Why am I like this.

[lynnalb15]

Why cant I just be normal. Someone who enjoys life with out getting high. I'm so scared that I'm not going to be a good mother to this baby inside me. If I could seriously put her in harms way by using while being 35 weeks preganat do I honesty deserve her?? Been sober now for 3 days. But that week of using really Fu**ed my head up. It's all I think about and all I crave. When I should be so into my baby. I only have 4 weeks left till shes here and I'm scared. How could I mess up my sobriety of almost 8 months. I just want to go back in time. I feel like such a piece of sh**. It ***** cause I've never felt so
low. But then my little one kicks me and I'm so happy. Talk about a head trip. Ugh. Sorry for the vent.

[lynnalb15]

Bbyblue thts very brave of you to share that thank you. I know I'm not alone. It will get easier.

[bbyblue]

i used during my pregnancy too...and im a wonderful mother now that she is here..our addiction makes us do ****** up things. yes you deserve your baby and things will improve. find what works for you! and dont be too hard on yourself...and lastly, no i do not think its a good thing or an ok thing to use during pregnancy and i do not agree w/ it. but i understand the struggle of addiction. and have to be honest because believe me your not alone!!

[vicki595]

Lynn-  Keep trying and just do it!  Go to meetings!  Addiction is cunning and sneaky and you have to search for a way to get beyond it.  Any day you don't use is a great day! Remember that!  You don't want to jeopordize a thing!

Get yourself distracted and get rid of any pills you may have in the house. Reach out for help within your family. You can do this!

[lynnalb15]

Your completely right because I got sober when I found out I was pregnant. And I ever bothered to work a program. Which is why I am even in this situation. I thought this baby would be reason enough not to use. But I found out my addiction is more powerful than I ever imagined. I'm definatly going to start working the steps and go to meetings. I need to do it for my daughter and myself.

[gnarly_1]

HI  well you had 8 mo clean where you working a program or white knuckling your sobriety ?
most relapses come to those that dont embrace the whole recovery program and try to go it alone both N/A and A/A are free and many ofd our members including my self have been able to put our lives back together with these programs you might want to set an hour aside each week and try a meeting on you will be around clean people do some networking after the meeting get some phone # s and have someone to call b/4 you use next time it comes up good luck with your new baby we rased 4 of our own and also a stray off the street being a dad and now a grandpa rocks my world life has so much to give you will see that once you clean and living in recovery good luck and God bless......Gnarly  

[lynnalb15]

Thank you. I'm trying so hard everyday to stay sober. I hope it gets easier soon. I can't wait till she's here tho I think it'll be alot easier for me.

[tryingtocope39]

Atop beating yourself up! You can't go back, you can't undo the things that are done. Emotional highs and lows are NORMAL during pregnancy, especially at the end when you are so miserable and tired. When you hold that baby for the first time, and see her sweet face, you will know joy like no other! Keep going to meetings, keep posting, and stay positive! You are not a piece of sh*t, and you WILL be a good mother!