Will it ever end?????

[tobie]

My name is Tobie,I posted a few weeks ago andgot some great support expecially from Oxic,I wrote beacause I am desperate to get off hydrocodone,oxycodone (whatever I can getmy hands on)I detoxed last week for the third time and stayed clean for 4 days.3 days ago I relapsed horribly for the third time.I went on a damn pill searchimg rampage.Now I am so discouraged.Will this ever end?Will I ever be "normal" agian?I can't do anything without planning around lortabs.I am sooooo sick and tired of being a slave to these demons,and what in the hell am I even addicted to?I could eat 6 10's and would'nt get even the slightest buzz.I feel like such a loser.I am 22 in college and

[VicoWithdrawing]

Nearly 72 hours since my last dose and this morning I went for a 2 hour ride on my bicycle.  I still have some symptoms but they are diminishing rapidly.  The most persistant is the diarrhea.  The violent sneezing is only occasional but my chest is still really sore and every sneeze is extremely painful.

I called my personal physican yesterday and told him everything including the full litany of my withdrawal symptoms.  He acknowledged he had become very concerned about my excessive consumption and that is why he refused to prescribe more.  Furthermore, he let me know he was very pleased that I was aware of the problem and was going to get clean.  I told him about the various products I read about here that are used to minimize the withdrawal agony.  He talked about tapering my doses of VicoProfen but then decided that since I had already survived the first 48 hours it would be better to continue cold turkey over the weekend.  He did prescribe the clonidine patch but it costs $65 and my insurance doesn't cover it so I passed.  Other than that he said I could take 10 mg. Librium to help me sleep and minimize anxiety symptoms.  Librium does help.

The hard part of being clean is knowing what to do with my life.  For so long now everything has revolved around the pills.  My first intention is to get back into the gym on a regular basis and let strenuous exercise stimulate those endorphins instead of the narcotics - my bike ride this morning was the first effort in that direction.  Physically I feel very good compared to my first no drug day two days ago.  The mental demons are the most insidious but they too shall pass.

I know I'm not writing to anyone in particular here but this is part of my therapy.  Perhaps by sharing my experiences I can help others.  I intend to keep posting here with information about my experiences drying out and establishing a clean, sober life.

Sincerely,

VicoWithdrawing (Saturday, April 5, 2003, 9:10 AM EST

[rodewc]

SM peeps manure-facture themelves here, there, n everwhere. In the case of this "Oh So Cryptic One", methinks he begs a good slap upside the head; but then again, thatz controversial.

~~

[Thomas03]

I have some views on the content of your posts, some quite controversial.

Are you selling something? If not, let's hear what you think and why you disagree -- specifically. If you have the goods, what are you waiting for?

Thomas

[VicoWithdrawing]

Ditto...Why do you post a comment like that without the information?

[Chezz2]

There will come a time when you are READY. When you FEEL it inside. When it comes from within, is when you will KNOW you are ready to stay off of them. Until then you will ride the coaster.
Time will only tell when that will come.
When you FEEL it, you will know. Until then you need to continue to focus on why you should not continue to jump back on.
Your time will come, everyones does. Addiction is a battle, the war will never end, recovery will always be there.

Chezz

[mystere]

Thank you all so much for the words of encouragement-Its people like you that give me the strength to keep on fighting--Yes, my doc did give me a new rx for hydro's (10/400)--Unfortunately I'm a walking orthopedic nightmare and they take one look at my x-rays (neck and hip) and would basically give me anything I ask for. The best part is that any pain that I do have can be controlled with Advil and for that I am extremely grateful--The problem is that the Advil does not provide that little "boost"--mental and physical that the hydro's do!  I'm getting very tired of the mental anguish that accompanies trying to obtain the pills--I adore my doc and his office staff and the fact that I lie to get a rx makes me feel like a dirtbag--Oh yes--the guilt and shame that seems to set in and don't forget that other wonderful emotion PARANOIA after I have successfully scored a rx.  Don't get me wrong I am grateful that I will not have to experience severe withdrawal symptoms while I'm out of town, but all this has made me start to think that these pills are really becoming more trouble than their worth.  I am going to try and taper while out of town and be resolved that this is it--I have been on the "other side" and it is rather quite spectacular--So the million dollar question is--Why do we go back to those little demons time time after time?  I refuse to give up and with all of the support I receive here I know I will succeed in the not to distant future--Thanks again for caring and listening! Peace and Prayers-Mystere--AKA--N.O. lady