovers from the meds....we will help you threw this weather it be a slow taper or C/T and just get it over with C/T is quicker your only really sick sick for a few days then recover where the taper draws out the process but is less intense ether way your going to have to go threw withdrawals to get your head on strait again just let us know how you would like to go about it,....it would be a good idea to read the posts for a few days to make your desion good luck and God bless.......Gnarly    

[el_em_en_oh]

That's a question only YOU can answer, my friend.

Do you want to be clean, or do you want to be doped up on narcotics for the rest of your life?

I was in your shoes. Pain Management doctor prescribing me Dilaudid & Opana for legitimate pain. LOTS of Dilaudid & LOTS of Opana, but I'd blow through them in a week or 2, then hang tight for my next PM-appointment. It was a roller-coaster of w/d's, c/t's, up's & down's. I finally had enough, and quit everything. Hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but here I am, 2 years later, clean & sober.

It hasn't been easy, and I'm not saying it's GOING to be easy for you. You have a hard decision to make.

I still have chronic-pain, but I deal with it in other ways. I would have laughed if someone had told me that Ibuprofin actually helped with pain, but believe it or not, it actually DOES help. That said, I still find myself in the ER about once or twice a month, sometimes, with unbearable pain, but at least the narcotics are being administered in a doctor-controlled environment.

I get kidney-stones on a regular basis, that are too big for me to pass unassisted, and I require narcotics to help me over the "hump" of the most painful parts, but again, it's in a controlled environment, and not controlled by me.

You have a decision to make... live in a fog, or live with a little discomfort.

I'm not trying to minimize your pain, Brother, because you probably DO actually have pain. But the meds have a way of exaggerating the pain and making your head think you're in worse pain that you actually are.

Get the meds out of your system so you can get a good idea of exactly where your pain is, because right now, I'd be willing to be you have NO clue how much pain you're actually in, as the narcotics have your mind and body thinking & feeling something other than what reality is.

Thoughts?

[NoMorePartyArty]

Thank you for your support and believe or not I do give my Ambien and Somas to my girlfriend and she does a great job never giving into any extras for the day. But with pain pills she knows that's what I want so she hands them over if she gottem held for me already. And that's the think screw tapering that is not for me, but my pain management appointment is like 28 days away.

So is it worth it to stop and go through that just to start back again with a clear head and goals....OR do I go through it and be in moderate to severe pain my whole life?

[NoMorePartyArty]

Please I need help how can I get clean and sober when I live with my mother and father, my mom is very dependent narcotics, and my father is a methhead. Me and my girlfriend are moving out in two weeks so I can get away from them.BUT the guy we are splitting rent with is an ex-junky ( he used to do 10 oxy 30s a shot) but its a way out a little bit but then I feel like I'm going to relapse if I'm missing my family and scared cuz I'm on my own now.

Please I started this post to get outsiders oppinions. Any suggestions would be great.
Thanks

[el_em_en_oh]

Dude, you've come to the right place.

If you've made the decision to come here and talk to us, the next step is to talk to a professional. You said you're willing to talk to your PCP (family doctor)... that's GREAT.

Go in and be completely and brutally honest. Your PCP will be able to assist you with a taper, although I recommend C/T myself as I tried tapering a couple of times and just ended up gobbling up all the taper-pills!

You mention Xanax, Valium, Soma & Ambien in your post... I'm not a doctor, so take this as you will, but I'd recommend staying AWAY from those drugs. Trading one addictive substance for another, isn't the way to sobriety.

That being said, in a CONTROLLED environment (ie: a rehab or treatment facility with trained staff & doctors), I'd say that the administration of those drugs would & could be helpful with W/D symptoms, but taking them alone and unsupervised... risky business dude.

Congratulation in your decision to quit... keep posting.

LMNO

[NoMorePartyArty]

I'm willing to go to my family doctor (who I trust 100 percent) and just come completely clean with her and see what she sees fit. I've done all the therapists and shrinks and the amphetamine giving ADHD doctors, and the medication I used to get from them just A) didn't help AT ALL. Or B) made me feel like a robot looking in on life as a third party. But I'm thinking of going cold turkey, PLUS the "Thomas Recipe" as I would substitute Valuim or Xanax for my prescribed Ambien and also Somas. Do you think that would be a route? Thank you for just leaving me somekind of comment to lighten up my aloneness.

[dominosarah]

What are you willing to do to get clean?  Have you thought about seeing a therapist?
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