I'M WORTHLESS LOST MY MAIN SOURCE OF INCOME

[hatethewrongroad]

I do housecleaning allows me to work part time and I make a great wage. I work in several peoples houses. One house has so many old pain pills of every sort.  As I have struggled to stay off my pain pills I've never won, gone back to my rx time and again. But in those times when I don't have anymore of my rx  i would take a few from this house to help tide me over...well now they realized it. They were over half my monthly income I have checks bouncing everything has gone to ****.  I feel like such a loser, how could I have justified this behavior..I feel so dirty. I'm someone who has never stolen a single thing in my life..I have a good active conscience....if I've never been able to stay away from my pills before (taking them for 4 years) how will I do it now?    I can't stop crying...whats to become of me???

[dominosarah]

You are a good person and you also are an addict.  We sell our soul to the devil to feed that addiction.  There is no happy ending to using, only death as they will kill us.  None of us are exempt from that.  The way i see it is there is only one way for you now and that is up.  You can get your life back and it will be better than before.  Using is just a symptom of what is going on.  Check into some sort of recovery care.  You gotta face those demons that live within you as that will really set you free and you can finally start to live, not just exist.  The wd's will be what they are, it is the mental game that is the hard part and with recovery care it will be easier.  We know what you are going thru so keep talking with us, you are worth it~~sara

[Ann2497]

Tears are good.  A life without pills you will start to "feel" again.

[Innerstrength67]

Cry, cry, cry....get it out. We are pressure cookers in the beginning and need to hit the release button!

[hatethewrongroad]

with many tears and thanks to you guys for being a kind soft place to fall

[Innerstrength67]

Meant to say choosing you and NOT the pills in my first post...ooops!

[Kendraerika]

The first 24-48 hours are the hardest, then you will gel a bit better each day

[Innerstrength67]

P.S. Your not worthless!!! You have tremendous courage to put down the drugs and admit how you feel and what you have done.
Let us give you strength until you can find it within yourself!!!!

[Innerstrength67]

Most of us here know exactly how you feel. We have all done things we were totally ashamed of. How is it possible we would lie and steal and sabotage so much in our lives over drugs...
It's because we are drug addicts!
I can't begin to tell you how much I have beat myself up over the things I have done to get my pills. Lied, stole, maxed out my card, quit jobs because I had to find more pills, which of course leads to exactly what you are talking about...not being able to pay bills. The shame, guilt, disgust...you name it, we have all felt it!
You are not alone. I know this ***** but you don't have to live that way anymore...starting right now! You get to start picking up the pieces right now because you are choosing you and the pills.
I TOTALLY relate to you and have felt hopeless and couldn't see the light.
But I can tell you with all my heart, it has to get better when we put down the drugs.
Day 1.....Awesome!!!

[hatethewrongroad]

thank you all     i just feel so completely bankrupt with no fight left.  but no pills today  i guess its day 1  AGAIN

[justsaynotodrugs]

           A addict will sell there self to get drugs you read it all the time how young girls sell their selves to get drugs here in NC we just had a serial killer that was caught he killed many young girls because they went with him for drugs. So keep your head up and get in to treatment for drugs this will help you I no Ive been myself and you will learn how to deal with your addiction.   Hang in there.  Let go let God.

[Psych_RN123]

Just the fact that u feel bad and ashamed says a lot about ur character. We can't use our addictions as an excuse but I clearly see ur temptation. I'm a nurse & care for nurses that have diverted meds--even from terminal cancer patients. U will get through this, u r far from alone in this. It's time for u to decide where to go from hers, r u ready to give the habit up?  I like to think about it this way----there are never enough pills. As we take narcotics our tolerances increase. What if we truly become I'll some day & need these drugs for real pain relief. Just a little food for thought. Take it easy!

[lonelygirl369]

I to have stollen pills from friends and family,  I just saw this morning on Anderson Copper a show about addiction to pain meds, the counsler was saying that it is the addictind brain that causes us to do things that we no are wrong, addiction is sooo powerful, go easy on yourself, what you did is not who you are. I sarted going to NA, been to 3 meetings so far and I always feel better when I leave,  As long as we stay off the pills and get help to figure out why we needed them in the first place, we will become whatever we choose. I am coming off of seven years of daily use, its hard, and it *****, but living a life of lies is no way to live.

[Ann2497]

I think many people on this forum have done stupid things to get pills.

If this house had so many old pills I am surprised you got caught if you only took a couple pills or did you take a couple pills over a long period of time?

If you want to quit the pills there are many people here that can help you.  Just let us know what you want to do.

[Kendraerika]

Oh, hun, that is horrible to feel that way. You are not the only one. I stole from an uncle once after he had surgery. Seems to me you know its time to quit. Just if us here are here for pills. There us do much support, keep coming back. Once you quit, things wil fall back in place.