Aa
So Rudely treated because of addiction
I need to vent.
Last night at a family function, my sisters husband ,who abhors addiction and addicts, treated me with such discust. He has heard about my recent relapse with pills and made sure he stayed at least ten feet away from me. He wouldnt even be in the same room as me, and when he saw me, turned away and would leave the room I was physically in. He treated me like a leaper. I didnt react to it last night but today is a different story. Whenever I think about what happened I break out in tears. He is so ignorant.
Last night at a family function, my sisters husband ,who abhors addiction and addicts, treated me with such discust. He has heard about my recent relapse with pills and made sure he stayed at least ten feet away from me. He wouldnt even be in the same room as me, and when he saw me, turned away and would leave the room I was physically in. He treated me like a leaper. I didnt react to it last night but today is a different story. Whenever I think about what happened I break out in tears. He is so ignorant.
I am confused...
First....i know all that about the brain....i was asking u at what point did that change occur. I believe u are telling me that that change occurs once someone starts doing dope, right? Assuming you agree with that.......my point is that NOBODY makes anyone take a pill or do heroin for the first time, second time, third time. People do drugs because they want to....NOW, i know some ppl are put on pain meds....and can't get off etc...im not talking about them right now...i am talking strickly about people who decided that snorting an 80 would be fun tonight. Or shooting some H would be cool. Those people. They had a choice. Look, a 5 year old knows that drugs are bad. All these JUST SAY NO to drugs....D.A.R.E. it's all there. we all know it........i have yet to meet someone who doesnt understand that drugs are a no no. the point is....nobody make addicts decide to start doing drugs except the addict themself. ANd, to me, that is where responsibility comes into play.
I am going to re read everything. At no point did i say someone was ignorant in those terms but let me re-read.
First....i know all that about the brain....i was asking u at what point did that change occur. I believe u are telling me that that change occurs once someone starts doing dope, right? Assuming you agree with that.......my point is that NOBODY makes anyone take a pill or do heroin for the first time, second time, third time. People do drugs because they want to....NOW, i know some ppl are put on pain meds....and can't get off etc...im not talking about them right now...i am talking strickly about people who decided that snorting an 80 would be fun tonight. Or shooting some H would be cool. Those people. They had a choice. Look, a 5 year old knows that drugs are bad. All these JUST SAY NO to drugs....D.A.R.E. it's all there. we all know it........i have yet to meet someone who doesnt understand that drugs are a no no. the point is....nobody make addicts decide to start doing drugs except the addict themself. ANd, to me, that is where responsibility comes into play.
I am going to re read everything. At no point did i say someone was ignorant in those terms but let me re-read.
Where I found judgement was somewhere in all these post you had said the ignorant family member was entitled to his opinion or something to that effect...IMO,no he's not. He has no right to treat anyone like ****.
To answer your question the biochemical changes in the brain are caused by the increase in neurotransmitters.
Taking narcotics floods the brain with feel good neurotransmitters the brain responds by making new receptor sites so these NT will have a place to go. When one quits using #1 the body isn't makin its own feel good NT because it is used to the artificial influx so the addict has more receptors and nothing to fill them... The receptor sites apparently will "go to sleep" if a person quits using and they will feel better. The magic # i'm hearin is 3 mo.I Think it could take yrs. I agree we created this mess but when there is pathology to support what is going on that is by definition disease.There are other changes this is the major one in my mind.
To answer your question the biochemical changes in the brain are caused by the increase in neurotransmitters.
Taking narcotics floods the brain with feel good neurotransmitters the brain responds by making new receptor sites so these NT will have a place to go. When one quits using #1 the body isn't makin its own feel good NT because it is used to the artificial influx so the addict has more receptors and nothing to fill them... The receptor sites apparently will "go to sleep" if a person quits using and they will feel better. The magic # i'm hearin is 3 mo.I Think it could take yrs. I agree we created this mess but when there is pathology to support what is going on that is by definition disease.There are other changes this is the major one in my mind.
Trust me...I completely understand how it works.
Me having an opinion has NOTHING at all to do with the fact that my boyfriend is an addict. Ok? Everyone acts like im some scorn ex gf that was robbed and left high and dry. For starters...i am still with my boyfriend. Secondly, I have the ability to understand his actions to me are not personal...but, his addiction/drugs.
Also, i do not judge people? Where did i do that? If i had some horrid problems with addicts, i wouldnt have a baby with one, live with him and still be his girl.
I am curious tho to something u said..............u said actual Physiological changes happen in the brain and that is the disease part, right? Because it is abnormal, right? My question is....at what point do those changes happen?
Me having an opinion has NOTHING at all to do with the fact that my boyfriend is an addict. Ok? Everyone acts like im some scorn ex gf that was robbed and left high and dry. For starters...i am still with my boyfriend. Secondly, I have the ability to understand his actions to me are not personal...but, his addiction/drugs.
Also, i do not judge people? Where did i do that? If i had some horrid problems with addicts, i wouldnt have a baby with one, live with him and still be his girl.
I am curious tho to something u said..............u said actual Physiological changes happen in the brain and that is the disease part, right? Because it is abnormal, right? My question is....at what point do those changes happen?
First off I read the first 10-? posts completely then scanned the others. I do appreciate your POV. I wonder though if you truly understand the disease of addiction.I'm w/you that the person w/cancer did not choose CA and the junkie may have choose heroin...Okay. The disease aspect of addiction is NOT the addiction but the changes in the brain -actual Physiological changes. This is abnormal = disease. I understand you have been hurt and undoubtedly betrayed ect by your sig other which may skew your objectivity a little.
We are all children of God none of us perfect.No one deserves to be judged PERIOD. Not asking you to feel sorry for us addicts don't really care. I think if you researched it the majority(over 50 %) of opiate abusers began their use not deliberately, but legitimately.
We are all children of God none of us perfect.No one deserves to be judged PERIOD. Not asking you to feel sorry for us addicts don't really care. I think if you researched it the majority(over 50 %) of opiate abusers began their use not deliberately, but legitimately.
Well, my uncle died when I was 20. I went out to ohio for his funeral. My brother was heart broken, literally. And we got mixed stories from everyone. My grandmother got custody of both me and my brother. From what I was told, she tried to get my sister but my sister was an infant and the court wouldn't grant her custody of the 3 of us. I am not sure how it all played out. I was young and don't remember much. All I know is we both went with her and I never saw my sister again. And my brother didn't go to my uncle until about 2 years after all that happened. My grandmother and uncle, who lived in ohio, weren't told any of this went on. According to my g-mom in ohio, she couldn't get in touch with my mom or dad and didn't find out it all until it was too late. The grandmother that got custody was my mom's mom and she was a real witch to my brother so as soon as our dad's family in ohio found out about everything, they wanted both me and steven, but my mom's mom wasn't losing me. She adored me and hated my brother.
Wow...........that's about all i have is ... wow.
Kinda crazy that u found her on facebook of all places...know what i mean? That's insane.
Why couldnt ur grandma take her as well? or the uncle that took ur brother....why didnt they take her? why wasnt she kept in the family?
Kinda crazy that u found her on facebook of all places...know what i mean? That's insane.
Why couldnt ur grandma take her as well? or the uncle that took ur brother....why didnt they take her? why wasnt she kept in the family?
Nope. SHe was taken from us when she was 8 months. I was 5 and steven was 7. When she was taken, we were all taken. My parents had left about 4 days earlier and literally left us with nothing. Steven would go out and steal things so we could eat, my hand to god. We were so young. I remember we had to call my grandmother to come help us, and prior to her getting there someone had heard my sister constantly crying and called child services. We were all put into foster care then both me and my brother were released to my g-mom, but not her. Both me and steve swore we would locate her, and recently did. About 5 years ago, my husband David's mom helped me contact the adoption agency that did the adoption.
They told us that she was adopted by the same foster parents that took her when she was 1. So the actual adoption was finalized when she was 4. And she has been with them ever since. So the agency contacted the parents and told them that she had two siblings who wanted to be in contact with her. For years and I mean years, not one day had passed where I did not think about her and wonder where she was and if she was ok. TO find her was like unbelieveable to me. So the parents agreed to meet with me but that was it. I was to have no contact with her. By the way, both my mom and dad had named her Danielle but the parents changed it. Anyway, the parents are both born again christians and refused to even so much as tell me her new name. They wouldn't show me a picture or tell me a thing. All they said was she was living in another state attending a Christian based college and was there all year round an that she didn't feel as though it were the right time to meet me and steven. They told me she wanted to focus on her school work. And that she did know she was adopted and they told her about us looking for her. So again, this was about 5 years ago.
At that time, I didn't believe the mom. Maybe I saw too many movies, but I thought she was surely lying to me. I told the mother I wanted to hear this from my sister's mouth and I would leave it to rest until she wanted to meet. So I got a typed letter in the mail from my "sister". Had no return address and only her first name, which is now DeAna. She said in the letter that her parents told her when she was 5, that she was adopted and that she was a sinner because of her real parents and that she needed to repent and that now maybe I should repent because I had the same parents. At that point, I knew she was completely into her religion and that I was never goin to have a relationship with her. She enclosed a picture and she is a spitting image of my mother, even moreso then I and everyone says I am my mother.
Anyway, this was all 5 years ago. I still had it in my head that the letter was not from her. It was typed and completely sounded like the mother. When I met the mother and father, they made me pray before I was aloud to sit down. And she gave me a bible to keep. It was weird. Not in general,just not something I am used to. (in case there are any BAC here I am not at all putting down this religion, its just not my religion).
Anyway, about a year ago I figued I would try one last time to find her. So I called the adoption agency back and talked to the same lady I had been dealing with for years. She also beleived that the mother was not being completey honest, but by law she couldn't disclose any info to me. But she did tell me to go look on Facebook and to put in her first name, which I had, and to put in South Carolina colleges, which is where the mom said she went to school. Within 5 minutes I found her. I found everything, her school, her first and last name. I found out she was getting ready to be married and where she was living. I mean everything. So I wrote her a letter on there and it took her 4 weeks to reply. She said the same stuff she did in her letter, so it was confirmed it was her. She said things were too hectic and she was only open to a facebook relationship. But then every time I would send her a message she never would reply. Out of like 15 messages I sent, she replied twice. So I sent her one last one telling her it was not our fault she was taken and that both steven and I had a horrible childhood and were split up and that I was going to delete the facebook profile and if she ever wanted a real relationship, to call or email me. And that was it. She is 26.
They told us that she was adopted by the same foster parents that took her when she was 1. So the actual adoption was finalized when she was 4. And she has been with them ever since. So the agency contacted the parents and told them that she had two siblings who wanted to be in contact with her. For years and I mean years, not one day had passed where I did not think about her and wonder where she was and if she was ok. TO find her was like unbelieveable to me. So the parents agreed to meet with me but that was it. I was to have no contact with her. By the way, both my mom and dad had named her Danielle but the parents changed it. Anyway, the parents are both born again christians and refused to even so much as tell me her new name. They wouldn't show me a picture or tell me a thing. All they said was she was living in another state attending a Christian based college and was there all year round an that she didn't feel as though it were the right time to meet me and steven. They told me she wanted to focus on her school work. And that she did know she was adopted and they told her about us looking for her. So again, this was about 5 years ago.
At that time, I didn't believe the mom. Maybe I saw too many movies, but I thought she was surely lying to me. I told the mother I wanted to hear this from my sister's mouth and I would leave it to rest until she wanted to meet. So I got a typed letter in the mail from my "sister". Had no return address and only her first name, which is now DeAna. She said in the letter that her parents told her when she was 5, that she was adopted and that she was a sinner because of her real parents and that she needed to repent and that now maybe I should repent because I had the same parents. At that point, I knew she was completely into her religion and that I was never goin to have a relationship with her. She enclosed a picture and she is a spitting image of my mother, even moreso then I and everyone says I am my mother.
Anyway, this was all 5 years ago. I still had it in my head that the letter was not from her. It was typed and completely sounded like the mother. When I met the mother and father, they made me pray before I was aloud to sit down. And she gave me a bible to keep. It was weird. Not in general,just not something I am used to. (in case there are any BAC here I am not at all putting down this religion, its just not my religion).
Anyway, about a year ago I figued I would try one last time to find her. So I called the adoption agency back and talked to the same lady I had been dealing with for years. She also beleived that the mother was not being completey honest, but by law she couldn't disclose any info to me. But she did tell me to go look on Facebook and to put in her first name, which I had, and to put in South Carolina colleges, which is where the mom said she went to school. Within 5 minutes I found her. I found everything, her school, her first and last name. I found out she was getting ready to be married and where she was living. I mean everything. So I wrote her a letter on there and it took her 4 weeks to reply. She said the same stuff she did in her letter, so it was confirmed it was her. She said things were too hectic and she was only open to a facebook relationship. But then every time I would send her a message she never would reply. Out of like 15 messages I sent, she replied twice. So I sent her one last one telling her it was not our fault she was taken and that both steven and I had a horrible childhood and were split up and that I was going to delete the facebook profile and if she ever wanted a real relationship, to call or email me. And that was it. She is 26.
Everyone,
As a newbie, I believe to see everyone's opinion is very healthy.....it doesn't make one person right and another wrong it is what it is.
Like almost everything else in life, people don't understand what they haven't experienced. People can be so ignorant....just like I used to be before I went through this. It's almost funny at times when people who have different addictions want to criticize those of us who are going through this.....some of us who got addicted because of pain issues didn't ask for this, but let's be honest, we all knew when we put that pill in our mouth we knew the risks - no matter how much we want to justify our actions. The main thing here is we are trying to change our lives and from the posts that I read alot of folks are making true progress. I'm really trying.....as I write this I really want to "chew" an oxy and get that feeling but I know I can't....there are things in this life much more important and from what I see the folks in this forum are like me - not perfect but really trying. No matter how much others want to criticize us we have to continue on........I've found that most people who are critical have skeletons in their closet too. Forgive him and move on. I do my best to avoid those types of people but in those functions where you have to "mingle" put on your game face and be proud of your sobriety. The very best thing you can do is to continue to beat your addiction and change your life to show folks your strength.......once you've done that my guess is that at some point you'll get an apology either in words or actions.
Hang in there and be strong. There's nothing wrong with tears as it cleanses the soul.
The folks in this forum will be in my prayers as I would appreciate me being in yours.
Bionic Man
As a newbie, I believe to see everyone's opinion is very healthy.....it doesn't make one person right and another wrong it is what it is.
Like almost everything else in life, people don't understand what they haven't experienced. People can be so ignorant....just like I used to be before I went through this. It's almost funny at times when people who have different addictions want to criticize those of us who are going through this.....some of us who got addicted because of pain issues didn't ask for this, but let's be honest, we all knew when we put that pill in our mouth we knew the risks - no matter how much we want to justify our actions. The main thing here is we are trying to change our lives and from the posts that I read alot of folks are making true progress. I'm really trying.....as I write this I really want to "chew" an oxy and get that feeling but I know I can't....there are things in this life much more important and from what I see the folks in this forum are like me - not perfect but really trying. No matter how much others want to criticize us we have to continue on........I've found that most people who are critical have skeletons in their closet too. Forgive him and move on. I do my best to avoid those types of people but in those functions where you have to "mingle" put on your game face and be proud of your sobriety. The very best thing you can do is to continue to beat your addiction and change your life to show folks your strength.......once you've done that my guess is that at some point you'll get an apology either in words or actions.
Hang in there and be strong. There's nothing wrong with tears as it cleanses the soul.
The folks in this forum will be in my prayers as I would appreciate me being in yours.
Bionic Man
So I can go both ways on this. I myself have been on both sides of the spectrum. I didn't become an addict until I was 24. I am now going on 30 and have one year clean as of Dec 31st.
In any event, both my parents were addicts. Both having dies from their addictions. Growing up, me and my brother were subjected to horrible things. Being left alone for days on end with no money and nothing to eat. Being left at random strangers houses so our parents could go out and get wasted all night. 3:00am drug raids at our parents apartment only to be placed in foster care because of whatever was found inside their apartment. Waiting for months for a phone call from one of them while they were in a rehab somewhere and we were forced to live with either my grandparents who were so mean to my brother or some random friend of either my mother or fathers. Losing our sister to the state because she was an infant and the 3 of us were all found alone and literally starving and the courts would only allow my grandmother sole custody of me and my brother, but not her. So we have no relationship with our real sister. Then both me and my only brother were split up, he was shipped off to ohio to live with an uncle and I stayed in PA with my grandparents. No xmas's, no holidays...no birthdays were celebrated...nothing. It was a horrible childhood.
Anyway, I believed these things to be the fault of my parents and their addiction. I resented them and what they subjected both me and my brother to. I hated that they chose their addictions over us. Which in reality they did. They should not have brought children into the world. And I resented them for a long, long time for all of the events in my life. Then they both died, my mother when I was 11 and my father when I was 18. And I still continued to hate, dispise and resent them until I myself became an addict.
There was alot I didn't understand about addiction and what it can do to a person. I have done things while in active addiction that I hate myself for and I cannot beleive I could do them. I never physically hurt anyone or stole anything. But I spent all my money, lost my husband and was not there, as I should have been, for my little girl. WHich is the one thing I swore I wouldn't do to my children. I mean, I never left her but while in w.d I couldn't play with her. I was irratible and angry all the time. And it wasn't fair to her. She would bring my water and say things like " here mommy, I don't want you to be sick anymore". It broke my heart and I saw what I had become and what I was doing to her. I didn't want to hurt her by being sick all the time. And I wanted to spend that time with her, playing iwth her and being happy, but I just couldn't. It was then that I started to understand things a little better and it was then that I forgave my parents.
I am not at all condoning what my parents did. But I do understand better what they were going through. be it right or wrong. I think it takes an addict to understand another and that is it, hands down. And it is also my belief that sometimes a non addict who has somehow been affected by an addict they love, is a little more torn with the subject and a little more resentful, which is understandable. Completely. This is my opinion based on my experience...
In any event, both my parents were addicts. Both having dies from their addictions. Growing up, me and my brother were subjected to horrible things. Being left alone for days on end with no money and nothing to eat. Being left at random strangers houses so our parents could go out and get wasted all night. 3:00am drug raids at our parents apartment only to be placed in foster care because of whatever was found inside their apartment. Waiting for months for a phone call from one of them while they were in a rehab somewhere and we were forced to live with either my grandparents who were so mean to my brother or some random friend of either my mother or fathers. Losing our sister to the state because she was an infant and the 3 of us were all found alone and literally starving and the courts would only allow my grandmother sole custody of me and my brother, but not her. So we have no relationship with our real sister. Then both me and my only brother were split up, he was shipped off to ohio to live with an uncle and I stayed in PA with my grandparents. No xmas's, no holidays...no birthdays were celebrated...nothing. It was a horrible childhood.
Anyway, I believed these things to be the fault of my parents and their addiction. I resented them and what they subjected both me and my brother to. I hated that they chose their addictions over us. Which in reality they did. They should not have brought children into the world. And I resented them for a long, long time for all of the events in my life. Then they both died, my mother when I was 11 and my father when I was 18. And I still continued to hate, dispise and resent them until I myself became an addict.
There was alot I didn't understand about addiction and what it can do to a person. I have done things while in active addiction that I hate myself for and I cannot beleive I could do them. I never physically hurt anyone or stole anything. But I spent all my money, lost my husband and was not there, as I should have been, for my little girl. WHich is the one thing I swore I wouldn't do to my children. I mean, I never left her but while in w.d I couldn't play with her. I was irratible and angry all the time. And it wasn't fair to her. She would bring my water and say things like " here mommy, I don't want you to be sick anymore". It broke my heart and I saw what I had become and what I was doing to her. I didn't want to hurt her by being sick all the time. And I wanted to spend that time with her, playing iwth her and being happy, but I just couldn't. It was then that I started to understand things a little better and it was then that I forgave my parents.
I am not at all condoning what my parents did. But I do understand better what they were going through. be it right or wrong. I think it takes an addict to understand another and that is it, hands down. And it is also my belief that sometimes a non addict who has somehow been affected by an addict they love, is a little more torn with the subject and a little more resentful, which is understandable. Completely. This is my opinion based on my experience...
i'm an addict and drug addiction is a cancer.... a cancer of the soul.
i didn't go out seeking to become an addict. my husbands sister is an addict and before i became addicted i thought to myself "what a mess. i'll never end up like that." well here i am and now i understand. my addiction started with a dental appointment. 2 dry sockets later and several lorecet's later for the pain and BAM. i'm clean right now, but i'll have to say, it's very hard to stay that way. one day at a time! some people have addictive personalities, as in my case, and some just don't. i see both sides of this issue and there is nothing good or bad to say on both ends.
lisa
i didn't go out seeking to become an addict. my husbands sister is an addict and before i became addicted i thought to myself "what a mess. i'll never end up like that." well here i am and now i understand. my addiction started with a dental appointment. 2 dry sockets later and several lorecet's later for the pain and BAM. i'm clean right now, but i'll have to say, it's very hard to stay that way. one day at a time! some people have addictive personalities, as in my case, and some just don't. i see both sides of this issue and there is nothing good or bad to say on both ends.
lisa
And just so everyone understands how it is with me....im gonna say this.
I was CLUELESS about pills back n the day. When i heard that someone would snort an oxy, i seriously thought that was the stupidest, most ignorant thing a person could do. I can remember my bf was telling me about (him) and i looked at him with such disgust and i thought "U piece of s h i t.....cancer patients take oxy's and they dont snort them...what the f is wrong with u. omg." i went thru that stage with him.
I can remember he was telling me how he use to "eat" 40 vicodin a day. I am like eat?? What does that mean.
I can remember he would be swinging and dealing with other pill addicts on the phone, trying to "tax" them so he could get more pills....or he was mad because so and so was taxing the hell outta him. The word Tax. i was clueless, again, about what that meant. i mean, to me....if i had a script for whatever...id give someone a pill for free....i didnt know that any person would ever ever ever spend THAT much money on a pill. are u kidding?? hell, with my insurance, a bottle of vics is like $3.00. why would anyone in the world spend that kind of money on pills.
i can remember him NOT having pills...for the first time...and he was laying in bed DYING...or so he acted. i honestly thought "are u kidding me...GET ur a s s up and go on with your day....it is NOT that bad. it cannot hurt that bad." then, the 2, 3, 4th time, etc of withdrawl happened.
i finally decided to LEARN and educate my mind on opiate abuse. i wanted to fully understand the magnitude of this addiction. i read and read and read. i called every single freakin 800 # that exsisted to help me get thru this. i spent thousands and thousands of dollars on rehab for him to get better. i worked 3 jobs at once to try and do this. all the while pregnant. i knew what suboxone was before, im sure, lots of actual addicts did.
and now, years later, i do get it. all of the above i use to feel i dont anymore. i do understand how the abuse on the receptors in the brain work. i do know it isnt personal when my boyfriend has stolen from me or hurt me. i do know he wants to be clean for good but its hard. i do understand the euphoria and high from pills. now, one thing i have never experienced is withdrawl.....so, i cant even begin to imagine how that feels. but, i can tell u this....after coming on medhelp and reading so many horror stories and talking to so many people on here about withdrawl i have further educated myself on withdrawls to know that my bf isnt blowing smoke up my a s s when he's sick.
i am sorry to those addicts that cannot understand where people like me come from. i mean, hell i have partied etc but id always make my car payment before i partied. i have always had the ability to keep partying at arms length away. not get in too deep. keep it in check. i dont know why---but, i have. probably because my dad is a raging alcoholic who completely ruined his life, my life, my brother's life and my mom's life. my dad ruined IT ALL....all for that bottle. and, i think, i have always told myself i didnt wanna end up like him......maybe that's why.
soooooo--the the something gurl above...............do not go off on me before u know MY background. i never personally attacked you. i never personally attacked anyone on here. im telling PEOPLE LIKE U ..... that U need to get it thru your head....that NOT everyone in this world is educated on addiction and guess what? THEY DONT HAVE TO BE! Are u educated completely and fully understand every single aspect of oh, let's see.....uh, Radial ray hypoplasia choanal atresia ???? I am betting u do not. Does that mean u are ignorant? Does that mean u dont care about people that have that disease? Does that mean u are close minded? Um nooooo. I bet it means that u havent ever had the need to understand that disease because nobody close to u has ever had it. I do bet tho if your husband, wife, child, etc suddently was diagnosed with it...you'd be getting online and reading up on it. So, u need to understand that not everyone in the world wants to understand addiction, some people don't care, some people truly feel it is all about choices, the idea of addiction being a disease is VERY VERY VERY debatable....by people who have more letters after their last name then i have in my full name.
Flmagi------wow, thanks. im glad u see where i was going with this......it was just to point out that if an addict can see where a non addict is coming from...then actually the addict may not have to worry themselves to death about why brother n law so and so looks at them differently or whatever. i see her point. i knoooooowwwww what she means. when i got a dui....omg u would have thought i just got busted for prostitution in MY family. my brother literally looked at me and said "u really disgust me, jenn" i said "it's one freakin time....everyone has done it...i just got caught" he said "it doesnt matter....it is sooooooo indicitive of your lifestyle right now and that's what is sickening." and see at first i thought well f u a hole. but, he doesnt drink. he's never had a dui. i really felt like if he knew the stress i was going thru and why i was drinking so much then maybe he wouldnt judge me so much. but, in the end, i realized HE DOESNT CARE. Period. And, he has that right.
I was CLUELESS about pills back n the day. When i heard that someone would snort an oxy, i seriously thought that was the stupidest, most ignorant thing a person could do. I can remember my bf was telling me about (him) and i looked at him with such disgust and i thought "U piece of s h i t.....cancer patients take oxy's and they dont snort them...what the f is wrong with u. omg." i went thru that stage with him.
I can remember he was telling me how he use to "eat" 40 vicodin a day. I am like eat?? What does that mean.
I can remember he would be swinging and dealing with other pill addicts on the phone, trying to "tax" them so he could get more pills....or he was mad because so and so was taxing the hell outta him. The word Tax. i was clueless, again, about what that meant. i mean, to me....if i had a script for whatever...id give someone a pill for free....i didnt know that any person would ever ever ever spend THAT much money on a pill. are u kidding?? hell, with my insurance, a bottle of vics is like $3.00. why would anyone in the world spend that kind of money on pills.
i can remember him NOT having pills...for the first time...and he was laying in bed DYING...or so he acted. i honestly thought "are u kidding me...GET ur a s s up and go on with your day....it is NOT that bad. it cannot hurt that bad." then, the 2, 3, 4th time, etc of withdrawl happened.
i finally decided to LEARN and educate my mind on opiate abuse. i wanted to fully understand the magnitude of this addiction. i read and read and read. i called every single freakin 800 # that exsisted to help me get thru this. i spent thousands and thousands of dollars on rehab for him to get better. i worked 3 jobs at once to try and do this. all the while pregnant. i knew what suboxone was before, im sure, lots of actual addicts did.
and now, years later, i do get it. all of the above i use to feel i dont anymore. i do understand how the abuse on the receptors in the brain work. i do know it isnt personal when my boyfriend has stolen from me or hurt me. i do know he wants to be clean for good but its hard. i do understand the euphoria and high from pills. now, one thing i have never experienced is withdrawl.....so, i cant even begin to imagine how that feels. but, i can tell u this....after coming on medhelp and reading so many horror stories and talking to so many people on here about withdrawl i have further educated myself on withdrawls to know that my bf isnt blowing smoke up my a s s when he's sick.
i am sorry to those addicts that cannot understand where people like me come from. i mean, hell i have partied etc but id always make my car payment before i partied. i have always had the ability to keep partying at arms length away. not get in too deep. keep it in check. i dont know why---but, i have. probably because my dad is a raging alcoholic who completely ruined his life, my life, my brother's life and my mom's life. my dad ruined IT ALL....all for that bottle. and, i think, i have always told myself i didnt wanna end up like him......maybe that's why.
soooooo--the the something gurl above...............do not go off on me before u know MY background. i never personally attacked you. i never personally attacked anyone on here. im telling PEOPLE LIKE U ..... that U need to get it thru your head....that NOT everyone in this world is educated on addiction and guess what? THEY DONT HAVE TO BE! Are u educated completely and fully understand every single aspect of oh, let's see.....uh, Radial ray hypoplasia choanal atresia ???? I am betting u do not. Does that mean u are ignorant? Does that mean u dont care about people that have that disease? Does that mean u are close minded? Um nooooo. I bet it means that u havent ever had the need to understand that disease because nobody close to u has ever had it. I do bet tho if your husband, wife, child, etc suddently was diagnosed with it...you'd be getting online and reading up on it. So, u need to understand that not everyone in the world wants to understand addiction, some people don't care, some people truly feel it is all about choices, the idea of addiction being a disease is VERY VERY VERY debatable....by people who have more letters after their last name then i have in my full name.
Flmagi------wow, thanks. im glad u see where i was going with this......it was just to point out that if an addict can see where a non addict is coming from...then actually the addict may not have to worry themselves to death about why brother n law so and so looks at them differently or whatever. i see her point. i knoooooowwwww what she means. when i got a dui....omg u would have thought i just got busted for prostitution in MY family. my brother literally looked at me and said "u really disgust me, jenn" i said "it's one freakin time....everyone has done it...i just got caught" he said "it doesnt matter....it is sooooooo indicitive of your lifestyle right now and that's what is sickening." and see at first i thought well f u a hole. but, he doesnt drink. he's never had a dui. i really felt like if he knew the stress i was going thru and why i was drinking so much then maybe he wouldnt judge me so much. but, in the end, i realized HE DOESNT CARE. Period. And, he has that right.
It's cool. Good luck at your party. I am sure u will be just fine.
Remember this.....
is the juice worth the squeeze.
meaning..............u have busted a s s to get clean and stay clean, right? the withdrawls....the temptations...all of it. do u wanna mess up all that hard work, all that blood, sweat and tears (the tears im sure literally) for one pill? no, u dont. u dont wanna do that.
Remember this.....
is the juice worth the squeeze.
meaning..............u have busted a s s to get clean and stay clean, right? the withdrawls....the temptations...all of it. do u wanna mess up all that hard work, all that blood, sweat and tears (the tears im sure literally) for one pill? no, u dont. u dont wanna do that.
Please tell me u are joking...ok, here we go again....
Guess what sunshine? I have HAD a script!!! WOWWWW!! I have had lots of scripts for pain pills. Oh, vicodin, vicodin es/lortabs and the infamous OXYCONTIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And check this even~i have DONE pills too! Woop woop! Just like i have smoked weed. Just like i use to drink far too much. I have lied to people. I have called off work due to being hung over. I am NO different then u EXCEPT i didnt absuse the drugs per se.
please go above and show me where i looked down at u or turned my nose down at you or thought i was better or whatever nonsense u are saying i said.
I am saying one thing and one thing only........and that is this:
An addict wants people to understand and have compassion for what they are going thru during the fight to get and stay sober. Correct? That said......you, addict, needs to understand from the non addicts point of view WHY we cannot have that type of understanding and compassion u wish us to have.
I am 29 years old. And trust me in my 29 years on this earth i have seen and done lots. In no way do i think i am better than someone like u who is an addict. The difference with me and u is .... for whatever the reasons...i am not addicted and u are. THAT IS IT.
Skeletons in my closet...wow. Hmm. Well, u can go where u want with that one...
Im seriously LOL because if u had any idea what i go thru with my bf who is an addict u would re-think your close minded attitude.
Guess what sunshine? I have HAD a script!!! WOWWWW!! I have had lots of scripts for pain pills. Oh, vicodin, vicodin es/lortabs and the infamous OXYCONTIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And check this even~i have DONE pills too! Woop woop! Just like i have smoked weed. Just like i use to drink far too much. I have lied to people. I have called off work due to being hung over. I am NO different then u EXCEPT i didnt absuse the drugs per se.
please go above and show me where i looked down at u or turned my nose down at you or thought i was better or whatever nonsense u are saying i said.
I am saying one thing and one thing only........and that is this:
An addict wants people to understand and have compassion for what they are going thru during the fight to get and stay sober. Correct? That said......you, addict, needs to understand from the non addicts point of view WHY we cannot have that type of understanding and compassion u wish us to have.
I am 29 years old. And trust me in my 29 years on this earth i have seen and done lots. In no way do i think i am better than someone like u who is an addict. The difference with me and u is .... for whatever the reasons...i am not addicted and u are. THAT IS IT.
Skeletons in my closet...wow. Hmm. Well, u can go where u want with that one...
Im seriously LOL because if u had any idea what i go thru with my bf who is an addict u would re-think your close minded attitude.
Again, Thanks "Lovemypillhead". There is the other point of view, from the non-addicts side. And it's a great thing for the Non-addict, like you, to educate yourself on what we go thru. Not everyone is willing to educate themselves so they can understand what a loved one is going threw.
We addicts need to remember the stigma that is attached to addicts and this is all people know and have been raised to know.
Yes, I get angry when a Non-addict is rude to an addict. But I need to be reminded, I was once a non-addict and not educated to the facts.
It's hard to give compassion, when you don't think compassion is what's needed.
We addicts need to remember the stigma that is attached to addicts and this is all people know and have been raised to know.
Yes, I get angry when a Non-addict is rude to an addict. But I need to be reminded, I was once a non-addict and not educated to the facts.
It's hard to give compassion, when you don't think compassion is what's needed.
Thanks to "Lovemypillheads" post. You brought me back to reality. I was once a drug addict bigot. My brother was a drug addict most of his life and I looked down on him and wasn't very compassionate or understanding to him. He had a history of other problems, which I won't get into, but it compounded the addiction issue.
I could never understand why he couldn't "just stop" the drugs. I thought he was weak, ignorant and very selfish. As he was dieing of cancer, I was just starting into the process of becoming an addict. He died before I ever got a chance to tell him "I'm sorry, I understand now".
But since his death, we've talked and he's forgiven me, and even laughed at me. So we're ok now.
People we love can be very ignorant to addiction. Lets all pray that they don't get educated by becoming addicts.
I could never understand why he couldn't "just stop" the drugs. I thought he was weak, ignorant and very selfish. As he was dieing of cancer, I was just starting into the process of becoming an addict. He died before I ever got a chance to tell him "I'm sorry, I understand now".
But since his death, we've talked and he's forgiven me, and even laughed at me. So we're ok now.
People we love can be very ignorant to addiction. Lets all pray that they don't get educated by becoming addicts.
lol....I used to be alot like you....as in the way you think, but I tell you what....you are high and mighty now, but just pray that you dont ever get hurt and have a script. for alot of us,,,,we didnt use to get high or set out to become an addict, it just happens. Alot like when you were conceived, your parents prolly didnt plan on it, it just happened. life happens. I dont guess I need your compassion, but just dont look down your nose at us, because I am positive that you have skeletons in your closet. I am sorry, I had to respond to your post,,,,,because people like you make me sick. yes addiction is a disease, and you better be careful how you talk, i know 1st hand how that mouth can get u in a trap just like US
This forum is not for fighting...so I am going to appologize. Maybe I was being one sided, I have no idea...I am very argumentative lately and sometimes I have no idea why. it is frustrating and sad all at the same time.
I am going through a hell of alot right now...and I have alot on my mind. I do not need to be arguing with someone I do not know. In one hour, i will be going to a family Christmas, where there will be 5 people, who I used to get pills from. They still use, and one of them is pregnant, and they are going because we do not get along...they havent been to a family Christmas in 5 years. I am scared to death right now, but feel i still need to go, I havent seen most of this family since last year. I am sorry if i was attacking you. Like I said I am very nervous and scared.
Again, I am sorry.
I am going through a hell of alot right now...and I have alot on my mind. I do not need to be arguing with someone I do not know. In one hour, i will be going to a family Christmas, where there will be 5 people, who I used to get pills from. They still use, and one of them is pregnant, and they are going because we do not get along...they havent been to a family Christmas in 5 years. I am scared to death right now, but feel i still need to go, I havent seen most of this family since last year. I am sorry if i was attacking you. Like I said I am very nervous and scared.
Again, I am sorry.
Again, one more time...............i didnt knock addiction.
Im saying Addicts need to understand a non addicts point of view and why the non addict is not compassionate, lacks feelings of "poor u" and may treat u differently.
If you are expecting a non addict to see ur point of view, then you need to see their point of view.
Im saying Addicts need to understand a non addicts point of view and why the non addict is not compassionate, lacks feelings of "poor u" and may treat u differently.
If you are expecting a non addict to see ur point of view, then you need to see their point of view.
First of all......i never bashed u. When did i bash you? I am telling you from a NON addicts POINT of view why we are NOT compassionate...as u may want us to be...to an addict who is trying to stay clean.
Secondly, you are right...u never personally hurt me. My boyfriend did. But, i will bet my life's paychecks that MOST people on here have hurt, lied to, stolen from or lislead the non addicts in their life in order for them to get their hands on ther drug of choice or money for their drug of choice.
Thirdly, I never told u not to have an opinion. Therefore....i am not asking u to "take back what u said" I said do not include me in the small minded category....JUST because i am not struggling everyday with an addiction doesnt mean i am close minded about addictions.
Next....if me stating to u that u need to understand addiction from a NON addicts point of view is gonna make u "throw the towel in" and use again....well, that is sad.
Why is it YOU are saying that YOUR brother in law needs to understand/have compassion for YOU, the addict...yet, u CANNOT understand his point of view, the non addict? it is the same logic...only reversed.
I talk to people everyday on here who are my friends. Who are addicted. Or trying to beat addiction. My dad is laying in I.C.U. THIS VERY SECOND dying from guess what? Alcoholism.
Please, please do not act like at all for a second that i dont get it and that i bash people like u. please. liscamdave, cattalina and many others on here have been amazing friends who have helped me further understand what my bf goes thru daily. They are HUGE recovering addicts that i adore. the idea that u think i would Bash anyone with an addiction is stupid.
Secondly, you are right...u never personally hurt me. My boyfriend did. But, i will bet my life's paychecks that MOST people on here have hurt, lied to, stolen from or lislead the non addicts in their life in order for them to get their hands on ther drug of choice or money for their drug of choice.
Thirdly, I never told u not to have an opinion. Therefore....i am not asking u to "take back what u said" I said do not include me in the small minded category....JUST because i am not struggling everyday with an addiction doesnt mean i am close minded about addictions.
Next....if me stating to u that u need to understand addiction from a NON addicts point of view is gonna make u "throw the towel in" and use again....well, that is sad.
Why is it YOU are saying that YOUR brother in law needs to understand/have compassion for YOU, the addict...yet, u CANNOT understand his point of view, the non addict? it is the same logic...only reversed.
I talk to people everyday on here who are my friends. Who are addicted. Or trying to beat addiction. My dad is laying in I.C.U. THIS VERY SECOND dying from guess what? Alcoholism.
Please, please do not act like at all for a second that i dont get it and that i bash people like u. please. liscamdave, cattalina and many others on here have been amazing friends who have helped me further understand what my bf goes thru daily. They are HUGE recovering addicts that i adore. the idea that u think i would Bash anyone with an addiction is stupid.
I am not taking back anything I said. I said Compassion, and I mean compassion. We are all trying to get better and for someone like you to come on here and say things like you say, sorta makes me wanna throw in the towel and use again. I mean what is the point if people are going to always treat us like s""t and not care? We all understand why we are the way we are, and we do not expect you to understand, but we all come on here for support. NOT for someone like you to come on here and bash us. Your boyfriend did bad things to you...we are not him. Take that up with him, not us. we are trying to get better and it is very hard when someone negative throws all hope out the window. thanks for that.
I certainly hope nobody above has the nerve to include me in as small minded people.
Considering the BS i have gone thru about this addiction....and the money i have given to support my bf's addiction AND recovery....and the homework/research i have done about being addicted to pain killers and heroin...i won't be considered small minded or close minded.
See, here is what i dont agree with and i am SORRY in advance if i hurt someone's feelings...But, im callin a spade a spade. You made comment up there that u expect them to have some type of compassion.....ok....compassion for what? compassion for your decisions that u made in life that obviously didnt pan out well or how u expected?
i understand there are about .000000000000000001% of people in this world who took pills, for example, because they honestly needed them. then at some point became addicted....even then...i consider that to be physically dependent on pills...not addicted but for the sake of argument...we'll call them addicted. and, if that is ANYONE on here...then u are in a different boat.
MOST people in the world that are addicted to pills, alcohol, cigarettes, etc. are addicted because THEY chose to get drunk, smoke or wanna get high. Doing it here and there wasnt enough....so they did it again. Then again. And again and again and again. Next thing you know....boom--an addict is born. That is the Case with MOST addicts.
So, your brother n law NOT showing compassion to that....well, i mean, do u blame him really? You must think of things unbiased.......from a completely neutral point of view.
I have read so many people's profiles on here.........and most people started messing with pills for fun. ALOT of people on here shoot pills....or heroin....or snort them. Crack me up that addiction is classified as a disease....or something as horrible as cancer. Cancer. Think about that. Freakin cancer gets in the same boat as snorting an oxy. Seriously. How many people do u know with cancer that crush up their oxy's and inject them or snort them? NONE. At least i dont know of any. And most people know someone who has or had cancer. Not to mention.....alot of people who get cancer didnt bring it on themselves. So, that's why people have compassion for the person in the room with cancer....that is dying...that never asked for this....perhaps never smoked and lived their life right.....vs....the person in the room who chose to eat 40 hydrocodone, steal from their family members to support their drug habit, wouldn't get outta bed for alot of other holiday parties/family gatherings because they were dope sick and now .. all of a sudden...the addict wants to get sober AGAIN.....and the non addict is suppose to what? have compassion? think u are for real THIS time??? even tho u have been down this vicious path before of sober...then dirty....then clean...then dirty.
Look--i COMMEND each and every person on here who is getting clean, wants to clean, is clean...whatever. I think it is sooooo hard and i am so proud of every one of u. And, i do live with an addict....who EVERYDAY battles the urges.....I just really want u to understand how it is from this side of the fence. Ok? I look at my boyfriend and i love him soooooooooo much, obviously. I think that is obvious to everyone on here....BUT, i also look at him with HATE because of the LIES he has told me...the money he has depleated me of...and stolen from me.....that bulls h i t i hear about how "i swear to god this time baby im done...blah blah blah"........
Again, im very proud of u if ur clean and stay that way. That's awesome.
Even tho im not an addict....i really do understand how it all works. I have done my homework.
Considering the BS i have gone thru about this addiction....and the money i have given to support my bf's addiction AND recovery....and the homework/research i have done about being addicted to pain killers and heroin...i won't be considered small minded or close minded.
See, here is what i dont agree with and i am SORRY in advance if i hurt someone's feelings...But, im callin a spade a spade. You made comment up there that u expect them to have some type of compassion.....ok....compassion for what? compassion for your decisions that u made in life that obviously didnt pan out well or how u expected?
i understand there are about .000000000000000001% of people in this world who took pills, for example, because they honestly needed them. then at some point became addicted....even then...i consider that to be physically dependent on pills...not addicted but for the sake of argument...we'll call them addicted. and, if that is ANYONE on here...then u are in a different boat.
MOST people in the world that are addicted to pills, alcohol, cigarettes, etc. are addicted because THEY chose to get drunk, smoke or wanna get high. Doing it here and there wasnt enough....so they did it again. Then again. And again and again and again. Next thing you know....boom--an addict is born. That is the Case with MOST addicts.
So, your brother n law NOT showing compassion to that....well, i mean, do u blame him really? You must think of things unbiased.......from a completely neutral point of view.
I have read so many people's profiles on here.........and most people started messing with pills for fun. ALOT of people on here shoot pills....or heroin....or snort them. Crack me up that addiction is classified as a disease....or something as horrible as cancer. Cancer. Think about that. Freakin cancer gets in the same boat as snorting an oxy. Seriously. How many people do u know with cancer that crush up their oxy's and inject them or snort them? NONE. At least i dont know of any. And most people know someone who has or had cancer. Not to mention.....alot of people who get cancer didnt bring it on themselves. So, that's why people have compassion for the person in the room with cancer....that is dying...that never asked for this....perhaps never smoked and lived their life right.....vs....the person in the room who chose to eat 40 hydrocodone, steal from their family members to support their drug habit, wouldn't get outta bed for alot of other holiday parties/family gatherings because they were dope sick and now .. all of a sudden...the addict wants to get sober AGAIN.....and the non addict is suppose to what? have compassion? think u are for real THIS time??? even tho u have been down this vicious path before of sober...then dirty....then clean...then dirty.
Look--i COMMEND each and every person on here who is getting clean, wants to clean, is clean...whatever. I think it is sooooo hard and i am so proud of every one of u. And, i do live with an addict....who EVERYDAY battles the urges.....I just really want u to understand how it is from this side of the fence. Ok? I look at my boyfriend and i love him soooooooooo much, obviously. I think that is obvious to everyone on here....BUT, i also look at him with HATE because of the LIES he has told me...the money he has depleated me of...and stolen from me.....that bulls h i t i hear about how "i swear to god this time baby im done...blah blah blah"........
Again, im very proud of u if ur clean and stay that way. That's awesome.
Even tho im not an addict....i really do understand how it all works. I have done my homework.
You laughed so hard you posted twice!
Seriously... I have no tolerance for mean people. I would have (and will if it ever happens to me) gone OFF on someone had they treated me that way. Or at least said something snarky like, "At least I'm still pretty."
Hee!
Seriously... I have no tolerance for mean people. I would have (and will if it ever happens to me) gone OFF on someone had they treated me that way. Or at least said something snarky like, "At least I'm still pretty."
Hee!
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