Well here I am...on day 2.....Im just here.

[msquestionable168]

Dont have alot to say right now.....Im just so foggy minded.....and sore....no energy.  But life still goes on...all around me.  I have let no one else know what is going on with me just yet, except my husband.  Which is enough right now.  Especially here a holiday time, I refuse to upset my family with this.  Because this is not my first time qutting, I am just going to just do it.  Tell them later, as I feel better.  Its really hard hiding how horrible you feel.  Im sure they can see Im not my old self, so I guess......the......Im sick...will have to work for now.  Im asking for prayers for me, part of the family is coming over for thanksgiving, I believe I will be at day 5 or 6 on that day.  Pray I can pull it off, and make it joyfully thru.  This is going to be hard.  Plus I have to prepare and cook the day before!  Im praying I can get this dinner done.

I dont want to get into a long conversation about this on this post, but I been thinking about this addiction pill thing.  Its crazy how some of up get addicted, and others dont.  But what puzzles me is......I have researched repeatedly as I keep relapsing & withdrawing,  the things these pills are doing to the receptors, and seritonin levels, in our brains, and isnt it true that wether one takes the pills as prescribed, or they take more than prescribed (which is then considered abusing them), it is doing the same thing to the receptors, & serotonin levels in our brains.  Right.  I mean, the fact is taking these, that is what they effect.  So a person that take them as prescibed is still getting the same effects, and this medicine in them percs, & oxy"s, and vics, are still effecting the things in their brains.  So...if a person whom has taken the meds for a substancial amount of time, even tho they have taken as prescibed....will not go thru withdrawal, if they decide to quit?  Well if so, then why is it said they are not addicted, because they have taken it as prescribed?... I guess the bigger question is....then why are these doctors giving these meds out like this to people?  It seems like EVERYONE is having a bad experience with these pills!......OMG, I had to pause for a minute...my body is killing me. Anyways....Im just not seeing the difference in someone who takes it as prescribed...because it is still effecting, and doing the same thing to their brains, just by using them period!  From what I have read,....when taking more, or more often, and so on....that allows your brain to receive too much, to fast of the endorphins...right?.  But the bottom line is....just taking them at all, is still effecting your brain, because that is how they work, to tell your brain your not in pain.  Its just masking it.  I know its alot to take in, but I guess Im just mad, that I have gotten myself into this **** hole!  This whole mess is soooooo ****** up.  Its unbelievable what you go thru to get free of this.  Its just crazy!

[msquestionable168]

Oh, and yes I still have not smoked a real cigarette in 4 days..I believe.  Yes it gets hard at times, but Im trying.

[dominosarah]

I used to wonder alot why other people could take pills and be okay too.  Now it doesnt matter about them, all that matters is how they affect me.  Have you done anything with recovery care??  

Congrats on 2 days clean and 4 days off cigs!!!

[msquestionable168]

dominosarah, hello, I plan on reentering my church.  Thats what really helps me.  Soon as I feel a lil better.  And just to be clear...I dont wonder why others can take them  and be ok, I just tryed to understand, the difference in how it effects our brains, verses how it effects a person brain that does not abuse them.  Thats all.    Because from what I read...it does the same thing to everyones brain!  I know why others can take them and be ok with that...that is because they have decided to be ok with living like that.  (smiles)  I just cant do it! That is why I keep trying to get it right.  Its just like when I quit crack 10yrs ago...it took me years, and a whole lotta trys, before it finally stuck, and I didnt, and dont use it anymore.  I just hate that I have to go thru this so many times.  This is waaaay harder than quitting crack.  I now see the difference in quitting both these drugs, crack does not have this type of withdrawal effect.....at all!!  Not glorifying it either...just stating the differences.  This pill thing is pure & strait outta ****!

[clean_in_ks]

"Because from what I read...it does the same thing to everyones brain!"

Yes and no.....

It sounds like you may have one of those "inquiring minds" like I do.  It DOES help me to understand why my husband could have major surgeries these past years, take his pain meds post surgery "as prescribed", and then go off them with mild physical w/drawals and I couldn't.  He never "thought about them", "craved them", even desired them once he was "done" taking them.  Me?  Nope....I STILL wanted them to mask all kinds of pain, emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental.  I am an addict...he is not.  THAT puzzled me to no end.  I sought answers.

I'm a researcher...a curious kid...always have been.  To learn about addiction and the brain and what makes one person just become physcially dependent and another a full blown addict truly puzzled me.  What happens AFTER going off the pain meds is where the "addiction" answer lies.  And there is a "very fine line" sometimes...that with continuing intake over a long period of time will cause us to "cross that line".   It happens to some of us quicker than others.
If you want to delve into this at all, here's two links that I found enthralling and comforting.  They helped me immensely to understand myself and many of the loved ones in my life that are alcoholic/addicts...some sober/clean....some not.  

http://www.hbo.com/addiction/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Hz6-2NwRzE

[msquestionable168]

Can I get more feedback from anymore people on here???

[Sonrissa]

Hi! Clean_in_KS gave you some really good info. Congrats on the 4 days without cigarettes. That is very impressive. I have not yet been able to conquer that issue.  Day 2 is the beginning of the tough period, so you will need to dig deep and stay strong. It sounds like you have a lot going on for Thanksgiving. Try to lean on others for as much help and support as possible.

I really can't give you any answers for why pain pills effect people differently. I guess it's really just like alcohol or any other addictive substance or behavior. I only know how it effects me.

Take care, and hang in there. Keep posting. I'm wishing you all the best!

[mommymarieme]

Hey there! The holidays cause alot of pressure but right now you need to focus on yourself and whatever you do get done be proud of because you did that clean! :) I do think it will be good to be busy that always helps me so I don't have time to think about the pills. I am at 68 days and I still have a rough time with cravings I just try to keep my mind busy. I will turn on my music and clean, cook or whatever. Music is great to get those endorphins going! Just try not to stress yourself out and its ok to ask for help too :) the foggy head feeling was just horrible I hated it so much I felt like I don't make any sense lol but it all does get better just give it time and be kind to yourself you are doing something special! :)

[Kbusymom]

Congrats on day 2 and welcome!  Have you checked out the Thomas Recipe on here for help with the WD?  For me the first 3-4 days were the worst, but everyone is different.  I would def use Immodium, Ibupofen, Emergen-C, drink lots of water or Gatorade to stay hydrated.  

I think pain pills effect people differently based on each person's chemical make-up just like any other drug or alcohol.  I have always been a downer person and loved opiates, where I know others who dislike opiates and like stimulants.  I think people who can take meds as needed don't have addictive personalities like we do.  The fact that you switched from one drug to another is proof of the addictive personality.  I hope you don't take that as judgemental; I've done the exact same thing.

I hope you can get some help with all the prep work so you're not overwhelmed at Thanskgiving- delegate delegate delegate  :)
Good luck and keep posting; we are here for you.  Stay strong!!