anybody struggling

[hippy]

just wanted to open the thread to anyone who might be struggling to get clean, we are all here for each other, so any body
struggling in any way , let us know , sometimes just sharing about can be a releif.

[NWBoy]

I'm just beginning my sobreity and looking for resources, advice and any inspirational messages people can offer.  I have been sober for a week.  Sober meaning no meth after 6 months of use.  I've had a few drinks over the 4th.  Is it different for everyone in that no meth means no other drugs?  I loved to go out to clubs and also did Ecstasy, GHB, ketamine but not regular user. I feel like I am through the physical addiction (maybe I'm not) and now I have to deal with changing my behavior.  I so wanted to go out last night but don't want to do crystal ever again.  Is that naive to think I maybe able to do other drugs or even go out right now and stay away from meth.  I'm a gay male in my late twenties trying to balance feelings of loneliness with drug use.  Up until NOW drugs would win.  Just looking for input.  Also are there any supplements I should be taking to help my mental state or help my body repair itself?

[JSmith02]

just be happy you didn't marry the dragon. She's not so easily gotten rid of.

Thomas

[Kritty]

Has anyone been addicted to Vicodin ES and how did you stop? Are there deadly withdrawals?

[hippy]

yes i was addicted to 10 to 20 vike's a day.
if you read through the post you can find a lot of info.
how much were you taking.
the withdrawls are  ,depression, totol lack of energy, unable to sleep. sweats, restless leg, and general discomfort is putting it mildly. the worst is the first week then it slowly gets better. the lack of energy can last for a fw\ew weeks.
there is a vitamine receipe on the fourm here known as
thomas's receipe it really helped me a lot, as a matter af fact untill i started taking the receipe i had tried to quit on a number of times and could not.

the receipe is to be taken as suggested some of us here swear by it.

l-tyrosine 500mgs 8 times a day week 1, 4 times a day the following weeks.
b-6 100mg twice a day
a strong multy vitimine
vitamine's A, C and e
calsium-magnisum
copper
magneese
phosphorus
zinc

imoudium for the run's
------------------------------------------------------------
gotoraide is good for lost electrolites
banna's is good for leg spasams

good luck

[theonlybenzoaddct]

Yes. I am still here. I am alive, But un fortunatly still taking my Xanax 10 2mg bars daily. This is alot considring the usual dose for a 23y male at 155lbs is 1-1.5 a day. Most of the people on this site are addics of pain meds or otherwise. Going through withdraws through painkillers is horrid,I know ive been there(was aslso addictid to phenatyl, morphine sulphate) I had major orthodonic surgery. But going through w/d off of benzo can kill, Cause siezures, and psycotic episodes. I'm trying to taper down with the help from my Dad. He give's me 2mg aday to keep me from siezures and schizoid. I truly think i can beat this. I need the meds for my social anxiety,Insomnia, ext..
So I really think i can learn how to take them as directed. Or is there a way a pharmacy can deal them out like a methadone clinic. thanks for the help. your god understands. remeber
that.
                   Andy,
                        theonlybenzo adddict

[hippy]

your dad helping you sounds like a good plan,
i don't think a pharmacy would be of any help in that area'
they would not want the responsabilty, or to be liable.
keep up the good work and good luck
peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[theonlybenzoaddct]

Thank you for the response, the responses I get from this forum help me out more than NA, For the main reason is that the Na meetings we have her tend to be a swap meet:-( AND I have been clean off of Morphine sulphate ,phenatyl,and percodans for over almost a year. I can actually take meds as precribed, so if I get 7.5 vics or darvocet I dont abuse them. The buzz that i get from a priscription for a extracted tooth is not pleasant anymore, It actually keeps me up and gives me more anxiety or panic. Thats when I tend to fall back on my real addiction which most of you now know by now as Aprazolam(Xanax) or any oter benzodiazepam i can get my junkie little hands on. The good thing is I stopped doing horrid thing to get them. The stealing, lying,ext.. I'm doin 100% bettler than what I was a year ago. I still have relapses, But I'm not suicidal any more.
and I don't eat pharmies to the brink  overdose. But im still an addict.
                    andy thebenzoguy :)

[Creamie]

Please, be very careful with your taper. I had a total of 4 seizures, over a five year period, trying to taper on my own.
One occured, when I was taking 1mg/day,in divided doses. This is not like getting off the opiates. I know you dad wants to help. You should talk to your Dr. I never had a history of seizures,& I've been seizure free 7 yrs. I was doc hopping, came clean, now I'm on 1.5 mg/day.
Sek medical help. I'd have no warning of impending seizure. I once had one at a PTO meeting, I woke up in the ER, my license was taken for one year, because ER docs had to report anyone with diagnosis of seizure disorder to  DMV, at least in my state. What a hassle. The thing is, I could've killed someone, if I had a seizure while driving.. Be careful, Andy!!!

[1fortheroad]

i am struggling - as always.  i feel very blah these days.  i seem to have lost the excited feeling i used to get when looking forward to things i love to do.  i'm still taking celexa for depression, but it doesn't seem to be doing much.  i've switched over to others in the past, but the side effects were more than i could handle.  the depression is the worst part of all this.  i've tapered the bup down to a very small amount, and i am FEELING it big time. i hate this ****!  i'm sick of being sick and sick of hearing myself talk about it.

[1fortheroad]

does anyone know of anything to take that gets rid of the chills/sweats?  this is all starting now that i am at this low level of bup...i didn't think this would happen.  i guess i don't manage the taper thing very well.

[OxyDout]

Hey guys, I'm on day 10, but of course there is always something........ On 2 different occassions, I took 2 vic's, the first was on fourth of july at night, and the second was sat. afternoon, I took only 1 each time, but other then that, I'm 10 days deep and I don't feel so bad, and I sure as hell don't want to get back into it, I really don't. I think this could be it!!!!

Groovy, the only thing that helped me was a nice cup of tea........ but I don't think there is much else to help you out. you know............ How are you doing?

GWH

[skipper]

groovy:
have you tried thomas' recipe? the regiment of l-tyrosine, b6,
zink, manganese, and magnesium has worked wonders for me. the
only other suggestion is lots of hot baths, imodium, and some-
thing to help you sleep at night. other than that, time is the
only thing.

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[DowninPA]

Hello!
I was surfing yesterday looking for information on Welbutrin and alcohol use and found this board.
Started reading the posts this morning and thought to myself 'this really seems like a good place for me to post.' It's very difficult for me to talk about my feelings and my addiction.
Here's my story:
I've abused alcohol since getting married 8 years ago.  I'll go 3-4 days with nothing and then feel down in the dumps and lazy so I'll have a beer.  And another, and another and another. After the sugar rush kicks in I clean like crazy, laugh, and feel "normal."
The next day will be filled with terrible anxiety and I'll either smoke pot or take Ativan to help feel better.
This cycle has been going on forever it seems.  

In the last year I almost completely stopped doing this, only having a beer here and there and not smoking pot and not taking ativan. Why?  Cause I felt truly happy....as I was pregnant. :)

2 months ago I gave birth to the most beautiful child.  Since then I have gone through quite a lot of feeling depressed, was diagnosed with PPD, put on Welbutrin to help cut down on my smoking and to lift my mood, have gotten drunk more than several times and am very upset with myself for both drinking and smoking cigs.
I DO NOT want my daughter growing up with a mother who is either depressed because of drinking the day before, happy cause she is drinking now, zoning cause she is stoned, or stinking because she is smoking cigs.

I'm not sure what else to say at the moment 'cept that I am praying that maybe THIS time I can make the break from all these things and be a more happy-with-myself kind of person.

My main problem ... drinking beer.  The other stuff, smoking, pot and ativan I can tolerate as pot I hardly ever smoke (once a month? and have no fear of totally quitting), cigs I am trying to quit (have smoked for 22 years), and ativan I use sparingly for help with sleep and anxiety (no more than 2mg a day, usually 1mg. )

Anyway...it's nice to type this out.  Eh, not nice, but I have hope this may help, being here.

[theonlybenzoaddct]

Is there anything I can do to take away the aparzolam jonses. Would the Recipe work for a benzo diazapam addict. I cant quit cold turkey or I'll roll uo like adead cockroach. I'm down to 1-2mg a day from 10-14mg a day. I need something soothing other than Phish to listen too! Learning w/ my dad help to take meds responsibly. Either eat all you xanax at once and get rid of a panic attack and act stupid for three hours and passout. Or use them like I should and have them last for 10 days, you decide which one is better. I'll take the ladder, and make it last.

[tex3]

Groovy, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with the WD after all. That sucks. Have you ever tried Kava Kava? It really helped me, when I had mild WD because I'd taken most of my pills and had to spread them too thin. Are you going to stay on the bup or just use it for the headaches? I think you've still got enough opiate in your system from them that when you quit or taper, you're having those WD feelings, maybe muted though. When I quit bup I was in bed depressed, didn't eat much, but overall wasn't anything like regular opiate WD. I might have had cold sweats; don't remember. Hang in there and know we're here for you.

GWH, you're doing great! 10 days, wow, I'm proud of you. Stay away from the little beasts or you'll have to pay those 10 days all over again. Are you taking the methadone? Hang in, you're doing wonderful.
tracy

[tex3]

Hi Andy. Sounds like you're really working at this. Congratulations! I was on pain pills and that was my real problem. But when I went through some crises in my life and started have panic attacks, I got on Xanax. Within a few weeks I was up to 1mg, three times a day. I sometimes took more. I think that's what saved me, because I never had a chance to get totally hooked as I ran out too quick! Then I'd wait awhile before calling in for more. But taking them on top of the pain meds had me so loopy I couldn't function. I finally just stopped taking them, after a few months of off/on use. A few months after that, I had a seizure (not attributed to the xanax though, as I'd had one before all that), so now I can't take anything like that, according to my doc. He said it lowers the threshold.

I wish I could offer more advice but I just don't have the experience. I do know about addiction though as I've lived it for the past several years, after playing around with it for most of my life. It's hell, but it does get easier the further you get from the drugs. I still have cravings, but I try to take them in stride, look at them like a side effect being clean - instead of getting all worked up about them like I did at first. They're going to come, I'll have to deal with them, so just get past it, right? Sometimes it's hard, sometimes easy. Hang in there buddy, and stick around here. We're all pulling for you.
tracy

[hellbent]

Well, I recently kicked benzos cold. I was taking klonopin to aid in an Oxycontin Detox. I took them for 4-6 months ( they wiped my memory, I can't remember how long exactly, and I was taking 10-14 mgs a day - which is more than 20X therapeutic doses).

I detoxed from OC's and Klonopin simultaneously, but I can say without equivocation that the Klonopin detox was much worse than the OC detox. It was horrible beyond belief. However, I did not die, nor did I get the worst symptoms (nausea, cramps, headaches, or seizures). I think that people who already have a major problem that is being treated (like epilipsy), are the ones who go through seizures. I was awake for 23 days straight, which caused the walls to breathe, but I lived. Has anyone actually heard of someone dying from benzo withdrawal? I hear it's possible, but have never heard of an instance of it happening.

Benzoaddict, the safest way to get off is to taper, but that wasn't possible for me, ever. It's been 2 months without benzos, and 2-1/2 without opiates, and I'm feeling human again. A benzo taper from the habit I had would have taken a year or more. They usually take you down 1/2 mg every 2 weeks or every month. I thank god that I am just done with the dogshit and don't need to worry about it anymore.

For tapering, Klonopin is far better than Xanax, as it's half-life is 7 times longer. A dose will last you 24 hrs or more.

What, exactly, are you taking right now, and in what amounts? You mention Xanax, and Aparzolam.

**** NA. If it's like it is here, it probably won't keep you sober. Get to AA meetings. If you don't have any alcoholic past, introduce yourself as an addict only. If anyone gives you any **** for it (and this is VERY unlikely), let them know that alcohol is a ******* drug like any other, and that they don't have anything you want anyway. Find the people you can relate to and believe in. It makes all the difference.

[OxyDout]

no Methadone for me, I refused to take anymore because I already went through the post withdrawal 2 days after I stopped taking it. but you know what is weird, every day, right around 12 noon and 10pm, I get the restless leg, and feel awful, I'm afraid because it happened again today and I don't want to give in, I can't give in, Has anyone else experienced that?????

GWH

[jonesing247]

Hey NW, i can relate, email me at ***@****. bye.

[hippy]

sorry to here the taper is giving you problems,in any
event you will be ok.
like skipper said the l-tyrosine 500mg 8 times a day real does help, i took them all in the morning, at first i thought these people must be crazy to take 8 vitimines of any kind at once.
but i looked it up and that is the fda daily allotment.
another thing is to keep moving don'y lay around.
go bookstore, movies, out to eat,take a walk.
it was good to read gwh post today.
I hope to read one by you soon.

peace!!!!!!!!!!! and no matter what never give up.
i really beleive there is some kind of divine intervention need ed to get clean.

i hope you feel better

[tex3]

GWH - the restless leg will pass, but I know it really sucks. You have to get further along and it will stop; taking a pill will only be a short-term solution because then you'll have to deal with it all again. Better to suck it up and deal with it for a day or two. HOWEVER, I took a muscle relaxant (prescribed for just this) for a good ten days, I think, to deal with that. I was on skelaxin, which helped but not enough, and then zanaflex, which totally knocked it out. Knocked me out, too, but at least I got through it. This is the only thing that ever helped me personally with the leg thing. And I know that can be a real *****; mine would hop all over the place. Sometimes I'd just let it go instead of trying to stop it. Others I would force it to calm down. That helped more.
You're doing great so please hang in there! And congratulations on how far you've come.
tracy

[skipper]

gwh:
ws burroughs put it best..."a man could simply die, because he
couldn't stand the way he felt in his own body...." i had RLS be-
fore drugs...and it still made me crazy. you're probably looking
for a quick chemical way to deal with it .... good news and bad news....the only drugs that ever worked were klonopin (a long acting benzo) and this kind of wierd and icky neural muscle relaxer called baclofen. they both can be problomatic, so think about it first! nothing (especially in the world of drugs is free...so really do your research before you see the doc. your doc is gonna be scared as hell about baclofen, or he won't give any more than a passing thought. i don't believe there are controls on it.

hey whatever you do...try to take that leg for a litlle extra walk or swim...exercise is the best long term strategy for RLS. i know how hard it is to pick up your tired old drug withdrawn self and do anything...isn't it odd that what you least want to do is what you need to do the most...god make me want the things i need!...

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[scared in so cal]

It's been a couple months since I posted here about doc shopping. I've been really busy lately (mainly getting pills), but today I had some free time on my hands and was reading a post about what you had said about doc shopping. A list of ALL your scripts was sent to ALL your doctors! I can't imagine the horror.
My questions to you are, what type of insuance did you have? What were the consequences? Did your insurance carrier cancel you? (I'm most scared of that) Was your insurance with a large or small carrier? Without giving too much away, I'm with one of the biggest providers in CA. I'm hoping they have too much other stuff on their plate than to notice frequent urgent care visits. After recently discovering that I have a slipped disk with nerve damage invololved, I almost feel entitled to as many vicodin as I want. Please respond, even though nothing has happened in the past few months with my doc shopping, I always, always worry. One more question, would you have ever known about the list if your doctor friend had not told you?
Amber

[MissyD]

Hello Everyone,
  I was here about 2 weeks ago.  I was in the middle of WD's and then blew it.  Well, me and hubby are on Day 3 clean.  We are struggling with the emotional aspect of all this.  How do we get our SH__ together without falling apart?  I can barley make it to the kitchen without having to go and sit down again.  I want to be strong.
  I was wondering if anyone has an opinion on taking Ultracet during this time.  He does have pain and I was wondering if that would be a bad thing?  Any input?
  If you need to know about what my situation is you can find my name in a posting below...but here is a brief update....
   15 Norco 10/325 a day and throw in some Soma on top.  What a mess.  This has been going on for over a year now.  So we have stopped.  Been down this road before...but we want this.....we knew we had to do it together.  
  Any input ...it would be great.  Thank you so much
We can do it...