Aa
Close to the methadone rope's end
What would those of you with experience suggest for someone going on 15 yrs MM, who suddenly had their take homes ( after 15 years of clean urine and no trouble at the clinic) taken away, and has no way to get to the clinic every day? Someone who is sooooo tired of this road, soooo tired of The required secrecy, tired of the cost, the weight gain, the possible health issues.. someone who can't believe that 15 years has flown by so fast and - well, and oh hey, gosh by golly - where did that big hairy gorilla on my back come from?
It's easy to visit a clinic once a month, and to not even think about any of it except for those few seconds of dose time every morning, easy for the days, months, years to go by. Every thing is fine as long as one gets their "medication", and Monthy visits make it easy to keep putting the inevitable on the back burner.
Counsellors say things like "Addiction is a disease. Taking methadone is the same as a diabetic needing insulin". But hey, even after 15 years of good behavior, one still can't be treated in the privacy of a doctors office. Standing in line with the junkies every morning is what amounts to medical care for the addicted. Now facing daily visits? Just can't do it. Just can't.
It isn't so much fear of the physical WD...it's the mental stuff that will come after. It's been said that methadone relieves depression, and so it does. And after 15 years?? 90 mg is a long taper to the 30 required for suboxone....but 30 or 40 probably won't be that bad. It won't feel good, but it's do-able. It's the time it will take. Faster would be better. Getting out of the clinic scene ASAP is the goal. Advice would be so helpful.
It's easy to visit a clinic once a month, and to not even think about any of it except for those few seconds of dose time every morning, easy for the days, months, years to go by. Every thing is fine as long as one gets their "medication", and Monthy visits make it easy to keep putting the inevitable on the back burner.
Counsellors say things like "Addiction is a disease. Taking methadone is the same as a diabetic needing insulin". But hey, even after 15 years of good behavior, one still can't be treated in the privacy of a doctors office. Standing in line with the junkies every morning is what amounts to medical care for the addicted. Now facing daily visits? Just can't do it. Just can't.
It isn't so much fear of the physical WD...it's the mental stuff that will come after. It's been said that methadone relieves depression, and so it does. And after 15 years?? 90 mg is a long taper to the 30 required for suboxone....but 30 or 40 probably won't be that bad. It won't feel good, but it's do-able. It's the time it will take. Faster would be better. Getting out of the clinic scene ASAP is the goal. Advice would be so helpful.
I was also put on methadone maintenance a few years back when I got pregnant, after being on Sub for a year. Stuck with clinic for about 2 years, I liked the high I guess. Anyhow, got sick of the daily commute and all the BS that goes on in these clinics, so I walked off 60 mg. I ended up getting a few morphine pills from someone and sleeping on the couch for a few days, until I could get back to a sub doctor after the methadone was totally out of my system. I am definitely Pro-Sub. They have helped me and many of my friends.
there have been times when I split doses, and then felt okay enough not to take the second half later. I do shift work, and if I know I'll be going in at 11 pm, I'll take half in the AM and then the other half before I go in at 11pm. But many times I didn't even take the other half. I didn't feel as good as when on a full dose - but I didn't feel bad either. I've always suspected that I could get by on a lot less, maybe 50 or so. I could likely drop down to that amount with very little trouble, except maybe it may effect my energy levels. Any lower, though, I suspect it will be much more difficult. This is why I was thinking maybe switch over to subs at this point. I know I ain't fooling you guys....I am still looking for any way I can to get out of going thru any real pain. It's not going to be easy for me to leave methadone behind - I do like the way it makes me feel. And I have heard that you don't get that with suboxone - that all it does is keep you from feeling sick. You don't feel high or medicated. I need to start living that way, even if it's in small steps right now. I know it will just be a replacement, and something else I'll need to come off of - but it couldn't be any worse than coming off of M.
The weekly visit was my punishment for showing up at a call back 20 mg short because I fumbled with an open bottle and spilled some of it. I recapped the bottle, figuring I'd save that lesser amt dose for a day I was not working. Then, 2 weeks later, I supposedly missed A second call back. I did not get the call,and there was no message on my cellphone. Tomorrow they will have another one of their little team pow wows where I sit in the middle of a room full of people I don't know and defend myself as to why I missed the call back. Having this happen such a short time after my last punishment, I am sure that this time they will vote for me to lose my weekly visit and slap me right back to phase one - daily visits. Not only do I not want to go daily, I can't do it, I don't have a car, and I have no way to get there. Am I angry? You bet I am. I am being treated like I am up to no good,like I'm either selling the stuff, or taking extra for myself. and I don't think I deserve that. I've stayed clean, I've always paid on time and in advance, I've never given anyone any trouble, all of my other call backs have been fine... for 15 F-ing years. None of that means a damn thing. They have all the control, and I guess that on top of all the other things I mentioned, I don't know, I'm just sick of it. I want control over my life, my treatment.
Hi.
I was on the Methadone that was prescribed for yrs. This was the one drug that got me so out of control.
Yes, it is great for depression and it gets you up and going. BUT in the long run it really whacks out the Nero-transmitters in your brain. All the good chems get knocked down and you are not thinking with a real brain but a pill brain.
I too went to work and came home and did all my gardening and house work and so on. I own my home with lots of property and many vehicles clear and free.
Back in 2012 I came clean off a 16yr ride starting with the other opiates to going on the Dones for 12yrs. The med was precibed by a Dr. I got down from a high dose for yrs to 30mg and was snorting it with Adderral I would get off the streets. I though it was all good and this energy and feeling was like my crank/coke days in the 70s-80s. We can not see how spun we have become and how spaced out and forgetful we can be sometimes. The damage we do in so many areas is unbelievable. I felt like I went into a coma in my 20s and woke up being 56 back then. I did not even get to age gracefully.
I have to agree about you doing a nice and slow taper to get off. You can start a great vit/min routine right now to replenish back what we have lost. If you start drinking tons of water now this will help flush out the toxins. Start drinking lots of vit/min with electrolytes in them. There are tons of detoxes out here these days and foods with lots of antioxidants in them, like berries and such. There is so much more you will be doing as you go through the detox stage. Some vit/min will help with sleep, anxiety and depression and others will help with the energy. Magnesium is the BEST of it all.
Because I went c/t from 3 different types of meds, that pulled the nervous system every which way, and what area of the brain each one hit, it took me a while physically, as each day a new layer was removed. It was the mental and the brain balancing back that took a few yrs..BUT I also have used off & on for many, many yrs as I am no spring chic. I look back and feel like I was very dumb about using and drinking and what damages it all can cause. Mostly to all the Organs. It was a big part of why I ended up with 2 stents in my heart at my 24 month. Plus the stress of loosing most of my family in a 90 day period. It takes SO much work to stay clean and not run and hide under a substance when life throws those curve balls.
Just give it a try. You will love the clarity that you feel in your brain. The detox is the easy part (not comfortable) but it is working on staying clean, and changing so many things in your life. We need SUPPORT and have to make a new world for our self.
I do wish you the best.
Bless
I was on the Methadone that was prescribed for yrs. This was the one drug that got me so out of control.
Yes, it is great for depression and it gets you up and going. BUT in the long run it really whacks out the Nero-transmitters in your brain. All the good chems get knocked down and you are not thinking with a real brain but a pill brain.
I too went to work and came home and did all my gardening and house work and so on. I own my home with lots of property and many vehicles clear and free.
Back in 2012 I came clean off a 16yr ride starting with the other opiates to going on the Dones for 12yrs. The med was precibed by a Dr. I got down from a high dose for yrs to 30mg and was snorting it with Adderral I would get off the streets. I though it was all good and this energy and feeling was like my crank/coke days in the 70s-80s. We can not see how spun we have become and how spaced out and forgetful we can be sometimes. The damage we do in so many areas is unbelievable. I felt like I went into a coma in my 20s and woke up being 56 back then. I did not even get to age gracefully.
I have to agree about you doing a nice and slow taper to get off. You can start a great vit/min routine right now to replenish back what we have lost. If you start drinking tons of water now this will help flush out the toxins. Start drinking lots of vit/min with electrolytes in them. There are tons of detoxes out here these days and foods with lots of antioxidants in them, like berries and such. There is so much more you will be doing as you go through the detox stage. Some vit/min will help with sleep, anxiety and depression and others will help with the energy. Magnesium is the BEST of it all.
Because I went c/t from 3 different types of meds, that pulled the nervous system every which way, and what area of the brain each one hit, it took me a while physically, as each day a new layer was removed. It was the mental and the brain balancing back that took a few yrs..BUT I also have used off & on for many, many yrs as I am no spring chic. I look back and feel like I was very dumb about using and drinking and what damages it all can cause. Mostly to all the Organs. It was a big part of why I ended up with 2 stents in my heart at my 24 month. Plus the stress of loosing most of my family in a 90 day period. It takes SO much work to stay clean and not run and hide under a substance when life throws those curve balls.
Just give it a try. You will love the clarity that you feel in your brain. The detox is the easy part (not comfortable) but it is working on staying clean, and changing so many things in your life. We need SUPPORT and have to make a new world for our self.
I do wish you the best.
Bless
Hi..well im a little confused....are your able to make it to the clinic to get your dose even though it is a inconvenience or are you just going to jump ship.....it will probably be a wile b/4 they trust you with a months supply again the weekly thing ant to bad....I remember the clinic stroking me around thats why I detoxed myself at home the taper you described is not a good one I would go a lot slower if I where you methadone is a monster to detox off of I was sick for months after my last dose you need to be in it for the long haul this is a race one by the tortus not the hare keep posting for support and let us know how things turn out at the clinic........Gnarly
Thanks all for your replies, and for the advice. I know there are good and bad thoughts about suboxone, I've done some research. But it really helps to hear it from people who have been in or who are in my shoes. Maybe part of the problem with me is that while I am sick to death of it all, am I physically and mentally ready to go completely clean? I work, full time, and there is no way to take time off, nor would I dare to use my insurance for rehab. I could not only lose my job, but my career as well. I might be able to fake the flu for 3 or 4 days off, but that's about it. Another problem is that no one knows I am on this stuff. I've been hiding it for years. No friends, no family - no one.
I have to admit, there is a good side to MM. It enabled me to get up in the morning and live my life. I repaired broken relationships with family, I started painting again (I'm an artist) I went to college and got a degree. I'm still pretty antisocial, but I like it that way. But, as we know, the M should be a temporary help, something to keep you stable while you work on your issues. I am embarrassed to say, I haven't worked on my issues in all these years I've been on it. This is why I am not sure I am ready to go off completely. I did try the 30 day detox from M, more than once....it did not work. The methadone doesn't get me "high" but it does...I don't know...motivate me, I guess. However, I could get by on a much lower dose. I've tried it. I won't feel great, but I won't be sick. So a fairly quick (6 weeks or so) taper down to 40-ish mg won't be that hard. From what I hear, suboxone does not give that medicated feeling - so maybe it will be a chance for me to get used to not having that feeling I get from M, while not having to be sick at the same time. And since it appears that the doctor in my area who subscribes it makes you do the whole therapy thing too, I can finally focus on real recovery....which I want to do, but am afraid to do. To be honest, I'd give anything to have my monthly take homes back and just keep putting this off....but maybe the problems with the clinic is a sign that it's time to move on. Yes, the suboxone is not the answer long term, and I know I'll have to get off of that too....but at least I can do it in the privacy of my doctors office, without schlepping to the clinic everyday with my "fellow" junkies.......
As for the clinic, rules regarding take homes have gotten very strict. I had a call back, and was short approx 20 mg because I spilled a bottle. I recapped the spilled dose, figured I'd save it for a day when I was off work. But, I'm an addict, you see, so that also makes me a liar, and probably a methodone diverting drug dealer. No matter that I take home almost 3000 mgs a month and was missing such a small amount....but c'mon already. IF I was messing with my dose, there woulda been way more than 20 msg missing. So, I had to go to a "team meeting" which means they put you in a chair in the middle of a room of 20 people - nurses, counsellors, etc - most of whom I didn't even know - and you have to defend yourself, at the risk of losing all the take homes you worked so hard for. My counselor was out sick that day so I had NO ONE there on my side. I was very upset, because of the whole situation, and also because it was very embarrassing to be in a room full of people I did not know talking about a very sensitive issue. I cried, I was angry, I was more than a little defensive. Then you wait another day to find out the outcome. Somehow, no one there I guess has ever spilled anything, and they voted to put me back to phase one, daily visits. The head nurse even said she thought I needed a dose increase - haha.
A week later my counselor advocated for me to some higher ups, and my punishment was changed to weekly visits. Ok. Not good, but I can live with that. I don't have a car, so getting there everyday, even if I wanted to, was going to be impossible - so I was at my wits end, missing days because I couldn't get there....it was a nightmare. So I was very happy to get the weekly visits. Then, 2 weeks later, I was supposedly called for another call back - and I missed the call. I don't know if they dialed the wrong number, or if the call just never came through for some reason - but I didn't get it. So, the next team meeting is tomorrow, I am supposed to go in and present my case again to the entire clinic staff, and there is no doubt, considering the recent problem I had, that this will turn out in my favor. The sentence will be daily visits. God, I am so angry. I don't deserve this. I just want out of that place, I want to be done with it all.
I don't know what I am going to do now. I've got no way of getting to the clinic tomorrow or the next day. I have some Xanax, a few oxycocone pills, I don't think they are going to help. At this point, facing daily visits, it would be easier to just find a doctor and start using again. But for now, I am just trying to hold it together. There is a state run clinic that's a little closer to where I live, but that would be daily visits too...and state clinics worry me. Do you have the same privacy at state clinics? Someone who works for the state - I think he was in sanitation - told me that when he went to a state clinic, his employers found out about it within a few months.
Anyway, I don't know what I am going to do. I have an appointment next Thursday with a therapist For a doctor that does suboxone. I found in my area that many doctors won't do methadone to suboxone, due to health risks. This doctor may turn me down for all I know. I hear good things about it, then I hear To stay away from it. I'm very confused, and wondering if it will even work for me.
Please don't think I don't appreciate the advice. I'm taking it all in, trying to figure out what will work best in my situation. I'm really scared...don't like change at all. I'm going to look for the vitamins suggested. Doing extra yoga classes for my sanity. So worried about privacy, don't even feel safe posting on this site...
I have to admit, there is a good side to MM. It enabled me to get up in the morning and live my life. I repaired broken relationships with family, I started painting again (I'm an artist) I went to college and got a degree. I'm still pretty antisocial, but I like it that way. But, as we know, the M should be a temporary help, something to keep you stable while you work on your issues. I am embarrassed to say, I haven't worked on my issues in all these years I've been on it. This is why I am not sure I am ready to go off completely. I did try the 30 day detox from M, more than once....it did not work. The methadone doesn't get me "high" but it does...I don't know...motivate me, I guess. However, I could get by on a much lower dose. I've tried it. I won't feel great, but I won't be sick. So a fairly quick (6 weeks or so) taper down to 40-ish mg won't be that hard. From what I hear, suboxone does not give that medicated feeling - so maybe it will be a chance for me to get used to not having that feeling I get from M, while not having to be sick at the same time. And since it appears that the doctor in my area who subscribes it makes you do the whole therapy thing too, I can finally focus on real recovery....which I want to do, but am afraid to do. To be honest, I'd give anything to have my monthly take homes back and just keep putting this off....but maybe the problems with the clinic is a sign that it's time to move on. Yes, the suboxone is not the answer long term, and I know I'll have to get off of that too....but at least I can do it in the privacy of my doctors office, without schlepping to the clinic everyday with my "fellow" junkies.......
As for the clinic, rules regarding take homes have gotten very strict. I had a call back, and was short approx 20 mg because I spilled a bottle. I recapped the spilled dose, figured I'd save it for a day when I was off work. But, I'm an addict, you see, so that also makes me a liar, and probably a methodone diverting drug dealer. No matter that I take home almost 3000 mgs a month and was missing such a small amount....but c'mon already. IF I was messing with my dose, there woulda been way more than 20 msg missing. So, I had to go to a "team meeting" which means they put you in a chair in the middle of a room of 20 people - nurses, counsellors, etc - most of whom I didn't even know - and you have to defend yourself, at the risk of losing all the take homes you worked so hard for. My counselor was out sick that day so I had NO ONE there on my side. I was very upset, because of the whole situation, and also because it was very embarrassing to be in a room full of people I did not know talking about a very sensitive issue. I cried, I was angry, I was more than a little defensive. Then you wait another day to find out the outcome. Somehow, no one there I guess has ever spilled anything, and they voted to put me back to phase one, daily visits. The head nurse even said she thought I needed a dose increase - haha.
A week later my counselor advocated for me to some higher ups, and my punishment was changed to weekly visits. Ok. Not good, but I can live with that. I don't have a car, so getting there everyday, even if I wanted to, was going to be impossible - so I was at my wits end, missing days because I couldn't get there....it was a nightmare. So I was very happy to get the weekly visits. Then, 2 weeks later, I was supposedly called for another call back - and I missed the call. I don't know if they dialed the wrong number, or if the call just never came through for some reason - but I didn't get it. So, the next team meeting is tomorrow, I am supposed to go in and present my case again to the entire clinic staff, and there is no doubt, considering the recent problem I had, that this will turn out in my favor. The sentence will be daily visits. God, I am so angry. I don't deserve this. I just want out of that place, I want to be done with it all.
I don't know what I am going to do now. I've got no way of getting to the clinic tomorrow or the next day. I have some Xanax, a few oxycocone pills, I don't think they are going to help. At this point, facing daily visits, it would be easier to just find a doctor and start using again. But for now, I am just trying to hold it together. There is a state run clinic that's a little closer to where I live, but that would be daily visits too...and state clinics worry me. Do you have the same privacy at state clinics? Someone who works for the state - I think he was in sanitation - told me that when he went to a state clinic, his employers found out about it within a few months.
Anyway, I don't know what I am going to do. I have an appointment next Thursday with a therapist For a doctor that does suboxone. I found in my area that many doctors won't do methadone to suboxone, due to health risks. This doctor may turn me down for all I know. I hear good things about it, then I hear To stay away from it. I'm very confused, and wondering if it will even work for me.
Please don't think I don't appreciate the advice. I'm taking it all in, trying to figure out what will work best in my situation. I'm really scared...don't like change at all. I'm going to look for the vitamins suggested. Doing extra yoga classes for my sanity. So worried about privacy, don't even feel safe posting on this site...
Just reread this thread: Oops (there's almost always an 'oops' when I post.... :) but I meant 'inpatient detox' (not 'impatient detox'). That's one of the best Freudian slips I've had in a while! :)
May the Universe roll with you both! :)
& btw, NeverAgain, I really enjoy reading your posts. So glad that you're here!! :)
May the Universe roll with you both! :)
& btw, NeverAgain, I really enjoy reading your posts. So glad that you're here!! :)
Hi....well first off we cannot give taper advise it is ageist the rules but the slower the better it is all about maintaining a comfortable serum level wile detoxing so your at 90 now it will be a wile coming down for me I went from 150 to 1 in 8 and 1/2 mo the clinic stoped my take homes at 40 so I said screw it keep me at 40 and give me the take homes I detoxed myself the rest of the way wile stating this get to walmart and pick up a 3 in 1 vitamin calcium magnesum and zinc take 4 with breakfst and 4 with dinner methadone robs your body of these minerals and makes the withdrawal worst after taking them for a few days you will notice the difference keep posting here and give us your plan are you just going to say F/IT and jump or taper??? let us know ether waykeep posting for support...Gnarly
Evolver, that was a FANTASTIC answer. Wow.
Gilligan (love the username, btw, big GI fan here)...you'd be well to heed Evolver's advice.
Good luck. One of my GF's daughter got off methadone and it was awful. She laid on her mother's couch for a week crying and feeling like crap. Then it got better...but I think she is chipping, because she isn't going to meetings, and you HAVE TO, (in my humble opinion.)
12 step groups, if you dive in head first and immerse yourself, will literally save your life. Just my 2 cents.
Hugs,
-Robin
Gilligan (love the username, btw, big GI fan here)...you'd be well to heed Evolver's advice.
Good luck. One of my GF's daughter got off methadone and it was awful. She laid on her mother's couch for a week crying and feeling like crap. Then it got better...but I think she is chipping, because she isn't going to meetings, and you HAVE TO, (in my humble opinion.)
12 step groups, if you dive in head first and immerse yourself, will literally save your life. Just my 2 cents.
Hugs,
-Robin
Hi there & Welcome! :)
Advice? Ooh! Ooh! (raises hand & waves it vigorously) :)
Everything you said above resonated with me. Even the part about having to stand in line with the 'junkies'. I didn't enjoy that either -- even though I was a junkie, myself :)
What struck me most was your mention of time. M'done is so insidious because it steals our lives..(& we let it!) You'll also discover when you come off that it's been hindering your ability to really feel your own emotions & to engage fully with your environment, relationships & yourself. I was shocked to discover the extent to which this was True.
I was on my last clinic for 20 yrs. I tapered from 140 mgs. to 28 & then made the jump because I was impatient & disgusted with the place & myself. I wanted to prove that conventional wisdom was wrong -- that I wasn't a 'lifer'. (diabetic who needs insulin, indeed -- heard that one, myself -- love that old chestnut). I wanted to prove that someone could come off & stay off -- that the Drs, nurses & counselors were wrong. Mostly, I was sick of myself & wanted to prove it to me! So, I hear you. :)
A delicate question: You say that you're a member in good standing & that they're dropping you forthwith. Are you saying that they're not planning on tapering you @ all? Even @ what's deemed a 'medically safe' rate? (ridiculously quick, anyway!) Why are they doing this? As far as I know, it's not legal unless you've done something violent or criminal. (Could be wrong..don't know what state you're in). I ask because when it comes to this drug, the best way to get off is a slow taper. It stores in your bones & fat & needs time to leach from your system. I jumped before the optimal time & it was rough, rough, rough but I wanted it badly enough. I want you to know that it's Absolutely Doable, if you want it! Dare to believe!
Please! Do not go on to Suboxone. In my experience, this is not a drug that works well for folks that have been on long-term MM @ the dose that you mentioned. I will elaborate if you like about what many experience. You could use it for a brief detox but it's highly addictive with side-effects & you might very well find yourself in the exact same place you were on with M'done: a holding pattern -- not feeling good about yourself & caught in the same non-feeling/non-living hell. Don't cheat yourself, let's set this up right. You deserve it! Subs are definitely not the answer to M'done. It's the same stigma -- same merry-go-round & with additional symptoms & same potential ill-effects to your health. (And for any Sub Championers out there -- bear in mind, I'm talking about going from MM to Subs as an answer to the posters stated concerns).
The most successful detoxes are ones based on a good plan & some form of aftercare to keep you clean in the long run. There's no way around it, you're going to be ill for a while. The acute w/d's will probably last between 8 & 14 days. The lack of energy & poor sleep & some other lingering symptoms might take longer to resolve -- particularly without the taper.
Are you working? The best thing you can do if you have no way of tapering is to go to an impatient detox. I went to one for 11 days. They did a 5 days of hydrocodone to three days of Subs detox in order to get most of the 'Done out my body. If this is not possible, then I'd plan on being out of work for a couple of weeks & stock up on comfort meds like Imodium & Clonidine (which will help a bit with the anxiety). Some people use Trazadone & Benadryl but I hated both & came to the conclusion they were making me feel worse. Everyone is different, though.
Hot salt baths & showers really help as do massage & reflexology if you're lucky enough to have someone to do this for you. A Cal/Mag/Zinc formula will help with charley horses & to mitigate the degree of RLS. Proper hydration is KEY. Exercise -- even walking around the house @ first, will help. Staying away from sugar, caffeine, alcohol & highly processed foods is a good idea. We've changed our neural chemistries with our protracted use of this powerful opiate & need to start healing. It takes time & we need all the nutritional support we can get. Small healthy meals with good fats (the fats are really important for mood & neural healing) are the way to go. A good broad spectrum amino acid supplement might also help in addition to a good B vitamin supplement.
The most important thing, though, is to stay determined. Attitude is everything in this (just like the rest of life :) When you can't sleep or you feel like you won't last another minute, redirect! Music & humor were my lifelines. They get the old endorphins going. Also, this place was a miracle for me & many others. I'd never believed that people really came off & stayed off but coming here, reading, learning, bonding with others, getting support & giving back was a life-changer!! Staying on site got me through months of radical physical, emotional/mental & situational changes in my life. It's been quite a journey & while it was the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life, I can finally & cautiously admit that I'm proud of what I've accomplished & wouldn't trade it for anything! I look back now & it's like two separate lives.
Please let us know how you're doing & what you think. We can talk further if you like about putting together the best plan for you.
We're here & we're pulling for you :)
Advice? Ooh! Ooh! (raises hand & waves it vigorously) :)
Everything you said above resonated with me. Even the part about having to stand in line with the 'junkies'. I didn't enjoy that either -- even though I was a junkie, myself :)
What struck me most was your mention of time. M'done is so insidious because it steals our lives..(& we let it!) You'll also discover when you come off that it's been hindering your ability to really feel your own emotions & to engage fully with your environment, relationships & yourself. I was shocked to discover the extent to which this was True.
I was on my last clinic for 20 yrs. I tapered from 140 mgs. to 28 & then made the jump because I was impatient & disgusted with the place & myself. I wanted to prove that conventional wisdom was wrong -- that I wasn't a 'lifer'. (diabetic who needs insulin, indeed -- heard that one, myself -- love that old chestnut). I wanted to prove that someone could come off & stay off -- that the Drs, nurses & counselors were wrong. Mostly, I was sick of myself & wanted to prove it to me! So, I hear you. :)
A delicate question: You say that you're a member in good standing & that they're dropping you forthwith. Are you saying that they're not planning on tapering you @ all? Even @ what's deemed a 'medically safe' rate? (ridiculously quick, anyway!) Why are they doing this? As far as I know, it's not legal unless you've done something violent or criminal. (Could be wrong..don't know what state you're in). I ask because when it comes to this drug, the best way to get off is a slow taper. It stores in your bones & fat & needs time to leach from your system. I jumped before the optimal time & it was rough, rough, rough but I wanted it badly enough. I want you to know that it's Absolutely Doable, if you want it! Dare to believe!
Please! Do not go on to Suboxone. In my experience, this is not a drug that works well for folks that have been on long-term MM @ the dose that you mentioned. I will elaborate if you like about what many experience. You could use it for a brief detox but it's highly addictive with side-effects & you might very well find yourself in the exact same place you were on with M'done: a holding pattern -- not feeling good about yourself & caught in the same non-feeling/non-living hell. Don't cheat yourself, let's set this up right. You deserve it! Subs are definitely not the answer to M'done. It's the same stigma -- same merry-go-round & with additional symptoms & same potential ill-effects to your health. (And for any Sub Championers out there -- bear in mind, I'm talking about going from MM to Subs as an answer to the posters stated concerns).
The most successful detoxes are ones based on a good plan & some form of aftercare to keep you clean in the long run. There's no way around it, you're going to be ill for a while. The acute w/d's will probably last between 8 & 14 days. The lack of energy & poor sleep & some other lingering symptoms might take longer to resolve -- particularly without the taper.
Are you working? The best thing you can do if you have no way of tapering is to go to an impatient detox. I went to one for 11 days. They did a 5 days of hydrocodone to three days of Subs detox in order to get most of the 'Done out my body. If this is not possible, then I'd plan on being out of work for a couple of weeks & stock up on comfort meds like Imodium & Clonidine (which will help a bit with the anxiety). Some people use Trazadone & Benadryl but I hated both & came to the conclusion they were making me feel worse. Everyone is different, though.
Hot salt baths & showers really help as do massage & reflexology if you're lucky enough to have someone to do this for you. A Cal/Mag/Zinc formula will help with charley horses & to mitigate the degree of RLS. Proper hydration is KEY. Exercise -- even walking around the house @ first, will help. Staying away from sugar, caffeine, alcohol & highly processed foods is a good idea. We've changed our neural chemistries with our protracted use of this powerful opiate & need to start healing. It takes time & we need all the nutritional support we can get. Small healthy meals with good fats (the fats are really important for mood & neural healing) are the way to go. A good broad spectrum amino acid supplement might also help in addition to a good B vitamin supplement.
The most important thing, though, is to stay determined. Attitude is everything in this (just like the rest of life :) When you can't sleep or you feel like you won't last another minute, redirect! Music & humor were my lifelines. They get the old endorphins going. Also, this place was a miracle for me & many others. I'd never believed that people really came off & stayed off but coming here, reading, learning, bonding with others, getting support & giving back was a life-changer!! Staying on site got me through months of radical physical, emotional/mental & situational changes in my life. It's been quite a journey & while it was the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life, I can finally & cautiously admit that I'm proud of what I've accomplished & wouldn't trade it for anything! I look back now & it's like two separate lives.
Please let us know how you're doing & what you think. We can talk further if you like about putting together the best plan for you.
We're here & we're pulling for you :)
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