he left and im still not high

[lovebuckets10]

Well he just left. He ask me if thats what I wanted and I said if you cant be supportive. He said well I am mad. I told him I understand but you cant treat me that way or talk to me like that. Also there were some comments about being part of the family. I heard him say under his breath " I dont want to be a part of a family". I HAVE NO FREAKING CLUE WHAT TO DO!! all I want is him to come home and make this right but on his on terms (I have had fights with him before I always end up telling him how to make it right). At the same time, I want to know for sure he loves me, I know I have messed up I am so willing to take my part in that. But I dont call him a drive through, because he is over weight. I dont want to be called trashy or a pill head when I am trying to get better.I want to be held and to know there is so freaking person who loves me (besides my kids and god). Parent issues, long story but I dont have ANY family besides my kids. I dont know maby I have just lost my whole mind through all this, maybe i will wake up in the morning and this will be one really bad dream.

If he would have just be up front with me when i came clean and said yea we might not make it through this

[GoingToMakeIt]

Welcome to the forum.

[GoingToMakeIt]

I hope the housing thing works out. I hate to say this but it does sound as if you will be better off without him. Stay strong, you will pull through this one too.

[starbright20]

Hi I'm new here. It sounds like we are going through the alot of the same things.  I don't have any advice for you because I need the same advice. I know how you feel.  It is comforting for me to know that there are people out there going through what I am, it gives me strength knowing  together we can all get through this. What I do know is we've already been through hell and things can't get any worse than that!!   No matter what happens with him remember nothing compares to the unconditional  love of a child!!

[lovebuckets10]

We spoke they got bad he wants me to leave the house not him, before the holidays (i dont have any where to go he has family I dont) Well one side of me says oh god please dont take this away from me its the only thing i have him and the my kids. But the other side says I dont want someone that has to make ther self love me. He said earlier he is trying to make himself love me. well thats not love, you dont have to make yourself love someone. I can take being mad at me, i did this i know that. I am just mad that here came the worse of better and worse and he out of here. Plus I have some other **** going on that I cant talk about on here. so yea i am diff than when we ment im under soooo much right now and I am so sorry I could not hold me togather but I am stressed and all I wanted was someone to hold me and let me know it would be ok, hell he would not do any of that in a long time so yea i changed some!! when you trewat someone diff they act diff.  GREAT FREAKING X-MAS!! i wish something would fall on head right now and knock me out until his is all over cause I dont know how to deal with feeling, now there are all these at one time what the hell do I do.

[GoingToMakeIt]

Love is always so complex. Concentrate on getting clean. If he really cares for you he will come around. You can't fix a relationship right now. You have to fix you first. Be kind to him but stand your ground, too. Focus on getting better yourself. That will take all your energy right now. Keep us posted.

[cathy5841]

remember, you might not have biological family, but you got alot of ppl right her on your "forum family" now and we are here to help you through this.  also your emotions through gettin clean are real raw, so don't over react, give him some space to deal with it too, i am not saying you are over reactin, just take it one day at a time...lean really hard on God to get you through it and we are here.
cathy

[lovebuckets10]

no i guess your right, i need to really know it. and i dont anymore i just dont. i want and need things to work out with him, but i cant keep this hurting me with him. i would rather not have anyone to love me than hurt this bad. i love him but your right if he really loves me he will fix his part on his own. there is nothing i can do. sorry i flipped out eveyone... well i guess its after midnight so Im on 14!! I think its late though. I did not mean to flip

[uvlvrebel]

what do you want him to do?  if he walked in now, held you and said, "i love you, i promise i will never leave you."  would that be enough? what would you say?

[lovebuckets10]

I am affaid and I dont want to be alone again. But I want him to love me right way. i do love myself, but I also have no family!! Its just me and my kids.. no mom dad brother sister uncle grandparent. its just me, I thought he was my other half the one that I would always have. and then all this. I know I am going to make it through this with out him, but It sucks cause you always lose the people you love.. no i am sorry I do.  

[Calzy]

I am sorry you are going thru this. I am in early recovery from a long term bout with opiates and hid my addiction from my wife and family for many yrs until it destroyed our marriage. As you know addiction hits the whole family hard when they find out, and everyone has to deal with some unexpected emotions like denial, sad, angery, hurt and maybe some depression before there is acceptance of what they are dealing with. Everyday ppl come to this forum trying to figure out their addiction and it is no different for the family. Just keep working your recovery no matter what and some happiness will come your way.

[natalile]

Hi you have given me help in the past. I don't no if this will help. But i no you love this guy right, With all your heart.
Would you rather not take time out form him & learn to love YOURSELF. I have been a single paent aswell with a herion addiction.
I didnn't thnink my man of 13 year's gave a dame.
Now we are getting clean togherther & are on day 6 ( i've been in the forum a month & a half ). But had a week relapse.
One thing i have learn't is that no matter how painful it is to be on your ouw when you so want that person around. That you have to be stronger & go back to them & say look i've done it. Without your help.
You have the most love you can ever need your kid's.
& if he talk's to you like trash, Your never gonna get clean hun. He'll make sure of it. I don't really no you, Just reading your post's show's how you want this. What 1 come's first. Soz if i've talked out of line as i don't no the man. But he should be sticking by you. You need support now. Not put down
HUG & PEACE NAT XXX

[lovebuckets10]

I am not going to call either.. If I mean so little to him that he just will walk out and not care if I am ok. then I am know I am better off with out this. Maybe if I keep saying that I will believe it. I always thought those people who said money does not make you happy was full of ****, now look I am willing to let everything (I want get anything with a divorce) go. All I want is somebody to love me oh yea and to understand me and hold me at night. It would be nice if he had good parents that liked me. ok maybe I want to much. i did not sign up for this in life, or when I made my mind up to get clean. it was not suppose to be this way. I knew it was going to be hard but f*%& not like this. I did not know how to deal with feeling before getting on the pills now how do I do this. Why would he stand in front of god and say for better or worse. I ment it. This is my worse i hope and I was not suppose to have to do alone, it was suppose to be forever. he was said he loved me foreve and now its gone. this is ********.

[uvlvrebel]

I would do the same thing with mine (used to anyway- i stopped too)- we would fight and I would tell him exactly what I wanted to hear/ what he needed to do/say, he would then it'd be done.  I thought it was the right thing to do because men are from mars and just don't understand venutian; but, i started to become resentful that it really wasn't HIS heart telling/guiding him to do the "right" thing.

good job on not using!  keep posting.  remember, if you love someone enough you can let him go, if he comes back it was meant to be?  it'll work. one way or another- you can't beg someone to love you, right?  the only person you can control is YOU. and you're doing it with every choice you make to stay clean.

and trust me, just because someone has family doesn't mean it helps.  sometimes it hurts more knowing you have a family that won't accept you as an addict or even as a "recovering addict".