I am an addict again?

[smurfmagnet]

First off - first post so small background needed - I tend to not have the ability to moderate my cravings which to me turns them into a an addiction.  Booze, pot, smoking, gambling, are the main ones only cause they cost me alot of money- but i quit those years ago, but still kinda crave.  I have many other addictions of which i admit to but noone cares casue either they are not chemically addictive or illegal/ socially acceptable .  In short, I like patterns/habit and lack moderatation:P  For a few years now I havent had any "major" addictions  other than very unhealthy habits like 2-3l coke-cola a day, smoking, and gaming.
now present day -

as of early 2010 I had insane pain due a bulging disc causing pressure on a nerve  - After 2 weeks i went to an E.R casue i didnt have a doc and they confirmed the above -  over the last few months I've had some major issues with the drugs I take daily which are as follows - ( as perscribed by dr.'s )
2x20mg oxycotin/day
2x150mg lyrica/day
breakthru meds - percocete 5/325mg ( usually 2-4 a day - bad days 6-8 )

at first I didnt even notice the differnece between the drugs and not on drugs other than "slightly less worse"
but over the months i've noticed patterns in my consumption - I go pretty hard in the beginning and feel "better" and "suffer" during the end and repeat this every refill - I also tend to take a few days off for my own mental reason to make sure I'm in control and try and keep patterns away.

Last few weeks I really feel guilty and want off the drugs but at the same time my pain has increased due to a job change and I am having a hard time managing the pain.

Where do I go from here...  is the amount of drugs I'm supposed to take that much?  less percs more lyrica?  more oxy and watch myself?  

[iwannabefree]

I totally agree with Gnarly. Most of us on here have an addictive personality. I go over the top in everything I do, so now I am trying to chanel that into more productive things like healthy eating. I also have suffered badley from back pain and just increasing the dosage more and more and the pain just kept getting worse and worse. Now 9 days into being clean again I am feeling the back pain again but I am also getting relief from about 800mg of ibprofen. Now the weird thing is that while I was in my drugged phaze all the ibprofen in the world wouldnt have worked. I would have just said it wasnt strong enough. I now realize that was my addiction talking. We all have the same disease wether its pills,alcohol,smoking,gambling,sex etc. The only differnce in my opinion is what was within our reach first. I have hardly ever drunk alcohol. I was too busy with my true love opiates in many forms, but I can tell you that on evry one of those occasions that I did drink I drank until I was blind rotten drunk. I gave up smoking in jan 2000 but when I did smoke I smoked up to a pak and a half a day until I made myself sick with them. I have only ever gone to a casino 3 times but each of those times I lost more than I was happy with and the 3rd time after losing the money in my purse I went and drew out $500 from my bank account and lost that. I have a sneaking suspision that if you ask any pill addict, needle user, alcoholic etc they will all pretty much have similar stories. So do yourself a favor and get someone to help you stop before it gets really bad..............Christine

[Sherah1]

Very much agree with Gnarly!

[gnarly_1]

HI welcome to the forum....with an addictive personality witch you have that amount of narcotics is going to get you in to trouble ...rarely can one control consumption very long
then you start running out early and being forced into withdrawals ...I understand back pain well I have 2 herniated disks and 3 deteriorating I chase the pain away with narcotics for 16 1/2 yrs its no way to live...sooner or later you wind up addicted to them my advise to you is get out wile you still can...once your off all that crap your pain clock sorta resets itself
and you may find like many of our members myself included you will do better on 800mg ibuprofine....the brain will create pain to get the narcotic its a viscous cycle but one that can be broke do yourself a favor and get free b/4 you wind up like me spending a life time in the narcotic fog good luck and God bless......Gnarly