Where is Dr. Steve?

[skipper]

i have a simple question, where has Dr. Steve been? it seems as if he hasn't answered any questions for a awfully long time. i know a lot of people take issue with his mostly out of the can answers, have his feelings been hurt? perhaps his (Dr. Steve) practice is far too demanding to be bothered by a bunch of dopers? at any rate i sure hope he (Dr. Steve) is doing ok. perhaps things will slow down enough that Dr. Steve will be able
to honor his commitment to this forum!
keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[rowanshyne]

I truly sympathize with you.  I often said that the State Board of Nursing was only there to justify their own existance.  As I posted, I'd already been clean and sober for over two years, was in counseling and attending regular 12-step meetings when the Board decided to put me through more expense and hell.
Jumping through their hoops may not be fair, but is probably the only way to retain your license.
I know I'm not the only one on this posting board that wishes we could be right there beside, to help you have the strength to look them in the eye and hold your head up.
Believe me, we are with you in spirit.
I know your wife is everything to you, but from what you've written, she seems very supportive, although scared, too.
She has sounded willing to do her part of the recovery, too; going to Al-Anon,educating herself.
If you ever feel the need to talk, please feel free to email me.  I have a new addy: ***@****
I'm probably states away from you and don't have the emotional wherewithal to have any hidden agendas.
I'll help if I can.

Wren

[Hinkster]

Ava God bless you. You ARE the angel on everyones shoulder that
our friend kip is talking about. I swear it has to be you. You
are there for everyone.

[angst]

If you want to keep practicing, you can do this.  Many doctors were at Pine Grove, in Hattiesburg,MS, as were radiologist, anesthesiologist, pharmacist, and many nurses.  Outpatient there can last from 30 days to 90 days.  Surely you have someone who can cover for you long enough to stay the stay.  Your reputation
will likely be unscaved.  I known one other doctor locally who got hooked on Lortab's.  He was restricted for about a year after he finished outpatient-intense therapy.  If you call therapy NA and mostly AA there.
I tend to believe substance abuse is a symptom of a larger, deeper psychological problem.  Mine probably due to borderline
d/o.  I've been in therapy with a phd in psychology for 7 years.
She always said I was on the mild side of the spectrum.  I'm not
promiscuous, hold on to one job for long periods of time.  I just
fall apart sometimes.  Thus the reason of my substance problems.
I'm grateful for the methadone maintenance.  I get group therapy
and group therapy and 6 days of methadone at one time.  It keeps me on maintenance.  I have w/d from methadone before, and I know
how difficult it is.  The first time I lost 50lb.  I do not go to
the street anymore.  I changed people, places, and things. That
changed most of my life.  I consentrate on my child, ex-husband, my priest, and a very few others.  If I am keeping a child for
long periods of time,  I tend to tell the mother.  I let her know
I am clean, maintaining on methadone.  I think they deserve to
know.  You will make it, if your drive is strong enough.
Good luck and Blessings,  Ava

[Dr.X]

Thanks for your frank post about Rehab. I spoke with a person in my recovery group(case worker). He told me today to start attending 5 NA meeting/week and 2 professional support groups/week, he also said I may very well go to out patient therapy or even full 30 in house therapy....I don't know where to turn. This could kill my marriage and definately hamper my practice. I am scared...this may all happen in 6 weeks, I'm knida freaking out. I think that if I am clean, I do UA's on a random basis and if I meet with the people I need to I should just stay with NA. Why go hardcore if I am already mandated to NA and group therapy. What will rehab bring an addict that is already detoxed and functioning BUT more turmoil in his personal life.  The drugs have alrady done that! I feel like I'm being f***ked here for my mistake, my disease. NA says we are not amoral we have a disease. What good is intensive rehab after you have accepted NA, UA's(randomly) and mandatory group therapy?
Thanks for letting me vent!
Dr.X

[angst]

welcome to the forum.  thanks for the post.  each of us who were
in the heathcare field have different feelings about the outcome.
i just do not want to practice nursng right now.  i had a heart attack trying to meet some of their requirements.  i've been on
a benzo since age 14 for valid reasons.  they doctors were so
wrapped up in meeting the critera of the licensure board.  i told
the doctor that she was not treating me, just the licensure board
she was not honest with me. when i told her i was home board with
out the benzo's, it feel on deaf ears.  they had me on a slow phenobarb detox to keep the seizures at bay.  but i had an anterior infarct {heart attack} instead.   i hope you find your way through the maze, and i hope i can forgive and forget.i'll keep getting happier despite  what was done. i know the initial
problem was my own.  i can accept responsibility today for my
mistakes.  Good luck and Blessings,  Angst

[Aimee1]

Hellow everyone,

As I sit here and read the posts, I am truly aware that I am not alone...  I have read some wonderful posts all with contributing factors to the lifestyle of one whom wills themselves the clean life.  I too, am a -- lets say "MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL", and did not sit before the BOARD since I wanted anonymity in the most dreaded way.  I dont know much of your stories as you have or have not posted, however -- will say that if you can detox (as a doc) without the licensure board knowing, do so!  You know what there is available to take and lack thereof, if not -- email me and I will so provide you a wonderful detox "recipe"...  I know that being a doctor and being on drugs is the last thing any patient should experience, however - I know the board and know they are tougher than hell and their requirements are of highest standards.  It is all too familiar as I have a friend doing so now with his family, pts, friends, etc., all on hold for 5 months...  I care for all of you in this situation and am here for you as a friend, support, or whatever you may need as in the "clean" aspect of recovery support!  Wishing you only the best!  AIMEE

[angst]

i had kicked the dilaudid at home, and i was attending NA.  The
licensure board required the 30 day inpatient followed by out pt care in the same environment.  The inpatient and outpatient were combined into the 30 days.  If you are clean, they will probably rush you on to the program where you live in dorms with other people like yourself.  You will not believe the number of doctors, nurses, and pharmacists who are in treatment.  At Pine
Grove in Hattiesburg, MS, many people come.  It is out of their state and no one has to know where you are.  It is a good program, but I could not stand being force fed Mr. Bill's gospel.
I struggle with that, but each day I can integrate my Catholic beliefs with my existential way of thinking.  The rehab was a bomb for me.  Better luck with yours.  It is really a nice place.
They teach you about changing people, places, and things.  How not to use stinking thinking.  How to ask for help.  Rent "28 days" before you go in.  It will help you deflect a lot to humor.
Good luck and Blessings,  Ava

[Dr.X]

Hello, I'm wondering that if I am in NA(3x/week) and a group of professionals that are addicted, meeting 2 times per week, if you think that I would need to be hospitalized for 30+ days. I've been clean for over two weeks now. Still working and no real withdrawl symptoms! I get occasional headaches....
I was told I may need hospitalization or just outpatient care. I meet with my board in 6-7 weeks and I may be told to go into a care center.  What are your feelings? Do you have questions for me? I would really appreciate chatting with you.
Thanks, Dr. X

[angst]

groovy,  thank you for some tough love.  i have wanted to say something about the illegible posts and knowing something was not right.  you have guts and the good sense of timing.  you really care or you would have just let it go.  i care also.  i could see it, but i could not say anything because i have not been posting long enough to know some people very well.  Thank you.  I hope you would do that for me, if I needed you to.  Good luck and Blessings, Ava



tracy,  how has today been for you?  i emailed meagain and have not gotten a response yet.  maybe i'll send a card or something humorous.  My days have been off.  when I get up in the mornings, I do not want to dose my methadone or benzo until a couple of hours later.  I am trying to come off a few pounds I put on before and after the surgery I had in march.  I'm eating less and exercising more.  That change may have something to do with it.    Talk to you later, Ava

[tex3]

I will go to chat. If I don't hang around long, it's because of this damn headache, but I will try to get back online soon. Other than my head, I feel really good, though! Thanks for your concern, as always. tracy

[tex3]

I went to the chat room, but quickly saw that it was not for addiction (topic was sleep apnea and restless leg syndrome). I thought we had our own chat? Guess not, and it's kind of weird talking about addiction with other people around. I try to tell my husband that I need to talk to other people going through the same thing, but he doesn't really get that. I think it makes him feel left out, and that's not what I mean. It's just that I think only someone else who has truly been addicted can know the whole spectrum of what we feel and experience. I'm going to try to rest before my kids get home, get rid of this headache, but check back later. If you want, email me your address and we can chat that way?

How is Meagain, anyone know? I hope she's feeling better today.

[angst]

Tracy, trying to catch up with you, to see if you wanted to try the chat room.  Let me know.  Glad you are feeling better today.  You deserve it.  When we addicts get clean, we usually are good people.  Let me know about chatting.

[tex3]

Hi all. Groovy, I'm actually doing very well. My first detox was inpatient and I felt so guilty being away from my kids, on top of not being ready to actually succeed, that it failed. The second one (which was almost 6 weeks ago) was actually my choice. I did it at home, under the supervision of my doctor, and it's been fine. I was highly motivated, though, and I think that made all the difference. Yes, I get upset with my kids at times, but I don't think it's any more often than most moms. And I am certainly more "there" for them than I ever was before! So all in all, I think things are really well.

Meagain, I posted all that in hopes that you are at that point to, or can see the light at the end of the tunnel? You obviously want to get better, but have all that guilt and fear we all go through. I really think I am a much better mom now than I ever was before. For me, it just took really being ready. If you have to go inpatient, that might be the best route. Call detox centers and ask them if they can refer you to a service for your kids. I'm sure many parents have gone through this dilemna and many more will do so.

Life -- thanks for the post. I'm pretty good. When I do get upset with my three girls, I apologize to them, take a deep breath and remind them that we are going to have a good day, it is just our choice to do so! I think admitting when we are wrong to our children is very important. Mine are all very close in age and the fighting between them gets pretty bad at times, but that's just normal. I actually have much more patience with them then my sister does with hers, and she's not dealing with recovery...

I hope everyone is having a good day. Seems quiet around here so far. tracy

[oh please already]

how are you feeling? you have been on my mind all day- i know that with opiate withdrawl your not suppose to have any problems but i will tell you what happened to you seemed to be what happened to my husband a while back- he got all confused and has no memory of a period of time,even the trip in the ambulance.(i thought he was having a stroke) like you his doctor felt it was blood pressure related so follow up please.Your not taking any sleeping pills are you because i know that ambien can have a amnesia affect and make you trip even with one.,they say there safe but i am firmly conviced that no one just remembers.you should of seen all the people tripping when i was working in the hopital as a nurse.I was wondering,if you go to a detox or rehab,does social service become involved if you have kids and watch?  if anyone knows that would be great /  thanks  laura

[groovygirl]

i rather doubt if you haven't had trouble in the past with the law, child abuse/neglect etc., dss will get involved, but i don't know for sure.  i remember you saying a long time ago that you were afraid of your child being taken from you.  i would think if you seek treatment on your own, rather than being court ordered or something, that they would look favorably on it.  plus, you do have a husband to help...although from the sound of it you may not feel comfortable about counting on him? do you have any friends or family that could help you out.  if you can think of just one person, that might be all it would take right?

you can at least call to see what your options are.  there are many services out there, and inpatient seems a lot easier to find.  i'm no dr. and please don't take any offense to this, but you kind of sound like you might have more issues than just drug dependancy.  a lot of the time, i do not understand your posts...they are garbled.  then other times, you sound happy and pretty together.  you would do more for your child by seeking help than you would trying to go it alone i think...that is what ultimately got me on a plane to fl..thinking about my family.  every time i come here or go to a meeting or study more about addiction, i am thinking about the people in my life i want to be around for...it is the best incentive for me and one i cannot ignore.  just make a couple phone calls...no one will know who you are unless you choose to tell them.

[lifeisbetter]

Tex3... I'm a mom to 3 young children and have just over 5 months off the Oxys after a brief relapse...I would have had a year. All I can tell you is it does get better. Kids get on your nerves plain and simple so accept the fact that you'll over-react at times. If I'm using, detoxing or clean I have mood swings too, only when I was on the pills I would yell at the kids and then run to the bathroom to do another Oxy and come out all happy again, with no explanation to them. Now,I still yell occasionally, well honestly more than occasionally, but instead I go to the bathroom, pray/count or just breathe, and then come out and APOLOGIZE to them. It does wonders for my kids when I admit that mommy messes up too.

Meagain... I went to treatment and NO the State did not get involved. Remember, a voluntary admission to rehab is completely confidential. I was already involved with HRS due to domestic violence so I was really scared they would find out...they never did. I know I've told you this before but, if you don't get yourself together soon, chances are you'll lose her to the state anyway, or be court ordered to treatment and not have a say in her placement. You have the choice right now. IF YOU CONTINUE TO WAIT FOR REHAB YOU ARE CHOOSING YOUR PILLS OVER YOUR CHILD. I know this because I was right where you are. I had nobody either, but when I was ready, a Christian family basically appeared in my life and took the kids for me, and are now my closest friends. There are treatment centers here in Florida that allow you to live there with your child. The Village in Miami is one. Call information for a battered womans shelter in your area and they will refer you to a treatment center. It saved my life.

I went to a meeting today and the woman chairing had her two children sitting with her, ages 3 and 8. She got one year today,
but even better her kids have their mommy. Please CHOOSE your child, she needs you to kiss boo-boo's, read stories, make sandwhiches with no crust, things that only mommys do best. hugs to you.

[Francoise]

Dr. Steve NEVER answered a question. He just moved his lips.

His "reply" was always the same: you need to see your local physician. Don't try this with your truck. Void in Mississippi. Close cover before striking.

Francois

[groovygirl]

i am doing fine - i talked with my dr. yesterday after it happened.  i have very low blood pressure, so it could have been something to do with that.  he is going to give me a "complete work-up" whatever that means. he definitely didn't seem overly concerned about it which put me at ease.  i also called my friend who's a dr., and he wasn't freaked out either.  i was tho, and so was my husband...i guess dr's hear a lot freakier stuff on a daily basis, so they aren't shocked by much. i often will walk into a room and forget why, or stand looking into the refrigerator for minutes...but this was different - this was a total blackout.  hopefully i'll know more on thurs, but they very well may not find anything.  i just had a complete check-up a couple months ago.  thanks for all your concern:)

[OxyDout]

I was also worried about you groovy, I would definitely like to know your ok, please post and let me know that nothing else has happened with the 10 min. blackout. And always know that NO MATTER WHAT, I will still be here to listen and help you out, I mean that.

Skipper, I have to thank you again, you have brought me to where I am, SOBER, I know I have forever to go until im somewhere close to staying sober, but I'm doing well and I wanted to thank you.

I hope your doing well.

Gwh

[ash]

Thanks buddy, its really good to read your words again.  thank you for being here and evn though i was absent for a while I still had you all in my mind and felt shameful about myself. i hope you are doin' great and i look forward to talkin man . take care

  Ash

[skipper]

good morning everyone:
sorry i have not been able to respond to anyone! since mid-after-
noon yesterday things have gotten (and stayed) real busy!

groovy:
are you doing ok? that 10 minute black-out stuff really has me
upset! have you been to see a doctor yet? does anyone have any idea what happened yesterday? please do what ever to find out
what is going on!!
Meagain:
so how goes it today? your posts since yesterday afternoon sound
real good. i don't believe i've ever heard you speak with a beter
sounding attitude! i'm not real supprised...the recipe has always
left me in total amazement with how effective it is! for what ev-
er it's worth, i'm pulling and praying for you! aqs far as my
poetry...i'm pleased it offers you distraction....thankyou. i'm
even more pleased that things seem to be going much smoother for
you.
ash:
you're back! good! i'm sorry to hear about you having relation-
ship troubles. also the substance abuse... you know i've never
been able to have my troubles, one at a time either...at any rate
i look forward to seeing you post real soon!
jessesarpy: wednesday coffee sounds good. i have voice mail on my
home phone...it picks up after 5 or 6 rings. how about you coming
up to Douglas county... i always get lost down in Sarpy county.
i know that sounds lame and perhaps i am. (ever try to argue with
someone who agrees with you?) at least i have a phone number now.
i will be calling you, soon.

all orf you, keep an angel on your shoulder!
kip

[hippy]

I was always taught the the 12 steps were a process of simplification. So here is my simplefied version.

#1  accept the truth
#2  have faith in the truth
#3  commit to the truth
#4  examine the truth
#5  share the truth
#6  want the truth
#7  be the truth
#8  find the truth
#9  Recover the truth
#10 be aware of the truth
#11 live the truth
#12 give the truth

peace

[GOD]

Hey Kip--

How does Wednesday coffee sound?

After 9:00 I'm at home (339-HELL)Or I can Call you.....
Ironic Phone number huh... that's the way the Phone company assigned it!

[oh please already]

i would love in pt rehad-if i had money and childcare i would be there-do you know that i went to anew pain doc and told her my story and she said my trouble was that i wasnt taking enough-she trid to convice me to take oxcotin80 but i actully refused-i truly believe i lost control with the oxy 40- it was just a short(long)while ago i rember trying to stop the percoct and trying to take 2 perc every hour ans i was tripping-so i stopped and went to a PAIN SPECELIST who insiseted i take qxy 40 three timed a day,said i wouldnot get the highs- guess he was wrong.I have a strange autoimunne disease that is rare in adults so sometime i think they just hand me pills because they feel sorry for me-I will say that when im sick its pain you cant believe but im in some sort of remission i think but  no one knows-it causes my blood vessels to harden-my bp is 160/98 with hypertensive medsm and im just 37.Funny about five years ago i walked aroung with a ruptured appedsistis,and a ovrian cyst and a kidney stone foe 3 days and it was just a little pain-I almost killed myself by not lisening to my body and now i numb a handnail ,well thats not true because the pain meds really do nothing anymore,if i take a handful-they just make the day pass .Ive only had a few vicoden since sat and to be honest its not the withdrwl-i ache have a headace,backach and skin crawls its i dont know what todo with my head-its 430 in the morning and i havent been able to sleep and in just a short while emily will be up,just when im ready to..dropso skipper please write it helps pass the time and i do enjoy it so .I will tell you one thing different is that this time I burned the bridge with my mother-shea a pill addict and hopefull staying away will reduce the wispers,sorry for babbling   again,at least im past the high drama of last month,you given me great hope