What was I thinking?

[dummy12]

OMG please help
Last night, I lied to my kids (15and9) about having to run to work for a bit, went to emerg and got a scrpt for percocet. It was for 30 and what do I do, change it to 80 and get caught. I mean caught. Police came, let me walk out to their car, handcuffed me and took me to the jail. They let me go about 45 min later with a court date. I am not like this, we are a middle class hard working family, with very many friends, community members not to mention know many people on the police force. I have never in my life been so embarrased or ashamed. The lady officer ended up very nice, drove me back to my vehicle, and said I'd probably get a discharge, in fact she would sign a recommendation for a discharge. I told her I am not this kind of person, which I'm not and she said she could tell. I cannot tell my husband or anyone about this. What do I do, and what was I thinking?

[lostsoul2]

Those words are spoken and thought by so many people; "I'm not that kind of person."  But you are.  You did what you did, which makes you that kind of person.  Sorry to be so blunt, but addiction makes people that kind of person.  I wasn't that kind of person either, until I became that kind of person.  You have an addiction.  It changes you and your thought process.  Understand what it is and what it is doing to you, how it has changed you and will continue to change you.  If you reach out for help now you may be surprised at how much people will help.  But the longer you wait the higher the stakes may get and people may not be so receptive.  Take this experience, learn, and shake this demon before it controls you, because it has already started.

[intothedarkagain]

Hi dummy,
I think the reason you got caught was because all narc scripts have a DEA code on them that indicates what and how much. This is in addition to writting our the drug and amount long hand.
If you changed only the amount, and not the code, the pharm. would know right away.
Sorry for the bum luck.
Thank god you got caught on script number 2 and not script number 2000.
Stuff gets way bad when you need something, and can't get it legally.
Take care,
Joshua From Oregon

[troubleinohio]

listen to Eagle! right now you were in the HONEYMOON Stage of Abuse. Oh yes it felt so good and you got sooooo much done around the house and felt oh so happy!!! THats how you get hooked. But guess what, pretty soon those pills turn on you. They dont quite give you that super high anymore, they start to leech your energy instead of giving it. You need mroe and more to feed your addiction and they no longer even get you high, you just take them to keep from getting dope sick! They arent even enjoyable to you anymore but you must take them to keep the WD's at bay.  I sure hope this was the wake up call you needed before you got in too deep. That is how most of us started here but we didnt stop when we should have...good luck to you..

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

The real problem there is that you were/are so close to the point where you actually "catch the dragon" after chasing him so long. And if you catch the dragon - you better have a plan in place to deal with its teeth. The addiction monster does an about face on you. You become withdrawn - not the life of the party. You hit depression and stay in bed all day instead of burning up all that energy. You become preoccupied with your pill supply. Your appearance no longer matters because you dont leave the house and you have enough pills to take care of you. Until that day comes when you dont have your morning pills for whatever reason. Then the abdominal cramps start. The diarreah glues you to the bathroom stool - when you arent vomiting. And I could go on and on - - if you are lucky you will have someone that cares about you and will help you. If not - you may well use the stool so much that you become very dehydrated. Then your blood pressure goes wild because of the lack of hydration. With luck you find an ER and get some fluid therapy. Maybe even some meds to deal with the unbelievable anxiety and restless legs.......and you will thoroughly soak several shirts each evening as you fight to sleep because of the night sweats that are part of it. There is plenty more - are you sure that you want to go there?

[dummy12]

Thank you

Yes, first prescription I had was the 24. I felt so darn good. I mean I got more things done in those few days than ever. And I did it with a smile. I wanted to feel that way. To me when I saw the 30, I thought Oh that just won't last long enough. I wanted the feeling back and I wanted to keep it. This is what I don't understand...is it possible (physically/mentally) to get hooked that fast? Really? Maybe the feeling I got from them wasn't the same that others get? I just don't know...I just felt on top of the world, literally. I was working 15/16 hours per day, getting all my housework, etc done, and feeling great about it. Even waking in the morning, tired, I took my pills and off I went again!!!

[spacecadette]

Also, don't be too hard on yourself. Just get the help you need.  And I would be honest with your husband.  I know when I became addicted to methadone, (and i too had only taken it for a month or so before i realized what happened).....telling my fiance was by far "the HARDEST thing I had to do." ESPECIALLY because of the field he is trying to get into and is trained to know how to spot people like me.  the irony.....lol....nonetheless, he researched addiction during my withdrawl and learned EVERYTHING he could to better understand what I was going through and what we needed to do to make our lives positive from this experience.  And believe me that's not how I thought he would react....and no he wasn't happy....he was FURIOUS....but if your hubby loves you, then yes, he will be furious.  And that's a healthy response.  And you guys can get through this together.  Because you DO need help.  Even if you've only done it this once.....Keep posting....we're all here rooting for you. I'm telling you...you will feel SOOOOOO liberated once you tell him.  I love being able to talk to my honey about it.  And he comes home from school, some days and i'll be on this website (i stay at home with our 2 year old) and he'll sit down and read the posts with me and we'll respond to a post or 2 and talk about it.  It's so therapeutic....and it's nice to be able to be honest about it.  I HIGHLY advise you to tell him....

[spacecadette]

Gosh, I'm sorry all this is happening but also sort of glad if that makes sense?...i had my fiance read this post last night and he was shocked. He's in dental school, and although he won't be a dentist until june of 2010, they have learned about prescription abuse. He said the funniest people he gets as patients at the school are addicts and all the excuses they come up with to get a stronger script..(allergic to hydrocodone but not oxycodone etc..)  sorry totally off the subject.  anyhow, The first thing he said is that ER's rarely EVER write scripts for 80 percocet unless it's for something serious (I.e. your out of state and have to drive across country while passing a kidney stone and can't get to your primary care physician for a week or something) and even then, for most doctors thatd be a stretch.  He said that is probably why you got caught.  If a pharmacist sees that an ER wrote a script for 80 percocets, whether it was or was not legit, he's going to call the doctor just to be sure, simply because that's a large amount for ER to prescribe.  And if it was YOU who tampered with it, and it didn't look completely legit right off the bat, then the pharmacist probably knew the moment he saw it that it was tampered with.  I do have a question. You say you've only taken the 24 the dentist gave you?  so this is the 2nd time you've attempted to get more? I just have never heard of someone going to such drastic measures unless they were "addicted"...mentally or physically.  I guess I'm asking what is it that made you want them so bad if you are not infact addicted to them? Was it your first time ever taking them when the dentist prescribed them?  

[dummy12]

Thank you all so very much for your feedback. The bizzare thing is, like probably most of you, I've been going through a really hard time lately...I won't go into details, but so are many people so it's no excuse. My dentist last Friday gave me a prescription for 24 percosets for an infected tooth. When I took them, I felt better than I had in years, literally. I didn't know I could feel this good. When I ran out, tooth was better, I went to emerg and told the Doc there that the antibiotics my Dentist gave me weren't working, could he change them, and give me something for the pain. That's how I got the prescription. I decided for myself that the 30 pills would only last me 5 or 6 days, and I wanted to feel good for longer, so I changed it. Obviously I'm not very good at it. Seriously. That was the second prescription I had ever had, but I panicked and was afraid to run out, even before I had the prescription filled. Stupid stupid stupid. At the same time, every one of you who said it's a good thing I got caught are absolutely right. I mean what would I do when the 80 (had I gotten away with it) ran out??? Oh, the pharmacist called the er doc to verify is how they found out...I guess I did a lousy job with the pen. I am so sickened. I work in the health care field part time and have a management job full time. You're right...I am like this...but how and why did I get like this so fast? How do I get past this? Please keep the advice coming?

[spacecadette]

I'm curious how you got caught? You were in the ER so how did they find out? If you were at the pharmacy I guess that would make more sense?  What did u tell them u needed them for?  Did they run tests and such?  I hope this all works out for you.  Gosh I cannot imagine......look forward to hearing from you.  Keep your head up.  

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

I certainly wish nothing but the best for you. And I do hope that you walk away from this with only some paperwork to deal with.  But your constant remarks that 'you are not like this" dont hold much water, do they? You are like this enough to lie to your family and the ER folks. You are like this enough to commit a Federal Offense and alter a schedule 2 prescription. Exactly how much more like this do you have to be before you realize that you are indeed like this?  I would say that you need to tell your husband. Do you actually think that he wont find out? And you probably need to tell quite a few other people and seek help. And you also should investigate NA or some type of support. Something made you be enough like this to get in a real mess. You most likely need some real help before things will get a lot better. Best of luck to you - you are far from the first one to get this type of wake up call................now its up to you to wake up!

[ejwilson]

OMG I just read what you wrote and my stomach flip flopped.

Addiction doesn't care whether your rich , middle class, or poor. It doesn't care if you have a thousand friends. This can happen to ANYONE!!!  Apparently you are taking them or some other opiate and ran out, if you had to lie to your kids about where you were going and could not call your family MD for them. So that also means you had to tell the MD at the ER something good too.  Percocets aren't just wrote out that easy so you must have been convincing. And I'm only assuming your husband works that shift and you made it home before
him. And that must have been a relief, BIG SIGH. That feeling you had when you walked into your house and your safe , your husband doesn't have to KNOW. That sneaky feeling is what your going to have to live with for weeks and months to come if you keep this to yourself. I think you learned a hell of a lesson even if its mostly   embarrasment and shame. Maybe if you hadn't been caught or stopped you would have gone on  to become addicted,  and I mean ADDICTED and lose your husband, kids, job, home and every friend.    

Trust in your husbands love for you and tell him about your problem and kids that are 9 and 15 can also understand.  They may already know something is going on. When you have a court date to appear that is all made public and is on the computer under the judges name and room and time. As far as I know they will contact your family doctor and pharmacies are given your name and when you fill something it will send up a red flag and they put a call through to your doctor. (this is protocol in MI) If you have friends that are in the force they may say something to you or your husband or someone at your child's school could here mention at home from a parent. I don't want to scare you, but really, telling your husband the truth will be in your best interest.  Think if the table was turned and this happened to him, would you want him to lie to you? If you have a best friend to talk to that might help or keep writing to us here on med help. I had to come clean and tell my husband about oxycontin's, so yes I''ve been there too. And many on this very site have stories like yours too. This is only my opinion - getting it out in the open. Otherwise every time the phone rings or the door bell goes off, you are going to experience a lot of anxiety.  Others will come on here and give you other ideas too, so just think about it.
Maybe all of this saved your life. If you want to talk more I'm on here  .  
I will put in a prayer for you. elaine

[laurel453]

oh, sorry, luppygirl, but don't trust you wouldn't make a good addict.

you would be as good as the rest of us are. just don't cross the line to discover how good you can be as an addict. :)

[luppygirl]

I would be kicking myself.  You went to all the trouble of going to the emergency, they gave you 30 pills if you had just gotten it filled without tampering it you would have had some pills.  I guess they could tell that the 3 was changed to an eight cuz how else would they know.  I would have been to scared to try something like that.  I don't think I would make a good addict.  My doc left his perscription  pad alone in the office with me and when he came back I told him that he shouldn't just leave his pad unsupervised in the office.  I don't like to see anybody get in trouble with the police especially when you have kids and such but maybe this is what you needed to realize that you need help and you definitely came to the right place for that.  Everybody will be hoping for the best for you including myself and i hope after all this is sorted out you get the help you need so something like this will never happen again.  I wonder if the hospital was informed, if they were I hope you don't need pain medication for a really bad injury because I have a feeling you will be **** out of luck. I hope that didn't sound harsh that is not how i meant it.  I wish you all the best and if this is your first offense I hope they don't go to hard you, just hard enough so you don't do it again.

[cathy5841]

addiction knows no boundaries....it ***** in anyone it can.   sorry hun, but you are like evry other addict here...you do what you have to when you are in active addiction to get your next fix..or your next 80 pills...how many pills a day were you taking?  you can get off these pills..it is hard work to stay clean though...hope this works out okay for you.

[10356]

You were thinking like a drug addict.. I'm very sorry you had gone through this.. nothing like getting bashed on the head with a wake up call.. I would go to my Dr. immediately and tell him what you had done.. ask for meds to help you go through wd or a detox facility if you feel more comfortable.. sounds like you have hit bottom.. there's no where to go but up.. I wish you well.. Only you know if you should tell your husband.. we are only as sick as our secrets..  lesa

[laurel453]

hi, dummy.

this is addiction and im afraid addiction is like this. we can do this and much worse but the bright side is that you can leave it behind. do you want to solve not only this recent trouble that  addiction led you to do but also  stop abusing the percs? because it can be done and trust me, your life and yourself will feel much better-.

you just have to ask yourself very seriously if you want to stop, do you ? we can help you here, there are some wonderful people who have experienced just the same willing to help you

and welcome here, :)