What am I-an addict, chronic abuser, or just a s**t-for-brains?

[Nowheretorun]

OK-here's a quick run down on me:going on 50;have done drugs recreationally since I was 13 (kicked a blow habit 15 years ago);married to a bi-polar wife (that I still love dearly) on anti-depressants that make her mostly stable but kill her sex drive; stressed-out small business owner; my mother has demetia; my mother/sister in-law & business partner have depression;Oh,and I have Hep-C.I also have a bad back, for which I get a script.Graduated from Vic's to oxy cause the Tylenol was bad for my liver.I got a good doc that gave me the oxy for my back pain, xanax for my stress attacks.
The script is for 3 oxy's (20mg) per day.To get some relief, I started chewing 2.5 to 3 of the oxy's at one time in the late afternoon.Never did or wanted them during the day.This has been going on since March of 06.The oxy's killed my sex drive and seemed just to make life more bearable.I'd get off in the late afternoon and buzz the rest of the evening-nobody knew the better-until I'd have an ocassional drink of alcohol.Then I'd turn into a "Zombie" as my wife put it.I told her I was on pain med's, but not what they were really. This caused me "problems" at home. I never took more that what was prescribed per day (for the most part), but I realized I had some sort of a problem, cause I was planning my nights around my "dosage".  I went c/t a couple of weeks ago and used the xanax to sleep. Had some w/d's, so a couple of times used my dosage to offset the obvious.  Having cravings now, and dealing with my back pain. So my new friends, what am I to do?

[Nowheretorun]

Thank you all for your responses-trying to fnd my way is a cumbersome issue. I ran out of room in my original post, but the problem remains that I need an escape from life's stresses.  Being married to a wife that's bi-polar, nearly everyone around me with some sort of mental disorder, struggling business, AND the HEP-C! I used to come home and have a couple (or more) of glasses of wine to chill out.  But with the Hep-C, drinking is not a good option-hence the start of the pills.  I had stopped drinking altogether,lost 15 pounds-feel like I have found a viable alternative to alleviate some of life's pressure. In fact until I slipped and had a few drinks over the holidays, I thought I had my resolution.  Then when I had a drink I turned into a "Zombie", (which frankly was fine with me), and my little self-medication plan was exposed.I use them to escape-I STILL NEED AN ESCAPE-but I and struggling not to let a pill control or ruin my life!  I am going to a counselor- today if possible;  I haven't had a "dosage" since Sunday-trying to make it thru the week w/o but drinking again instead-but have a brand new script just waiting for me to pick-up. The xanax I use is for panic attacks.  I've never gotten a buzz from it-how does an addiction to that begin?  I don't want to replace one problem with another, as I've upped my intake to offset the w/d symptoms and get sleep, but not to replace the oxy feeling. I could use some words of wisdom here.

Thanks to you all....

[ThursdayNext]

Amen

[ArlingtonAddict]

When I first started Vic's, they simply seemed to 'enhance' what I had and WAS already. It justmade things a little more bright, gave me a little bit more eneregy (although had plenty anyway). It was a 'perk' (no pun intended). Several months ago, I began to realize that they had, for the most part, stopped working (unless I wanted to do more in which case I would run out and that would be awhole other issue) and I was no longer using them, once in awhile, to feel 'good' (everyone does something once in awhile to feel good, out of themselves, happy--it needn't be drugs or alcohol, I just mean to basic 'draw' to slight reprieves from life isn't 'bad', it's natural) BUT I was now doing them not to feel bad. I then realized that the "BAD" was (1) Withdrawal (and, thus, I was addicted) AND (2) that I stopped working on making my life better upon getting my 'panic button' or whatever. In other words, 'life' changes without us noticing--even when we are 100% functioning, educated, professionals with good lives and families and stuff. The addiction doesn't speak to who you ARE but, without some type of sobriety, only you will be able to remember who you WERE as you will no longer be 'that', good person anymore. This **** is so slow and pervasive, it trickles down into our bones, our cells, our lives, everything. And who wouldda thought it would start as a 'life garnish', if you will.

[gipsee]

Seems like you have your C/t thing under control.

Just a word about the Xanax... don't try to stop that C/T...it's a nightmare ... and for me it was undooable.   I did try a week after I put down my Vicodin... and almost landed in the Hospital.  Good thing I call my Dr.  She put me right back on them and now she has me on a scheduled taper.. I'm down to 1 mg a day.

Xanax is the KING of benzo's...just stopping can really do you some physical harm.

After C/T withdrawal it does take some time to start to feeel normal again...but it will happen with some understanding of what you are going through and knwoing what to expect.

Some mighty good recovery advise and peeps here... so ask questions read post and do the best you can do to make it to the next day..

Gip

[rsd_al]

Well I gotta tell ya, you will be more alert than you have ever been. You will have everything become so clear.

My family is welcoming me back into the world!!!

They tell me they havent seen me in over 2 years! Even though im here everyday LOL. Your doing great, and you came to the right place if you want to have friends help you through.

We will encourage you, and share our successes with you.

Allen

[vee108]

The fact that u thought u had a problem means that u probably did and also "planning" your day around dosages of pills also means that u probably had a problem...I know I used to do that myself.  I thought that I could kick this w/o any support in the beginning but I have come to learn that I need some type of help battling this.  I go to a substance abuse therapist once a week.  The cravings can get pretty bad so when that happens I pray and I do something to keep myself busy.  Maybe u can try a counselor or NA/AA to help with the cravings.  Dont give into the cravings; just remember that its a symptom ..dont give it more power than that.  But u definetly need a support system so try the meetings or a counselor.