Will my fiance ever understand???

[Candiceb]

I came out about my pain pill addiction a little over two weeks to my parents and my fiance.  My parents are being supportive, but my fiance is not.  At times he is nice whenever we can 'forget' about what happened, but the times whenever his is a real 'butt' are getting on my nerves.

I am really trying to do well for myself, but he fails to notice that and just keeps living in the past.  I know it wasn't that long ago, but i feel like it has been a lot longer than 2 weeks.  

I went into treatment for 7 days and after i got out, it was and still is hard on me mentally, more so than physically.  I am still in 'search mode' for pain killers, but refuse to go back to where i was.  He told me that he thought things were going to be fine and i would not have any more problems after treatment, but he can notice a definite change in my behavior...maybe because i am not high? LOL

He feels hurt and deceived and i understand that, but how do i get him to understand me????

[dominosarah]

I would give your fiance some time to adjust to this.  It is a mouthful for them to take in.  Your emotions will be all over the place right now and that will get better with time.  Hopefully he will educate himself on addiction and will be supportive.  Just make sure to take care of you right now.  You are what is important.  Recovery care will be good for you.  You will learn the tools you need to live a healthy clean life.  Recovery is a slow process and that is a good thing.  You can do this!!        sara

[quitinoxys]

crustideadhead, IBK didn't say anything about starting a new relationship (which is not a good thing during recovery) she was commenting on an already established relationship, which if healthy should be continued. As this is called a SUPPORT system, before you start criticizing someone you need to learn the principals.---Rick a long time NA member and addict.

[crustideadhead]

"I am really trying to do well for myself, but he fails to notice that and just keeps living in the past.  I know it wasn't that long ago, but i feel like it has been a lot longer than 2 weeks."

---He obviously doesnt get it.  
----Maybe feeling like a failure isnt what she needs right now.

[crustideadhead]

When I had cravings the only thing that worked was subs. Also when a significant other doesnt understand, and hence causes stress, and stress causes relapse its not a very good time for a relationship. You suggest NA but you reject their principals of dating...do your homework.

[Candiceb]

Thanks so much for the comments and support.  You are all so right!  I can only focus on myself and not let other stress me out.  This is an obvious trial in both my life and my relationship!
I can only hope and trust that God will guide me through and point me in the right direction.

[quitinoxys]

Candi, Congrats on 2 weeks but you are only at the beginning of your recovery so you need to keep working it. As IBK stated get into aftercare as it makes a difference between success and failure. As far as your fiance AL-ANON may give him some insight into what you are going through so you should talk to him about attending. Also their are some great church groups that help love ones (and yourself) understand how to handle all of it.

As far as Suboxone programs you have already went through the hell of w/d so why would you want to start all over again. What you need is AFTERCARE not opiates. Believe me I am living proof that aftercare programs work. I will pray for you and your fiance so God will guide you to the right road. God Bless---Rick  

[IBKleen]

Crustideadhead, PLEASE do not suggest that members go on a Suboxone program, yet another opiate, after they are two weeks clean. Also, please do not suggest that members "kick their significant others to the curb" after being two weeks clean. That's a major life change and should not be undertaken at the two week mark. The suggestion of no relationships for the first year is "no NEW relationships", she is already in one.

Candi, NA is a great suggestion for you. If you are considering going back to the pills, and even if you are not. Aftercare is always a good idea. And if your SO is willing, Al-Anon for him would benefit the both of you. Again, please consider getting some form of outside support before it's too late.

I hope it all works out for you. Keep talking, it helps.

[crustideadhead]

*I meant WITHOUT changing people,places and things recovery wont work...sorry!

[crustideadhead]

Hi,
Sorry to hear of you situation, been there myself...unfortunatly, until he has been there he will never understand, most people like that have no idea that it is an addiction, let alone that they vew us as weak. I am sooo happy to hear your parents are on board for your recovery, I myself, had no such luxury. There comes a time that if you really want to get better that we have to seperate what works and what doesnt. If you are still having drug seeking behaviour you need to understand that this WILL lead to relapse, and I know you do not want to do that, otherwise you would not have written. For the cravings go to a suboxone doc, trust me, it works! for the fiancee, if he cant understand, and refuses to be supportive, then you need to kick him to the curb ASAP. Right now you need to choose between getting better or stressing yourself out which WILL LEAD TO RELAPSE. Its a new life you want, and its changing people, places, and things that got you there to begin with...NA groups are def worth attending, they say do 90 meetings in 90 days, and NO NO NO relationships for at least 1 yr after you made the decision to go clean. You can do it...but please remove all negitivity from your personal life first. If he loves you he will understand, if not, then you know what you have to do....just watch 28 days and write me back. Much love and god bless you in your recovery!