am i finally showing additive signs?

[ScottSupak]

Hello, 25 years ago i was in a no-fault auto accident at around 25/26 years old that resulted in lower back surgery. then another no fault at around 32 years old that caused bulges, disc deterioration, herniation & bone spurs over the years, along with neck bulges that was never diagnosed for lumbar & thoracic MRI's.

basically all that they can do is give me pain medications. from the start i hated opiates. i still really hated taking them unless i am really in severe pain. i hated that feeling of stupor. but some things have changed as i will explain later.

i have been on many types of pks over the years. but i never took them unless my pain level climbed above a 6/7. i've never taken my pks as prescribed. i couldn't cope with the nausea and vomiting for over 20 years even with phenergan.

i am told by ppl who take painkillers for a buzz, that is the best part, once you vomit you began "rolling". i am sorry it was a battle for me to even take my prescriptions and deal with the nausea or just deal with the pain. i want it noted that they attempted many non-narcotic meds but none touched my pain.

my pain required 4- 7.5 at once. so i would eat at least 4 @ 30mgs, than about 4-6 hours later another 30mgs. in a 24 hr day. i only had level 10+ about 2-3 x a month. so i never took them longer than 2 days in a row and no more than 4-5 times a month. i have gone weeks and even months w/o taking them in my recent past.

now about a year ago i was side swiped again again, this inflamed my entire neck and back. so for 14 months ive had to take 60mgs for up to 3-4 days in a row, i have still never taken all my script in a month.

i have to take random urine samples. anyway he hit me in the times i was "fasting" so it had been over 4-5 days i hadn't taken my meds. i was scolded so now i take them as i always have. but now i am taking them 3-4 days whether i need them or not before each dr visit for the FBI. so i've been noticing that i have been having the runs for the day's after i don't take my meds. but i do make sure that i am good and dirty for the FBI. i wonder if my now tolerance level w/o vomiting and i get a really positive attitude under pks influence then sometimes depressed days afterwards. am i addicted? i have zero other side effects from NOT taking them for over 25 years now. thanks for any replys.
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[ScottSupak]

thank you both for repliing. i wasn't sure how to post so i posted a much much longer detailed story elsewhere. yes i must test positive or else they will take them away. which ***** because i am taking them a few days to be sure i am dirty. i never was forced to take meds prior. i have never had doctors tell me i MUST have them in my system. but since moving states that's what this pain management requires. i have not taken them in about 2 weeks so far, but i will be good and dirty by 3 weeks from now. although i really could use one for the upper back. but i am about to go to sleep for a few hours so i don't want that speeding me. the positive attitude may develop into a problem i understand. i was in med school but too many back injuries have made me disabled. i know that i have a tolerance after 25 years of taking them. i just don't get nauseous as i did only a year ago. since the last accident my pain has become slightly more frequent. i am looking at the half full bottle but i have no urge to take them. now i am addicted to xanax before i was on 2-2mg Ativans for sure over 10-12 years previously on pre-cursor to benzo 20 mgs of Librium for muscle relaxants. i have gotten myself down to 1 mg xanax a day, but dr's switched my PTSD meds and i was having super anxiety once i awoken. trazodone? anyway i thought i was having a heart attack. but all test came back negative. so i upped my dose back to 4 - 1mgs that i take all at once to help sleep. the night terrors seem so realistic.i try to take scripts with only the info on the tabs so i don't exhibit symptoms. like a blind study test. or a control group. the vistaril seemed to help at first but even with the heat set at 66 i wake up soaked from head all around my neck and collar and shoulders. i thing it's my PTSD? i know it isn't good the positive attitude, but i'm the pain are at a level i can smile. my primary would see me every 4 month and give me 4 scripts, i would most of the time only fill 3 scripts because i had leftovers. these pain managements want to reduce the amount eventually and i am all for it. but no way can they ever cut me off completely. each month is different but i hate taking painkillers just to fall a drug test. seems dumb. you are making me tolerate over the last 14 months. i have gone weeks and most prior w/o taking close to prescribed sometimes i didn't take any. anyway i really don't care if i have a shorter life due to pills. i just dislike having to take them. it is so hard to explain to a dr. most think i am lying. but i give them an argument when scolded about needing all 4 at once. they want me dirty but only take 1 every 4 hours, after being on demerol/fentanyl patches, oxys. it always took IV demorol/morphine or 50mg demerol to stop the pain. I AM THE PERSON responsible for downgrading to Vicophrofen. i tell them i am allergic to tylenol. i forgot the symptoms. but i looked them up and complained. anyway thanks i am getting sleepy so i sleep when i can. goodnite.  

[Cricketk92]

Morning!  My pain Mgt Dr tested me every month too!  They do that to make sure we are taking them and not selling them!!!  It sounds like Merri said that you are now dependent on them!  This will always happen when they are taken for an extended period of time.  Its just the way our bodies are made!  If you can take them only as needed and then make sure to take them before your Dr appt you could be OK!  But hearing that you are now getting a positive attitude with them scares me!  If you like the feeling you will continue to take them just for that feeling.  Thats when the trouble begins!  Be really careful!!!  Thats how most of us wind up here and addicted!!!  Keep posting and let us know how you are doing!!!

[Merri123]

I don't get why you are being tested and why you have to test positive???  I have never heard of that.

It sounds like you are showing signs of dependence. I honestly would take them as you need them. If you have to have them in your dystem why not just take s couple the day before?  Then you will test positive. And not have any ill effects.