ain't love grand? now about addiction...

[groovygirl]

I had to say something about the ongoing soap opera/love story that is unfolding here on the addiction forum.  Although it is nice, sweet etc etc etc, it IS another thing to sift through to get to the answers most of us are looking for.  I personally wouldn't want my love life discussed on an addiction forum, but I guess it's different strokes for different folks.

I have a question about addiction...What is in Ultram that makes it so addicting?  It isn't a narcotic...right?

[Starraven]

Thank you so much for your kind words and support. You are right,  but i will not be in control of those pills, my understanding husband will, that way I won't "slip"  You know..I thought I was on day 38, I counted because I was always a day behind you, so I WAS on day 45 yesterday!  WOW!  Thats really incredible that I even lost count because I stopped counting when I started feeling better from the withdrawals!

Thanks again.  I will try not to be so hard on myself.

Hugs,
Suze

[CATUF]

Hippee:  I am so very sorry to hear about your nephew.  I don't know what else to say.  I will be thinking & praying about him and you.

Starraven: I don't think you should be so hard on yourself -- you're taking FAR less that a prescribed does for legitimate pain reasons and you're recogonizing that you can't trust yourself to stick to that level without help from a trusted love one.  Generally, it's not use of the pills that caused us problems, but the abuse.  I think WW said not too long ago that clean time is not abated by genuine, as-prescribed use.  If you keep your usage to low doses and only when really-really needed, I'd say you're as clean as a bean.

CATUF
@ Day 46

[Starraven]

Thank you so much for your support,  I was having a bad pain day yesterday and I ended up taking ONE percocet before bed and gave the rest to my husband to monitor.  So I guess I have screwed up my 38 days of being clean.  At least I got a decents night sleep. Usually I cannot even roll over from one side to the other in bed without incredible pain and it will take me five minutes to do so.

I just got a new PCP because my old one retired, I actually went in for a different matter.  (anxiety, depression, which had alot to do with the pain and my blood pressure was way and I had to go in everyday for a week to get it checked)  I told them all about my back and he said,  "you aren't here for pain meds are you"  I said no, my specialist prescribes them.  He said good, because I would have put a big red flag on your chart.  Well that pissed me off.  I have LEGITIMATE PAIN PEOPLE! (but I did tell them what the doctors assistant said about me needing surgery versus pain managment and to take a shot of vodka to sleep..they too said my specialist is the best in the state, but he IS a cut man.) They had no problems putting me on Wellbutrin, paxil and lorazepam at the same time..I was a complete ZOMBIE and when I went back and told them they said, well isn't that better than the anxiety and panic attacks.  If my children asked to burn the house down while I was on them..I would have said.."Okay dear, whatever you want to do"

I called my spinal specialist and requested to pick up my records, which I will do today, along with my cat scan and see if I can't find someone that can help me.  Everyday my disk degeneration gets worse. I can feel it. I am literally bone to bone and its only going to get worse.  But I can stand it for now and will not have the surgery.  

Thanks again so much for your support.

I haven't taken a percocet today,  my husband will give me one tonight so I can at least have a good nights sleep with lessoned pain.  I am feeling really bummed that I got this far clean, only to give in.  But I WILL take responsibly!  Even if my husband has to take the pills to work with him.  
I feel so dissapointed in myself.
Suze

[suzieneedshelp]

Watch out!   Stadol is the synthetic narcotic that i am addicted to!  I have severe migraines.  Do u take imitrex?
Suzie

[Sugarbeens]

It is funny how different doctors are.  My family doctor referred me to a Pain Management doctor about 8 years ago. This doctor gives me regular meds and ups them at times when I am in a lot of pain and then I tell him to cut them back when I am not having the crisis. He, like me, doesn't believe in doing surgery all the time.  I told him that I wouldn't have surgery and he is fine with that and wants me to stay on the vics and percosets.  Even though I know I am addicted to them, I have cut way back and try and take them only when I hurt a lot.  I have herniated disks in S-1 and S-2, and 3 in L something or other, plus arthritis and degenerative disk.  If you insist that you want to go to a  pain management clinic , than I think he has to refer you, or check with your insurance company to find out the route you should take.  If this doctor won't do it, change doctors.  Is this your family doctor, nuerologist???  I thank God that I found this place as I had been suffering severly for over 20 years. I have a high profile job and am very busy and love to work.  I couldn't work without some pain relief.    Good luck to you.  Love to all.

[theGolden1]

Dear Suze .... I couldn't help responding to your post. It is so hard to find a good doctor. I know you are upset, and rightfully so .... but they do not understand. You must play their game or switch doctors. When you are ready to have surgery .... this docotr would be your man. For pain management, you need someone else. You know what is best for YOU. With them, it's all about money. Just save yourself. No one wants to be addicted. It took me two years of pain before I had my surgery. I had something called "trigger fingers" ... it sounds funny, but believe me it was rough. I was so afraid of being cut. Then I got so tired of being crippled .... I just figured, go for it! Now I'm sorry I didn't do it sooner ... but I wasn't ready, and it was my choice. Good luck to you ... Goldie